"My Thanksgiving Goddess" written by Changeisgood on estrip.org

11/20/07 12:30 - 52ºF - ID#42213

My Thanksgiving Goddess

This blog is fast becoming about my mother. Today its about the fact that I could never throw the huge parties I do or provide the holiday feasts that I do without her. Nor my sister.

In my family, we alternate who hosts Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter dinners. The funny thing is Mom is the one who cooks the elaborate meal no matter where it takes place.

I have been so busy with my jobs that this year, she even did the grocery shopping for me - for the meal I supposedly am cooking. (I actually don't think anyone is fooled). She checked the sales at each of four grocery stores and spent Monday getting the best deals. She spent clearly half of what I would have if I had gone to the same big fancy grocery store to which I usually go. She cut coupons and used rebates. I merely showed up at her house yesterday, loaded the groceries into my car and gave her a check.

To top it off, she made me dinner that was served with ice cold beer. I did get to help her by choosing which one of the rug samples looked best in the room that is her next project. But that's it. Tomorrow she comes to my house to help me prep the meal and make the desserts. She will bring all the utensils and households items I do not own. We will laugh, discuss all the current political races, and lament the state of the union.

So I ask you, what have I ever done in life to deserve the super-mom? Maybe its what I did in my last life. I wish I knew what that was so I could do it again.

Permalink: My_Thanksgiving_Goddess.html
Words: 292
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: recently learned

11/19/07 02:01 - 42ºF - ID#42199

More things Wasted on the Young

It's gotten to that point. Since I moved back to Buffalo from NYC, I have gained 20 - count 'em - 20 pounds. Let me be clear, it is not Buffalo's fault, it is completely mine. Oh, and the changes in my life - my martial status has changed, my lifestyle has completely changed, my habits due to the lifestyle changes have completely changed, I'm older, and I have gone from working one job for 10 hours a day to working three some days fourteen hours a day. I have moved from eating low-carb for about seven years to eating was is readily available and quick. Not good.

There is good news. I think I am happier. Problems is because I am older, I just can't remember details enough to determine if the previous statement is in fact correct.

My mother tells me its okay that I have gained weight because she says before I was too thin. When I told her how much weight I gained, she said nice mommy things like "you can drop those couple pounds". Moms. Got to love 'em. That's the way it used to be. But my metabolism has really changed and I don't seem to be able to drop weight like I used to. It is a cruel joke your body plays on you. Insert evil snicker in here.

When I was in graduate school, I would drop between 5 and 10 pounds every exam period. That occasional life-altering event gave me lots of leeway in the weight department. Maybe I just need to go back to graduate school.

Permalink: More_things_Wasted_on_the_Young.html
Words: 261
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: recently learned

11/15/07 04:00 - 40ºF - ID#42147

Thank You Strong Women Before Me

As a follow up to my earlier post "I am a Disappointment in Some Depts.", we had our company Thanksgiving-themed lunch today. And let me tell you, it was fabulous. The food was amazing and different. Everyone looked like they were trying everything. Some things were clearly homemade. Some things were not but were eaten anyway. Now we are all fighting the urge to nap at our desks, but all are very satisfied.

I walked into one of the rooms and could not help but smile. I work in a really rare office - one where everyone gets along and no one seems to be that negative undercurrent that steals everyone's enthusiasm. People were talking and laughing and having a good time.

I openly admitted to all that I did not bring anything and that I did want to subject them to any attempts on my part. I donated towards the flowers. That's really all I am good for when it comes to dinner parties. I have come to terms with this. I bring bottles of wine that the guy in the wine store were good.

People were passing out recipes and I obligatorily took one. It will spend quality time with the other recipes that I have taken from other parties and they will keep each other company until someone finds them after my death and donates them to a loving home.

The really good news was there were several men that I work with who also did not bring anything. Maybe I am more like the 1950's male. Maybe my mother's generation's struggles in the workplace were not in vain, as I make as much if not more money than some of my male counterparts and I do not bring dishes to pass. Women, perhaps we have achieved equality. Thank you strong women who have come before me. I now have the freedom to be just like the men with whom I work. Well, sort of.

Permalink: Thank_You_Strong_Women_Before_Me.html
Words: 332
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: rencetly learned

11/14/07 02:49 - 59ºF - ID#42115

I am a Disappointment in Some Depts.

