So, I'm really sick of the cialis/etc spam emails that I get all day. Most of them get filtered as spam, but a few make it through. And there was one today, that just wouldn't delete. I don't know why, but it wouldn't go away. So I finally had to open it, and it had this lovely porn-spam-poem:

That's great you've got a gal that's hot
You wanna nail her juicy twat.
She's cute and taking, she's so nice!
But would your penile size suffice?
Not sure she will yearn for more?
You need a thing she would adore!
But how to get it long and thick?
Your only hope is MegaDik!
You'll get so wanted super-size
And see wild craving in her eyes!
Your shaft will pound her poon so deep,
Tonight you'll hardly fall asleep!

So try today this magic pill
And change your life at your own will!

Nice, huh??

And then, this one from my dad. Very politically incorrect and culturally insensitive and potentially offensive blah blah blah- but it made me laugh:

WIN 2 AIRLINE TICKETS ALL EXPENSES PAID TO THE 2008 OLYMPIC GAMES IN
PEKING , CHINA .

To participate is very easy, just view the attached photo, correctly
Answer the following questions and send your answers to the
International Olympic Committee:

1. Which student seems to appear tired / sleepy?
2. Which ones are male twins?
3. Which ones are the female twins?
4. How many women are in the group?
5. Which one is the teacher?

Hmm, I'm suddenly talkative again. (I know why- because I don't want to go deal with the ER.)

So, this isn't quite the story (e:imk2) wants me to tell, but (I think) it's funny nonetheless.

So... I met a guy last year at St. Patrick's Day. He was super cute and charming and witty blah blah blah. We had a great chat, I thought we hit it off, I was pretty psyched. Then all of the sudden he up and disappeared, without asking for my number or anything. Bummer. But my friend said "oh don't worry, he's alway out, we'll run into him again." But she also warned he that he's quite the player, and not to fall for him.

Well, months went by, I never saw him, and I kind of forgot again.
But then we ran into him again. And he's very hot and cold. First I was hurt b/c he totally ignored me. But then all of the sudden it was 2 days of steamy texts. Then more ignoring. Who knows. And I kept remembering her warning not to get invested, b/c yes he's cute and charming and all that- but he's slept with half of buffalo and isn't about to stop.

So, one night I was talking to my girlfriend, and I said I had finally accepted that he is fun, but not to expect any more from him than that. He's a blast to be around, he flirts with me and makes me feel pretty, blah blah.

And she replied "yeah... totally. He's like M [another fun, non-dateable, friend of ours], only better looking, with a better personality, a better job, and better breeding. Basically he's M 2.0!! You should upgrade!"

So now I refer to these two guys as 1.0 and 2.0.

haha. (ok, I thought it was funny...)


And a totally random aside, just to go along with all the political ranting...

So my mom was telling me yesterday that in my hometown, our trash collection was not free. It was not provided by the city. I guess you either could have a pass to the dump (for free) or you could pay for trash collection. But I guess trash collection to the low-income housing was free, or something like that.

Well apparently in their infinite wisdom, the town has decided to close the dump or something. And thus I guess that *have* to provide some sort of free trash pickup. My parents are like "sweet, don't have to pay for trash pickup anymore." And over the last few weeks, they delivered two of those nice big plastic garbage cans with wheels (like the ones we have here) to every house. Which I'm sure cost the city a pretty penny.

So, how are they going to recoup these losses??

They have decided that they will only pick up your trash from your fancy new trash cans if it is in a fancy new trash BAG. Otherwise they will just leave it there. The catch- the bags are $3 apiece. Which for my parents, still ends up being cheaper than trash collection used to be. But for the people who had it for free, now it costs them money and they're all up in arms. And the town also doesn't want to have to pay garbage men (besides the driver) so they are instructing people to line their garbage cans up JUST SO on the street, so that the truck can just pick them up, without needing the extra guy to help line them up.

Is it just me, or is this about the worst plan ever??

I hate that my journal is so boring lately.

I hate that I am censored and not allowed to talk about certain people/things.

Because really, that's all I want to talk about.

omg, it's 3am. Why am I awake?!
I fell asleep on my couch watching tv, since my friend stood me up.

