My apartment is one huge clutter. Looking around the room I can count about 14 empty coke cans some of which are full of cigarette butts at this point. In the middle of the floor is the suitcase I brought from home from break. Its open and clothes and coats as well as shoes and accessories are spreading out everywhere. Cut up paper floats around from a previous pathetic attempt to market myself. There is no possible way to walk a straight line and avoid stepping on something other than the floor. I've purchased laundry soap and I have coins but the task of washing and hanging is one that I am avoiding like the plague. If I were to go down to the basement to wash clothes I would see the box where I could leave a note to the maintenance people to tell them that my refrigerator is fucked and refuses to be cold. I have been keeping things cold lately by the use of the window but this is getting old. I also need to get down to it, you know, working for no money, resurrecting old super beings but...

So round, so plump,
I like you very much.
You help me out so.
If not for you,
I would be deformed.

I've got to admit that I probable watched at least 100 hours of television over the winter break. I enjoyed watching horror movies with my 3 year old niece. She loves monsters. My parents got the 300 channel cable things at some point and I'm a person who has had no cable for years so I don't' watch TV unless truly desperate to see moving humans without leaving my lair. I refuse to throw out my monitor. I need it to look at the Robin's World propaganda I make.
I kind of equate television with resting. I do think that its possible to learn useful information from TV. For instance, around a year or so ago I watched a documentary on scientists who were hooking people up to brain scanners and showing them video imagery. They showed a former crack addict moving pictures of nature then moving pictures of crack preparation. The area of his brain indicating craving lit up with energy when he watched the crack use. Seeing this inspired me to attempt to quite smoking cigarettes because of the wasted of brain energy but then after one miserable day I decided that if I just gave into my nicotine cravings immediately I wouldn't waste my brain energy on craving. Maybe that is stupid but I think its fascinating as well. I've got to admit that most of the interesting things I've learned over the years have not come from the passive intake of TV.
Look at the pretty picture of south campus. I wish the media studies department was there.

I am indeed slightly inebriated at the moment longing for sweet Mary Jane, she makes my heart sang. Teaching, what can I teach? I don't wanna teach for free.
Pay me, Damn it! I need money. Baubo is the Greek goddess of obscenity and belly laughter. I plan on bringing her to life through media pretty soon. She has no head her nipples are her eyes and her vagina is her mouth. That's my main area of interest at the moment, that and Dada I'll always love Dada especially Hugo Ball. I wanna fuck his skull.

P.S. Tony Conrad is the coolest dude ever in the world.

I just walked down the street and marveled at the majestic beauty of the snow. Then I thought about how my friend Skip Williamson told me that vaginas are like snowflakes no two are alike so then I started thinking about what it would look like if the streets were covered in vaginas. At first I thought it would be totally disgusting but then I thought about this Photoshop pussy picture I made where I took a video still of my cat (Oliver 2000-2003 RIP) and pasted a still of my vagina over his fur to make a pattern. It kind of looks like either flowers or brains. I have it hanging on my wall here. It's kind of disturbing but nice.

I'm back on Elmwood. I flew in today and stumbled up to my humble lair. Nothing had changed except my landlords left me a present of white wine inside the door. After assessing my situation and trying to nap but failing I decided to break out the vibrator and man oh man, I like that thing. From now on my vibrator travels with me, I don't care if I have a sex partner I still need my vibrator. What now? hmmm I should straighten up in here but... that's no fun so I'm writing this instead. Its a lot less scary here than I thought it would be, the weather, its not so bad. I'm happy to be off the couch and in my bed or chair or my whatever, I like these meager things I have. The only thing I have lots of is clothes, oh the displaced affection there, or here, my clothes that is.

I grew pubs when I was 10. It had been an awfully long time since I had seen an adult necked, I forgot that people were supposed to have hair on their genitals, so I assumed I was a freak and shaved them off. Years after when I was a teen my MawMaw told me she had done the same thing. By that point I was pretty damn comfortable with my down low hairies and just did an edge snipping when bikini season came around.
I few years later I was living with my lover. He asked me one day if I would do some maintenance on my pubic hair and I was quite offended but then I decided what the hell and shaved them all off. He was surprised. It was fun. The pain however was the growing in process, very itchy. My lover after this decided to shave off all of his pubic hair and he was in itching agony a day later. He apologized to me and said he would never ask me to do maintenance again.
So a couple years after that I made a drawing with glue and pubic hair, it spelled out pubic. Before that I had video taped myself shaving my pubic hair and contemplated making it into a video titled Removing Bush. Then I met a girl who said she wished she had never initially shaved her pubs because they were so much softer before she had. Seeing as how I removed mine as soon as they started I had no frame of reference for that. I have noticed lately that the hair on my lovers belly is much softer that the hair it runs into right above his penis.
One last thing, when I was in jail this year they made me hang out with the other prisoners while they took a shower. I was pretty freaked out because I had never been in a group shower and there I was being handed lice shampoo. I watched the ladies get naked and noticed that they had all managed to do some pubic maintenance. I was embarrassed because I just got in there that day and I was a hairy cave woman. In the end those fat bitchy cops said I didn’t have to shower (I was only serving 15 hours) so I got out of showing my primitive pubies. I’ve noticed with porn that women are usually hairless and chest hair is becoming a rarity among men (in media). I guess it’s a sign of the times but what the hell does it mean?

My new year’s eve sucked because I had a stomach virus that enabled me to pee out my asshole all day long also it helped me to vomit up at least a liter of ginger ale. The good news is I have a driver license one year and 2 thousand dollars after I got a DUI.
I’m missing my own space at this point. I’ve been sleeping on my parents couch since December 10th minus the nights I spent in Andy’s dirty apartment.
The other night at about 4 in the morn I stumbled across a terrible soft core porn titled illicit lovers despite the bad script and even worse acting I managed to get a bit turned on and took the vibrating element from a vibrating pillow and I was in the middle of stimulating myself under the covers when my sister stumbled into the room. Now I was so worried about the vibrating noise that I forgot about the porn and my sister stood there a while before it dawned on me that I was watching some overly gorgeous man fuck some fake breasted blond. That was kind of awkward.
Besides that I’ve been dreaming of the dead lately. First my Granny, then Matthew, then tonight, Rex. It’s a bit strange. In the dreams I always realize that these people are dead or at least should be because they are. My Granny had a bunch of strokes then quit eating. I dreamed that she had glasses and dyed her hair black. I gave her a hug. Rex was shot in the head by his neighbors enraged ex-husband because he was hiding her in the closet. That was two weeks before high school graduation. I grew up with that guy. In the dream I walked by him and fought the urge to give him a hug and tell him he looked good then a while later(in the dream) I remembered that he was dead. The dream with Matthew was a little weirder. It was like he wasn’t dead but had just moved and was mad at me. He was murdered about 6 months after we broke up. This was the guy who popped my cherry and all that we lived together for a while. Well actually I popped my own cherry with magic markers when I was about 12 after reading about how much sex for the first time hurt women. I decided that I would rather do it myself but it still kind of hurt the first time I had sex despite years of masturbation so what’s with that? It’s mental thing I guess.

Hurray for Christmas

Hurray for cleavage