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james
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07/11/2007 21:47 #40063

The Funniest Story Ever Told
Category: politics blow job
From the "You Can't Make This Shit Up" file

Yet another congressman from Florida was caught in a homoerotic sex scandal that will make your eyes water. Granted, it is just a state representative, not a US representative, but still, it is hilarious. It is rep. Bob Allen (R-Merret Island) of Florida... Florida, what do they put in the water down there?

Apparently rep. Allen was in a public bathroom and solicited an undercover cop, offering to give him a blow job for $20. Yup, you folks in Merret Island have rep. who moonlights as a $20 hooker. He is being arraigned sometime tonight.


Allen is married and has a kid and says the whole thing is a big misunderstanding. Hm, he must be refering to his marriage.

Marvelous, couldn't possibly get better than a Republican politician offering a $20 blow job to an undercover cop behind the backs of his wife and kid, right?

Oh, it gets so much better.

Check out his MySpace-esq profile on the Florida House of Representatives page.

Look at his recreational Interests at the bottom of the page. And if you are too lazy to click that link then I wont give you the punch line. It is just too funny of a treasure to give, but to simply point the way.

Good night, and save those pennies for you congressman.
james - 07/14/07 14:05
Felly: I do what I can to make being in a mall as tolerable as possible.

Theecarey: I am glad you did too. It is just so much funnier straight from the horses mouth.

Ajay: Rudy Guiliana has had more divorces than the entire field of Democrat candidates. What a world..
ajay - 07/14/07 13:12
I'm late to the party, as usual.

Two words for you, (e:joshua) : Rudy Giuliani :::link:::

theecarey - 07/13/07 22:29
  • snickers* yeh, glad I clicked my way over. Thanks :)
fellyconnelly - 07/13/07 17:00
oh geez i laughed out loud in the middle of the mall again. thanks for making me look like a crazy again james!
but seriously, thank you for going through the effort of looking up that page AND pointing it out!
james - 07/12/07 17:33
Well, it is a long story, but here it goes.

Because people who are romantically or sexually attracted to people of their own sex have not been permitted historically to public display these feelings they had to go underground. Men were expected to marry and would have loveless marriages but have secret boyfriends. Sex between men was quite open and public in cities before the Victorian age where they were sent underground. So gay baths, gyms, or public places like parks or bathrooms would be meeting places to go have one off.

So, there isn't a system per say, but an underground tradition that grew out of oppression.

The oppression in this case was Rep. Allen's own.

To clarify: Rep. Allen offered to give the undercover officer a blow job in exchange for $20. I would like to see our Rep. Thompson be half as solicitous of his constituency. ^_^
metalpeter - 07/12/07 17:24
If I read what you said right he wasn't giving out $20 blow jobs. If he solicited the cop then he was going to pay the cop and suck the cops dick. Or he was going to pay the cop to suck his cock. But I have heard that there is some kind of system for "stright" or maybe they are bi guys or gay guys in stright relationships to meet in random places like mall bathrooms or Park Bathrooms. I'm guessing this was one of those sittuations and he just asked the wrong guy. I can't say to much about the guy since I don't know his politcal stance. But what I do know is the best way to cover up what you do sexualy is to say that act is wrong publicly.
james - 07/12/07 16:48
Museum: my belly is warm with giggles too

Joshua: Well, it isn't so much that the guy cheated on his wife. Everyone cheats on their wife these days it seems. What I find disgusting is when someone pretends to be a moral paragon in public but when out of the scrutinizing eye does what their vermiculited heart loves. This guy sponsored a law that would make public masturbation illegal between two consenting adults. When he has been busy covering his ass since yesterday he said that the whole misunderstanding is 'disgusting'. For the love of christ, if only people could have the freedom to give another guy a blow job and then be given $20. This is why Republicans have such a hard time with sex scandals. Bill Clinton and Mark Folley should be the text book examples.

I don't take joy in a man who lies to himself and gets caught up in it. I do take joy when a two faced homophobe gets caught handing out $20 blowjobs. It just looks like a 'republicans are da sukz' because there aren't many dems sponsoring hate legislation and cruising public toilets. But I promise you, when Senator Bird gets caught with a hearty link of man-sausage between his lips I will be laughing just as hard.
joshua - 07/12/07 15:15
Two words - Antonio Villaraigosa. The *first* time he cheated on his wife, it was while she was in the hospital sick with cancer. The *second* time was slightly less sinister but lead to his divorce. He'll never be thrown under the bus by the media because A) he's a Hispanic mayor of LA and serious contender for Governor of CA, and B) he's a Democrat. In other words, he is the right kind of minority and Alberto Gonzales and Condi Rice are not. I suppose you could throw in San Fran's own, Mayor Newsom, in the moral blender too since he cheated with his best friends wife this year.