I ate popcorn for dinner, and fell asleep on the couch, but am such an addict that I had to check my computer on my way from my couch to my bed. I don't like going to bed <2h before my alarm is going to go off.

My life is so awesome.

Boo.

But in the spirit of halloween, here's the pic I wanted to post the other day but I couldn't get it to work.

I love photo booth.

Be afraid, be very afraid...

Happy Halloween from Photo Booth!

Well, ok... here's a story that's not about boy drama.

This is an example of my typical luck.

So last year for christmas I wanted a remote starter for my car. But was told that it's not possible for a stick. Then found out later that it is.

So the other day I revisited that idea. Talked to a friend, who said he can get me a deal, have their top guy do it, blah blah.
So, I made my appointment. 11am yesterday. Was told it would be two hours.ish. So I figured I'd hang out and wait and study and check out fancy tvs and drink coffee etc.
Long ridiculous story "short"- at 6:30 pm, when I've been up since 5am the PREVIOUS day, they told me "well, it's installed, and everything is working except the auto-start."
(um, ok, so what exactly IS working???)
Then they went on about how my car is like a BMW (yes, I know that, didn't you?) and how they don't usually do BMW's b/c they're too hard [apparently their security is very good, and it's very difficult to start a BMW without the key. Go german engineering!] [==> new user song: German Engineering, by Maritime. It's awesome. Check it out.], BUT since I know K they did, blah blah. Sounds like it was quite the headache, and a lot more work than they'd bargained for. So they have to order a part, and i have to go BACK for more installation next week. In the meantime, it works- IF you leave a key in the ignition. [Thanks K- 'preciate it. (and I'm not being sarcastic)].

Which is a bad idea, but of course I had to try it out.

So last night.... well more long stories short, I got stood up by a friend, and I fell asleep on the couch waiting for him. (yeah, you "really want to catch up", my ass). So I woke up around 230, and went to bed. (realized in the am that what might have woken me up was a text I got at 230 am... "can I please come over?" from a VERY HOT acquaintance that has been ignoring me lately. Odd. But answer- no. You do not get to ignore me for a week and then booty-text at 230 am.)
So, I went to bed. Was supposed to be AT WORK at 6.
Well, I slept a bit, and woke up... opened my eyes, looked at the clock, 6:07. I had forgotten to turn on my alarm clock. FUCK. So I flew to work.
Got there, and since it was almost 630, the parking lot was just about full. (well, just about HALF-full, but the fucking union makes them keep about half the lot roped off til nine, for the people that start at 9.)
So I pulled my latest trick and parked in a handicapped spot.
Yes, yes, I know that's wrong.
BUT, there are about 15 handicapped spots. And the kicker- there IS NO HANDICAPPED ENTRANCE anywhere REMOTELY nearby. So I boycott those spots on principle. I park in them often, and have not had a problem. Besides, if you DO get a ticket, it's like a "please don't do that again" post-it from hospital security.

So I go to work. Am finally ready to come home. Figure I'll try the starter. So I push the button. Go out to my car, it is not running. Well, maybe I was too far away. Oh well. Get in the car to start it.
It does not start.
Dead battery.

GOD DAMMIT!

I left the headlights on.

Often if you leave your lights on, some good samaritan notices, and they make an announcement overheard. I have to assume that's what happened. My inappropriate headlights drew attention to my car- and to my inappropriate parking space.

So I got a ticket.

And not a hospital ticket. A ticket from Buffalo's finest, for $100. $100!!!! Guess that will teach me to leave the 'handicapped' spaces for the people who are able bodied enough to walk up stairs, but handicapped enough to get a pass (i.e. fat/lazy.)

And the story doesn't end there, oh no, dear readers.

But I will abbreviate.

I needed a jump. One woman lent me cables, but wouldn't let me jump off her battery. So my friend, who had no cables, pulled his truck around. Only to find that the damage incurred when he hit a deer 3 mo ago has made it impossible to open his hood.

i mean really! Could things be any more ridiculous?!

Dr. Farkle goes to work...

So. That's my non-boy story. Now you probably all wish I'd stick to boys. ;)