I've had the lovely experience this week to be able to attend two parties two nights in a row. The first being Paul's birthday party which was great but I fell out of line to quickly from lack of sleep and intake of drink and smoke so by one in the morning I was ready to pass out. Sorry guys, I can usually hang but your partes put me under the table fast. It was strange to meet people who you know because of an online journal. The apartment was so nice with all the food and drinks and the tortoise, it was a comfortable environment, I'd say a bit more intellectually stimulating in a communication way that the second event I'm about to write about.
Last night my friend Keith im'd me to as if I wanted to go observe a fraternity/sority mixer. The party house near south campus was a complete wreck by the end of the party. Its a shame because it's such a nice house. Some kid went crazy after doing keg stands and threw the keg into the wall, while running around topless. He regressed into a primitive state, I've seen it happen to many a young boy. It was a bit scary. The music was so fucking loud and typical. At least they had an OutKast song or two. Everyone was so young. I love that. I'm turning into a dirty old woman at the ripe old age of 22.
In Atlanta my little art school didn't have these fraternity/sority organizations so I've recently become somewhat fascinated by the idea and I'm very upset that I can't be in a fraternity. It's not that I don't like girls its just that it is easier for me to spend longer amounts of time with guys. All the boys get so defensive when I question them about a membership. I am truly disturbed by the idea of gender segregation and that's really what it is, an idea because if the frat guys of sorority girls have a choice I think they are spending a lot of time with each other so I just don't understand. I want to start my own fraternity ... or not. I don't know. I want a movement to happen and not just a movement in someone's pants. I want something that effects their minds and if that affects their pants contents that's OK i just want everything God damn it!

I started hearing all these scary roomers that Matthew was missing or dead. Kristin
eventually called to confirm these rumors. I called the police to find out exactly what happened.
Matthew’s parents let him drive back to Georgia in early January 2002. He told them he was going to talk to two thugs and Robin. He found the thugs first. Matthew was missing for almost a month before they found his body. One of thugs/boys who strangled Matthew confessed after he was found injured in Matthew’s stolen car. The cops went out to the woods after that and dug up Matthew’s body.
Whenever drugs are involved with tragedies
its immediately dismissed as acceptable in someway. Some people have a difficult time adjusting to this earthly existence.
I’ve had multiple dreams involving Matthew since he died. One dreams starts out on the
front porch of my parents house. I’m looking out into the yard and I see a lawn chair in the distance. Matthew’s corpse is in the chair. I run down to the chair and as I come to the chair the corpse transforms into a little boy and we’re by the ocean. The boy is drawing pictures
and he hands his picture to me. It says “I love you.”

hmm... I've been bombarded with readings and social obligations. What the hell? How does a person manage to manage time effectively?
Happy birthday to Paul. I am happy he was born. It's nice to know a true buffalonian. I'm thinking of this party tonight. Soyean is going to give me a ride but I'm so damn tired. I'm wondering if I should brave the cold by dressing like a floozy. I enjoy dressing up for parties but the weather here isn't very friendly on scantly clad legs.
I went to the Pink and got a little drunk last night. Then I woke up for class around 9:30. The class is run by the grad students and the syllabus creation was driving me mad this morning. Most of us just want to discuss our ideas and what we're working on but the formalities of courses can be tiring bullshit. It's interesting not having an instructor. Some people are silent most all the time while others would be tapping out Morse code if they had laryngitis. I think I got bitchy for a second there this morning. I feel like I behave like a spoiled child when I become so frustrated.
I'm ready for access, as well. I need so many things from the fine institution of UB but it takes them a while to get things going. There are a ton of students. It's amazing that things are as well organized as they are. I wish I had a camera. I should buy a VHS camera and shoot whenever I feel like it while I still have student loan money.
Damn, I'm hungry. My dad's always told me that swearing makes you look ignorant. My sister's ex-husband told me once that as soon as there are no women around my dad swears all the time. I love swear words and use them all the time but sometimes I do the substitute words like crap and darn. Those are special words.
I think I'll make a T-shirt. I made one after watching the state of the union address the other day. It has a PIC of bush on the front with a big no symbol over him. At the bottom it says "Bush Sucks REAL bad" the back of the shirt has a picture of a porn model with a shaved cunt and it says "This model had the right idea" I've chosen to see the pornography industry's recent obsession with hairless genitals as a big signifier for

NO BUSH

My apartment is one huge clutter. Looking around the room I can count about 14 empty coke cans some of which are full of cigarette butts at this point. In the middle of the floor is the suitcase I brought from home from break. Its open and clothes and coats as well as shoes and accessories are spreading out everywhere. Cut up paper floats around from a previous pathetic attempt to market myself. There is no possible way to walk a straight line and avoid stepping on something other than the floor. I've purchased laundry soap and I have coins but the task of washing and hanging is one that I am avoiding like the plague. If I were to go down to the basement to wash clothes I would see the box where I could leave a note to the maintenance people to tell them that my refrigerator is fucked and refuses to be cold. I have been keeping things cold lately by the use of the window but this is getting old. I also need to get down to it, you know, working for no money, resurrecting old super beings but...

