I got fed up and walked out of the house. I wanted to go down a grown up path in the woods but Kiah followed me, a five-year-old in flip-flips. I told her to go back in the house but what is television compared with tagging along after your "crazy aunt Robin?" I worried about the briars and brambles finding their way into the open parts of the Kiah's shoes but I was determined to continue my original pursuit despite being shadowed by a child. She asked me, "Do you even know where you're going?" I looked down at my house shoe clad feet and I realized that indeed I did not. I asked her "Do you know where you are going?" She said, "Yes, I'm following you."

My Dad and Grandpa.


Grandpa with a fatter man

Welcome to the Gothic South
A picture of Grandpa's grave taken in May 1956


Same grave... with Granny added. I found this picture on my Lil cousin Taryn's myspace page.


My Granny looking younger than I've ever seen her look. She may be holding my Aunt Wink.


Wink and Dash with other mill town kids.


My Aunt Wink and Aunt Dash in 1948 I think.


Wink and Dash, my Granny made the white dress.


Mabye McGee? my Granny's brother who died on the beaches in 1944.


Aunt Wink with my Daddy, I think. Wink was in her 2nd year at Duke when her Dad died. Wink's Mom (my Granny) had a nervous breakdown and Wink moved home to help... I think. All this shit happened before me, you know?




I want to work with these images but some of them are so strong on their own, like the one of Wink and my Dad. I would really like to make this family history into a documentary but a documentary that wouldn't alienate people who arn't so affected by the stories as , oh lets say... the filmmaker. hehe
I'm not sure how old stories and old pictures affect my life but I know they have. I feel like it's something that needs to be shared in a throughtful orignal way. It's going to take work... lots of work. My two Aunts, Wink and Dash, are in poor health these days. Wink is about 80 and Dash is a little younger.

It was weird finding a box of my Granny's things. I found her old costume jewelry and it brought up a memory sharp as a knife. When I was a child I loved more than anything, to ramble. I would get in trouble with my Mama for going through every cupboard and drawer I could reach.
Now one day I was going through my Granny's costume Jewelry. My Granny doted on me an my sister so it wasn't a big deal, until... I came across this necklace.



I decided that the locket was one of the most beautiful things I'd ever seen so I promptly went into the living room and asked my Granny if I could have it after she died. This was good logic on my part because I figured no one would want to part with such a lovely trinket while they were living. My dear old Granny didn't see it that way. I can't remember what she said I just know she was pissed off. I learned that is is not considerate to remind elderly people of their impending death, no matter how much you crave a certain commodity.

The moral delima now is... do I take the locket?
look here how my Granny adored me.

I was just reading a job call for someone to teach Transformative Language Arts at Goddard College. I've VERY interested in the job, more so than any other post I've read about but I'm not sure if I'm what they're looking for.
Thanks to all of you for the job advice. the quarterlifecrisis.com site made me feel a bit better about my situation. but Vincent I can't really borrow a book when I'm in Georgia!
back to Transformative Language Arts, I wonder if my involvement in this site could count toward that. I've been participating in this Transformative Language Arts project for quite a while. I hope some of the things I write are at least a little insightful. I do enjoy oral history and I've tried to make use of it with this video and this one I don't think they help to change society much... more so they reflect on it. Guess I'm not there yet.
I'm planning on scanning tonight. I found my long departed Granny's old photo album. I'd like to work with the images by incorporating them in with modern day video of her old mill town. I was looking at the pictures of my nieces from Halloween the other night and thinking about how much documentation has changed since the first half of the 20th century. maybe I'll post a few images later tonight.

I'm starting to go insane. I need a job. I need a job. I need a job. I don't want to work! ahhhemmm, Labor!

fuck it!
anything is better than living in my parent's house. Jesus give me the strength! offff god damn like I'm a christian. I'm freaking out. Yeah, I look pretty god damn calm sure but inside I'm freaking!


I need to know. How do y'all go about getting jobs?
The university has ruined me! ruined ruined ruined. You would think that a 25 yr old with an MFA may have a bright future but out of the 100+ places I've sent my resume to I've had three interviews (all in Brooklyn) and gotten one job (at a coffee shop) but by then I was on the way to Portland.


