05/20/14 09:14 - ID#58998
Music is taking over my life, & that's o
I've been working on a whole bakery of new songs, and figuring this all out as it goes. I've realized I really like pretty dissonance, vague lyrics, and catchy (but not quite pop-y) melodies. I really have no way to gauge how enjoyable my songs are. I will admit I come face to face with a lot of self doubt when I'm writing. I'm not one to dig for compliments or seek validation. I just write things that are very personal and difficult to share sometimes. Oooff, I hate vulnerability. It's stupid.
I'm gonna share with you all the lyrics to a new song I will hopefully start performing next week:
I left myself in the room where I used to host dinner parties
Drifted away on a black plane
Caught as a falling fleck in a landslide
Caught in a crooked carousel ride
There was a time I didn't give a thought to blind entwine
Today I walk the streets and life no longer seems complete,
No longer seems neat
No longer seems so squeaky clean.
There was a time I was happy.
It's been 100 days
It's been 100 days
We all look the same
Last Modified: 05/20/14 09:14
04/26/14 03:09 - ID#58936
I joined a new team this season and it's a lot less organized. It's fun to not feel like everything is a business transaction. However, the rest of the team only expects the female players to sit as fillers. It's annoying, but by the end of the game they started realizing that if they treated me as a useful player I would be...well, useful. Man I love sports.
Last Modified: 04/26/14 03:09
04/11/14 08:24 - ID#58891
Joe Matches this Car!
Last Modified: 04/11/14 08:24
02/09/14 04:09 - ID#58659
<- Clumsiest/Most Accident Prone Person I Know
Anyways, I was on the floor doing bicep curls with my resistance bands at 12:30am last night while catching up on Lost Girl and the band slipped and smacked me in the face. Right across my eyes. It took me ten seconds to stop seeing stars and realize what happened. I had a dark cloud in the lower corner of my eye and started freaking out thinking I was going blind. I was smacked pretty darn hard. I eventually got my vision back, but everything out of my left eye was blurry. I could feel swelling but didn't see any. When I closed my eyes everything was a bright blue. Fuck.
This morning I (reluctantly) called my eye doctor about the trauma and (luckily) they were in the office today to check it out. Nothing major, just a swollen retina and cornea. Have to wear sunglasses for the next few days and everything looks weird. I am so clumsy.
Last Modified: 02/09/14 04:09
02/01/14 07:13 - ID#58634
Open Mic Night
Last Open Mic was almost two weeks ago. I was nervous all day, as I knew I would be. Performing makes me want to throw up even if I enjoy it more than most things (not bacon). I'm glad I've met such wonderful people over the past year and a half. I don't know if I've ever had a group of friends who would show up for an open mic to support me, and I cannot express how much I appreciated that (even though it probably made me a twinge more nervous). Everyone had my back and was cheering for me, and that was the most rewarding aspect of the whole experience. That and getting over my insane stage fright.
I know I have nothing to worry about, that I am very talented and that people generally enjoy listening to me. Music has been the one thing in my life I could always turn to, the one thing that I have consistently enjoyed. I learned how to read music before I could read words. I started playing the piano when I was 4, clarinet at 12, alto saxaphone and flute at 14, guitar at 19, harp at 20. But singing? I came out of the womb singing. If you look at the comments on my report cards growing up you'll find many comments that say "Erica sings frequently in class, it can sometimes be a distraction." I did talent shows as a kid. I went to school early to practice with my choir teacher - and many times stayed late to get some more practicing in. I sang classical and opera competitively all throughout High School. I made it to the All-State Choir. I even sang in Carnegie Hall. Truth. What the frick-frack am I so nervous about? Why is it difficult for me to get up in front of a half empty bar and do my thang to people who are only half listening (well, I'm gonna tell you why, don't worry)?
I hate being emotionally vulnerable. I don't just sing because I've always sang. I don't sing because I enjoy it. I sing because it is the only I know how to express my feelings (well, the only healthy way). I sing, not for attention, but to share with others my own vulnerable honesty. I sing because life has continually let me down to bring me back up. This isn't just sound waves reaching ears, this is who I am and all of the crazy that comes with it.
It wasn't until this past year that I moved on from caring about what people think. Trying to be invited into the "circle" and trying to be what everyone wanted. I've realized that I make the most rewarding connections if I am just myself as much as I can be. And that I am someone that people like to be around. And if they don't that doesn't mean there is anything wrong with me. So that's what I'm striving for. Just to be me. Nothing more, nothing less. The circle no longer exists.
My goal for this next open mic is not to be less nervous. I can't do anything about those pesky nerves. It is not to be perfect or flawless. That goal is unattainable. I just want to be myself as hard as possible. I want to share with the half-empty bar that is half listening all of my trials and tribulations. To just get up there and do my thang-a-lang, and not give a damn what anyone else thinks.
Oh, and I'll be performing a new original song that no one has heard yet. So you might want to be there for history's sake.
Last Modified: 02/01/14 07:13
01/24/14 02:47 - ID#58606
The most magestic picture
Last Modified: 01/24/14 02:47
01/10/14 12:07 - ID#58559
Just finished eating a pound of bacon
Last Modified: 01/10/14 12:07
Category: what does cat mean?
01/07/14 09:58 - ID#58551
Finally got one of these
EDIT: I get the cat thing now.
Last Modified: 01/07/14 09:59
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