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James's Journal

james
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07/20/2007 10:57 #40172

Pope declairs Satan "a total dick"
Category: food
Sorry about the title, I was on such a roll it just came out.

No, I want to talk about more serious matters: lunch.

I am the only employee of my bosses business. I work in her basement, which isn't as weird as it sounds. But lunch is always interesting.

So I got hungry early because I didn't eat breakfast and I go scouring for lunch stuff. In her basement pantry (which is a shelf placed in the doorway of a bathroom that doesn't work) and I find a can of organic salad beans. The smell coming from this moist, broken bathroom is enough to turn anyone off food for the rest of their whithered days, but I am determined!

I open the sucker up, rinse them off, cut up a little red onion and pour some balsamic on it. But I am feeling a little more haute than that. I look in the fridge and, bingo, capers. I love capers. Salty delicious sacks, yum. So I liberally pile them on, mix it up, and go back to my dungeon to work and eat.

Did you know that they sell green peppercorns bottled in vinegar? Did you know that they look just like capers. Did you know that eating enough peppercorns to buy a dozen slaves (in 1600 money) can make your stomach protest?

I feel like a waiter. After depositing your bibb salad I would offer some fresh ground pepper. With a smile and a nod in the affirmative I would bend over and vomit on that salad. Ah! So savory!

that is all.
james - 07/20/07 14:25
I love apple cider vinegar. I could drink a bottle of it... and then be happily, violently ill.
My apologies for souring your stomach.

@carolinian: I always know what is in my fridge. So I don't read labels once they get to my fridge (I have spent several hours looking for salad dressing that did not contain Canola oil, so I am a notorious label reader). I guess I have grown soft and weak. But next time I raid my bosses fridge I will be very cautious.
carolinian - 07/20/07 14:16
Jeez, doesn't anyone read labels anymore? :)
fellyconnelly - 07/20/07 14:08
oh james... silly silly james.. this reminds me of the bottle of apple cider (vinegar) that was once ingested..

but somehow what is worse than eating vinegar soaked peppercorns is your description of capers as
salty delicious sacks.
i feel not well...

07/17/2007 20:04 #40149

Don't Apologize if you Don't Mean it.
Category: religion
Sweet Teets of god!

In the last week the Catholic Church they will be paying $600 million in settlements to over 500 victims of priests who can't keep their hands to themselves in the Los Angeles diocese. Awesome! I like it when they take responsibility for acts committed by members of their organization. Bravo RCC.

and then we heard from the vatican this morning.

Yes, they feel aggrieved for the victims and their families for an unforgivable act (their wording was not as harsh). But they want to remind everyone that mamma church is suffering too!

Yes, to raise the $600 million they had to sell off local property including the headquarters of the diocese....

Oh how they must be suffering! When little billy can't get an erection because of the psychological scars left by monseigneurs slimy, spotted hands he will surly be glad that at least he didn't have to sell some rich boys club/headquarters. I am sure, when she wakes up from another nightmare she will weep thanking god she isn't in the bishop's shoes.

wait, it gets better.

The vatican also cautioned that, while the church is working to snuff out pedophelia, other institutions need to work on it as well. How fucking condescending is that? Pedo-priests have been pulled out of a diocese when things got a little hot and moved to other diocese, or given prominent positions in the vatican. And they have the nerve to tell other organizations to follow their lead just because they paid out a ton of cash to little kids they fucked?

I wonder if Jesus would even recognize this church.
metalpeter - 07/18/07 17:36
The thing is that "The Catholic Church" has allways really been about power. Hey lets tell the king what he can and cannot do. They are also supposed to give moral Guidance to the community and the people they serve. With out doing what is moraly right (at least acording to them) they lose there power. So lets say Priest A has sex with a boy. He just had premartial sex, gay sex, and priets have to be celebate so I would call that a tripple sin in the eyes of the church. So what happens if anyone finds out. Well if little billy tells his parents they would never believe him. A kid over a Priest a man of the cloth a non sinner. Poor little billy is going to get in trouble. Now if there are a few little billies then people might start to believe it. If the guy who gives the sermon does this who is going to listen to what he says, I know I sure wouldn't. So then that church loses its power cause who does what a boy fucker tells you to do. You have to remember that some of thesse where like 30 years ago when times where much different.

