"Questions questions questions" written by Himay on estrip.org

Category: rant

05/09/10 06:24 - 47ºF - ID#51531

Questions questions questions

WARNING: Whiny rant ahead

How does one know when to say, "No, that's enough, I've spent enough time doing this?"

I am chronically wondering if I could have tried harder, despite the futile energy it feels it is taking up. I mean really, how much is too much?

I am also driven by the concern that what if it really has not been hard enough? Physical energy can be quatitatively estimated. Emotional energy can only be evaluated qualitatively, and thereby is looked upon by others arbitrarily, and can be judged as such. I know I shouldn't be concerned what people think about that, but hello, that's me!

Worse yet, how do you know when to come back to it with a fresh mind and try again? I can't help but feel that this emotional/mental fatigue is a consequence of taking a break, and then feeling personally guilted into resuming the battle as opposed to really having cleansed the original incident from myself.

Just feeling mentally/emotionally discouraged (although physically I'm quite wiped as well, but that's another story). I'll get over it. However, I really hate feeling torn between what is enough and what isn't.

*Cross-posted over at my normal blog as well.

himay writes at 09:01:23 05/09/10 - Comment #56140: (e:paul): Then I probably got it about the way I wanted it worded. It's a handful of things in my life (work and relationships primarily) that seem to just be wearing me out, and they're all a similar situation of "do I keep working/dealing with it," or do I "just start ignoring it/them."

(e:tinypliny): Unfortunately, my subconscious assertiveness doesn't kick in until sometime after the situation has been dealt with. I've got remarkable after-the-fact reasoning and reactions, but some part of myself doesn't pull it into focus quickly enough in the situation as it's happening. I'm slowly bringing those two together, but frustration quickly sets me back; it's hard to keep my cool together when I need a quick resolve before things make themselves worse.5

tinypliny writes at 07:42:50 05/09/10 - Comment #56134: Maybe you like repairing your house, Paul? :) Maybe it's like this interest-on-the-backburner that you like but can't justify the time being spent on it and the returns that you are getting.

paul writes at 07:38:49 05/09/10 - Comment #56131: I have no idea what the focus of your issue is but I could take this entire journal word for word and be talking about trying to repair my house and it would apply perfectly.

tinypliny writes at 07:00:21 05/09/10 - Comment #56127: You should listen to the small subconscious assertive voice that definitely sounds like the right thing to do.

tinypliny writes at 06:58:39 05/09/10 - Comment #56126: hEY, your "normal" blog is looking pretty good now. :-)

Now, for some biased answers to your abnormal blog here.

Depends. If you like what you are doing and expect promising results on the horizon, chase it with more positivity. If not, just wrap it up, make the best of it, hunt for more fertile pastures.

If you feel its draining your energy, then you definitely don't like it. Stop. Reevaluate. Wrap up. Start anew.

It's hard enough when you feel out of energy - any kind of energy. Time to step away.

You can't force a fresh mind. If you feel something is promising enough, fresh ideas and way to get them will suggest themselves to you in time - because you believe in the potential of the idea.

Permalink: Questions_questions_questions.html
Words: 211
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: food

04/25/10 10:02 - 50ºF - ID#51453

On a roll...

Can you tell I'm enjoying myself today?

QlinArt
These Vietnamese imperial rolls need a little work. I cheaped out and used typical egg rolls wrappers in lieu of the rice wrappers, which I don't mind too much. However, they definitely need some zing, pizazz, something! I think round 2 will involve introduction of some garlic or oyster sauce, and some chilis.

Between the two dishes today, I have leftovers for virtually the entire week. At least for all my lunches this week!

Man, I'm not even sure if I'll be able to squeeze in some tater tot casserole at this rate before making Scotch eggs this weekend.

Permalink: On_a_roll_.html
Words: 108
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: food

04/25/10 04:13 - 50ºF - ID#51449

Lentil flair

GENTLEMEN! BEHOLD!!!

I BRING YOU...

SOUP!!!

Lentil & pasta soup, actually!
(Passions to pastry)
Very delicious. This was my second run making this recipe. I was intending to swap half of the orzo in it for barley, but I realized at the last second that I no longer possessed any barley. However, I've been exchanging the lemon juice (which I do not have presently) for lime juice (which I do), and it has tasted just fine as such.

I've recently gained a striking interest in lentils, having tried them for the first time at Amy's Place a couple weeks ago. I cannot believe I haven't tried them before, for as tasty as they are. Regardless, I've lined up a slew of recipes with which to eat them, so I'm hoping they will all be delicious!

P.S. Here's the reference to my introduction (if you didn't already catch it).

Permalink: Lentil_flair.html
Words: 160
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: blueberries

04/04/10 12:41 - 56ºF - ID#51326

All things blueberry (again)!

Anyone ever tried this wine before? I picked it up at Gates Circle as they were out of the blueberry wine from Niagara Landing. Thinking about popping it open tonight for dessert to finally just try it out.

