I had to ship back my fake hair. i was sad about it. but it just wasn't working out. and for $100, that damn thing should have.

so, the last time I wrote, as I clicked "publish" my computer screen on my brand new macbook started to bubble. and then. i saw a fire. under my screen. it was not cool. so, i ran to the apple store, and was without a cute little macbook till yesterday. they replaced it all, but my hard drive....they saved that, thank god. I am quite happy with apple care.

so today was the ultimate final exam. my transmissions of infectious disease class is OVER. thank god. but that means that the summer is coming, and is usually something that everyone looks forward to, but not me. for numerous reasons. 1. it's too fucking hot here. 115 degrees isn't my idea of a good time. 2. i am taking 4 summer classes. that is insane. I hope i can keep my sanity.

shit went down at work. long story short, my job was taken from me behind my back and offered to the whole campus by my boss. i was really hurt because she told me she didn't have funding to keep me on for the summer. then she offered it to the whole graduate college. cool. we talked, and apparently i am taking it too personal and she thinks i am a great person, but it isn't a job for me...but bottom line: i was hurt. so this job ends june 30th.

but in the process, i got a new job starting july1st. i am super excited. it's working on this great lead project here in clark county. one door shuts, another one opens. thank god.

so, my trip home to buffalo starts next friday. i am way excited. home is wear the heart is. that's for sure. i guess id din't realize that till i wasn't really home anymore.

my favorite professor in the department offered me some work doing lead level lab work. I am so excited....for various reasons.

1. the lead project he is doing is monumental for the UNLV school of public health. He basically uncovered all of these mexican candies that contained toxic levels of lead, and now is working along side the health department to make sure other products we are consuming in clark county do not contain lead....american made products most think don't contain lead, but they do....but the real problem is the amount of foreign made products....because the standards aren't as strict in mexico and beyond.

2. I lack experience in a lab. This would give me that additional point of hiring interest.

3. Dr. G is the coolest professor ever. i think he would be a great boss.

4. obviously, it is a job. and it is a job in my field. i can't complain about that.


So danny puts in the word today at his school that he is quitting as of the end of this school year. He is shitting his pants, but I am sure he will be ok....and once it's over, he can concentrate on what he wants to do next. He is seriously considering law school. quite ambitous, but i know he is a perfect candidate to get in that field...

I have an MRI today. I am so scared. I know there is really nothing to be afraid of, but i work myself up....but hopefully it will show that I can stop treatment (from my neck injury in my car accident), my lawsuit will end, and I will get a settlement to trade in my car. My car is bad karma. funny.. but real.

So, my longing for long hair has gone to new heights. I spent over $100 on a "weave" as danny calls it. It's so pretty and makes my hair really long....and the best part is, it is clip-in. Long hair today, shorter hair tomorrow. Not that my hair is short, it's actually getting really long, but not long enough fast enough.

But my spending needs to stop. As of 4 weeks like today, I don't have a job. I am screwed. I make good money where I am at, but my contract is up on May 31. My boss doesn't know whether she has enough funding to keep me on, but she is still waiting....

....so in the meantime, i have looked for jobs. I am not willing to work 2x's more for less money. Sorry...not happening. I mean, what is the deal? I have 2 bacholor's degrees and i am almost done with my master's. Why are these employers not snapping at me. ugh. I know its the end of the funding year for many non-profit organizations, so it is a bad time to be looking for a job.

I have started work on my thesis. I am very excited about it. I wll eventually give more details on my research project, but I promise, it is wonderful.

And I know i shouldn't complain since most of the readers of this blog live in buffalo, but it's sooooooooooooooooooo hot in vegas. It's always hot. I hate this shit. I was outside for 10 minutes today and my freckles already started to come out. I hate that shit. I can't wait to go home in may and have normal weather for this time of year. Well, I guess "normal" is relative.

And, i have buckled down and am going to back to a dermatologist. Maybe new treatments have came out in the last 2 years I haven't seen one. Maybe this will be the time that will change my skin forever! I need medical assistance with my skin. Murad is not helping me out at all. man o man.

I hope everyone is doing well.

i am crazy. i spent $200 on jeans. that is messed up. man. messed up.

so, i have been sick with some kind of norovirus for like 5 days. I have never had an upset tummy this long. it really sucks.


but it's okay, because my birthday is saturday. friday i am doing spa day....facial, hair, nails, the works....then going to the chiropracter (i have to go 3 days a week anyway...), then to the mall for a new outfit, then home b/c people are coming over! then to hofbraehouse for some great german food and beer, and then to this new bar in downtown las vegas called downtown. it's the coolest place i have been here yet (in terms of night life). Saturday, my birthday, danny and i are leaving for san diego, the most beautiful place in the whole wide world. i am so excited....our first trip with all three puppies. are we nuts?!?!?! but i am way excited becasue there is an outlet mall with a JUICY COUTURE OUTLET. i mean, that would make my birthday! i can't wait.


i love juicy. and my birthday.

but i have a birthday problem. well, i have had one since i was a child. i get super weird about my birthday. really. like sad becasue nothing ever spectacular happens. i hate to sound bratty, but i feel that everyone should feel special on their birthday, but it seems that other than my mom, no one really cares. I know it's jsut another day to other people, but i have this dumb complex about it. so most of the time i just try to think it's just another day so that way I won't get disappointed. so awful to think. i know.