If I hear my brother give me the being an artist is like being a professional bass fisher (his dream) analogy one more time I'm going to shoot myself in the fucking head.
If you were a good fisher you could live off your fucking fish. Who cares about the millions won in tournaments? is that what makes one a successful fisher? Idiot!

anyway.... any tips that you peeps have for me, as in, how I can get a fucking job. What is the right attitude, what is the right way to go about it, what should I do to this good damn web site to make it commercially viable and so on, some alternative career solution,please let me know.
(e:Jenks), I have a fascination for medical imaging, can you tell me more about that? I would really just like to do my own brain scanning experiments in my (imaginary thus far) studio but maybe there is a job that would make that goal more practical. It's interesting how the brain reacts to different stimuli, images and other sensory shit.



so don't get me wrong. I love my family but it's to much for me living with them. to high stress makes me depressed.

Kiah is going through an "I'm telling" phase. It is bad considering how I love to pick on her. She just went and told my Mom that I refuse to help her get her cat toy out of the tree. Before that she told on me for not giving her the cat toy when she demanded it. Of course she had no interest in the toy until I picked it up. I don't understand that. It's programmed into her. She doesn't like something until someone else wants it.
It reminds me of how guys say that girls are interested in guys with girlfriends over single guys. I got into a little verbal tiff with a friend about that subject a couple weeks ago. He argued that's it's a stability and security thing but I think, assuming that is the case, it must be something more primal, similar to the impulse that makes Kiah pitch a fit for something she's discarded the minute someone else shows interest in it.


Other than that...
A couple days ago upon waking I was lying around in the bed. The dog hopped up with me and I laid her on her back, tucked her in and started rubbing her belly. Then I started singing:
"That's my job, that's what I do
Everything I do is because of you
To keep you safe with me...
That's my job you see."


About that time my sister popped her head in the room and started laughing, rhetorically exclaiming "You're singing Conway Twitty to the dog?"

Kiah is home from school today because my Mama discovered lice in her hair last night. This caused a commotion and made us all itch and wash the beddings. I fell asleep early so I had to do the lice shampoo this morning.



Kiah keeps mispronouncing pumpkin as punkmen. It's funny.

Today is picture day for Kiah at kindergarten. I took extra care getting her ready for school, a red and white polka dotted dress, black Maryjanes, white bobby socks, white cardigan, and two braided pigtails. She looked as cute as she could be.
Here is a flashback to my kindergarten photo in 1986.





I'm going to go have lunch with one of my old professors form the Atlanta college of art, Mr. Nolan. Here's an interview with him I found online He retired this year after ACA was sold to SCAD. It's the end of an era in Atlanta.
I became friends with Nolan after I asked him if he was a warlock. ACA was a small school, only 500 students and rumors were plentiful. I'm one of those people who always has to go to the source and ask about it. Sometimes that's a terrible idea but sometimes it works out.

When I stepped onto the porch this morning I was overwhelmed by the sunset. I got my camera and filmed it . Nice mellow footage (very different from a snow storm). I'm having trouble writing right now because school was cancelled for my niece, Kiah. She is here beside me. I've been trying to remove a splinter from her foot but she keeps on wiggling and screaming like a banshee so I can't get it. I've taught her the word cyborg so she keeps getting wires wrapped around her and saying "look Robin I'm a cyborg."
I guess the day is better. I was melancholy this morning after I got Kiah ready for school and her and Daddy left. That's when I went out and filmed the sunset. I was logging the footage when they came back saying it's presidents day or some shit. Looks like an easy day. I reckon I'll get to looking for a job tomorrow. Today Kiah and me are going to paint.

Ok, so I've just read this entry again and I fucked up twice. It was in fact a sunrise. That is why the vivid colors were so freaky, usually we only get that neon pink during sunsets. Those of you who know how I generally keep a fucked up schedule may have a better understanding of my confusion with sunset/sunrise. Paul, since that IM session last night I've been awake. I hope you enjoy the replica of my animals in the video. I assure you can't be allergic from such a distance.





Kiah looks a lot like her Daddy's side of the family but she has eyes just like my Mama.

When I spent a month in North Carolina last June I had the pleasure of meeting a young lady who pleaded with me to stay in the south. Her argument was that the south always loses the best southerners. Reading Ih8gates little commentary seems to make her argument valid. If Ih8gates is concerned about racism in the south without actually living there anymore how is he helping to solve the problem? Is the best solution to leave the "racist" south for the "socially stratified" north?

My plan for the next couple of weeks... get a shit job in Atlanta... waiting tables or whatever... get an apartment there... apply for some jobs i'd actually like to do and wait forever to hear about them. Yeah, I miss Buffalo...


Here is a nice link to an essay on southern identity