and not tia chi.

that is currently what i am drinking.

well, it's monday. i'm at the store. just me, some old school moby before he completely sold out and 1000 area rugs.

so it's been a bit since i blogged on here and there's probably a million and one excuses i could make as to why i haven't but why lie? i haven't felt like it. plain and simple.

at least in the meantime the weather has warmed.

'do you think the weather will hold?'

'no, i think it's gonna stop!'

so anyway, getting to leave job early today which is pretty alright. gotta haul home some of my moving boxes. woot.

and i just spilled hot water all over my hand. sigh.

well, i'm in a pretty good mood today for some reason. maybe it's the warm temperature, idk. rocked out to sequencer by covenant on the bus. definately one of my all time top 5. not that i'll be able to list the others now, but still. the music i make is, i believe, on a machine more advanced than that of covenant from when they made sequencer, and yet, they sound so much cooler. then again, they do have a lot more practice than i.

now that my boss' daughter is gone from the store and i'm in total control, i love my ability to listen to what ever. now i have an apop song playing, it's awesome. i don't know whether to hang rugs or dance.

well, it's still a little early in the day for dancing.

found a new owner for my poor poor car yesterday. glad to be rid of it but sad at the same time.

oh, whatelse. did nothing last night after painting at the new place, played a little oblivion and went sleep. played with my cat for a while. i wanted to get up a bit earlier today and stop at the bank to deposit my birthday checks from my fam but once again, i didn't. then again, i need the money in a few weeks so by leaving it in check form, i can't spend it so not a bad thing right?

why am i hungry?

i ate yesterday.

i have terrible eating habits. i eat like once a day if that. i'd say on average in a 7 day week (as opposed to one of those 9 day weeks) i eat five of those days and just once.

see, before i was in the air force i was a heavy dude. my whole life. if any of you were over weight for high school, you probably are aware of what that can do to a kid. anyway, when i lost it all in the air force (they have a great workout program called get up at 4am and start running!) i was determined to not put it all back on. but i hate working out, i have no work out motivation what's so ever. so i just learned to not eat, which in of it's self i believe would be some type of eating dissorder.

oh well. i smoke too much, i drink too much, i don't eat or sleep enough. i'm probably not gonna make it to retirement age.

meh.

i suppose if i had a reason to actually want a long life i'd be totally capable of changing my habits, but a lot of the time right now in my life i feel like 'eh, what's the differance?'

seabound just came on, huzzah! idk why i put this song in here. 'with out you' it's kind of depressing to a hopeless romantic. it's a release from the poisonous friend single, which is still my favorite seabound disk. good haujobb remix on there, the third version of poisonous friend is the best version in my opinion. but actually, this band called fluke does a remix of, i believe it's call control......hmmm, maybe contact. anyway, that's the best ever!!!! so kick ass. if i like it so much i should probably lean it's name huh??

well, yesterday my boss was in for about 45 minutes. she had her chemo so she was really out of it. luckily she's on the weakest level of chemo she's ever been on and her hair isn't gonna fall out for the third time. it is adamantly refusing. anyway, like i said, she was pretty out of it, so i didn't bug her w/ store crap as there really was none anyway. so we talked about john cusak movies for 40 mins.

being 27 now in 07, i was raised, like so many of us 20 something odd balls, on john cusak movies. i personally blame john cusak for a lot of my way of thinking about love and life and relationships. he made the geeky hopeless romantic into a novel yet tangeble protagonist who you really want to win in the end. the problem is that he generally does win. going at life with the john cusak 80's hopeless romantic mindset ultimately just makes you cynical about love and life, as when you follow the patten you typically see that yes indeed, good guys do finish last.

ahh, the world.

i need a new book or two to read. i'm stumped. got two really good ones from my mom for xmas, but was done w/ both of them by the second saturday in january. then i reread the history of narcotics. then i read house of leaves again. then i read dune again. just got my copy of the 48 laws of power back from my dealer, but i think i'm gonna pass on that one again for now.

i need some cool non fiction.

any suggestions if you bothered to read this far?