Seriously - the amount of hypocrisy when it comes to this stuff is startling but I'm not entirely surprised by it.

The difference is that Republicans hold themselves to a higher moral standard, which is why they get ripped when they can't meet that standard. Personally, I respect politicians that own their own problems instead of deny them. Most people aren't foolish enough to believe that politicians are white as snow, even when they say they are.
museumchick - 07/12/07 08:25
  • coughs* I definitely had a giggle with the recreational interests there.

07/10/2007 19:59 #40040

Da Pope
Category: religion
Who is this crazy man?

I was raised a Catholic in as much as a wining, pretentious, sophomoric gasbag of a child can be. But, somewhere in this deeply secular heart (anatomically correct, for science) beats a little boy love for that church. I mean, the pomp, the robes, the half naked savior dangling from the walls; it is a drag queens apartment writ large. There is a bit of comfort in repeating the occult rituals, much like the pleasures of waking up, brushing your teeth, and urinating.

But who the hell is the Ratzinger cat?

I suppose there is something to be said for the workings of the worlds oldest, uninterrupted monarchy. But, being a winning, pretentious, sophomoric gasbag of an adult, I feel damn responsible to do so. So here it goes.

Pope Ratzy has issued a decree on July 7th allowing for much broader use of the traditional Tridentine mass. This isn't just a mass in Latin, it is so much more. You might not be aware of it if, like most sensible people in the world, you are not fluent in Latin. But you and your buddies pray that the Jews may 'crawl out of darkness' and presumably into the incandescent light of the one true momma church.

Why do this? To bring a smattering of super conservative Bishops who reject the Vatican Council II (that council in the early 20th century that gave the church a much needed updating thanks to the complaints of the Protestant Reformation just a few years prior beginning in 1517). Wonderful, nothing like a little anti-semitism to crash through the gates of 21st century ideals (enlightenment ideas more specifically, 1600's-1804).

Ya, but picking on those darkness dwelling Jews is an old routine, a song and dance we are tired of. Can we get back to some more of that hot Christian on Christian violence?

oh yes we can!

In another decree the pope has declared that all Christians who are not catholics are not fully christian. That their Eucharistic celebration is false, and that their church is a fatally flawed and wounded church. I am paraphrasing, but it was pretty strongly worded.

So much for religious toleration. Wait.. this is worse than that, so much for inter-faith dialogue. How do you work with someone who claims such superiority over you? All in a ploy to bring back the middle ages loving Catholics.

I can't wait for a reconstruction religion like Druidism to go back to wicker man burnings. If only we could be so keenly focused on the distant past.

as per (e:libertad)

image
james - 07/12/07 08:11
Well (e:Jason) and (e:Mike)

Doubtlessly in the vested halls of ones own religion, yes, you are convinced 100% that your religion is the only religion and all others are a bit silly. But in recent years, in an attempt to not seem like a hatemongering dinosaur there has been inter-faith dialogue and this hippy feel good atmosphere of 'all religions are a path to god' sort of thing.

So this turning away from cooperation (Ratzinger was actually just reaserting a document from 2000 I found out later) is very poisonous to the whole process, and does no one any favors.


(e:Jason)

About the Jews. Ya, Spain and Britain both kicked all their Jews out at some point, and Italy and the Netherlands are famous for their Ghettos, and I don't think I even need to go into what Germany and Russia did, but the spirit in Europe recently has been one of deep regret. They have come a long way... with the exception of Russia. They wont get on the 'Jews are OK' bandwagon for another 600 years.
mike - 07/12/07 00:40
Ok, my only comment on this is, doesn't really every religion belive they are the best and one true way. I don't think it is that crazy. I mean how could a religion be a religion if they didn't believe that. If a leader of a religion believed any religion was equally good then really what is the point of any religion. Which is fine. You cna think no religion has a point and I could see that. But as a leader of anything you have to believe yours is the best and one true one. That's your job kinda. Doesn't every religion believe that? Doesn't even people who belive in no religion believe only there rleigiousless way is the only and best way?
jason - 07/11/07 12:47
Benedict does look evil. JP2, not so much. I've always been uncomfortable with Cardinal Ratzinger's countenance. Somethin ain't raaaght about that boy.

"Sheep" as a metaphor is without question the most intellectually lazy argument to make concerning the religious, which is why it is put into use so frequently. They're Catholics. Of course they think their way is the right way. Islam and Judaism believe their way, respectively, is the right way. And, for that matter, secular humanists/atheists believe their way is the right way, the only way.

