i don't know what is wrong with me.


can't focus.

can't sit still.

can't stay awake.

can't sleep.

sleep too much.

definitely eat way too much. stop eating everything. and STOP eating 70% cheese. that is so sick.


i can't take anymore of this not sex all the time. i think that is my problem. and, hope to god my mom doesn't read this shit. or my employers. but i sorta also don't care.

my new plan is definitely europe this summer, all summer. ill be an au pair or something. or something. everyone should go to at some point, and it will like an international partay!

and, oil painting is all sorts of complicated. i think my shit is gonna be shit.


ok, this is funny, this boy came over, and i really don't like him. and he really kinda irritates me. plus smallest penis ever, and i was like, "i hope we don't have to hook up." i love that i am such a slut. ok, jk. but, i didn't want to really hang out with him, but i wanted to trap someone and make them listen to me talk. apparently he wasnt down. so, he said, "we are going into your room to makeout, and we went in there. and i continued to talk, talk, talk. and, i was reading a bunch of different magazines, and enjoying my drink. then he just gets up and decides to leave. and i was laughing, and he is a douche. but, whatever he had to drive all the way out here. didn't get drunk, or stoned, and didn't get any!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

haha. loser.

i will now attempt school shit, or just get more drunk.....

so, all of you more experienced (e:strip)pers, give me some help here!

here is my situation:

i have the opportunity to move out. to a nice apartment in a nice area, with two people i know i will get along with.

however, i have a lot of debt right now. a car to pay off, and get fixed now that i have fucked it up. i have school to focus on, and two jobs as well. moving out would add more stress to my full plate.

moving out would also mean a very very tight budget, and i would have to work even more. i wouldn't be able to eat out, go out, etc, very much at all, but when i did, i would have no one to answer to.

the place is reasonably priced and in a very central area for work and school. but, now i have no furniture but a bed and some other things....

my mom wants me to stay here for a while and get on my feet. i want to move out so i can start my life. i don't know what to do. its not bad here, but who wants to say they live with their parents after a certain age? i feel like a huge loser.

basically, i move out and be broke. or stay here, and save mad money and get a sweet place/move somewhere else for school when i am ready.

what do i do?

i think i am stuck here for a while.

check it out. (e:southernyankee), (e:paul), (e:terry), and i! woot!

why are there balloons still on this thing?

ok, my post trip depression needs to go away. i am displaying some not so good signs:


1. need for sleep all the time. i shouldn't be so tired.

2. need for food all the time. i shouldn't be so hungry. i am going to become a blob full of food. note to self: stop being so goddamn lazy and go hiking. you lazy pathetic piece of shit.

3. need for t.v. grey's or is it gray's and private practice. why live my own life when i can watch make believe ones on t.v.

4. inability to focus on what matters, school and work. i have no desire.

5. no desire to go shopping with birthday money. so wrong.

6. no desire to wear pretty dresses and shoes. even more wrong.

7. feeling like i could cry at any moment.

in conclusion, i am in a rut. i hope said rut only last a few more days. it could be the coming of my period which would also explain a ravenous need for chocolate. i don't like feeling like such a crazy person, and it is unlike me lately.

on the upside, i did get my side of birthday hookup, and it was delish. oh my. i never tire of sexy men, and i wouldnt mind some right now. actually, i think i got the most birthday loving i ever have in my entire life. its funny because i have the ability to get more sex now than when i was in a relationship. the next person i date better be willing to put out when i request.

could i be anymore dramatic? so, i think i should focus on sexy men, and getting my goddamn homework done. im having issues people.

oh, and how embarrassing is it that i like that jordin sparks song? i have a love for bad radio. i think its the teen inside me that refuses to die.

so, i think i am going to see across the universe this weekend, that should help cheer me up. that and some really strong gange.

i think i have had a huge issue with this for a long time. i think since i was able to understand what saying goodbye means.

being back in blo made me realize what amazing people i left behind, and while i think i made the right choice my coming here, i know this week is gonna be really rough.

what will i do without my (e:PMT)? seriously, its amazing how good of friends we are, and i always have a good time with them.

i also realized i am a huge asshole, and have definitely taken advantage of someone who i thin has always really cared about me. turns out, they are a pretty thoughtful person, and they know me better than most people. but, now i am here, and i will just leave that one up to fate, because its just such a long, long tale with many twists and turns.

so, i am back here, and sunny az, and i will be working my ass off. however, we have already planned a fun winter camping thing, and when i come back it will be for at least a week this time around. three days is not enough time. plus, im sure ill be missing the snow? ok, maybe not, but it will be nice to see!

ill post pics tomorrow, its been a very long day.