the elmwood festival is happening this weekend. it will be lots of fun--dancing, music, kids fest, etc. you can check out their website at elmwoodartfest.org.

they still need volunteers to help all day saturday and sunday. usually people are asked to help for a four hour shift, but the organizers said they are strapped for people and will accept any help at all. the hours are saturday 9-7 and sunday 10-6 for volunteering.

if you're interested in helping out, call 830-2484. they might even have a few paid positions left.

thanks, and i hope to see you there!

"i lost everything, everything, don't have nothin' left"

resident, st. bernard's parish

i just talked to a man who was describing his situation to me. he came back as soon as he could, just three weeks after the hurricane. he figured that because there was just a few feet of water in his house, not everything would be gone. when he got back, the mud was over a foot deep all throughout his house.

he and his wife tried to do some clean up themselves, but they found it was too emotionally draining. he said it was just too hard; they could only work for an hour. they got help from a group from a church in kentucy. there were about 40 people working to get rid of everything, and it took one day to do it.

why are small groups of volunteers the only people helping out around here? why is the government doing nothing for these people?

it is great to see that americans really are coming together down here to help out. there is a lot of interaction between people who normally would live completely separate lives and have no idea what the other one is going through. but what really needs to happen is a HUGE effort from the government if any major rebuilding of new orleans and the whole gulf coast is going to happen any time soon.

only one third of new orleans has moved back so far, and i seriously doubt if that number will even get to one half of people who originally lived here, especially because relief effors are not forthcoming in any more than a trickle of what is needed.

oh, yeah, i forgot to write about mardi gras. i went in to downtown new orleans on tuesday, and i couldn't believe that

1. mardi gras was SO tame. i used to live here, so i've suffered through a couple mardi gras. this year, there were maybe an eighth of the normal amount of people. i steered clear of burbon st, so it might have been a mess there (well, it was full of garbage, but not as bad as the rest of the city full of gutted houses).

i mostly hung out right outside of the french quarter, and there was just a nice party going on in the street. people were all happy. i didn't stay for the night, so i don't know if it may have gotten more insane by then.

2. the french quarter has totally recovered from the hurricane. i hadn't seen any places that were in good shape until i went down there.

so the kitchen i'm working at is just south east of new orleans, in st. bernard's parish (that's what they call counties here). st. bernard's parish had 67,000 residents before katrina, and so far, fewer than 4,000 have returned.

i took a walk yesterday and found that it seemed like a ghost town. most of the houses around here are made of brick, so the outside is still standing, but there are piles of possessions, house parts, and insulation outside of every one of them. inside, all that remains are studs.

one woman i talk to said "i know that material possessions are not important, but when you go through your house and throw out everything, it is just heart breaking."

when i asked around to see what businesses had reopened, so far the parish has a number of bars (which is not good news, as alcoholism is suppposed to become an even bigger problem here than it already was), and the home depot just opened. not really anything else.

i have no idea how this city is going to rebuild. but at least i'm down here doing something, even if it feels so small in comparision to what people who live here have gone through.

many of the volunteers here are rainbow family, hippies that local people have not previously run in to. but there seems to be lots of love and communication between residents and volunteers, which is a good thing.

oh my god, i just got to new orleans today. you can't imagine how bad some parts are.

i'm not exaggerating, the ninth ward has blocks upon blocks of NOTHING, nothing, nothing. it is the saddest thing ever. i thought that things looked bad when i was just in other parts of the city, but that place is nothing you can believe. and there are no words to describe it. everything is contaminated, even the houses that still are around are unliveable. and it's been six months since the hurricain hit.

if i can ever figure out how to put photos on, i will do so. i'll be down for a month working in a soup kitchen.

so the winter blues certainly got me down this year. i have been doing really bad for the past six weeks or so. i wish i could entirely blame it on just the winter blues, but it doesn't seem so coincidental that i ran out of pot right around the time that i started to get depressed.

i don't understand: all the stereotypes of people smoking pot are just exactly the opposite of what happens to me. when i smoke, i get motivated to do things; i clean the apartment, i take walks, i attend more yoga classes, i have lots of self-esteem. pot is one really easy way to make me enjoy the moment.

