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James's Journal

james
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08/08/2007 16:24 #40444

In Praise of Pandora
The title of this journal is not a failed playwright MFA thesis, but it could be if you ask nice enough.

No, I am talking about [link=www.pandora.com]Pandora.com[/link] it is a streaming music site where you plug in the name of a beloved song or musician and BAM it provides you with hours of things you might also like.

I have been listening to a radio station with songs similar to Nico's Marble Index album. Monday it was Tom Waits-like radio.

To give you a sense of how much I am enjoying it I usually keep a text document open that I fill with new artists I hear. The more obscure stuff has some repeats (Like Robert Wyatt, which has about 30 songs) but there have been few repeats with the above mentioned.

One thing I quite enjoy is to pop in a band with a dozen side projects. Or a musician who put out a few works before dieing of going Syd Barrett crazy. Specifically, the band Morphine has has both. Mark Sandman, the singer and principle song writer had a heart attack early in the bands career (though he was in his 50's). It is about 60% Morphine, his solo stuff, and rarities. So freakin' awesome.

It is part of what they call The Music Genome Project. Music is analyzed and cut up into specific characteristics. These are based on the sound and not the lyrics. So your happy happy upbeat music station could suddenly have a bright song with cut yourself lyrics. It is part of the joy.

So, if you are stuck at a soul crushing job what makes you want to bore out your eyes with hardened dung and can listen to music please check it out; you will be happy you did.

paul - 08/10/07 00:16
With the new update my nokia n800 does pandora now!
tinypliny - 08/09/07 21:21
This is annoying. I think I emphasized the wrong word and spelled wrong. A sign from the grammar gods to quit hanging around...
tinypliny - 08/09/07 21:18
Three cheers to opening the box and letting hope out. :)







I know, but I just *had* an immense urge to say it. BTW, (e:james), harned dung is very crumbly and I don't think you can beat ocular pressure with that kind of leverage.
james - 08/09/07 11:15
Jenks: I know of several people on this site who use and love Pandora. But I was just so wide eyed in love with it yesterday because in the middle of my Nico lovin' it played Big Bottom from the Spinal Tap movie. Such an unexpected treat! I just thought I would share.

Chico: The niche music problem is kind of my problem. I have tried putting in a specific song by a lesser known artist and will get crap. Or, I can put more popular choices like Nick Drake or Joni Mitchell and I will just get really boring folk stuff. I will have to do a little more training I suppose.

And it was a pleasure meeting you last night as well. ^_^
chico - 08/09/07 10:06
Oh, and good to meet you last night, (e:james). :)
chico - 08/09/07 10:05
Love Pandora. And Morphine is good stuff.

I've had good success "training" Pandora to conform to my musical tastes as well. I've used it for everything from jazz (Dexter Gordon, etc.) to metal to folk rock to alt country, it's great fun. Sometimes it chokes a little on niche bands with unique sounds, like Cake, but it's generally very good.

Have been ignoring Pandora lately in favor of networked iTunes at work, but in the meantime I'm pretty sure Pandora had only gotten better. (And a shout-out to (e:jenks) for turning me onto it last year!).
jenks - 08/08/07 17:48
yeah- pandora is cool stuff. (as is lastfm, fyi).
However, you are not the first to write about it. ;)
(but neither was I- I think it was (e:kara) that posted it first.)

08/06/2007 14:10 #40407

The most hilarious birthday present EVAH
You may recall me posting [inlink]james,40063[/inlink] about a Florida state representative who offered to give an undercover police officer a blow job in a public restroom for $20. And seriously, if you don't remember, you didn't read it, because it was the funniest thing since Planet of the Apes: the musical. He was the one with a recreational interest in water sports.

Well, Rep. Allen has given us an explanation, finally. Oh, and it was so worth the wait.

You see, Rep. Allen, who is white, was arrested by an officer who is black. Allen felt intimidated and feared becoming a "statistic". In defense, Whitey offered the big scary black man a blow job. It seems so natural when you think of it like that, a survival strategy.

Skunks spray, puffer fish puff, Allen blows.

Well, here is an excerpts from Officer Scary Blackman's police report. How long can you go without guffawing?

In a written statement released Thursday, Titusville Officer Danny Kavanaugh recalled entering the restroom twice and said he was drying his hands in a stall when Allen peered over the stall door.

