I need to work out a game plan. I am completely inept in the "getting boys" department. I've only ever had partial success. And I don't think it's because ALL of the men I choose are unattainable,(yes,Trisha, I know *some* of them have been!) it's just that I have no clue in how to go about that whole stupid Boy/Girl game playing that goes on and, sadly, seems to work! I usually wind up as being that girl- friend that no male actually thinks of as a girl, and then winds up being like a pal/ piece of the furniture. Frankly, it sucks!

Some of my friends swear it's because I'm too picky. I don't think I'm too picky. Once, when I was younger and stupid, I dropped my standards and that was a disaster! So, naturally, I vowed to never do that again, and I haven't really dated anyone since, which makes the question, Is it really worth the grief and aggravation of dropping my standards just to date again, or do I keep them exactly where they are and, possibly, risk staying alone, which I know and am very, very good at, but frankly, stinks on a Friday or Saturday night?

But I digress... The crux of the matter is this... I really like a boy and I have no idea on how to go about this whole thing. I gave him my number, but I knew he wasn't going to call when I gave it to him. In fact, I absolutely expected him not to, which I know makes no sense, but there it is. And it gets further complicated because I never see him, not like in "the Boy who lives in Boston"way, just as in the,"we don't travel in the same circles" way. Hmmmm.... It's very vexing! And that's why I need a game plan. Do I get his number from our one commonality, or do I just let it alone? Another friend of mine said "Be Aggressive", and although I am an aggressive person, I'm just not when it comes to, well, men. It goes against everything that I've been taught. (Who said your parents can't screw you up?)

I need a gameplan. Dilemmas, dilemmas. How do I go about this?

I have always been very, very hard on myself. Nothing I seem to do is good enough for myself, but the odd to dichotomy to this is that I'm also a total slacker and if I'm not naturally good at something, I don't want to do it, but I expect to be good at everything, even though, I know that I'm not. I would get very upset with myself if I made a mistake. That, I'm getting better with. I have to. In fact, I think that that is reason that God put me in the job that I currently have. I always make mistakes there. I think part of my cosmic lesson is that it is okay to make mistakes as long as they can be fixed.

I have a very hard time not being "Perfect"! I know that I'm not and it irritates me. I'm not thin enough, pretty enough, blah, blah, blah. But I'm finally realizing that it's all bullshit. So, I'm not a size 6! Yes, I do need to lose weight, but what really is spurring me on, nagging at me is more my concern for my future health. Diabetes, High Blood pressure, heart disease, strokes, cancer, arthritis, circulation problems, and lung problems run rampant in my family. I'm like a ticking health time bomb! And I know it so I must be responsible. If I don't do something now, something healthy for myself, it isn't going to get any easier.

I'm not perfect but I'm pretty okay.

All right E-Peeps. As many of you know, our dear, dear SouthernYankee is going to be leaving us, fleeing for somewhat warmer weather, so, Trisha and I are proposing that in her honour, we go out DANCING ! this Friday night. All who are in, let me know and we'll arrange where the festivities shall begin!

Soooo.... it's Friday.... and I actually have this insane urge to go out and be sociable tonight. I wonder if, perhaps, I could convince Mrs. Lehnen that we *need* to go out tonight? Hmmmmm.... Terry, I might need your help in that arena. Hope to see Y'all out later!

I swear, I love this site more and more! Paul, you are freaking genious! Okay, I just had to get that shout out off of my chest. It has been building for some time, you know.

Chamille, your party was *oh-so-fabulous*! on Tuesday evening. It was the first time that I had actually gone out on a "School Night" in forever, well, at least since NYC last summer. It was so great to see everyone. And Stickboy, it was nice to actually meet you, in person.

I have to say that I love the idea of the E-peeps Alter-egos. It's fun to actually introduce one's self as their E- strip name. I think it's great to say, "I'm SpringFaerie!" and then follow that up with my real name. It's almost like which is my real name? The name I've had since birth, or the name that I've chosen for myself in cyberspace? Serious and Silly. I suppose that's me. In fact, yes, I would definitely say that that's me. Hmmm...

All right, I lied. It wasn't my favourite picture. The other picture is the exact moment that my strap popped on my dress! (Fun times!) *THIS* is my favourite picture...



Yay! I'm not inept afterall!