So round, so plump,
I like you very much.
You help me out so.
If not for you,
I would be deformed.

I've got to admit that I probable watched at least 100 hours of television over the winter break. I enjoyed watching horror movies with my 3 year old niece. She loves monsters. My parents got the 300 channel cable things at some point and I'm a person who has had no cable for years so I don't' watch TV unless truly desperate to see moving humans without leaving my lair. I refuse to throw out my monitor. I need it to look at the Robin's World propaganda I make.
I kind of equate television with resting. I do think that its possible to learn useful information from TV. For instance, around a year or so ago I watched a documentary on scientists who were hooking people up to brain scanners and showing them video imagery. They showed a former crack addict moving pictures of nature then moving pictures of crack preparation. The area of his brain indicating craving lit up with energy when he watched the crack use. Seeing this inspired me to attempt to quite smoking cigarettes because of the wasted of brain energy but then after one miserable day I decided that if I just gave into my nicotine cravings immediately I wouldn't waste my brain energy on craving. Maybe that is stupid but I think its fascinating as well. I've got to admit that most of the interesting things I've learned over the years have not come from the passive intake of TV.
Look at the pretty picture of south campus. I wish the media studies department was there.

I am indeed slightly inebriated at the moment longing for sweet Mary Jane, she makes my heart sang. Teaching, what can I teach? I don't wanna teach for free.
Pay me, Damn it! I need money. Baubo is the Greek goddess of obscenity and belly laughter. I plan on bringing her to life through media pretty soon. She has no head her nipples are her eyes and her vagina is her mouth. That's my main area of interest at the moment, that and Dada I'll always love Dada especially Hugo Ball. I wanna fuck his skull.

P.S. Tony Conrad is the coolest dude ever in the world.

I just walked down the street and marveled at the majestic beauty of the snow. Then I thought about how my friend Skip Williamson told me that vaginas are like snowflakes no two are alike so then I started thinking about what it would look like if the streets were covered in vaginas. At first I thought it would be totally disgusting but then I thought about this Photoshop pussy picture I made where I took a video still of my cat (Oliver 2000-2003 RIP) and pasted a still of my vagina over his fur to make a pattern. It kind of looks like either flowers or brains. I have it hanging on my wall here. It's kind of disturbing but nice.

I'm back on Elmwood. I flew in today and stumbled up to my humble lair. Nothing had changed except my landlords left me a present of white wine inside the door. After assessing my situation and trying to nap but failing I decided to break out the vibrator and man oh man, I like that thing. From now on my vibrator travels with me, I don't care if I have a sex partner I still need my vibrator. What now? hmmm I should straighten up in here but... that's no fun so I'm writing this instead. Its a lot less scary here than I thought it would be, the weather, its not so bad. I'm happy to be off the couch and in my bed or chair or my whatever, I like these meager things I have. The only thing I have lots of is clothes, oh the displaced affection there, or here, my clothes that is.

I grew pubs when I was 10. It had been an awfully long time since I had seen an adult necked, I forgot that people were supposed to have hair on their genitals, so I assumed I was a freak and shaved them off. Years after when I was a teen my MawMaw told me she had done the same thing. By that point I was pretty damn comfortable with my down low hairies and just did an edge snipping when bikini season came around.
I few years later I was living with my lover. He asked me one day if I would do some maintenance on my pubic hair and I was quite offended but then I decided what the hell and shaved them all off. He was surprised. It was fun. The pain however was the growing in process, very itchy. My lover after this decided to shave off all of his pubic hair and he was in itching agony a day later. He apologized to me and said he would never ask me to do maintenance again.
So a couple years after that I made a drawing with glue and pubic hair, it spelled out pubic. Before that I had video taped myself shaving my pubic hair and contemplated making it into a video titled Removing Bush. Then I met a girl who said she wished she had never initially shaved her pubs because they were so much softer before she had. Seeing as how I removed mine as soon as they started I had no frame of reference for that. I have noticed lately that the hair on my lovers belly is much softer that the hair it runs into right above his penis.
One last thing, when I was in jail this year they made me hang out with the other prisoners while they took a shower. I was pretty freaked out because I had never been in a group shower and there I was being handed lice shampoo. I watched the ladies get naked and noticed that they had all managed to do some pubic maintenance. I was embarrassed because I just got in there that day and I was a hairy cave woman. In the end those fat bitchy cops said I didn’t have to shower (I was only serving 15 hours) so I got out of showing my primitive pubies. I’ve noticed with porn that women are usually hairless and chest hair is becoming a rarity among men (in media). I guess it’s a sign of the times but what the hell does it mean?