i have this book about the nazi's and hitler';s obsession with the occult, documenting everything they did before, during and after ww2 concerning it. it's awsome and totally freaky. they had some uber seriously fucked up plans. i forget it's exact name, but you should find it if you google nazi's and the occult. spectacular reading. i've been thinking about finding a book about the ottoman empire, seeing as it ruled a huge part of the world for almost 500 years. the last great empire before the world was changed by the great war.

really, looking at history, ww1 and ww2 really did change the course of history quite substantially. people were less isolated and more connected after that. idk, i'm sure it could be my entire thesis in college for history. but i just found out last night i didn't get excepted.

i also heard this morning that another friend of mine won't beable to move southward and go to college this years either. thank god hydro got into where he wanted and we all didn't come up short.

blech, well, ok, this is once again long but fuck it. not butt fuck it.

endin' it today on new order.

ohh you've got green eyes, oh you've got blue eyes, oh you've got greeeeyyy eeeyyyeees

warning: reading this may subject you to the curse of 242.



on a good note though, it's not a bad curse, it's just weird.

well, i'm assuming that this all started with front 242 but i don't know too much about it beyond my own history.

when i first moved into the city and started hanging out with the claremontians, b.s and b.c to be vaguely specific, the mystery of 242 was presented to me by these guys going 'oh, 242!' any time it was anywhere, which actually was quite often. on a clock, on tv in a video game, on a sign....where ever.

in discussion i discovered that these guys didn't really get it either other than that they both do/did listen to a bit of 242 in their lives and it helped shape them into the music that they listened to and made in their lives.

now, i had only recently learned of front 242 and had one of their albums which was ok. i mean, they are pretty old, seeing as headhunter and welcome to paradise were made when i was 8 years old!

anyway, that's when it started.

242 is everywhere. the number i mean. and it can't just be coincidence, i don't believe that anymore. i can't explain enough how many times a week i see that number. example: yesterday it came up four times. the first was while i was waiting for the bus, a van w/.....oh shit, what's it called.....gerber vision, come bill, help me out from your rainbow spite days......anyway, like the huge guy adds on all the buses, went by with it's phone number all over it and the last three digits were 242. then, around noon i was on the phone with a customer talking about rug pads and when i hung up the phone, the screen said 2:42 as the length of our phone conversation. in the afternoon, i was doing some stuff on one side of the store, totally oblivious to the time, walked the length of the store to our office to have a drink of my soda which was next to the clock, when i picked it up the clock changed from 2:41 to 2:42 right then and there. granted 2:42 happens twice a day but during one week i'll usually look at a clock when it's that time 4 or 5 times! the last was when i was on the bus. i'm a headphone wearer while riding because i can't stand the background conversation. well, i was on the bus for about 20 minutes on my way home when my batteries died abruptly, which was ok cause i alwas carry extras. anyway, before i got in the fresh ones, i could hear the dude infront of me talking into his cell (more like shouting) and damned if he didn't say 'no, 242. 2 4 2, it's a blue house. blue!' which made me smile because it was freaking 242 again.

so yeah, idk, it's something that happens in my life. i must have subconsciously pick it up from b.c. and b.s. amongst others but i don't know for sure. i mean, why is the clock in madden football, in fact in real football i've seen it a few times too, on 242? why is there always a car in front of me at a stop light with 242 in it's plate? this morning, what prompted this was i had 2420 profile views, there it is agan 242.

have any of you dealt with this particular phenominon?

Down with love the flowers and rice and shoes
Down with love the root of all midnight blues
Down with things that give you that well-known pain
Take that moon wrap it in cellophane.



Down with love let's liquidate all its friends
The moons, the Junes, the roses and rainbow's ends
Down with songs that moan about night and day
Down with love yes take it away ... away.



Away ...
Far away ...
Give it back to the birds and the bees and especially the Viennese.



Down with eyes romantic and stupid
Down with sighs and down with cupid
Brother ... let's stuff that dove
Down with love.



Down with love let's liquidate all its friends
The moons the Junes the roses and rainbow's ends
Down with songs that moan about night and day
Down with love yes take it away, away.



Far away ...
So very, very far away ...
Give it back to the birds and the bees and especially the Viennese.