All right I just uploaded my favourite picture of the Wedding that was off of my camera and something just isn't right! Matthew made it look so damn easy at midnight on Saturday/Sunday! Damn my ineptitude!

I am in a bit of a conundrum. Actually, it's not a conundrum so much as it is trying to figure out how I feel about whom and what I want to happen next. I think I know but perhaps not.

They're both kind in their own way and brilliant in their own way. The one is a deep, sensitive soul and the other is deep but he keeps me at bay. The one is here, physically, in town while the other is away, lives in another city another state, but has family here so he comes home when he can. They're both enigmas but the one I think will let me get close enough to figure out the answer, the other, definitely not. But will the one call, that is the question? With the other, I know that if I need advice or someone to vent to, he is there, in his own way, and he gives me feed back when he can.

And the other, well, I've loved him for ages, despite that fact that he's a conservative Republican (GASP!). He is true to himself and is so intelligent that there are times when I feel completely inadequate around him. That is not his doing. It is my own inferiority complex that I try very hard to repress, but sometimes cannot.

And the one, well, I know that if he let's me in, I could love him, very much. There's just something there. I don't know- a kind of connection. Or maybe I'm crazy and there's no connection but when we kissed- it was electric. I don't ever remember feeling like that from just a very quick, but nice, kiss on the lips. But it was there.

I think that I would like to be very good friends with the other and see where it could lead to with the one. I just hope they let me!

Yes, yes yesterday was the Day of Days. My Trisha Kordos is gone forever and is now, quite happily, Mrs. Trisha Lehnen. Mrs. Trisha Lehnen. It seems surreal, not true, like "That can't be!", but as I had the immense honour and priviledge to have been chosen as her Maid of Honour, I know it to be true. I cried, although I tried very hard not to. Then I was sick, which I also tried very hard not to, but it was a necessary evil. As a result of the mysterious stomach ailment, I opted to not drink *GASP* and had the best frigging time! And I remember everything! It was a magical day and a phenomenal night and man, those e-peeps and Trisha made the damn party! TK, Terry, Sarah, Tina, and Chamille, along with our lover-ly bride, are dancing machines! But it was awsome.

Terry, Paul, and Matthew, thank you ever so much for letting me tag along with you. It actually was the perfect way to end the night and it kept me out of trouble.
Chamille, that was one hell of a conversation, and I feel very sad that I have just gotten to know such a fabulous woman and you're leaving! Frankly, that sucks, but I do wish you the absolute best of luck!

I woke up this morning and remembered Trisha sauntering down the aisle to Beethoven and I started to cry. A very real pain seared through my heart and I can't explain it. I think it was the beauty of the moment, coupled with something else, but I was crying nonetheless. She will not change, I know that, for she is and always will be Trisha, but I can't help but feeling that with her marriage, something HAS changed. I'm probably being stupid but one can't help how one feels. I love that girl with all of my heart. I have to go before I become a blubbering idiot.

Mrs. Lehnen. It sounds so weird. Probably about as weird as I said to her, "Your husband...". I was the first one to say that to her- "Your husband..." That's pretty cool!

Part Deux never arrived, unfortunately. Time is slip, slip, slipping away with each proverbial tick, with every every breath, every heart beat. Tomorrow is the Wedding. I can't believe it. I woke up in a state of shock as it hit me that Trisha and Paulnotpaul are getting married tomorrow! This time tomorrow, either Trisha or I will be hyperventilating. I'm not sure which is more likely, although as poor Trisha and Paul have been running around like chickens with their heads cut off, I don't know if it's hit her. I'm sure it has but it's just so surreal! Now, I have to go and finish painting my parents garage and then at noon get a manicure and pedicure so that my hands and feet look cute tomorrow. E-peeps out there, please pray to whatever creator you believe in that the weather is nice and sunny and that if it must rain, only rain in the morning and stop no later than 11! (I have a friend that always says to be specific when dealing with God/creator/universe/goddess otherwise the Deity has a tendency to give you exactly what you say you want/need and nothing more, or it turns around and bites you in the ass. The Supreme Being has a wicked sense of humour! So, I *AM* being VERY specific here!) Those of you that are attending the wedding of the E-Peep century, I will see you on the Dance floor! Hopefully the music is good!

Ciao!