Ever see those fake personal ads online? They will be lurking in a web pages sidebar where advertisements are. Usually the image is of some impossibly hot person. The hottest guy or gal you have ever seen out at the bars is a dog next to these people, their pictures stolen from a legit site. Well, this one puts them all to shame



Aren't you intrigued at this young looking Don Imus, and by young I mean early 40's and with a skin condition.

Keep an eye out kids. Love is just around the sidebar.

Hi,

I just made 55 calls to random people in Nebraska on behalf of Obama. It is really odd reading from a script at strangers. I mean, I like Obama. I really like him. But it feels so plastic to just read a script written by someone who is not a public speaker. I mean, that sentence about hope and change that also jabbed at Clinton was wonderful but it could have used seven less clauses. The written word is marvelous for a smattering of punctuation marks. The spoken word is not. By call 18 though I was into the routine and was able to joke with people and have a good chat.

Some people asked me questions I was not ready for. Where does Barack stand on gun control? "Er, the NRA hasn't made a big stink about him so I guess he isn't too restrictive" was my off the cuff answer. It turns out I happened to be right, but really, is gun control your biggest issue? What is this? The 90's?

Then someone asked me where he stands on OCEA. Um.. thankfully that was my last call. They were totally going to go vote for him they told me, but had that one question. My phone's battery died while I was trying to google it really fast.

The website where you get these numbers from is fun. They make it competitive. There is a top ten list of the people who made the most calls. I was briefly number nine and had the mofo at seven in my sites. But, with a dead phone all my dreams are too dead.

You kids should go to to make a few calls.

kisses

• update*

I am number seven!


sadly, they are out of numbers now.

Hi,

I am very excited about some new books I am getting.

In Defense of Food by Michael Pollen of Omnivore's Dilemma fame goes where his previous left off. OD talked about "What is it that we eat" and IDF talks about "What should we eat?". His nutritional advice is summed up on the cover "Eat food, not too much, mostly plants". Pollen is upset with nutrition scientists: the chuckleheads who take something as complex as food and breaks it down to simple carbs, fats, and proteins. Pollen is a believer. You have to subscribe to his particular world view and lifestyle, but it is interesting stuff.

Next is Imbibe! a chronicle of the life of Professor Jerry Thomas: the man who created cocktail culture in America. That sounds a little silly. But imagine how novel it is that you can walk into a bar in New York, Macao, or Togo, order a Singapore Sling and get the same drink in each place. It expands into a general history of mixology. It is a book best read with a tall glass filled with a little of every liquid in your house.

Super fun!

I got a new phone recently and I haven't programmed all my numbers from the old phone into the new. The old phone has gone missing and so half the people I know and love are missing! This makes me really uneasy when ever I get a phone call from a number not already programmed in.

Who is it?
A telemarketer?
An old friend?
An ex-lover?

text messages are even more bewildering. A name gives you context for the quippy message. A number gives you nothing. So you can imagine my confusion when I got the following message:

"Vote for the spear chucker! Vote for a real American!"

OH! Did I just receive a really nasty smear machine text message? I HOPE I HOPE I HOPE! It would love to report it to some liberal blogging community and let them have a field day.

I get the message again five minutes later. Then a third time ten minutes after that. This is totally the work of the Clinton machine!!!

So I decide to call the number and see who it was. No one answers so I leave a message "speark chucker? You know what the problem is with you racists? You use the same old slurs. Come up with something new like 'ghetto martian' or 'monkey hope'."

Ya, so much for raising the level of discourse.

As it turns out it was an old friend of mine and we chatted about the cute Obama boys campaigning in the lower east side.

I finally understand all my ancieties surrounding this presidential election. It has everything to do with James K Polk.



That hairdo looks strangely familiar




It all makes sense now! A Hillary Clinton presidency will fulfill our manifest destiny.