Down with eyes romantic and stupid
Down with sighs and down with cupid
Brother ... let's stuff that dove
Down with love.



happy stinking valentines day consumers!

damn it's cold today.
my skull hurt this morning while waiting for the bus. not my brain like a headache, my freaking skull!
ugh, so what's new?
bar hopped this weekend, was ok. we decided to go to bars we were unfamiliar with. first up was century grill, which was ok, pretty dead, 4 bucks for a pint of blue. meh. after an hour we walked over to hemingways (which we thought was a tad closer than it really was), pint of guiness for 3 bucks, slammin deal. definately more designed with resturant in mind. me 'n' tina got to talkin' to the tender, who showed us a menu. the menu is the dead give away that the digs are owned by the same people who own gabriel's gate. same exact sandwiches and such, but instead of street names....what did they have...oh, stage venue names, like sheas and alleyway and what not, which makes sense seeing as they're in the theater district. just a word to the wise if you go there, they have two different menu's, one for whenever, and one scheduled around show times, so if sheas is letting out when you get there, be prepared for inflated costs. oh, and while talking to us, the bartender got a bloody nose and bled all over the bar leaving us to stare at his blood on the counter while he was away. the other bar tender wouldn't clean it up, we told him, he looked at it and said 'ewww, gross' and walked away. then after a pint and a half (i measure time in increments of alcohol) we decided to check out staples on allen, new bar...no office supplies.
staples, from first appearance, looks like a hallway that serves alcohol packed with people. once you get past that and hang a left, there's a great open area with tables and loungy furniture for chillin' and games and stuff. had my very first red stripe, it was very nice.
so that was my big weekend out. i barely go out anymore, at least to bars and stuff cause it's too damn expensive. but then again, i had fun for 4 1/2 hrs and spent what, 13 bucks, so not too shabby.

see ya

well, it's thursday night which means i'm here alone at the store until all ungodly hours of the night.
well, 9:15.
been here since ten, no shoppers since 11:30ish. what a long ass day.
worked on my inventory for a bit, but it numbs my brain and will give me something to do on saturday if there is aweful weather.

have you ever felt like you're wasting your life at your job?

this is a good job, no doubt, but lately, since about the middle of last year, it all just feels like a waste of time.
i used to be really into my job, used to like coming here everyday.
back when we had customers. psst and employees.
since saturday to today i have been here aprox 40hrs, with sunday off. my only coworker is my boss' daughter who's part time and not very, sall i say.........well, she's the boss' daughter.
she's been here about 10 of those hours, 2 of them being when i was gone on tuesday night, so really for about 8 hrs of my time. my boss has cancer and is not very well and really is not here very often, actually about an hour from sat thru today, all on tuesday.
sure i make hourly and commission, but the steady decrease in customers since we sold half the business (used to be two connected stores) is really atrocias.
i remember days of haveing three sets of customers at once between two stores all day long. today i have only had two customers at all, and neither of them were even close to buying.

idk, i really don't want to work here anymore, especially since i lost money in 2006. sure i have virtually no competition on the sales floor, but i also don't have any help in maintaining the store. i know that (i have fridays off) when i come in on saturday the place will be destroyed like always because of it not being cleaned up after each customer comes in. because of laziness. because of the feeling of being deserving just by being blood and not having to actually earn a living.

the whole situation is depressing and aggrivating.

i don't want to just quit though because i've put too much effort into this place for the last five years and i do owe my boss quite a bit in regards to our actual friendship.
the problem is she's fighting her illness and is never here.
when carolyn got sick the store got sick with her.
idk.
problem is too that i don't really want to leave this job for another one like it because i really do not like sales. it's so redundant with the same kind of people with the same kind of questions with the same bitchy attitude when they're actually expected to pay for their goods.
somewhere along the line a lot of people 'learned' that they're entitled to special deals by just walking in the door. i have no idea where this mentality came from but it's so overly abundant now it's suffocating.

i hope i get into buff state.
i really want to be a historian.

this is my interpretation of doris daytheearthstoodstill, by the future bible heroes. it's a song i really dig and listen to frequently. it's also on my myspace page. i haven't bothered to lean how to add music on here yet, but will throw it on here eventually.

it's from their 2004 album eternal youth, which i highly recommend if you enjoy relaxing and slightly introspective electronica.