After peering over the stall a second time, Allen pushed open the door and joined Kavanaugh inside, the officer wrote. Allen muttered " 'hi,' " and then said, " 'this is kind of a public place, isn't it,' " the report said.

The officer said he asked Allen about going somewhere else and that the legislator suggested going "across the bridge, it's quieter over there."

"Well look, man, I'm trying to make some money; you think you can hook me up with 20 bucks?" Kavanaugh asked Allen.

The officer said Allen responded, "Sure, I can do that, but this place is too public."

Then Kavanaugh said he told Allen, "I wanna know what I gotta do for 20 bucks before we leave.' " He said Allen replied: "I don't know what you're into."

According to Kavanaugh's statement, the officer said, "do you want just [oral sex]?" and Allen replied, "I was thinking you would want one."

The officer said he then asked Allen, "but you'll still give me the 20 bucks for that . . . and that the legislator said, "yeah, I wouldn't argue with that."

As Allen turned and motioned for the officer to follow him to his car, Kavanaugh identified himself as a police officer by raising his shirt and exposing his badge.
fellyconnelly - 08/06/07 17:52
big scary black man!

08/04/2007 12:12 #40375

Birthdays
Category: birthday
(E:Jim) loves his birthday

Seriously, there will be some new birthday related psychological disorder in the DSM-V with his picture next to it in the future. By calling it a birthday I have already failed to communicate the dire importance of the whole thing. His birthday is in April. In january I am getting reminders that his birthday is coming up soon. Chat begins about how he will spend his pre-birthday month, which would be the whole of march. Then of course there is his birthday month, April, the actual day being the 4th. Followed by his post-birthday month of May. It works really well for him. I usually end up getting him a big present in February and then by the time April comes around I am forced to get a second one.

The birthday is so omnipresent it gives itself great importance. Jim doesn't have to do much of anything. Birthday just starts gushing out of his pores like pheromones from an animal in mating season. The need to get a super-awesome birthday present becomes a great desire, a need. Food and drink take back seat to spending a few more midnight hours debating the pros and cons of each item on my list of potential gifts. If it is a productive night some will move to the next round of elimination.

But, this is, of course, not his birthday, it is my own. I could care less about my birthday. I like hiding during them and appearing the next day as if to say I have outwitted any well wishers. Better luck next year, suckers! Jim has been pestering me about ideas for gifts and whatnot. "Eh, I don't reall need anything." I would say. When he offers to take me out to places like Toro or Left Bank, I would offer some other less glamorous idea. I am such a terrible bore.

Jim's birthday obsessive complex though is starting to rub off on me though. My birthday is Monday, but I am thinking of this as my birthday weekend. There is a birthday tumor in my brain growing larger and larger. Decades from now I will be giggling about whole birthday months. And if future technology can preserve my cybernetic body I can talk about pre and post birthday months as I clank off into yet another century of near-obsoletetude.

And really, do I need yet another excuse to drink all weekend?
mike - 08/06/07 15:34
Happy Birthday! I always enjoy a good birthday month or two of celebrations, why stay under the radar when you can be a star. But if that's your thing, that's cool. Enjoy it!
libertad - 08/05/07 15:50
Happy Birthday James. You and Jim seem similar to Mike and I when it comes to b-days. Mike's is the day Princes DI died. YUP, easy to remember. Mine is the day that OJ killed Nicole Brown and Ronald Goldman. Bastard.

museumchick - 08/05/07 14:48
Happy Birthday! I hope it will be fantastic.
fellyconnelly - 08/05/07 10:51
ha peter!
james you may have the spot light. i prefer to work the shadows..
metalpeter - 08/05/07 10:29
First of all Happy Birthday. Secondly this idea of a Birthday weekend, Week, and month are all very dangerous. Well for people who are really into it there is nothing wrong with that. But just wait till the Jewelry and Card and gift industry finds out, You think they shove Valentines day down our throats just wait.
james - 08/05/07 00:35
Well, fellow Leo, I guess being spot light hogs we are doomed to compeating with each other.

Thankfully most of my planets are in water signs so I am super mellow by comparison. I am also moist, smell a bit like flounder, and have sand grit in my teeth.
fellyconnelly - 08/05/07 00:31
of course i'm a leo. i once did an astrology chart and most of my planets were all in leo too. you would think i was full of myself or something....
james - 08/05/07 00:17
Thank you Ms.Croft and Leetee.