The right thing to do would be to take action on the priest. But really how do you do that and keep your power. When Father O'sulliven runs into one of his flowers how does he explain why he doesn't do the service anymore. Even if he lies (why not throw in another sin anyways) and says something less bad then what happened, the result is close to the same. It looks like some people who where selected weren't able to do the job. That makes people question "The Church". Then if they waren't able then what does that say about the people who thought they where? Again then people have to question "The Church". Once people question "The Church" they lose power and Followers and Money.

However if a higher ranking church offical finds out and they just transfer the person somewhere else no one ever knows about the evilness. When the guy screws up again pass him to someone else and as long as you do it enough and fast enough no one finds out. But they only thought about the power and assumed they would allways have it. They didn't think about well what happens when little billy grows up? Will anyone believe him them? Oh yeah plus "The Catholic Church" is known for "Do as I say, Not as I do".

I'm not saying that all priests are bad. I'm not saying that when you find one that is bad the answer is easy. But I think "The Church" acted like how some Corporations work that they didn't care about the people they just wanted the power and the money. When you are an orgenisation that preaches moral behavior there is no excuse for what they did.
james - 07/18/07 10:36
I don't think you can say it better than "F that."

Perhaps I was spoiled growing up with John Paul II, but Ratzi has been pissing me off of late with his pre-VC2 masturbation fantasies.

so, F that.
jason - 07/17/07 21:29
Hell no, Jesus would NOT recognize that church, and sorry if I'm gonna piss some people off, but if Jesus saw what was going on with them today he would be flat out embarrassed they are associating themselves with him, and the "but check out these other pedophiles" deflection would go down about as well as warm bourbon.

We could have gotten divine word from heaven and a wonderful message and all that shit, but of course us being us, we would sign our signature next to it and start telling people how to live, talking with God's authority. F that.

07/16/2007 20:12 #40137

Rev. Alexyss Tylor: VAGINA POWER!
Category: vagina
  • Edit*****

I was checking out some other videos, and this one is just so fantastic I had to include it. If you could watch only one, make it this one.




"He didn't come like the wise men, bringing gifts of gold, frankensense, and myrh; he came with his dick, his nuts, and himself."

The lady preaches about evil men and anal sex. You know you want to watch.


07/13/2007 21:02 #40101

To Be Fair
Category: politics blow job
Well,

I told (e:Joshua) that I would be just as giddy when a democrat got caught in a super awesome homoerotic sex scandal. Of course, I didn't find this one to be as hilarious as the last one, but just sad. Here it goes

Roger Fisher is on the Parke County Council in Indiana and has a decade long career in local politics there. Well, the creepy bastard was caught in a seedy motel room with hydrocordone for which he had no prescription. And what could be hiding in the bathroom as police knocked on his door? Why a naked, sobbing, 15-year old!

How would your 15 year old self like to wake up tied up next to this?


image

So, take that democrats!

I wonder if he too likes water sports?
james - 07/15/07 11:27
oh... Barney Frank slept with a page. But he was of age, so that makes it not only alright, but hot!
james - 07/15/07 11:25
libertad: my thoughts exactly

tinypliny: The chubakabra?

ajay: I know, I know. The Dems need another Chapaquidic incident to catch up this week.

Jason: Since Barney Frank what?
jason - 07/15/07 10:44
Yeah, I guess it has been a while since Barney Frank. Good catch!
ajay - 07/14/07 13:16
Oh c'mon, there's no comparison! This guy's from some backwaters county in the middle of nowhere. It must at least be a state-level politician...
tinypliny - 07/14/07 12:24
He looks like a creepy character they once had on The X-Files.
libertad - 07/13/07 22:00
Gross.

07/11/2007 21:47 #40063

The Funniest Story Ever Told
Category: politics blow job
From the "You Can't Make This Shit Up" file

Yet another congressman from Florida was caught in a homoerotic sex scandal that will make your eyes water. Granted, it is just a state representative, not a US representative, but still, it is hilarious. It is rep. Bob Allen (R-Merret Island) of Florida... Florida, what do they put in the water down there?

Apparently rep. Allen was in a public bathroom and solicited an undercover cop, offering to give him a blow job for $20. Yup, you folks in Merret Island have rep. who moonlights as a $20 hooker. He is being arraigned sometime tonight.


Allen is married and has a kid and says the whole thing is a big misunderstanding. Hm, he must be refering to his marriage.

Marvelous, couldn't possibly get better than a Republican politician offering a $20 blow job to an undercover cop behind the backs of his wife and kid, right?