these are the lyrics:

they don't know we're out here, as far as we can tell,


jamming all our senses with advertizing hell

and late-night movie heaven is accidental, well

details at eleven


doris daytheearthstoodstill, the hippest chick on firth


let's live always the dream they beam from planet Earth


all our tentacles entwined, snow-blind and without sound


Doris Daytheearthstood still, you make my world go round


grow a new antenna


the signals multiply with

ads for soap and henna,


the products we can't buy


and all across the asteroid,


everyone will die

unless we send the gas droid

doris daytheearthstoodstill, the hippest chick on firth

let's live always in the dream they beam from planet earth

all our tentacles entwined, snow-blind and without sound

doris daytheearthstoodstill, you make my world go round

immediately upon hearing this song for the first time (on a plane to mexico actually) i really liked it a lot due to it's science and science fiction references. and i don't just mean the title, the day the earth stood still still being a very famous old black and white 'talkie'

so, let's break it down, shall we...?

they don't know we're out here, as far as we can tell

-referencing aliens that know of our presence and are aware we have no idea they actually exist, pretty self explanitory.

jamming all our senses with advertising hell

-refering to audio and video waves that venture off our planet into the unknown reaches of space without limit

and late night movie heaven is accidental, well

-this i believe is refering to schlocky late night horror/sci-fi black and whites (like our own off beat cinema) being accidental in the sense that some of them might not be too far off from what might really be out there.

details at eleven

-commercial for local late night news

i'm gonna skip the chorus till last.....

grow a new antenna

-possibly refering to the increase in radio and video waves emminating from the planet over the last 50 years, and/or to the particular alien species own adjustments to being bombarded with the millions of waves we send out.

the signals multiply

-a go between line that connects with the last line and my interpretations and the next one

ads for soap and henna

-showing the insane increase from television and radios early years to modern years of product advertisement

products we can't buy

-cause they're aliens

and all acrossed the astroid, everyone will die

-possibly refering to the fact that as a species, our crazy audio and visual stimuli, as they grow and get more complex are actually effecting these creatures ability to live in one way, shape or form

unless we send the gas droid

-this is directly taken from hubbard's book battlefield earth (not the movie, the book) in which the psychlos first vist to earth is actually a robotic gas drone (changed to droid cause it rhymnes with astroid, although in the cd sleave it says drone) that circles the earth a few times dumping vast amounts of methane into the atmosphere, quickly and efficently killing off most of the planets population. no people = no power = no more destructive beams shot into space, hence, solving the problem of possible extinction for aliens effected by our waves.

doris daytheearthstoodstill, the hippest chick on firth

-ok, this is actually a tough one at the end. my thoughts for the combination of daytheearthstoodstill as one word is that obviously, earlier beamed transmissions would obviously reach the aliens first and in her day doris day was huge and everywhere in movies, tv and she had a big music career. she was the original america's sweetheart. the day the earth stood still was also a super huge movie in it's day, really being the first to be considered serious sci-fi with not only space age action but also the first great anti-nuke message. as waves travel and bonce off things, the reason for the combination of both is due to they high quantites of mention as well as the common word day and the fact that in 1951 doris day was in the most movies at once in her career (she was in 5 that year, when she was dubbed americas sweetheart) and that was the year the day the earth stood still came out immediately becoming the biggest hit (critically and at the box office)of the year (over such greats as streetcar named desire, african queen, and on moonlight bay...with doris day). now then....the hippest chick on firth has always been a little bothersome to me because the hippest part referring to the fact that she was in more movies as an actress in 1951 than any other actress ok, but firth-by definition is a scottish word refering to a large sea bay which may be part of an estuary, inlet or strait created by ice age glaciation. firth is also a synonym for fjord-which does have a connection to hitchhiker's guide, but some what of a streach. that said, i don't make the connection other than it rhymes with earth.

let's live always in the dreams they beam from planet earth

-the alien species possible explination to the causes of these beams from our planet, as they may not have visual and audio entertainment like ours, as well as eluding to the fact that they possibly prefer or gain some sort of euphoric state from the transmissions that are more pleasent to they're particular reality, much like drugs-which does tie in well as a theory to why they very well may become extinct as a race due to the constant presence of our beams. ah ha.