Felly: Two whole weeks of vain glorious birthday? You must be a leo.

For the record, I am a leo, but my liver is a Sagittarius. At least I think that is what sign it was born under. I shall have to hold a seance and ask the doner.
fellyconnelly - 08/05/07 00:10
birthday weekend! leo!

i once had a birthday that lasted for two weeks. but that involved drinking for two weeks. that was the birthday that my liver died.
leetee - 08/04/07 23:22
happy birthday weekend!!
ladycroft - 08/04/07 15:37
you can run, but you can't hide from the peepinators! HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
james - 08/04/07 14:30
TP: Well, even in this christian nation we have a particular sect called the Jehovah's Witnesses who do not celebrate birthdays or many other holidays. So you don't need millions of gods to take up your social calendar, one god is greedy enough for all the attention you can lavish!

But happy birthdays for all the ones missed.

theecarey: I do have to admit, he knows how to have a birthday. And thank you for your good wishes.
theecarey - 08/04/07 13:44
awesome. I usually encourage an entire birthday week (whats one stinking day, anyway?) but birthday MONTHS? to include pre and post day work up and celebration. Love it.

Cheers to birthday celebrating tumors

..and Happy Birthday :)
tinypliny - 08/04/07 12:48
That's Hilarious with a capital "H". I never had a birthday celebration till I came here. Birthdays are not a big deal back home - how could they ever be, when you a million gods (and growing) competing for mind and holiday space? And I always had some hideous exam or test as far back as I can remember on my birthday. Yuck. I hate them.

08/02/2007 18:36 #40360

The sad, sad news.
I was going to post another tale about the JCC gym, but something major came up.

I am leaving (e:Jim). Things have been going great in our relationship, in fact he is perfect in every way. I will look back upon the time we shared together and think fondly of it. The reason I am leaving is because HE came into my life



wouldn't you leave your mate for a taste of that?


now if you excuse me, I am going to wash my everything in rubbing alcohol.



  • Note

I am not actually leaving (e:jim). And you are more than welcome to the tasty bit of man-alanche above.
metalpeter - 08/03/07 17:44
I didn't watch this video I have seen one of them on VH1 I think. I caught part of a show about web videos. After the showed the video he or Vh1 gave info about what he does for a living and him not looking so crazy but I don't remember what he does.
jenks - 08/03/07 15:00
please tell me his teeth are fake. give me that one little thing, please.
fellyconnelly - 08/02/07 21:37
that is one of those videos that should be on geico commercials... there are better ways you could spend 15 minutes online...
tinypliny - 08/02/07 19:03
Hurray! Free nightmares for a month!

07/31/2007 15:56 #40328

Goodbye JCC
Category: gym
I have been at the JCC (Jewish Community Center for the goys and others) for two years now. It has been good and all that for a while now, but it is time to go. The staff is wonderful, Kandy and Joe could crush my head with the weakest muscle on their body, but they are so nice, crazy nice. Like, offers to baby sit just for the fun of it nice. It is unreal. But, as their hours are constantly being reduced, they did a horrendously sleazy fundraising campaign (On Monday I got a letter saying they were closing down one center due to financial woes and a plea for donations, on thursday miraculously they were able to find some extra cash. jerks) Well, it is just time to go elsewhere, to mine for more interesting stories. Here is part one of a three part series, the stories, neh, LEGENDS! of the JCC.

1) The Prego Fetish

He is there all the time. I think he is a trainer, but I can't be sure. He sits around and chats with his meat head friends about squats and other vaguely sexual sounding exercises while the world around him is pardoning themselves as they grab weights or benches his massive ass is blocking. Well, he and this other meathead were gym jerking off.

Gym Jerking Off is when you lift as much and grunt as much as you possibly can. In modern, enlightened societies you can be beheaded for this. So, he does a set of cable flys. A very showy exercise, as it looks like you are crushing the skull of an invisible grizzly bear. His friend does a set. He is about to do his second when.... she walks in.

She and her husband were being given a tour of the place. They were not in bad shape. Soft around the middle but of respectable proportion. Oh, and she was about nine months pregnant. Had the tour taken place an hour later I am sure her water would have broke somewhere between the basketball court and the swimming pool.

