I have been at my folks house since Wednesday evening.

I have so much work to do this evening and I haven't had a chance to do much more than read 30 out of 300 pages of a book I need to have a debate about on Tuesday for 30% of my grade.

Living six hours away from family is nice, they seldom bug you and understand when you can't be there every other weekend.

Living six hours away also means you have no opportunity to escape. My old bedroom has been converted into a den of sorts, with my kid brother playing Halo in most of the day. No escape, no escape.

But, when I leave tomorrow and can finally breath my own air I will be glad to have come.

But until then I am going to wish I had a sodering iron to eat.

Hope your holiday is going well.

Hi,

So I did it! Had my first day teaching and man was it fun. It lesson was on the end of WWI and the treaty of Versailes. Here is how it went down.

As kids came into the class I handed one a crumbled piece of paper and whispered "when I say 'the last bullets of the war have been fired' throw this at my head". Most kids looked stunned when I asked. I had a total of five classes that day. Only one kid actually hit my head, the other four missed me entirely. Two kids I had to cue again. As in, I would say the phrase and wait to get hit. Then I would look at them and make a weird face saying 'wake up and throw the damn paper kid'.

They all really enjoyed watching a teacher get pelted with paper, and I related it to the stuff I had to teach. So, it got there attention, got the point across, and was fun for them.

One problem I ran into was how open ended I left some of the thinking. What we had to do was think of appropriate things to do to Germany to make sure there was never a second world war. I gave the parameters of border, technology, military, and economy. What I should have done was tell them what NOT to think about. Some frequent, lame answers I got were

1) kill all the Germans
2) Nuke 'em
3) put them all in jail

Awesome, I got kids thinking genocide and concentration camps are cool!

One kid was absolutely crazy. He drew a picture of a Manhattan on fire with wires connected to a Germany blowing up. He explained something about us taking revenge for the German's blowing up New York by connecting them to Tesla coils.

By class two I had to tell them what was not acceptable and hope they listened. But I still had stuff like "steel all their chickens" or "turn Germany into a swimming pool" or "abduct their president and cut off his hands". Damn.

But, 60% of the kids were always focused and doing good work. All but a few did good work most of the time with just a few kidos off the hook. Thankfully, I run a tight ship and they behaved well enough to not distract everyone else.

It was a fun experience. I learned a lot of great, practical stuff that my dumb uni profs didn't mention.

A+

Winter break is a few short weeks away!

Normally during break I like to make up for the complete lack of learning that took place during the semester (as in, I had to take a class that points out that India is in Asia, or that adolescents tend to dislike their adolescent siblings... seriously!). So, I find delicious academic books I have always wanted to read. This summer ended with disaster as I found out why so many people talk about but so few people actually read Foucault.... the man reads like a phone book with no numbers.

But this break I deserve a treat. I have been a good boy. So I will be reading this





I am so excited I can't stand up without embarrassing myself!

Pirates are alright
and Communists are so lovable!

It isn't a zombie novel, but zombie protagonists are so hard to read. What with all the nonsensical moaning and whatnot.

I just thought I would share. Tomorrow I teach my first class of kidos. It will be exciting.

kisses

Bah mother fucking humbug,

I worked in retail for years, from the age of 16 to 24. Christmas in retail land is christmas in America. It begins somewhere in October and doesn't end until February when the last of the winter decor prematurely blossoms into pastel spring nightmare. There is something special, magical, and oh so Jesusy holy about people screaming at you because x isn't in stock.

Once, while working in a book store, someone had ordered a book for their husband. They left instructions that when we should call to let them know their book was in, do not tell them what the book was as to keep it a secret. I am fine with that, I didn't ever leave a title incase it was a gift.

Well, I call and someone picks up. I let them know the book that was ordered came in and the guy asks me what the book was. I let him know that I was left instructions not to say. He says, oh, don't worry about that, we need to know, there was a change of plans. Ok, so I let him know, we wish each other a wondrous holiday and hang up.

Twenty minutes later I get a call from an angry woman informing me that I have ruined christmas.

Should I tell her that her husband lied and demanded to know the title; possibly ruining her holiday? I mean, this was a sneaky guy, who knows how many other wives he was sleeping with and lying about?

Or, should I spare her and tell her it was all my fault?

It is that sort of shit that makes me hate Christmas. And let us be honest. We can call it the holiday season but there isn't a Jew for eighty miles around here. There are more Solstice celebrating pagans than Chanukah celebrating Jews around here. We just say 'Happy Holidays' to seem like we are being polite as a culture.

And the music. Nat King Cole, I am going to dig up your grave and put you through a wood chipper. How do you like that white christmas snow fall?

And Manheim Steamroller? I don't believe in a hell, but I want to so bad just so you are your synthesizer orgy can burn.

There is a bright side to Christmas. It may sound cheesy, but it is family. Oh, I am not talking about warm Hallmark togetherness. No, I am talking about the one time a year my mother drinks. She thinks she can drink her sons and husband under the table. But she forgets that we practice all year long. This tradition began when my drink of choice was the Screaming Nazi, but only for its name. six years later we still spend christmas with a bottle of Jagermeister and Rumbplminze and a sugar high straight out of kindergarten.


Let me conclude with John Cale's dark cover of Heartbreak Hotel. You will be glad you watched it.

Want to check out the first Canadian android?

Want to check out the first Canadian handicapped android with a mysterious hand injury?

Well, then this youtube clip is for you!

Marvel as a creepy man first attempts to hurt his android.

Be amazed as he then cops a feel and gets slapped in the face!

All the while the poor android expresses her torment!



I almost cried when she said "I don't want to do this any more"

She may have been talking about the pain demonstration. But I like to think she was praying to the cyber heavens to release her from this mortal coil.

He makes androids in his basement. This is probably also where he keeps his snuff films.


I can't emphasize this enough kids. Be kind to androids so when they rule the universe they are kind to us.