Do you think Bob Sagat ever thinks about fucking the Olson twins? Sorry, I should have started off by saying this entry might be offensive. Anyhow, I just got home from the bar and America's Funniest Home Videos is on and I was just thinking that Bob Sagat was on this show and Full House. These are both very family friendly shows but he is really a dirty man. I saw the Aristrocrats and I heard about Farce of the Penguins and he is a little raunchy. And then I though that he probably thought about fucking Ashley Olson (once she was of legal age and hot).

as it is i don't like the regal elmwood. it's expensive and it's always full of obnoxious people that don't know how to shut up during movies and don't understand "please silence your cellphone/baby."

anyhoo - - i saw Hot Fuzz and the quickest review of it would be that Shaun of the Dead is a far far superior movie by the same fellas. That is not to say that Fuzz wasn't entertaining because it was but there were too many moments where it was too serious to be a comedy. The highlight of the movie was the trailers before. I want to see almost all of them. Superbad, Knocked Up, and 28 Weeks later.

but i digress.....as i said i am not a huge fan of this theater and i am even more disgusted with it now. i always always always park on the side of the building near channel 4. never had an issue there before. it's prime parking and there is usually a good spot. there were a little more cares than normal along the side but i still got a spot and parked my car and made my way into the movie. after the movie was over i approached my car only to find that someone or someones had vandalized it. on the hood of my car was a black marker swastika. on the window of the car next to mine was black marker writing "hail to hitler." i told the security guard and he said he always tells people not to park there......i understand that it's not his job to design the parking lot......but why have parking there if it's a hazard to your car.

being in a generally cranky mood already this only added to it and i decided to drink. and i decided to drink liquor.....something i had long abandoned for beer...........but vodka and ginger ale was had.....and more vodka and ginger ale was had. and after all is said and done it is 3am and i buzzing hard and not tired. my car is clean and the stastika came out.......but i felt that i should warn people was the shitty regal elmwood and their shitty parking lot.

i am suddenly more and more into movies these days. when i was younger i would go to the movies a couple times a week. that was before the bars let me in. now i think i would rather go to a movie than the bar most nights.

i saw The Lookout, Grindhouse, Aqua Teen Hunger Force and Blades of Glory in the past 2 weeks. Free screening of Fracture tuesday night is nice. I like free movies. I do not like nine dollar movies.

Movies I want to see:

Disturbia
Spiderman 3
Harry Potter 5
The Invisible
Live Free or Die Hard
Halloween remake
Surfs Up
Hallam Foe
Knocked Up
Waitress
Superbad

Also, I have the blockbust total access thing and for 18 bucks i get about 24 movies a month. i don't always watch them all but i get them all the same. Notes on a Scandal, History Boys, Last King of Scotland and Smokin Aces' come out tomorrow so I have to choose 3 of them to get and then I'll get my 3 in the mail.

Go see a movie. and if you are like me and hate spending the money. Tuesdays is discount night at dipson theaters and wednesday is discount day at the movieland theater. the movieland, if you don't know is a discoutn theater like the supersaver. on wednesday it's 5 dollars and you get your ticket, a small popcorn and a small soday. nice.

Several years ago I was given a cd called "Lifted or the Story is in the Soil, Keep Youir Ear to the Ground," by Bright Eyes. It was one of those gifts that the giver "thought i would like." I did enjoy and over the years have collected 11 more albums of their work. Currently over 115 songs on my Ipod are Bright Eyes songs.

For those of you that don't know Bright Eyes is an indie rock act lead by Conor Oberst who helped start the record label Saddle Creek out of Omaha. Other than Oberst, the band has a large cast of characters including M Ward, Rachael Yamagata, Maria Taylor, and Ben Kweller to name a few. Saddle Creek is home to Cursive, The Faint, Azure ray and many more. Rilo Kiley used to be on Saddle Creek but were later signed to a major label. Rilo Kiley frontwoman, Jenny Lewis released a solo cd on Team Love records which is also founded by Conor Oberst. Oberst has been compared to Springsteen, Bob Dylan, Petty and Neil young to name a few. What sets him apart from other modern singer-songwriters is that he actually has something to say in his music, much like Dylan. The music is indie rock but is not limited to that. In 2004, 2 different albums were released on the same day. One more alt-country and one more digital rock. Both are amazing in their own ways.