Well, Mr.Meathead lights up. He claps his hand in skull crushing style and screams "YA! Let's do this!" and does that thing straight men do where they skip in the air, arms thrown back, and buts his chest against his embarrassed friend's.
1! YA!
2! All right!
3!.... if the Count from Sesame Street was never this excited about numbers. It was like Flowers for Algernon, where Charlie is very excited he has learned to count overnight.

His searching eyes the entire time never left the face of the pregnant woman.


Eventually the Gym Jerk Off ended. But the actual jerking off had only begun for him. As his splooge Pollocked his belly I am sure he was wishing it was a round dome like the woman's.

Almost it is time to go.
fellyconnelly - 08/01/07 09:56
you should see the big dyke version of the chest bump. funny, because it doesn't involve chests. moreso fists. and utility belts.
actually you probably shouldn't see the big dyke version of the chest bump....
james - 08/01/07 09:40
Chest bumping is a high five trying to simulate sex. As gay sex often involves sneaking up the back door the gay version of the chest bump involves a chest and a back and occasionally six inch heels, trance music, or an out of context Foucoult quote.

all gay men committing a chest to chest bump are immediately exiled the isle of Lesbos where they must listen to saphic music. Brutal, I know.
joshua - 08/01/07 09:25
Gay guys don't chest bump?
james - 07/31/07 23:52
gay chicken sounds pretty awesome actually. I will pretend to be straight and try the game out ^_~

Reminds me of a little story.

You see, most of my friends are straight men. And well, they had all just gotten dumped with their long time girlfriends within a week.

Well, two bottles of cheap whiskey later they were all naked in a bed together. I hear there were spankings as well.

I wasn't there. And I couldn't be more happy because of it.
jenks - 07/31/07 23:44
omg me too felly. In fact it just dawned on me RIGHT NOW that he meant preg(g)o as in pregnant.
DUR.

I heart david cross.
I even had a naughty dream about him once.
My boyfriend was very jealous.
ha.

Gay chicken....
Well gay chicken is actually pretty offensive and homophobic and I take no responsibility. So if you will be offended, stop reading.

But in gay chicken... well I guess it's better explained by example.

for example. One (presumably straight) guy will put his hand on another (presumably straight) guy's leg. And keep moving it up and up, towards the crotch, until one of them chickens out.

Nice game, huh?
some friends I have....
james - 07/31/07 23:15
Felly: So sorry for the confusion. I have been to three JCC's in my day and all of them were gyms and places for old Jews to attend seminars.

OH! I forgot how pissed I was when Daniel Goldhagen spoke there that racist, fake historian son of a bitch! Seething with anger SEEEEEThing!

Mike: That is what I want to know
mike - 07/31/07 22:40
what is this gay chicken you talk of (e:jenks)?
fellyconnelly - 07/31/07 22:07
okay when you spoke about the jewish community center, it put me in mind of the one in new paltz... which is not a gym and not filled with meatheads but more the older jewish fellows.

and this whole entry was read in a completely different way for a while...

first of all, i swore you were speaking of Prego Pasta Sauce at first...
yeah....
james - 07/31/07 19:59
David Cross is a phenomenon onto himself. I mean, 600 years of oppresion from the fat kids camp? Hilarious! I can't wait to hear about gay chicken. I am always looking for a new drunken party game to replace ballpipe.

Carolinian:
It is upsetting that they are going through so much trouble. But there are so many other gyms out in Amherst that are open better hours and have better facilities. Or even here in Buffalo. Going to Allentown Atheltix (and I do abhor funky misspellings as abortive attempts to have character) costs just about as much as the JCC but they are open three hours earlier and close two hours later. Not to mention they have more than one set of dumbbells. I just hope it is easy to avoid the groping hands of the leches that frequentness Allentown Athletix and the BAC.
carolinian - 07/31/07 19:22
I'm kinda bummed about the JCC in Amherst going through difficulties; I'm a member and if I moved to Amherst it would have been handy. I was actually worried they'd close the one on Delaware (the one I go to. When I'm not being lazy) because the Jewish community in the city is down to a shadow of what it used to be and the suburbs would get preference.

Which JCC were the jerkers at?
jenks - 07/31/07 17:20
dammit, I can't find it on youtube, but my fave comedian (David Cross) has a great bit on that exact same phenomenon.

Which somehow reminds me...
Remind me to tell you guys of my friend's newly invented game- 'Gay Chicken'