well....for some reason, i was sitting here on my computer and I got this overwhelming feeling....of total uncontrol. I guess what I mean to say is that I am afraid of the future because it is still so unknown. I really want to go to graduate school....and I am planning on going to UNLV, but now that I think about it, maybe UB isn't that bad....but the problem is that the applications are due on the first of february. I haven't even taken my GRE's yet...and they only take new students in the fall...so if i don't apply now, i can't start till next year....o my gosh, i am just so stressed. what the fuck am i going to do when i graduate? I am going to have $30,000 in student loans....and no health insurance (which i need because i have $400 worth of prescriptions a month). And the chances of me getting a job in buffalo with a BA in Anthropology and Sociology is slim to none. This is why I did the CJ minor....as a back up, but now that I have finished my minor, i realize how much I fucking hate the criminal justice system and how corrupt it is. I want nothing to do with it. I want to be an epidemiologist. I just need to keep going to school in order to do that....and in order to keep going to school, I need to get all A's this semester and I have to take my GRE's in the next month. This is impossible! fuck fuck fuck.

and to top it off, my tummy hurts because of this new medicine i am on for my skin makes me so sick. It's like...i am 23....and have been dealing with acne my entire life. I have been going to a dermatologist since i was 10. My parents and I have spent hundreds of dollars to try to make my skin look nice...and it just wont' happen. I take better care of my skin than any single person I have ever met. So what the fuck is going on here? So...it's either be on the verge of puking every second and have nice skin eventually (i hope) or just keep doing the same thing that has given me shitty skin anyway. Ugh.

im in a really bitchy mood if you couldn't tell....its rare this happens, but when it happens, it all flies in my face at once and i can't get a grasp of anything. I just feel so lost sometimes.

and....im worried about sophia. I found a little lump under her mouth...and it might be a little tumor. great. I have to take her to the vet when we get home next week. All i need is the love of my life to be diagnosed with cancer. fuck.