Two weeks ago I recieved my copy of Cassadaga, the new studio album by Bright Eyes and the first featuring a real lineup of musicians appearring on most of the tracks. Gone is Obersts shaky voice. The music is much more confident and well produced. The album is getting rave reviews and rolling stone, ew, and the buffalo news say that this is the best album the band has put out. I disagree but to be fair I have only listened to it twice. I am hoping further listening will provide me with new found appreciation for it. I am hoping that my excited for the release of this cd just had me wanting more from it.

In any event, if you don't know who Bright Eyes is I am sure you can search out some of their music if you want. Key tracks: lover i don't have to love, when the president talk to god, four winds, lua, take it easy, and for you Daniel Johnston or Feist fans, there are covers of Devil's Town and Mushaboom respectivally.

I felt the urge to write today. mind you this is the first and only draft of this story but i hope you enjoy is.


Sarah Tells Stories
Written 4/18/2007

When Sarah introduces herself she always says the exact same thing, "Hello, I am Sarah Elizabeth Bliss." Only that is not her real name. She chose it because Sarah Beth Blistek doesn't sound like a writers name. She writes stories about her life. Only the stories aren't about her life. They are compilations of stories she heard in passing and things she made up in her head. She isn't secretive about the fact that she isn't telling the complete truth. She even called her first collection of stories, "Exaggerations of the Truth."

The first exaggeration she ever wrote about was her first kiss. She described a romantic kiss between her and a popular boy. The kiss occurred at the annual carnival on the Ferris Wheel at sunset. Sarah and Colin took the large ride all the way to the top and they were stuck up there waiting for people to get on and off. While they were at the very top Colin leaned over and kissed her. She sat there in disbelief but once the ride started up again a warm sensation took over her body and she kissed him back. She mimicked his actions. He sucked her bottom lip and then sucked his. He massaged her tongue with his and she did the same back. This was the sort of kiss she had dreamt of since she was a little girl and the perfection of it all could only have been made up.

Sarah's real first kiss was nothing like that. It was sloppy, scary and cold all at once. The only similarity between the made up kiss and the real kiss was the location. She said the kiss took place in the seventh grade because all the girls she knew received their first kiss in the seventh grade. In reality her first kiss happened two years later. The boy was a couple years older and often carried around nicknames like smelly, stinky or sweaty. Smelly, as she called him, had a face covered in acne and patches of hair and his body odor was the foulest of body odor. He was the complete opposite of Colin. Colin was an honor student, good looking and would never had wanted to kiss Sarah. Her glasses, oily hair and lack of breasts deterred most boys but especially Colin. By the ninth grade she still had the glasses and the oily hair but her breasts were larger than any of the other girls in her class.

Smelly would ask any girl to go out with him and every girl would turn him down in disgust. Sarah was no different. At the carnival he approached her and offered to ride the Ferris Wheel with her. She declined his offer and walked away. Later on, as she entered a port-o-potty Smelly pushed her inside and locked the door behind him. Sarah breathed heavily and the combination of Smelly's body odor and the piss, shit, and vomit that had collected in the last three days made her stomach turn. She tried pushing him away but his size nearly doubled that of hers and as his massive lips came towards her she imagined him swallowing her entire head. His chapped lips scraped at hers and his tongue filled her entire mouth. She felt a cold shiver engulf her entire body but could not ignore the heat of Smelly's sweaty body.

Sarah was afraid that he would rape her right there. The fact that they were confined in the two-by-two space left no doubt in her mind that he was aroused by the kissing. She felt the resisting him was pointless and just let herself go weightless in his arms. Just then he stopped kissing her and let her fall and sit on the piss covered toilet. She held her eyes tightly shut in anticipation of what she thought was going to happen next. He didn't do anything else to her. He unlocked the door, backed himself out of the pisser and let the door close behind him. Sarah immediately locked the door in fear that he would come back. She sat there in the stench filled space for twenty minutes until she was sure he wouldn't return. His stinking sweat lingered long after he left her there and the taste of the corn dogs and candied apples he had ate before the altercation stuck to her lips.

After gaining her composure, Sarah unlocked the door and let herself out into the crowded carnival. She walked through to the exit in tears without notice. Once home, she rinsed the kiss from her mouth and in an attempt to erase it from her mind she wrote a story about a fictitious first kiss with a boy she used to know. In that instant she could forget that Smelly has stolen her first kiss from her and she could have a better story to tell people later. She could have picked any boy she wanted to have had that fictitious kiss with but Colin was the only boy she knew that wasn't around anymore. He would never be around to deny the story and people would believe her. She would never tell anyone about Smelly and the port-o-potty kiss and she would learn later that he was killed in a farming accident six months after the kiss.