In this light I really don't see what is new or controversial about a Catholic Pope reinforcing their primacy. JP2 was a special guy, and there are very few people like him in the world nowadays, if any.

Europe is famous for its anti-semitism. It is as European as socialism, football, and fisting videos. When they weren't out and out frying the Joos, they were busy persecuting them and kicking their asses from one corner of the continent to the other, from Spain to Mother Russia, over the course of many centuries.

But, (e:James), your point is well taken, it's sad that the new Pope has that in his makeup. Backwards instead of forwards indeed.
james - 07/11/07 12:30
I thought Pope John Paul on the right was cool-ish. I mean, he fought against Communist rule and helped start a revolution in Poland. That is pretty awesome.

But Pope Ratzinger on the left... barf.
fellyconnelly - 07/11/07 12:20
how could anyone look at that photo and tell me that neither of those two don't look evil as hell? i mean look at the guy on the left!!

and it continues to blow my mind that people still blindly follow this man as though he alone decides the their fate. it kind of just made an interesting correlation in my head between the constant use of sheep as a metaphor for the 'christians' which of course by all means could only mean 'catholics'. ugh.
james - 07/10/07 22:37
Come on Drew, every single catholic feels exactly as the pope does. They are all of one mind, like the borg or something.... ya, I know, it is just sad to have someone from Mars as the pope. They way to a relevant church isn't backwards, but focusing on the present and future.

Oh, there is nothing wrong with a nice little robe. But man, no one lays it on like the Catholics. Dozens of robes in every imaginable shade, matching hats, accessories. It is the over the top zany pomp that makes me think campy drag queen, not the robe and vestments in of themselves.

But, if you find yourself unable to get the drag image out of your head maybe a little Diana Ross in the service might set the mood. ^_^
drew - 07/10/07 22:14
yeah. Bad move pope. Sadly, this isn't new.

But not all Catholics follow him lock-step, thankfully. And he won't be Pope forever.

As for the drag-queen apartment remark--I never thought of it that way. I may never wear my robe the same way again.

07/06/2007 20:56 #39973

Francis Bacon has it goin' ON!
Category: art
Howdy,

The Francis Bacon exhibit opened at the Albright Knox in early May and I was so ridiculously excited to see it. But the heavy burden of careless weekend possibilities would keep my Fridays sacrosanct. Monday would come along and I would drive to work past the gallery and slap myself on the forehead for missing it yet again. But today I got lucky.

If you doubt the relevance or power of painting, waltz on over to the gallery and take a look. My stomach turned, I felt incredible anxiety, I laughed out loud. It was one of the most emotional experiences at an exhibit I had felt in a long time. Even if you don't like art, check it out, you may be a convert.

Another treat though was I got to see my first Albert Ryder. I have been to the gallery a dozen times in my scant three years here and if it is in their collection I have never seen it. The man was insane. He would fire off a painting and be off onto the next thing, never finishing his paintings with a sealant (or whatever it is they use). He was a very prolific man but very few of his paintings remain. The ones that do are all cracked and chipped, having been posthumously finished. Even through cells of paint could be smushed together to form a seamless painting, the quality it lends his work is outstanding. You can see Winslow Homer in his dark, sparse seascapes with waves like overturned storm clouds. Marsden Heartly's landscapes are almost derivative of Ryder.

Please, stop by and see Bacon and the Ryder. You will be glad you did.

07/08/2007 13:06 #40004

Transfomers
Category: film
Transformers: The movie: The review: The RIDE!

    Let me preface this by saying that I am not a transformers fan. The toys were cool but I had Go-bots instead and preferred the Thundercats cartoon.

    Transformers the movie is the most enjoyable shitty movie in theaters. It is devoid of plot, dialogue, anything that remotely resembles a movie. It is a 2 ½ hour special effects circle jerk. But, you at least get to participate in the circle, so it isn't all that bad.

Spoilers ahoi.

1)    Los Angeles is not 30 minutes from the Hoover Damn by car. Even by transforming alien car. Las Vegas is. But you didn't show Las Vegas.

2)    No, you did not backwards engineer all that technology from Megatron. The car predates the 1930's. Megatron (for some reason) is some alien jet, not a car. The jet engine was developed by the Germans in the 1940's, not America.

3)    You are telling me that you had the technology in the 30's to transport a cagillion ton robot from Antartica to the Nevada/Arizona border all the while keeping him frozen? No.

These are just some of the drool educing holes that a simple trip to wikipedia could solve. (For example, I just verified the local of the Hoover Dam.) Some other things that made no sense.