all our tentacles entwined, snow-blind and without sound

-to me this is a reference to the great horror master h.p. lovecraft's longest story 'at the mountians of madness', which details the exploits of an exploritory crew in antarctica who stumble upon a living race of ancient aliens, older than any known thing on the planet, who biologically speaking as we understand it have no audio or visual capabilities, have tentacles and are uneffected by the fact that they're under the ice in the middle of antarctica from before the continents seperated. it's a must as a story, get it!

doris daytheearthstoodstill, you make my world go round

-finishing off whith the title again, perhaps what these aliens call our world, or these visions, or just because it fits well in the song. you make my world go round being a nice juxtaposition to the aformentioned earthstoodstill as well as possibly eluding once more to the euphoric sense the beams create.



well there! take that. you opened it.

and of course i could be way the fuck off, only the future bible heroes know for sure.

well, i hope you enjoy the tune and if you have any input of your own into the message behind this song i'd love to talk about it with you.

thank you.

c

hey, anybody else on here go to the ours show at showplace last night? they rock...and to stop in buffalo twice in 6months is awesome.

snow sucks ass.

i'm gearing up to leave work. hopefully there will not be a repeat of the snow ninja situation.

absolutely nothing happened today. i stood alone in the store for most of the day. the best part of the day was when, for whatever reason, we were recieving truckers on our showroom speakers. that's the first time that's happened in my 5 yrs here.

really pretty uneventful. tonight i'm gonna work on my newest song. i program music on my keyboard, like synthpop/ebm stuff. hopefully that will go well, every now and then that board is pretty picky about letting me do stuff.

vycious, i've decided to stop reading your anti VD blog. not that i'm anti anti VD but it makes me think about being single and lonely, so i mean i guess it's the opposite of what you are trying to acheive.

well, on that note i will leave you all with some VD morrissey lyrics:

My love, wherever you are
Whatever you are
Don't lose faith
I know it's gonna happen someday
To you
Please wait ... Please wait ... Oh ... Wait ...
Don't lose faith
You say that the day just never arrives
And it's never seemed so far away
Still, I know it's gonna happen someday


ugh, trying to keep the faith....

1. The phone rings. Who do you want it to be?
not work, not my mom and not bill collectors. otherwise, if i'm awake i'll answer it.

2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?
always. being a 'cart associate' sucks enough as is.

3. In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener?
listener and observer, waiting to interject witty bits here and there for the most part. unless i'm directly engaged in conversation

4. Do you take compliments well?
yeah, but hardly ever get enough!

5. Do you play Sudoku?
nope

6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive?
i think i remember enough of my survival training from camp/the military to do ok.

8. Did you ever go to camp as a kid?
yup, camp wyomoco. some nice summer days i miss it quite a bit.

9. What was your favorite game as a kid?
anything the kids in the neighborhood were playing. we played hockey and basketball, baseball, football, always till dark and our parents called us in.

10. If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was married, would you?
i did. i don't recommend it.

12. Could you date someone with different religious beliefs than you?
if they were tolerant of the fact that i am in way shape or form religious, i'd give it a try. if they're one of those pushy belief people then stay away!

13. Do you like to pursue or be pursued?
well, being pursued is less work, just depends on who the persuer is...

14. Use three words to describe yourself?
sarcastic thinking machine

15. Do any songs make you cry?
if i'm depressed. and you'll never walk alone has a few times, which is why i avoid it.

16. Are you continuing your education?
hopefully this fall (fingers crossed)

17. Do you know how to shoot a gun?
yup, 22 cal and an m-
16
18. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you grabbed?
eskil, my cat.

19. How often do you read books?
i usually have two to four going at once.

20. Do you think more about the past, present or future?
i think it's a draw

21. What is your favorite children's book?
the princess bride

22. What color are your eyes?
blue grey

23. How tall are you?
5' 7 1/2"

24. Where is your dream house located?
in my brain

25. Best vacay ever?
zihuatanejo, mexico feb of 04

26. Coolest picture?
of me? they're all cool =)

27. Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth?
nope

28. When was the last time you were at Olive Garden?
sometime in 04 w/ her...


29. How about the movies?
pan's labyrinth on opening day with like a dozen friends

30. Where was the furthest place you traveled today?
work

32. Do you like mustard?
yup, especially with turkey

33. Do you prefer to sleep or eat?
isn't that kind of apples and oranges? i know i don't like to eat while i'm sleeping and vice versa

34. Do you look like your mom or dad?
well, as a kid i prefered mom cause dad was incharge of disicplin, but now that i'm older i see the value in my dad where mostly i'm just embarrased by my mom because she makes a lot of stuff up at random to seem impressive and she's really really racist.