More dread of dreads. The company Thanksgiving luncheon. Everyone brings a dish to pass. Sounds lovely I guess (this is my first year of this, as I have only been at this job since late last December). I am supposed to sign up to bring something - something fabulous no doubt.

People in this office bring in beautiful things all the time. They make elaborate cakes for each employee on their birthday to share with the office. Some good ole fattening lusciousness I tell ya.

Problem is I have a night job too. A really busy, encompassing one. I am very very careful to never give the impression that my moonlighting ever impacts my day job. And I hate to shop, grocery or otherwise.

Oh and there's also another problem - I hate to cook. In fact I suck at it. I am dealing with some talented folks who so ruin the curve for people like me who consider saltines and beer separate and important food groups unto themselves.

My mother's generation fought for equality. I do not want that to be in vane. I want to be equal to so many of the men I know who just come home from work some nights, watch hockey and eat foods that might be consider bar snacks for dinner. I fact, I am really good at that. It is fulfilling merely because I am home, my puppy is at my feet, hockey is on and beer is plentiful. I am a cheap date. I do not wish for more. I want to be the 1950's male.

I have no desire to strive to be better, to be everything. There is a great David Shire tune in the musical "Baby" called "I Want it All" sung by characters wanting to be everything - career women, mothers, role models.

But I do not want it all. My mother's generation would likely not be happy with me. My gene pool will never replicate. I do not wish to download recipes and bring creative things to work to impress my co-workers. My idea of creative is creatively choosing something at Delish. I am happy with that.

Maybe I'll bring some Delish cookies and claim I made them.

metalpeter writes at 05:16:52 11/14/07 - Comment #27939: The way those things works are two ways.
1) You like most of the people there, so they are fun.
2) You don't like people there or would never want to hang out so it isn't fun.
3) it is forced by the company and isn't a couple peoples ideas is what makes it not fun.

They can be a lot of fun and you don't have to make anything you can bring something. The people who make all that fancy shit are not doing it for the right reasons. It is supposed to be a way to be social and have fun with eachother not show off, your office sounds like it is doing it the wrong way for the wrong reasons.

Just to give my perspective where I used to work it was fun and we did it and enjoyed it and it was done for the right reasons. But I also had a boss (who didn't know what he was doing and was an asshole and micro manager) who wasn't liked and put up a sheet and a couple things went up and then when no one signed up had a tantrum and ripped the sign down. He was trying to make us all buddy, buddy when no one liked him, and he did this with everything really.

What you should do (might be a bad idea but I say go for it):
1. Go to tops or some other store and buy lots of those chocolates that have the alcohol inthem.
2. Sneak in and don't get caught with a huge tray of brownies, make sure you you don't want the pan back. It is important that you take the first piece and that everyone sees that you take a nice big piece. You may say brownies are boaring but these will be those "Special Brownies". If you have the money to pull both of those off it sure will make and interesting afternoon!!!

jbeatty writes at 04:43:39 11/14/07 - Comment #27937: I always hated those company gatherings while on the clock. No booze and people usually brought lame ass crap e.g. cocktail wieners bathing in a crockpot full of bbq sauce. I usually just brought something I didn't make.

jason writes at 04:04:28 11/14/07 - Comment #27936: No, do what I did, have your brother cook something and then take all the glory for yourself!

joshua writes at 03:57:39 11/14/07 - Comment #27935: You are amongst friends, my fellow lazy bretheren! Your dinner description hit home. Some nights I just want to smoke CLEARLY LEGALIZED SUBSTANCES (in Holland that is) and watch the Gold and Blue play while eating... Wheat Thins. Help?

Josh

PS - go buy something that looks homemade. Nobody will be the wiser and you'll look like a genius.

leetee writes at 03:44:34 11/14/07 - Comment #27934: Eegads! Don't bring something from Delish... unless stale overpriced baked goods are considered a positive contribution.

changeisgood writes at 03:18:55 11/14/07 - Comment #27932: janelle, I look forward to your post. Non-cooking Martha-Stewart-Under-achievers Unite!!

janelle writes at 03:03:55 11/14/07 - Comment #27929: I absolutely dread/hate/despise these kinds of office gatherings. Mandatory holiday cheer at its best! I actually love to cook, but to have to cook for work and make it fun, creative,and crowd pleasing is too much stress for me - I botch whatever I'm making - and so I usually end up buying something from a deli on my way to work. I could write a whole post about mandatory holiday parties at my old job...maybe, I'll work on that tonight.

