Today was my first day back,

We still have a 1/3 of Summer left but my fall semester has already begun. School should not be in Summer. Summer is for being naked outside, contributing sweaty skin to the Earth's albedo. Instead I will be packed into a tiny room with smelly undergrads, wondering if trapped in that room for days how long it would take for someone to snap. I am sure 50 minute class is something approaching the answer.

I take only three classes during the day and have to graduate classes at night. My first two classes of the day are stupid. I am taking them just because the school tells me I will not be an effective teacher if I don't take "Intro to Microeconomics" or "Geography of Asia". Looking at the syllabus I can already tell I will have no use for the textbook and wont have to take notes to do well. But my third class is a pedagogy class, and one that directly relates to my profession. And of course that is the one I looked like an ass in.

I have four classmates. And we were having some innocent get-to-know-you chatter with the instructor before class began when I get a text message. I take a look and (e:Jim) was kind enough to inform me that Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez has resigned.

Well, upon reading this I let out a huge gasping laugh/snort. Like, an embarrassing sort of laugh where, if the sun is shining at the right angle, you can see a spray discharge from the nose; leaving a little bit of droll at the corner of the mouth. Yes, short of actually peeing my pants it was the most embarrassing and personal laugh possible, and not one meant for a sober 11AM public.

"Is everything ok?" The instructor asks, half curious half concerned she has a psycho in her class.

"Oh ya, I just got a text about Alberto Gonzalez. He resigned!" I say with a giant smile, as if the joy in those words is self-evident. The warm euphoria chills a little and the wide eyed stare I am getting from a room of people kills it. They looked as if I had been telling a funny story for 20 minutes and just now realized none of them spoke English.

"Oh, that is... nice." The instructor says, seeing me hang there off a silly meat-hook.

I felt ridiculous. But seriously, these kids want to teach social studies, shouldn't they know who Fredo is? No? eh.. it is going to be a long semester. Just wait until they find out Michael 'ZOMG KATRINA WTF" Chertoff is a possible nominee to fill the position.

On our way back from the Elmwood art fest the giant plate of clams I had at Merlin's was on my mind. I was playing a game with Jim's cousin's two kids, age 6 and 4, where I described the clams dying thought before being steamed. I play the best game with kids.

But the trip back was determined to take a turn for the religious. And what happier sign of it than (e:Drew) standing out in front of his church handing out lemonade.

But by the time I got to Bidwell park the happy god who loves lemonade turned into another, darker deity.

A man and a woman with disquieting smiles on their face were handing out literature about their little church. I passed the gentleman's but my eyes widened when I saw the woman's. YES! She had a Jack Chick track!

I smiled and asked excitedly "Is that a Chick's tract?!" as I happily grabbed one. "I love him, he is absolutely disgusting!" Jack draws and writes these little comic strips in which Buddhists burn in a pit of fire crying "I thought all paths lead to god!". Or depicts homosexuals as fat hairy dandies who love to fuck toddlers. A favorite of mine concerns a wealthy muslim who is very charitable and leads a very spiritual and moral life. He pays for a hundred people to go on a Haj to Mecca but the plane does down and they all die. Despite being an upstanding guy who goes to hell for rejecting Jesus Christ and worshiping a pagan snake god in disguise as Allah.

Sadly though this was the most boring tract I have ever read. It was filled with 20 pages with my least favorite argument for god. It goes like this. Because you are not currently being raped and murdered there must be a loving god protecting you. It irrationally defines a wide spectrum of human behavior as sin but then shows that god must love you because he will forgive you if you repent for doing this normal bit of behavior.

Ya know, if more godly people would hand out lemonade instead of absurdities the world would be a much finer place. But then, I suppose that is why there were tons of people in front of (e:Drew)'s church and people were avoiding the two on Bidwell like plagued rats.

I hate the Electoral College


Reading the Federalist Papers years ago, in which the original American argument for the College was put, after a dozen readings I still had no clue why we needed the damn thing. The phrase 'Tyranny of the Majority' comes to mind. However, a sort of Tyranny of the Minority has been the reality.

To illustrate this let's compare the most populace state and the least.

California is home to 33,871,648 people and has 55 electoral votes.

Wyoming is home to 1,689,591 people and has the minimum number of votes at 3.

Now, with some magical math we find that a fair system would give one vote per 563,197 people. But the reality is different. A unit of 563,197 voters should have a single vote. But these varry from state to state.
A single unit in California is equal to .91 votes. Where as in Wyoming a single unit is worth 3.42 votes. Making CA the most under-represented state and WY the most over-represented.

This sucks, but things get a whole lot suckier.

The GOP in CA is fighting for a referendum to drop the winner takes all electoral votes system, which most states use. Instead they want to award an electoral vote to who wins each district. This would give the GOP 20 electoral votes and 35 to the Dems.

This system would be pretty awesome if every state adopted it. Effectively circumventing the swing state morass national politics is in. But by splitting the vote only in CA that would mean it is virtually impossible to elect a Democrat president.

