well....for some reason, i was sitting here on my computer and I got this overwhelming feeling....of total uncontrol. I guess what I mean to say is that I am afraid of the future because it is still so unknown. I really want to go to graduate school....and I am planning on going to UNLV, but now that I think about it, maybe UB isn't that bad....but the problem is that the applications are due on the first of february. I haven't even taken my GRE's yet...and they only take new students in the fall...so if i don't apply now, i can't start till next year....o my gosh, i am just so stressed. what the fuck am i going to do when i graduate? I am going to have $30,000 in student loans....and no health insurance (which i need because i have $400 worth of prescriptions a month). And the chances of me getting a job in buffalo with a BA in Anthropology and Sociology is slim to none. This is why I did the CJ minor....as a back up, but now that I have finished my minor, i realize how much I fucking hate the criminal justice system and how corrupt it is. I want nothing to do with it. I want to be an epidemiologist. I just need to keep going to school in order to do that....and in order to keep going to school, I need to get all A's this semester and I have to take my GRE's in the next month. This is impossible! fuck fuck fuck.

and to top it off, my tummy hurts because of this new medicine i am on for my skin makes me so sick. It's like...i am 23....and have been dealing with acne my entire life. I have been going to a dermatologist since i was 10. My parents and I have spent hundreds of dollars to try to make my skin look nice...and it just wont' happen. I take better care of my skin than any single person I have ever met. So what the fuck is going on here? So...it's either be on the verge of puking every second and have nice skin eventually (i hope) or just keep doing the same thing that has given me shitty skin anyway. Ugh.

im in a really bitchy mood if you couldn't tell....its rare this happens, but when it happens, it all flies in my face at once and i can't get a grasp of anything. I just feel so lost sometimes.

and....im worried about sophia. I found a little lump under her mouth...and it might be a little tumor. great. I have to take her to the vet when we get home next week. All i need is the love of my life to be diagnosed with cancer. fuck.

I FINISHED MY SENIOR THESIS LAST NIGHT! IT IS FINALLY DONE. THIS PIECE OF SHIT THAT HAS BEEN MY LIFE FOR MONTHS IS FINALLY DONE! well....at least for the class. I guess I still have some work to do according to my mentor if i am going to use it as my writing sample for graduate school....but I can do that in a few weeks. ANYWAY...I AM SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!

and the finals begin....good luck everyone!

O yes....does anyone remember that wonderful show? it was my favorite when i was a kid...it was great!


anyway....the start of the long finals week is on. Tomorrow i have to do my final draft of my million i have written for my senior thesis. I wrote my paper on Understanding the Epidemiological Research of MS. It's a great topic, and im proud of the work i have done with it....but come on, i have been doing this paper for 5 months now. I have put my heart and soul into it....and really, im ready for it to be done. So, a huge celebration is on once im done.

I have 4 finals. all on thursday and friday. awesome. They are going to suck my penis so bad. If i only had one.

im going out to this club tonight. its not really my scene, but i have to get out of my apartment.

and...for the record...i stll think my dog is the best thing that has ever happened to me....and once this week is over, everything will be wonderful.


i hope everyone that has finals has a good smooth week with no suicides or anything....remember: its not worth it. ok...with that said....goodbye.

yea...i know my dog is cute.....see below:

After months of convincing from my bf, i decided to try ebay for his christmas gift. I cannot say what I got him just in case he reads this, but let me say, i did not mean to win both auctions, but i did....and now im stuck with two of these things. wonderful.

See, I used ebay a few years back, and i ordered a pair of red pointe slippers... after being inspired from the movie center stage (no laughs please).... and they were posted online as being my size and blah blah blah...there was even a picture! but when i got them in the mail, the were way too small. WTF? i was pissed. And then i ordered these headphones, and when i got them in the mail, they were so fucked up, i was pissed.....i returned them. So, after that, i didn't do the ebay thing except when i was doing the selling at my job at Frizb's....but i decided that I would do the christmas thing to get this stupid shit....and now im stuck with 2. boo.


charlie browns christmas was on tonight. it made me really happy. i like that movie.

you know what also makes me happy: my dog sophia. she is the best. I need to post tons of pics of her on here so all of you can see how adorable she is. I love her.

and school is almost done. thank fucking god.