Permalink: I_am_a_Disappointment_in_Some_Depts_.html
Words: 372
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: recently learned

11/09/07 03:35 - ID#42060

The Silent Chicken Majority

I have lunch every Friday with a dear friend who works in a line of work that has a ton of people contact and his employment is completely at the whim of his clientele. For clarity's sake, he is not a stripper. Problem is the job has been held by a succession of people who have left because of just a few bad apples. The bushel in question apparently has a couple of folks who just need someone about whom to bitch. It seems they just need some controversy to motivate themselves to get out of bed in the morning. Its like the melodramatic soaps in Spanish only with less hairspray. It's the old "pay attention to me me me or I take my business (and my checkbook) elsewhere."

I really feel sorry for his predicament. I want him to fight but I have a feeling you can never really win these kinds of battles short of a rampage with a gun. The sad part is that it seems there are some folks who really like him and his work but they are not vocal. In fact, they have allowed this to happen to others before him and failed to stand up. They lament the loss only after the meanies have run the next one off. The silent chicken majority.

I realize some of us grow up but even as grown ups, are we still bullied by the bullies? So is adulthood really just uber high school? Does the squeaky wheel still always get the grease? Do any more clichés apply?

Permalink: The_Silent_Chicken_Majority.html
Words: 262
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: recently learned

11/07/07 01:26 - 37ºF - ID#42027

That Dreaded Time of Year

Oh horror of horrors! Dread of Dreads! Its the time when I must fill out the narc-on-myself self evaluation forms at work. Its quite the dilemma.

Do I rate myself "above average" when it comes to problem-solving? Will my employer then feel that I am totally full of myself and apparently can't be trusted with any important decisions? Or should I be humble and put "average" and have my employer think "hmm, she apparently is not as good at problem-solving as I thought she was".

There is nothing to address this dilemma in the employee handbook. I checked.

Permalink: That_Dreaded_Time_of_Year.html
Words: 98
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: recently learned

10/31/07 11:59 - 55ºF - ID#41903

My Irrational Prejudices

I'm sorry. I just can't get beyond it. I do not trust the judgment or the character of the following two categories of people:

1. Anyone who has a really expensive car. I don't care how well off you are. I don't car how beautiful the car is. Your expensive car is a statement to the world, and its not saying good things about you. What it says to me is you are making bad choices. I just can't get beyond this. Even as I have grown up and made more money, I just can't shake the way it prejudices my thinking about the individual, even if I know them well and like them.

2. Vanity plates. I am sure they are out there, but I have never seen one that I didn't think was incredibly dumb or self indulgent. They just remind me of the kid in graduate school who just HAD to raise his hand and talk in class.

I am very aware that these things are irrational. I just needed to get this off my chest.

jenks writes at 09:30:50 10/31/07 - Comment #27306: Well, I agree on the vanity plates. I'm not really a big fan of vanity in any form.
[I do find it funny that vanity plates in NY seem to be actually manufactured differently- the letters/numbers aren't raised/stamped like the 'plain' plates].

As far as expensive cars... depends what you mean.
Lamborghinis, ferraris, etc I think are impracticaly, stupid show-off penis extension cars.
BMW/Mercedes on the other hand... I don't see what's wrong with having nice stuff if you want it and can afford it.
I personally have a bias against ugly/ridiculous cars. e.g. the chevy HHR. Pt cruiser. That stupid boxy scion. And the car I hate more than anything, that will get you deleted off my list of friends- the HUMMER. Not especially expensive, per se, but the worst car ever in my book. Like my dad says about golf, "I don't just hate hummers, I hate people who drive hummers."
Not a fan of SUVs in general. I mean it's one thing if you live on a mile long unpaved road in new hampshire. But suburban soccer moms do not need ridiculous "off road power" etc. Ok, this is turning into a rant, will stop now.

metalpeter writes at 07:01:18 10/31/07 - Comment #27298: So then you would Hate that Bam Margara has a custom plate on his Purple Lamoboghani (or at least he used to) man that car was preaty. In terms of expensive cars to me it is more about being practical. If you wana go off roading and camping there is nothing wrong with having a Range Rover. But if you have a family there is no reason to have a corvette or mercedes sports car.