Oh, it gets so much better.

Check out his MySpace-esq profile on the Florida House of Representatives page.

Look at his recreational Interests at the bottom of the page. And if you are too lazy to click that link then I wont give you the punch line. It is just too funny of a treasure to give, but to simply point the way.

Good night, and save those pennies for you congressman.
james - 07/14/07 14:05
Felly: I do what I can to make being in a mall as tolerable as possible.

Theecarey: I am glad you did too. It is just so much funnier straight from the horses mouth.

Ajay: Rudy Guiliana has had more divorces than the entire field of Democrat candidates. What a world..
ajay - 07/14/07 13:12
I'm late to the party, as usual.

Two words for you, (e:joshua) : Rudy Giuliani :::link:::

theecarey - 07/13/07 22:29
  • snickers* yeh, glad I clicked my way over. Thanks :)
fellyconnelly - 07/13/07 17:00
oh geez i laughed out loud in the middle of the mall again. thanks for making me look like a crazy again james!
but seriously, thank you for going through the effort of looking up that page AND pointing it out!
james - 07/12/07 17:33
Well, it is a long story, but here it goes.

Because people who are romantically or sexually attracted to people of their own sex have not been permitted historically to public display these feelings they had to go underground. Men were expected to marry and would have loveless marriages but have secret boyfriends. Sex between men was quite open and public in cities before the Victorian age where they were sent underground. So gay baths, gyms, or public places like parks or bathrooms would be meeting places to go have one off.

So, there isn't a system per say, but an underground tradition that grew out of oppression.

The oppression in this case was Rep. Allen's own.

To clarify: Rep. Allen offered to give the undercover officer a blow job in exchange for $20. I would like to see our Rep. Thompson be half as solicitous of his constituency. ^_^
metalpeter - 07/12/07 17:24
If I read what you said right he wasn't giving out $20 blow jobs. If he solicited the cop then he was going to pay the cop and suck the cops dick. Or he was going to pay the cop to suck his cock. But I have heard that there is some kind of system for "stright" or maybe they are bi guys or gay guys in stright relationships to meet in random places like mall bathrooms or Park Bathrooms. I'm guessing this was one of those sittuations and he just asked the wrong guy. I can't say to much about the guy since I don't know his politcal stance. But what I do know is the best way to cover up what you do sexualy is to say that act is wrong publicly.
james - 07/12/07 16:48
Museum: my belly is warm with giggles too

Joshua: Well, it isn't so much that the guy cheated on his wife. Everyone cheats on their wife these days it seems. What I find disgusting is when someone pretends to be a moral paragon in public but when out of the scrutinizing eye does what their vermiculited heart loves. This guy sponsored a law that would make public masturbation illegal between two consenting adults. When he has been busy covering his ass since yesterday he said that the whole misunderstanding is 'disgusting'. For the love of christ, if only people could have the freedom to give another guy a blow job and then be given $20. This is why Republicans have such a hard time with sex scandals. Bill Clinton and Mark Folley should be the text book examples.

I don't take joy in a man who lies to himself and gets caught up in it. I do take joy when a two faced homophobe gets caught handing out $20 blowjobs. It just looks like a 'republicans are da sukz' because there aren't many dems sponsoring hate legislation and cruising public toilets. But I promise you, when Senator Bird gets caught with a hearty link of man-sausage between his lips I will be laughing just as hard.
joshua - 07/12/07 15:15
Two words - Antonio Villaraigosa. The *first* time he cheated on his wife, it was while she was in the hospital sick with cancer. The *second* time was slightly less sinister but lead to his divorce. He'll never be thrown under the bus by the media because A) he's a Hispanic mayor of LA and serious contender for Governor of CA, and B) he's a Democrat. In other words, he is the right kind of minority and Alberto Gonzales and Condi Rice are not. I suppose you could throw in San Fran's own, Mayor Newsom, in the moral blender too since he cheated with his best friends wife this year.

Seriously - the amount of hypocrisy when it comes to this stuff is startling but I'm not entirely surprised by it.

The difference is that Republicans hold themselves to a higher moral standard, which is why they get ripped when they can't meet that standard. Personally, I respect politicians that own their own problems instead of deny them. Most people aren't foolish enough to believe that politicians are white as snow, even when they say they are.
museumchick - 07/12/07 08:25
  • coughs* I definitely had a giggle with the recreational interests there.