There was a time I was convinced one could acheive a sort of spiritual transcendence from playing Quake 3: a first person shooter video game in which you spend most of the time listening for tell-tail sounds and shooting rockets at your enemies feet. So immersing was this game I was swept up in it's terror. The basement oil burner would switch on and suddenly I am reaching for my shotgun.

But then the fundamental flaw of Quake 3 was that it was not based in a dystopian Ayn Rand universe.

Really, the question about what makes a good game or not no longer has to do with a spiritual moment and a well aimed laser headshot. Rather the gaming industry has come to the point where it needs to break the dystopian Ayn Rand universe barrier. It was something I knew never to hope for in my lifetime, but perhaps my children's lifetime. Thankfully, I was wrong.

Bioshock was released today. And there was blood on the conjugal sheets: the dystopian Ayn Rand universe has been broken and the lovin' was sweet! Yes, the game is based in said universe and in an underwater city. It is a first person shooter. Cinimaticly it is film noir. Like the Maltise Falcon with a 50's sci-fi flair.

Of course, the next litmus for a genre changing game is a society which murders children.

Bioshock delivers in spadefulls! Yes, the populace of this world must kill children to survive! I am not sure how much kid-killing you do yourself, but it is like the fire department: you don't want to need it yourself but you are happy it is there.

Of course, murdering babes is a little too easy. Espetially when they help fuel your fantastical powers like shooting fire or electricity from your arm. Or turning that arm into a hornets nest. So, out there protecting these children are gents known as 'Big Daddy'



Ya, the deep sea diver motif nicely fits in with the under water city backdrop. And that drill looking thing? In the demo it went through some poor would be child-killer's hand and later gut.

And have I mentioned you can SHOOT HORNETS from your arm? The game play is much slower than Quake or Halo. But if you are aiming a nest of blood hungry hornets, you need to take your time to savor the spectacle. You do not wharf down a gourmet meal, and you do not shoot lightning quick rockets in a gourmet game.

Now, let me recap.

1) Dystopian Ayn Rand universe
2) Child-Murder
3) Hornet Shooting nest-arm.

I am king dork of shit mountain.

Well, as my JCC membership expires next week I am going to have to say goodbye to all the decrepit men littering the locker rooms talking about the housing market. Goodbye to the trainers with biceps larger than cantaloupe. Goodbye to the ritzy small-assed women who they train. Goodbye to the locker room that smells like sweaty feat and urine. And an especially goodbye to the ever growing patch of black mold in the shower room.

Oh, and while I am here. The steam room at the JCC is the weirdest I have ever seen. It isn't the super cool Nordic one with the wood planks and the box of volcanic rock you pour water on. No, it is all tile and wet and dank. I went into it once. It was uncomfortable because a towel does nothing to protect you from the bacteria left on the bench behind from the previous guys ass. No, the whole thing is sopping wet. The odds of getting an infection in that place are equal to a bareback orgy. The odd thing about it though is that to keep the steam up a sprinkler system goes off shooting hot water everywhere. It scared the hell out of me when it did and I ran away, dreaming of Sweden and their sanitary saunas.

Well, apparently (e:Jim) and (e:Enknot) have been plotting to get me to go to the Buff. State facility and be Tony's workout buddy. I don't know how I feel about being a workout buddy. So much responsibility. Damn it! If I want to skip two reps from my last set I am going to! Scrawniness be damned! So, I biked over there and gave the place a look over. Who should I see but (e:Libertad). This must be the cool kids gym.

I was talking to this guy while I was volunteering at the Pride Center about Alentown Athletix. They have a nice facility but it is the 'gay gym' and I want no part of that. I have no problem with working out around gay guys and the occasional check out of another's butt. I just don't want someone reaching out unsolicited to give a hand job while on the stair master.

Well, he told me that Buff State was a tough gym to go to because it was littered with young hot buff guys. He couldn't go there any more, it was too much of a distraction. That is why everyone should watch freaky porn. It is really tough to get aroused from an every day situation if you are into furries and carrot sticks.

I am sure I can handle a distraction or two. This isn't some 80's movie where I (the nerdy guy) sees her (the unattainable beauty). She shakes the sweat from her hair as a sparkly filter is put on the camera and some synth laden rock song with the word 'magic' in it's title plays. Enraptured I forget I have a kagillion pounds of wait and the smith machine falls like a guillotine and John Cusack hilarity ensues. No, I am not that guy.

Hi,

Youtube still amazes me. One day it will occur to me to type in the name of a musician, show dog, novelty cigarette manufacturer, just to see what comes up. Well, today was Dan Deacon's day.

I have memories of Dan. He went to school with my friends. So, when i would see Dan I would be high or drunk, both, or carrying a length of PVC pipe covered in pipe insulation and duct tape. I saw Dan perform a handful of times, but man, it was freakin' awesome. An kinetic ham electronica genius.

Care to see a youtube result?



you will look for more, I know you will.

not seeing the forest for the flesh eating ants swarming up my leg.


I have had my nose buried in polls and campaign news concerning national elections in '08 since... well, since the national elections in '06. It is a lot like fantasy football. I have no idea how to play fantasy football, but this is an accurate comparison for sure. Mostly because I am itching to get married and stop paying health insurance. I figure that the marriage tax break and no longer paying my HMO will balance out socialized medicine tax increase. Yay!

But all the while, I can't tell you a thing about the local elections coming up this november. That county executive might be up, Lynn Marinelli is up for re-election, and my county rep. might have something going on as well. I could be wrong. We could just be having pie and jam-off at the county fair.

So I go to the Buffalo/Niagara League of Women Voters website to check things out. Not a drop of information. All I know, the guy who is an officially endorsed Democrat is probably real corrupt and will most likely get elected. Leon Czolgosz is going to be my write in candidate.

Do any of you folks have information on our blundering candidates?

My addiction started many years ago,

You see, I had not seen the wonderful friends I had made the freshman year of college in about a year. Being absolutely horrible at making friends by my onesome I gravitated towards that special group of freaks who accept those too nerdy to be accepted by the treckies, the dorks too geeky to play Vampire LARPS. I was friends with the Anime crowd. You will have to take my word on this, but they were the coolest anime kids the world has ever known.

There was Jamie: the born-again-off-again Christian who could be found reading The Story of O, playing piano without ever taking a lesson, capture stray kitties and put them to her bosom, and dance like a maniac. All without the fortifying spirits of alcohol.

Dave, the 30 year old freshman who chain smokes. He began smoking to kick his cocaine habit, and it worked!

And a constellation of very minor characters which I will leave out for interestingness sake. Jamie and Dave weren't very active. Jamie's lack of Dance space and soccer, and Dave's lack of coke had led to a little slowness, a little softness. A noticeable, but modest paunch.


But When i saw them after one year, the change was amazing. The crazy characters would play Dance Dance Revolution (DDR) at home, in the arcade for hours. And they wanted me to try. Oh, the horrid songs! The indignity of dancing like stationary hop-scotch! The utter un-coolness of it told me not to dance. But their newly shapely thighs and tight buttocks commanded me to dance.

And oh! was it unimaginably fun! Cooly I told them it was alright. But when I got back home a few days later I made a rare trip to the mall. Thankfully, my apartment at the time was in a basement under a staircase. And with my tiny window blinds shut and the music down I shed my bourgeois music and stillness for a dance epidemic.

I mention all this because a new version is coming out for the Wii. It will have the usual dance pad and also involve motion with the two remotes. It promises to be the craziest game I am ashamed to play.

that is all