You have to at least like vanity plates that have a tie in to sports like say a bills plate that say Bills 34 or something along those lines. The thing that I don't like about those kinds of plates is when it is short for something but you can't tell what it is cause the person picked something non obvesious.

joshua writes at 04:23:53 10/31/07 - Comment #27279: My grandpa had vanity plates up until his death. I think between that and the smiley face bulb he used to stick on his antenna that it mainly had to do with finding his car in a parking lot.

I dunno - as far as cars go if I had a classic convertible that buys you more cred than any Porsche off the lot.

james writes at 03:12:31 10/31/07 - Comment #27276: HAHAHA!! Carolinian is King Dork! Rock on!

changeisgood writes at 03:04:09 10/31/07 - Comment #27274: Carolinian - then why have one? I just don't get it. Doesn't it cost quite a bit of money to have one?

carolinian writes at 02:33:29 10/31/07 - Comment #27269: Check out my vanity plate at (e:carolinian,21102).

I intentionally had it made so it doesn't look like a vanity plate and looks like any ordinary plate.

jbeatty writes at 02:24:33 10/31/07 - Comment #27268: You're right...thats pretty irrational.

Permalink: My_Irrational_Prejudices.html
Words: 177
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: recently learned

10/30/07 04:01 - 60ºF - ID#41887

Jesus Saves...

...but you must also SAVE YOURSELF!

You must leave any church that tells you what political views you must have, because clearly that church has an agenda other than Jesus'. Get out before its too late.

My mom told me about a dinner in a restaurant she had with some very old friends, not too long ago. They worked together for years and periodically get together to catch up. They got on the subject of global warming. However, one of the friends went berserk and starting adamantly (and loudly) complaining how "liberals" made up everything having to do with global warming and how his church has been counseling them on what is the "real truth". I'm not making this up. Everyone just got real quiet (because that's how you deal with someone who acts like that).

He later called everyone and apologized. Save yourself, get out.

jason writes at 11:48:28 10/31/07 - Comment #27254: That's very interesting, Drew. I have a copy of God's Politics. In the Bible I can find a reason for disapproving of gay relationships, to be a vegetarian, to let the lazy rot, to care for my fellow man, among other things. I think I'll go back and re-read what Jim Wallis had to say. I don't have any problem with him (I bought his book).

drew writes at 11:10:54 10/31/07 - Comment #27245: Change. Sure enough. Coercion is bad. Good religion doesn't do this (which tends to make it less effective, at least in the short term)

drew writes at 11:09:36 10/31/07 - Comment #27244: Some people DO complain about Wallis, but they have to do their homework, first, as he makes a REALLY good case, and does it straight from the Bible (that tends to get to conservatives!)

changeisgood writes at 10:51:20 10/31/07 - Comment #27243: I did not claim to be an expert on the subject.

joshua writes at 10:18:10 10/31/07 - Comment #27241: Generally this is true - you don't hear anybody telling Jim Wallis to back off, do you? It has to play both ways or the whole endeavor is pointless.

Anyway, I've always been fascinated and amused by people who are not religious acting as if they are experts on the subject.

changeisgood writes at 10:05:58 10/31/07 - Comment #27239: In response to Drew's post in response to mine - I totally agree that people of faith live every minute of their lives based upon that faith. But a person must come to his or her understanding of faith as a destination after a journey they alone must take. We take in information, interpret the lessons and arrive at that faith. We cannot be forced fed and have it truly be faith.

Examples are two friends of mine I knew when I lived down South. They grew up in VERY 'charismatic' churches and VERY strict religious dogma. It took them quite some time away from those towns and households before they 'shook off' some residuals of their upbringing – as Kristi had put it, a form of brain washing.

That's what I'm taking about. The kind of force-feeding that makes you react outlandishly to long-time friends and warrants the apology the next day. History is replete with examples of people doing hateful things when that kind of fervor is triggered.

drew writes at 05:39:40 10/30/07 - Comment #27194: I'm going to have to read about said crack-up.

