There are some things that you spend a lifetime wishing for. From a corvette, house, the perfect furniture, true love, employment that is enjoyable, good health, dreams to come true and to get everything done in one day.
    I am reading a book called "Black Elk Speaks", the realization that I can live without anything except food, water, shelter and heat. I would say those are the essentials. There was a time when the place I call home used to be the home of another group of people. So what is home? Is home that place where you sleep? Is home the place where you keep all your worldly possessions? Is home where every your body is? Is home where your friends are? Is home where your family is?
    I have always looked at home as a sacred space to call my own. Home for me being a kind of sanctuary to be who I am. Is that place always an edifice? I do not think so. House is the building, but where do we come home too?
    I have been home at special places, some far from home than the place where I grew up. Some in other states where my life called me to walk very far from home, the state where I grew up. Home has been my Grandparents house. There is a light that comes over me when I think of my family. Home has been a church. Home has been my body. Home has been out in nature with nothing but a thin layer of tent to protect me from the weather. Home has been a hug from a good friend. Home has been a look of pride in my mentor. Home has been my voice singing at the top of my lungs, my favorite song of the moment. Home has been completing a scholarly degree. Home has been taking a trip away from where I live. Home has been someone else's abode. Home has been the floor in a living room of an acquaintance. Home has been dancing 'til dawn.
    I think home is a place I once described at the Happiness Garden. I think home is living life in the moment to the fullest of your ability at that time. Sometimes my ability to do this varies. Happiness was something I once knew well, a friend who would always be there. I could always find happiness in breathing; a scent of a flower; the rhythm of the rain; the silence underwater; another person smiling; another person dancing; freedom of expression; completing crafts; knitting; crocheting; singing; praying; painting; dancing; sports; talking with my friends to all hours of the night; sunrise; sunset; poetry; reading; movies; comic books; food; cooking; hugs; kisses; cuddling; and the list goes on...
    I met someone years ago that I have never written about because of the negative emotions that dwell in those memories. He reconditioned me to see the world from his eyes. I lost a great deal in the process. I forgot how to be happy. I forgot how to enjoy life. I forgot the simple things. I was always a force to be reckoned with when I was young. I had one weakness I wanted to be loved and love someone in return. Not everyone equally, just one person to fill an empty chair in my hearth fire. The problem with youth is your desire to be loved and return that love is specific. This person got in and sat in that very chair.
    I am who I am for all the people who I have loved and who have loved me in return. For the people who believed in me gave me a much bigger heart than I thought possible for myself. They showed me their life experiences, they let me into their hearts, and they loved me to the best of their ability.
     Did you ever wonder why you liked a piece of art? I always dig deeply to find the answer. I then went to college and learned to dig, as deeply for art I did not like. Here's the thing I've learned about art and life. It is the imperfection that we truly love. See we are attracted to what we like, what we see as similar to ourselves, what we understand, what is comfortable. See my key to happiness was the perfection in imperfection with a positive perspective.
    I had met my opposite in a male and I thought we could make each other happy. There were two mistakes with that premise. First, know what your partner REALLY wants. The second was making another person responsible for my happiness. In the process I learned how he saw things, I hope I taught him something he values, for in the end I have a strange aftertaste from knowing him. It is not horrific, but it wasn't wonderful either. There were good times and bad times. It is the overall summary that I am speaking of.
    Home is where the heart is. I understand that phrase just a little bit better from having my heart farther away from me than I am comfortable with. I remember the knowledge the child in me has always known about living life. Love is not conditional. We put ourselves in cubbies and label them. We separate and categorize. Anything that cannot be neatly explained in our lives lives in a land of grays and wastelands. We put so much into our illusions, our masks, our stories, our beliefs, our ideals, but without a reality check why is it that the negative side flows freely? That unconditional love seems so hard to put our faith into. See the snag lays in the fact that we need structure, that we need boundaries, that what we want and desire the very things that limit the true expressions of freedom and love. Human nature the walking contradiction that it is! Bless our perfection through imperfection! We may never be perfect. We are the epitome of imperfection!

Have you ever had to put something down and never meant to not get to it but life ran away from you and it was another lifetime, another incarnation, and at least 5 years before you had or needed to look at it again? Recently, I have had to revisit some intense journaling and healing I had been working on myself over five years ago.
    
    First, I need to say it is a strange experience something surreal and straight out of Dali's imagination. When I was younger I never much cared for Dali's work until another artist gave me a unique compliment about an overview of my artwork. "Your work moves me. I feel a connection to the mystical with Dali sensitivities with his surrealism and Mucha with the Art Nouveau style and there is a definite ethnic flare or taste to your work. It is nice, refreshing and unique." Of course I still didn't get into a gallery on that statement, yet it gave me something to think about. I loved Mucha and hated Dali. Imagine, both in the same comment. I am learning to love Dali, but maybe never as much as Mucha. Yet I have seen some of Mucha's work I didn't like or felt he didn't articulate himself well in. Enough about art when I a speaking about writing.

    I realized all the goals I set for myself, all the plans that I had started... I am currently living. Some with a high degree of success and others could have more energy and need more work. It is unreal! The power of the mind to create and recreate, to make something into a reality is amazing. An idea occurs to you, you give it time and energy. The idea becomes part of your processes of thinking you now have a mental awareness of this thought. As your brain processes your thought you begin to have feelings about it, positive or negative. There is now an emotional connection to the original idea that has been transformed into a thought, which now gives you an emotional response. UNREAL! It doesn't stop there. You begin to believe or connect with this energy or not! You begin to dream about the idea, the thought and your emotions. Your subconscious begins a conversation with your conscious mind and now we have CONTACT! You begin to generate new ideas from this idea, which has transformed itself again into your reality, you have given birth! You create something. You say something. You do something. Your physical response is acknowledging its origin and development. If you believe it, it has the possibility to become reality. DIVINE!

    Do we even begin to understand the powers of our minds? We only use 20% of our brain? WHY? How do we access the rest of brain? What is it used for? How does it work? What functions does it relate to? I can ask thousands of questions all on this very thought alone. Once we begin to know something, there is a myriad of knowledge we barely remember or can replicate or have learned about our species.

    Is it possible for dreams to come true? Do you need to believe in Peter Pan? Do you need to click your heels three times? Do you just trust your super hero will save the day? I think belief is the end result of an imaginary spark. Be very. very careful with your divinity. When fire burns there is a lesson to be learned! Fire is dependent upon a spark to ignite flammable earth, fed by air to consume anything in its path. Destruction is a necessary part of evolution and growth.