35. How long does it take you in the shower?
not long in a hurry but i prefer a long hot shower.

36. Can you do a split?
no, nor shall i try.


37. What movie do you want to see right now?
children of men, cause it sounds a lot like this old tevis novel mockingbird i read a while back and i want to see if the ideas are stolen (and i know children of men is it's own book, it's on my 'to aquire' list.)

where is 38?

39. What did you do for New Year's?
started off at tina and carries place for wine and champagne and cookies, then went to the bird house for beer and fights!

40. Do you think The Grudge was scary?
no. then again, i can't tell you the last time a 'scary' movie scared me. to me, hollywood isn't even trying anymore.

41. Do you laugh a lot?
i sure as fuck try to.


42. Do you own a camera phone?
yup

44. Was your mom a cheerleader?
no, my mom was a giant dork who's footstep i followed in.


45. What's the last letter of your middle name?
m

46. how many hours of sleep do you get a night?
3-5

47. Do you watch MTV?
nope, actually, when i'm at home i don't watch tv at all. i don't even get basic tv which is how i prefer it..

48. Do you like care bears?
hell yeah. when i was in my tiny bit of college and working for regal, we used to do kids movies and we got care bears 2 (in 1999) which was the most destroyed, beat up print ever! it was soooo cool!

49. What do you buy at the movies?
tickets and that's it. having worked for the theater from 98 to 01, seeing the inflation makes me sick to my stomach!

50. Do you know how to play poker?
yes, several different kinds, but i do not gamble so i don't play very much

51. Do you wear your seatbelt?
always

52. What do you wear to sleep?
pajamas

53. Anything big ever happen in your hometown?
not that i can think of.

54. How many meals do you eat a day?
.5 or sometimes 1 if that, i typically eat every other day.

55. Is your tongue pierced?
nope

56. Do you always read MySpace bulletins?
most of em from my friends, not the band ones generally.

57. Most visited webpage?
cnn/myspace

58. Do you like funny or serious people better?
i like both for their particular qualities.

59. Ever been to L.A.?
nope

60. Did you eat a cookie today?
nope.

61. Do you use cuss words in other languages?
i still swear in french sometimes.

62. Do you steal or pay for your music downloads?
actually, i don't download at all yet, still on cd's. what can i say i'm old school.
i do own a reel to reel player.

63. Do you hate chocolate?
well, i don't seek it out.

64. What do you and your parents fight about the most?
not too much anymore. me and my family stay relatively disassociated, seeing each other generally for holidays.

65. Are you a gullible person?
not really, but we all have our moments.

66. Do you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy?
considering my track record i sure as hell hope not!

67. If you could have any job (assuming you have the skills) what would it be?
historian

68. Are you easy to get along with?
i think so.

69. What is your favorite time of day?
anytime where i'm not at work or on the bus or getting ready for work/bus.

yeah, i ride the bus.
our buses are'nt too bad. generally on time and reliable.
saturday's snow storm did not prevet the buses from running. they were just a little backed up is all.
my stop in depew to head back home is on the corner of walden and transit, with no shelter. saturdays at 6 when i leave everybody is closed so there is no where to wait indoors to catch the bus. of course, if i'm not at the stop it blows by w/ out even hesitating due to the continously high volume of traffic at this, one of western new yorks most dangerous of intersections.
thus, i had no choice but to become a ninja!


6:15pm 2/3/07. still inside



6:30is 2/3/07 after 15mins on the corner



7pm 2/3/07 bus is now 30mins late. it came @ 10 after 7.

full blown snow ninja!

i hate winter.

here's some pics to get aquainted w/ me with.....ugh

eskil and my korg

me at the store

rocky, my store beta

me forcing eskil to wear one of my ties

eskil w/ his cousin yoda from cat sitting vycious cat

eskil playing with a toy on the kitchen rug