As for us preachers working outside our field, we have been trained not to do so (at least most of us). Even though I have a little bit of counseling training, I know better than to use it, make a lot of referrals.

I'll blog about faith and politics later. (A favorite topic of mine)

james writes at 05:32:41 10/30/07 - Comment #27192: In Sunday's NYtimes magazine was an article about the "Evangelical Crackup" happening in Wichita, Kansas where very conservative preachers are being replaced with more religion-centered preaching styles. Essentialy, they are firing preachers who bitch about abortion, the gays, etc and hiring ones who talk about god, and Jesus, and the rest of the gang. read it <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/28/magazine/28Evangelicals-t.html?_r=1&oref=login">here</a>

And preachers shouldn't limit themselves to just religious topics, though those are nice. Jesus, after all, seems like a bit of an Anarchist or a Socialist at least.

What bugs me is when people go to pastors and preachers for marriage problems or psychological issues, as preachers are not trained to handle these things but are considered sources of authority.

janelle writes at 05:17:03 10/30/07 - Comment #27191: I think I didn't explain my point very well, (e:changeisgood).
Liberal churches and conservative churches alike preach politics from the pulpits. Conservative churches are more likely to get slammed for it. People who slam churches for playing politics are more likely to be liberal. So they're more likely to slam conservative churches for playing politics than they are to slam liberal churches for playing politics, since they share similar views as the liberal church. It's hard for liberals to slam a liberal church for supporting gay rights since they support gay rights too. I'm just pointing out a double standard that exists for conservative versus liberal churches. I'm on the liberal ends of things, but I like to give my conservative brothers and sisters a fair shake ;)

changeisgood writes at 04:43:25 10/30/07 - Comment #27188: janelle - "taking dominion"? Creepy.

You don't hear people complaining about the other side of the spectrum because (it has been my experience) those folks just LEAVE a church. Oddly, they don't hang out to try to convince anyone. Isn't that strange? It has also been my experience that conservatives seem to want to be around their own and those 'more to the right' (a bad term) seem to hang around a little longer or learn to just put up with other's take on things (and complain about it).

janelle writes at 04:31:05 10/30/07 - Comment #27187: It's really not strange if you understand/know the christian conservative movement. At the most extreme are individuals who believe in the theology of "taking dominion" over the earth. The earth and its resources exist for man to use for humankind's purposes. The earth can't be destroyed by the purpose for which it exists. At the less extreme of the conservatives are people who believe that humankind can't destroy God's creation on their own. Neither of those beliefs are mine by the way =)
Although, I wouldn't feel comfortable in a church that demands I have a particular political view, its not unseemly for churches to encourage religion/faith to guide ones political outlook. Also, I think people tend to feel more offended by churches maintaining strong political views when those views are conservative, because I don't hear anyone complaining about churches where ministers are calling for an end to the war in Iraq from the pulpit.

dcoffee writes at 04:21:43 10/30/07 - Comment #27186: Church + Global Warming? that's strange.

jason writes at 04:20:18 10/30/07 - Comment #27184: Hell, Obama stumps at the General Synod of the UCC, and they weasel their way out of trouble. Let's just let churches tell people how to vote - it's sort of already done in a wink-wink manner all over the country anyway.

Permalink: Jesus_Saves_.html
Words: 146
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: recently learned

10/29/07 10:46 - 40ºF - ID#41858

The Work Involved with Being Appalled

I love the bumper sticker that says "If you are not appalled, you are not paying attention". I sometimes feel like there are very few people paying attention. But paying attention takes a lot of effort and energy and requires people to stop watching shows and reading magazines about celebrities.

Permalink: The_Work_Involved_with_Being_Appalled.html
Words: 50
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: recently learned

10/26/07 02:19 - 60ºF - ID#41817

Mean People Suck

Mean people really do suck. We need a penalty box where you have to spend time every time you are mean. You should be forced to discuss why you were mean and then forced to apologize. You would have to stay in the penalty box until you really mean the apology. This is where God needs to take a more active role, because the success of this hypothesis will only work if he does it - as I wouldn't trust anyone with the power or the right to put people in a penalty box. Okay, maybe it's a bad theory. Maybe it only works in hockey.

Permalink: Mean_People_Suck.html
Words: 106
Location: Buffalo, NY