Permalink: All_things_blueberry_again_.html
Words: 40
Location: Buffalo, NY

03/22/10 11:38 - ID#51248

Peekaboo

My fridge is loaded with leftovers to feed me through this weekend (and then some, likely).

I really want to make some veggie fried rice, as I don't want my peppers and garlic to go bad!

I never thought I'd get too overzealous on the cooking, but sometimes I forget I'm only feeding one. Ack!

Currently stocked:
Crockpot's worth of beef stroganoff and egg noodles
1.5 casserole dish's worth of homemade mac'n'cheese (I overestimated with the bechamel and ended up having to make a small second dish's worth)
A quart or two of spaghetti sauce (I ought to freeze it), since I finally finished over the leftover spaghetti this morning.

Sorry I haven't stopped around much. As (e:tinypliny) put it, I've got a blog elsewhere. I sort of frequent that more. Oops. *blush*

Permalink: Peekaboo.html
Words: 133
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: food

01/12/10 12:02 - 21ºF - ID#50802

Bachelorhood (or not)

Walking around with a shopping cart in Aldi, it was filled with twelve boxes of hot-pocket wannabes and eight pot pies.

I can only imagine how it screamed "lazy non-cooker." However, for $26, I now have 32 lunches stocked in my freezer at work! They're really only backups for those days I forget to bring in some leftovers or a prepared lunch. I think I'm done with the "crap, forgot lunch so I'm going out to eat" mentality. The budgetary reassignment necessary for that is insane when I do the math. Blargh!

Thank goodness I only have to do this 2-3 times a year.

Permalink: Bachelorhood_or_not_.html
Words: 104
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: science

01/04/10 02:55 - 15ºF - ID#50737

Quirky

When my music isn't enough to remove the tedium from my daily benchwork in the lab...

...I make patterns in experiments. Like my gels. Pretty colors!

In other random musings while I'm waiting for my gel to run, contemplating the whle "resolutions for the new year" thing. I always feel like I cheap out on them whenever I did in the past; it's probably been six or seven years since I actually made resolutions to stick to. This year might be a good one to propose a few with, however.

Permalink: Quirky.html
Words: 92
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: weather

01/02/10 09:47 - ID#50723

Winter

Now this is the kind of weather I enjoy waking up to in Buffalo. :)

Permalink: Winter.html
Words: 16
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: football

01/01/10 04:10 - 25ºF - ID#50713

Filling a void!

This may not be the best place to be checking around, but my friend and I still have 3 seats to this Sunday's Colts game since his shady cousin (and co.) backed out on him. The seats are somewhere in the 100's, but I will update later with the specifics on seat/section.

I know there'll be nil chance of seeing Peyton (for all the Manning-love fans), but is there anyone interested in going that hasn't already obtained tickets? You'd be welcome to tailgate with us, however there being only 2 or 3 of us at present, we may not tailgate more than an hour or two. I'm still beating my infection from doing this at the last home game.

Permalink: Filling_a_void_.html
Words: 117
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: science!

12/31/09 01:01 - 34ºF - ID#50704

Bacteria Gone Wild!

Who needs Girls Gone Wild?

terry writes at 03:23:26 12/31/09 - Comment #54134: how'd you get a puffball in your E.Coli sammich?

heidi writes at 02:28:07 12/31/09 - Comment #54133: I like the fungal donut picture.

himay writes at 02:22:00 12/31/09 - Comment #54132: Might have found an ID on whatever that spiky thing was:
Lycoperdon echinatum :::link:::
or possibly also...
Lycoperdon pulcherrimum :::link:::

We don't have a microscope in the lab to really check 'em up close for confirmation, and I'm not about to try and dissect one of them just to further perpetuate whatever infestation(s) we have going on in our air-handling systems.

himay writes at 01:46:41 12/31/09 - Comment #54123: Ah, and now that I've learned to read the help/FAQ page....
Flickr pictures! :::link:::

himay writes at 01:45:25 12/31/09 - Comment #54122: Argh, that worked horribly. We're just going to do this the old-fashioned way (I hope).
[link=http://www.flickr.com/photos/jcbaxter/2370266286/][/link]

himay writes at 01:41:21 12/31/09 - Comment #54121: The bacteria (Escherichia coli) are the boring, flat colonies on the plate.

Those spiky fellows, I have no idea what they are. Can only assume they're some kind of fungus/mold, as the plate (and another one like it which also had one spiky dude) contains chloramphenicol (a rather robust antibiotic). Our lab also works with Pseudomonas aeruginosa (which happens to be chloramphenicol-resistant by nature), but it grows nothing like that.

I'm still trying to find a decent guide to do a taxonomical identification of these guys. Usually our contaminating buddies look more like this:
[link=http://www.flickr.com/photos/jcbaxter/2370266286/][img=http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3050/2370266286_a8b559c6c7.jpg][/link]