so....i love christmas time....but it really sucks when you are super poor and have 30 people minimum on your christmas list to shop for. ugh. I have almost everyone done....a few things for my mom....a few things for my sister....and my boss and boyfriend. The two hardest people to shop for. Jeff, my boss, I know what im going to get him....but daniel, i have NO IDEA. not good. and what he told me he wants...this plug and play nintendo controller....does not exist, and if it does, no one can find it.....so, im back to square one. ugh.

i made this great little christmas mix cd. i love it. it has all the classics and some new fun christmas songs.

and! it's snowing outside. it's so beautiful. sophia doesn't like the snow though.


and instead of really doing work...condsidering it is the week before finals, im fucking around on my computer and wasting all the time away. i haven't done any work this entire weekend. i suck. booooooooooooooooo.


I CAN NOT WAIT TO GO HOME TO BUFFALO!....and for this semester to be over... only one more left! i can't fucking wait. goodbye.

yea....i have been seeing recently that people have been stating their loves for the new dog breed the puggle. Me, being a huge pug fun....and actually not being a beagle fan was first opposed to the idea of mixing the breeds....but then when i read an article that my boyfriend sent me on the genetic aspects of the new puggle breed, it made me realize how incredibly cruel it is to breed them....let me explain:

• beagles as you all should know, are hounds....they were orginally bred to be hunting dogs because of their keen sense of smell. They bodies are designed to be athletic and help support their great sense of smell. Pugs on the other hand, are the complete opposite of all of these things that the beagle is bred for. Pugs have AWFUL sense of smell (sophia my dog could be sitting next to a giant steak and not smell a damn thing). They aren't athletic. in fact, if they decide in a middle of a walk or a hike that they don't want to move anymore, they literally just sit down. they refuse to move at all. Their bodies are not designed to run, or hike or even go on vigorous walks. They are part of the toy group....which really only serve the purpose of being a companion.

The problem comes in when the two are mixed together. other than the fact that the dogs are so utterly ugly....and the fact that you should definitely not ruin the beautiful nature of the purebred characteristics of either breed, it is cruel to combine the 2 breeds since they are at complete opposite ends of the spectrum. Puggles have been shown to have severe genetic problems due to the combination of the breeds. I understand accidental breeding....but there are puppy farms out there and breeders that are combining the two breeds that can in reality be a lethal combination.

Im all about rescuing the poor little puggles that are already in existance. The problem comes when there is a demand for the dogs and people go out of their way to make them. Messing with genetics is sad...especially when the animal is suffering because of the problems with their noses and breathing.

so, as wonderful as the word puggle sounds....its a really sad story. so that is where i stand on the breed.

• in other news: it is friday. I blew off my organized crime class all week. awesome. i fucking hate that shit ass class. in fact, i pretty much hate all of my classes... except for my research methods class, and my senior thesis...which i guess i kinda hate too, i just really like my project (i am working on the epidemiological patterns of MS.....very interesting topic.)

also, as stated in an earlier journal entry, i guess i present myself as a bimbo. This is news to me from a 66 year old leading medical anthropologist who is also my mentor. He told me that he knows im really smart and he is proud of who i am, but i need to work on presenting myself as more professional and less like a bimbo. constructive critcism. awesome. i cried....for about 3 hours trying to figure out what the fuck i do to make myself a bimbo. or maybe he is just old fashioned. i mean....he is 66 and does have a 10-year already. In fact, he has been working at the university here for like 30 years. so what does he know? right?

so yea, im still planning on going blonde. i want long blonde hair. (e:lilho)...when I come home in 3 weeks, i want to buy the supplies, and either have you tell me how to do it, or you do it for me for my christmas present! This could be another hair disaster on our hands....but whats new when it comes to my hair?

anyway, i should go. i have to go to work.....at the YMCA and get punched in my upset stomach by screaming kids. awesome. goodbye.

yea, scratch the last entry....but im still sick.

Im dumb. bottom line. i have posted like 4 other journals, but they don't seem to be appearing when i come back to write more. wtf?

im still so sick....it sucks sooooooooooooooooooo bad.

so....here's what's new: i guess i present myself as a bimbo and I need to be more professional....and I may not be moving to las vegas after all.....more details to come.