And there is popular support for this in CA! It is a fine idea. A few other states do it, though none are decisive states. But if a key state does it and others don't the result doesn't address any of the problems of the system. Voters are still under represented. Democrats make a majority of voters and they will be under-represented further.

Where do we turn for help! Why, to the moderate GOP Governor Arnold Schwartzeneger! He announced today that he would veto any move to split the electoral vote.

Sometimes help comes from the strangest of places.

There was a time I was convinced one could acheive a sort of spiritual transcendence from playing Quake 3: a first person shooter video game in which you spend most of the time listening for tell-tail sounds and shooting rockets at your enemies feet. So immersing was this game I was swept up in it's terror. The basement oil burner would switch on and suddenly I am reaching for my shotgun.

But then the fundamental flaw of Quake 3 was that it was not based in a dystopian Ayn Rand universe.

Really, the question about what makes a good game or not no longer has to do with a spiritual moment and a well aimed laser headshot. Rather the gaming industry has come to the point where it needs to break the dystopian Ayn Rand universe barrier. It was something I knew never to hope for in my lifetime, but perhaps my children's lifetime. Thankfully, I was wrong.

Bioshock was released today. And there was blood on the conjugal sheets: the dystopian Ayn Rand universe has been broken and the lovin' was sweet! Yes, the game is based in said universe and in an underwater city. It is a first person shooter. Cinimaticly it is film noir. Like the Maltise Falcon with a 50's sci-fi flair.

Of course, the next litmus for a genre changing game is a society which murders children.

Bioshock delivers in spadefulls! Yes, the populace of this world must kill children to survive! I am not sure how much kid-killing you do yourself, but it is like the fire department: you don't want to need it yourself but you are happy it is there.

Of course, murdering babes is a little too easy. Espetially when they help fuel your fantastical powers like shooting fire or electricity from your arm. Or turning that arm into a hornets nest. So, out there protecting these children are gents known as 'Big Daddy'



Ya, the deep sea diver motif nicely fits in with the under water city backdrop. And that drill looking thing? In the demo it went through some poor would be child-killer's hand and later gut.

And have I mentioned you can SHOOT HORNETS from your arm? The game play is much slower than Quake or Halo. But if you are aiming a nest of blood hungry hornets, you need to take your time to savor the spectacle. You do not wharf down a gourmet meal, and you do not shoot lightning quick rockets in a gourmet game.

Now, let me recap.

1) Dystopian Ayn Rand universe
2) Child-Murder
3) Hornet Shooting nest-arm.

I am king dork of shit mountain.

Well, as my JCC membership expires next week I am going to have to say goodbye to all the decrepit men littering the locker rooms talking about the housing market. Goodbye to the trainers with biceps larger than cantaloupe. Goodbye to the ritzy small-assed women who they train. Goodbye to the locker room that smells like sweaty feat and urine. And an especially goodbye to the ever growing patch of black mold in the shower room.

Oh, and while I am here. The steam room at the JCC is the weirdest I have ever seen. It isn't the super cool Nordic one with the wood planks and the box of volcanic rock you pour water on. No, it is all tile and wet and dank. I went into it once. It was uncomfortable because a towel does nothing to protect you from the bacteria left on the bench behind from the previous guys ass. No, the whole thing is sopping wet. The odds of getting an infection in that place are equal to a bareback orgy. The odd thing about it though is that to keep the steam up a sprinkler system goes off shooting hot water everywhere. It scared the hell out of me when it did and I ran away, dreaming of Sweden and their sanitary saunas.

Well, apparently (e:Jim) and (e:Enknot) have been plotting to get me to go to the Buff. State facility and be Tony's workout buddy. I don't know how I feel about being a workout buddy. So much responsibility. Damn it! If I want to skip two reps from my last set I am going to! Scrawniness be damned! So, I biked over there and gave the place a look over. Who should I see but (e:Libertad). This must be the cool kids gym.

I was talking to this guy while I was volunteering at the Pride Center about Alentown Athletix. They have a nice facility but it is the 'gay gym' and I want no part of that. I have no problem with working out around gay guys and the occasional check out of another's butt. I just don't want someone reaching out unsolicited to give a hand job while on the stair master.

Well, he told me that Buff State was a tough gym to go to because it was littered with young hot buff guys. He couldn't go there any more, it was too much of a distraction. That is why everyone should watch freaky porn. It is really tough to get aroused from an every day situation if you are into furries and carrot sticks.

I am sure I can handle a distraction or two. This isn't some 80's movie where I (the nerdy guy) sees her (the unattainable beauty). She shakes the sweat from her hair as a sparkly filter is put on the camera and some synth laden rock song with the word 'magic' in it's title plays. Enraptured I forget I have a kagillion pounds of wait and the smith machine falls like a guillotine and John Cusack hilarity ensues. No, I am not that guy.