anyway, my depression was taking over, (lack of) pot-influenced or not. i felt stuck here in boston, not wanting to do anything, but at the same time, not feeling any pull to go do anything else. and i haven't been eating much at all or sleeping well. i do feel that my depression was starting to lift somewhat at least, i did go to two yoga classes and a dance class last week, and meditated once.

but things were getting really bad with evan (well, i didn't realize that until yesterday; i actually felt that we were o.k., not great, but not bad). but apparently, they were so bad that yesterday morning, when evan was leaving the apartment, the thought came to me, "evan doesn't love me any more." when i brought this up last night, he couldn't disagree. i guess my depression was one more bad moment between us and the foundation of our relationship just wasn't strong enough to make him still feel love for me.

we didn't break up or anything, but the future is very uncertain.

the past 24 hours have been weird. i tried to sleep, unsuccessfully. my mind was just racing due to the conversation with evan, and trying to figure out what i want to do with my life. i finally fell asleep around 4, but then i woke up at 5. i eventually slept from noon until 3 pm.

i went to a yoga class tonight--not the usual kind that i take: it was 95 degrees and a flow class, where i usually prefer classes that are not heated and are slower paced. but yoga was wonderful. it was exactly the right class for me. i became so centered, much more than i could have imagined to be in a time like this. i finally felt some bliss coming through. i am very glad that the bliss came through on my own (with no pot needed). i've actally been in a good mood ever since class. i do need to remember how much i enjoy doing yoga and keep doing it, especially when i am feeling down.

i've been having loads of fun in buffalo. last night, i went to the underground with (e:flacidness) and (e:terry). i have never been to a bar that literally had more drag queens than women. it was lots of fun to be a girl in a bar and not have to deal with anyone trying to hit on you.

the only non-fun part was that i tried to score some ganj, but the guy literally ran away with my money. luckily it was only 20 bucks. it was at least amusing to see him run away down the street.

i can't believe i stayed out until 5:30. i am way too hung over now, and i can't seem to fall asleep. at least wrapping my presents was a great way to not notice my hangover.

i spent all day christmas shopping for my family. it was lots of fun. i really don't get in to shopping, but this was fun to buy lots of gifts for other people. the presents look really pretty under the tree at PMT's house. i got the extra-fancy shiny wrapping paper.

i just remembered that when i was little, i had this fisher price person. i called him "pothead." i had no idea what that meant. how did my mother ever keep from laughing???

i have been doing very little, enjoying the slow pace of life.

winter has arrived. it was giving a few hints of coming soon, but i got caught up in the moment and enjoyed what we had. when it was summer in buffalo last month, i wore a tank top, a skirt, and sandles, and i got spring fever. it was so fun and just puts you in such a good mood! and then i was in north carolina and it was warm yet again at the end of november.

yesterday i woke up to see lots of snow covering everything. and it was so beautiful and i hung out in the park on sunday morning in the beautiful falling snow. i took a walk today and ate some snow, remembering having done the same with my three-year-old nephew, orizen last winter in buffalo.

I've been reading a book called "how to be idle" and i highly recommend it. i realize that i have about 99 percent of these skills in idleness. having been unemployed for 2 and a half years and living in an ashram for 10 months certainly have helped me develop this.

i read a chapter on napping yesterday (and proceeded to take a nap afterwards). at my last "real" job i used to take a nap every afternoon in the sick room, and also doing so in the public garden in the summer. my friend carl used to make fun of me when i would come back to work with grass marks all over my face from sleeping in the park. aaahhh, i love napping!

i just got up to find that it is snowing outside. that's the first time i woke up to find it snowing so far this year, and it's really pretty. also, it helps that i'm headed down to north carolina to visit my dad in a few hours.


i spent some time cleaning yesterday.

this is what my kitchen looked like in the midst of cleaning. i even cleaned out the counter under the sink, which hadn't been looked at for years, and everything was really messy underneath. oh, and it also doesn't help that our recycling hasn't been picked up for a number of weeks already. evan is bringing the recycling to new jersey when he goes there for thanksgiving, "suprise! i brought the GARBAGE for thanksgiving dinner." we should all be thankful we have so many conviences that we can create bagfuls of recycling.




floor after



the countertop was the one thing that we generally keep clean (but i've already messed it up because i was cleaning)


this should be on the cover of a 1950's condo for sale magazine


maybe if we add the fresh-baked cookies, it would be better!




i cannot stop making cookies! but they keep getting eaten. happy thanksgiving to all!