Well folks. I have a new plan. i thought about me just splitting las vegas after this semester, and initially it was a good plan, but then the more i thought about, the more i realized i would regret is so bad. I mean, i am one year away from my MPH, and that could be a huge difference in pay.

so, i came up with a new plan....

i thought i would be okay here for a year and a half....that was while my sister was here. then i took her to the airport the other night, and suddenly i realized i was going to be alone again. in sets depressive state. i called my mom, and she tried to convince me to move home, pronto. she is worried because i am so sad here, and she thinks that another year and i will end up insane.

so, i decided to try a new route. i looked into summer classes, and if i take 3 summer classes, i can graduate in december. the only catch is that one of my core classes, chronic disease epidemiology, is only offered in the spring and i haven't taken it yet. so, i am trying to work out an independant study in exchange for the chronic disease credit. i think it may work. but this means then, that fall semester will be my thesis. fuck. i don't even know what my thesis is going to be on....

....so, with that said, i am going to try to stick this shit out and have the best of both worlds. move home soooner, but with my degree.

i just hope there will be an amazing job for me at home when i am finally done. fingers crossed.

as for what danny is doing, who knows. he isn't happy with my decision to leave in december, and he certainly doesn't want to move to buffalo, so i don't know what he is going to do....stay here for another year? move home and quite? move to buffalo? albany? who knows....


all i know is that having a plan that makes me happy makes me happy.


my happiness maybe overshadowed by the fact that i get my transmissions of infectious disease midterm back tonight. i know i did horribly and i really don't want to know my grade. as awful as that sounds.....booooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

st. patty's day was insane. we went to fremont street and you could barely move there were so many people. fun times....


a point of clarifcation:

(e:metalpeter) brought up a good point pertaining to my last 2 or 3 posts....and how i hate las vegas and how i am not happy here. He left a comment saying he was confused because if i am here with my fiance and things are going well between us, woudln't that be enough to make me happy....so i thought i would mention that, because i don't want the wrong idea to come across peoples minds when i say that stuff. danny and i are great for eachother, but when you live in a city where you only have one person who can truely be there for you, it puts a lot of pressure on that one person to be your entire social network. I have made some great friends here, but I still am not in a place where I can confide in anyone else or seek support from anyone here other than danny....and same for him. maybe that is my own fault because i bottle so much inside and don't talk to anyone about my problems....

but anyway, so, our entire lives are pretty much eachother, and that is a lot for one person to be. Its not fair for him, nor I, to have that kind of expectation on eachother.... not that he isn't good enough, but I hate having these crazy expectations for him, and him not being able to meet them, and then me get sad about it because he couldn't do it...its hard to explain, but it's just a huge role for one person to fill: being friends, family, fiance, care taker, comedian, etc all in one person.....if that makes sense?

i don't know....i have thought a lot about what the next few months hold for me. i don't know what i am going to do, but i know if i don't' finish here, i will later regret it. i don't want to have any regrets. I should just stop being a baby about it and suck it up. Once it's done, i will be so proud and happy....and will be satisfied with my career and can go wherever i want....

so can i suck it up? we will see.

for the moment. i think it is time to go shopping.

i thank you all for the support and cute messages, but it just makes me want to move home even more....like all i have to do is get on a plane, and walk into roswell and be happy forever.

I am kinda on the fence about it...i mean, if i moved home and got a job, i would be making about $15,000 less than if I stayed here for one more year....and i would walk away with a masters.

but on the flip side, i am so sad and depressed here. i hate it here. i am not happy. i want to be home so badly....and it makes it worse knowing that i could have a great job there.

well. i applied. i sent my resume in. i guess if it is meant for me to work with breast cancer patients, then i will at least get an interview. but if not, than maybe its just not meant to be.....maybe that means then, then i am supposed to stay here and carry out my shitty life here in las vegas. depressing thought, but huge possibility.

i mean, what is another year?



well, either way, i have to stay here till my lawsuit is finalized. that could be a few months anyway. we will see.....

I miss home. i miss my family. i miss my neighborhood. i miss normalcy. i miss frizb's. i miss my friends. i miss ny in general.

i hate school. i hate las vegas. i hate my life here. i hate my program. i hate that i am wasting so much fucking time in this shitty fucking city. fuck.



i bought 3 shirts today. one of which is this cute hello kitty shirt that is pink and super cute and girly. usually i don't wear hello kitty gear... despite how i am a huge hello kitty fan, but i saw the shirt and it was saying "jess, you can do this one....it's cute!" so i bought it.



my sister is here this week. i feel bad because i am just so under the weather....and the weather here is insane may i add. it's only supposed to be around 70, and it is 90. too hot for me. fuck this shit.

i hate heat.

70 is perfect....springtime like. i think that is the general consesus. comfortable weather is key...

....but back to my sister. i am just kinda bummed about where i am in life right now, and i feel bad because she is here and wants to do all the vegas shit, but i just want to puke every time i see a casino or flashing lights or whores walking down the street. for real.

i hate to complain, i am just really home sick. i miss home. not that home is anything special or great; its just home. it's where ma famille is. j'adore ma famille. i am sick of being so far away from the life where i want to be. it's going on 5 years away from home, and i am just sick of having to make so much hoopla to get there....more so now that i am 3000 miles away than when i was only 400.

i need to find a job as close to home as possible. that is what i need to do. anyone hiring a project coordinator for a public health position? anyone need a epidemiologist? anyone need an environmental health specialist? anything! i will take anything....


actually, there is this job that i really want at roswell park. i hate to tease myself, but it would be a great job for me. i hate looking at that site and seeing jobs that i am qualified for. ugh!!!!!!!!!!

maybe i will just fuck school and fly home and get a job and be happy. yay!