    The thing with these giant sentient robots is that they are "Robots in Disguise" It is the most memorable thing about them. They pick an object and learn to transform into that object and back into a giant robot. Deception, stealth, they are like three story tall ninja robots. So why is it that we had 15 minutes of five robots fumbling around in the act of sneakery? Did you just miss the sneaking around part of your nature?

    The coolest character is Starscream. He is sniveling. He is a would be usurper. (My first name means 'usurper' so I feel a kinship) And he had one line in the whole movie. That is less than the main characters stupid best friend who played a comical role for all of three minutes on screen.

    This is the biggest problem. There are no characters in this movie. There are CGI sequences and explosions, and dull pedestrians who continue to walk across the street with their shopping bags as Las Vegas/Los Angeles gets blown up around them. Each of the autobots get about one line in the movie: they introduce themselves. Even Optimus Prime can't seem to remember their names either. He is moved to pronouns as his thousands of years old friend's dead body is in his arms. Who are these creatures? I have no idea, and the many, many interesting dynamics that have been fleshed out in the 20 odd years of Transformers could have made a compelling film but instead... shit just blew up for 2 ½ hours.

    2 ½ hours? Ya. That is a long film. There is 20 minutes worth of footage about computer hackers that could be cut out. The films one black character, though not guilty of any crime, tells police officers to stay off the carpet, his grandma doesn't like anyone on the carpet, especially police. Yup, the obese black family is constantly having police over because... you know, they are black and all. I wont get into the sexism either.

Transformers is a great big fat advertisement for GM cars, Sprite, the Xbox. The bad guys are jets and tanks and junk because they are brandless. The good guys are GM because... well, because we are xenophobes.

And for the love of Christ Michael Bay, shaking a camera around like you have Parkinson's does not make the scene more action packed; it makes us unable to see the colossi battling, which is the only redeeming part of the film.

No story, no characters, plot holes and still enjoyable some how. I recommend a drinking game to ease your way through it. Otherwise you better be a fanboy.

metalpeter - 07/08/07 18:29
I admit I haven't seen the movie yet but I want to so I can't review it. I think the best way to have done the movie was High End super real looking animation. If anyone has seen "Final Fantasy: The Spirits Whithin" you know what I mean. In some spots the animation is so good you think the girl is real. I have to admit that in the cartoon (original one) Starcream was the best and most anoying personality all in one. I think what made the Show so cool was all the personalities and science defying transformations. For example Megatron was Huge but when he changed he turned into a powerfull hand gun. I think often when a Cartoon is converted to live action they make it all about the graffics and lose character. Sometimes Micheal Bay can go really over the top. All this being said I will still go check the movie out myself.
jenks - 07/08/07 14:34
funny and sort-of related: this was the quote from the July 5 page of my Onion page-a-day calendar. God how I love the Onion.

:::link:::

"Transformer Refuses To Change Back Into Volkswagen

CYBERTRON-Following an intense battle with Megatron and his evil Decepticons Monday, former robot-in-disguise Bumblebee refused to revert to his natural state as a yellow Volkswagen Beetle. "I hid my existence in this world by taking the form of a vehicle! I revealed my true nature when I was called upon to protect earth!" said Bumblebee, a member of Optimus Prime's heroic Autobots force. "I refuse to change back into a humiliating bubble-shaped compact car!" Bumblebee added that Megatron arrived on earth with one goal: Destruction!"

07/05/2007 22:46 #39936

Beer Bottles: My name is fear!
What to do, what to do.

The owners of most of the homes on my block live on those homes. They aren't sleazy slum lords who live on Long Island and rent until the house burns down in a bong-bloomed blaze. There are just a couple of houses filled with obnoxious college students.

Now, I may not be a spring chicken (I am an human worm android infact) but I remember those college days of carefree parties and a foolhardy sense of immortality. Loud parties with Jock-Jams soundtracks are understandable. They are the very stuff of youthful indiscretions we laugh at when older and wiser.

But for the love of dog anus, must you break beer bottles all over the place?

I don't know? Who cleans up broken glass infront of your house. Well, it is close to the curb so the garbage men must pick it up, right? Maybe our slumlords who last visited Buffalo when steel plants were open and 'talkies' were the wonder of motion pictures.

I mean, do you notice that your frat paradise is right next door to a home full of children? Too bad little billy fell off his skateboard and shredded his face on your sidewalk.

Well, accidents happen. They do. But clean it up.


Soon, very soon. There will come a time when I will pick up glass and beer bottles. And it will go to a place you never knew you loved so dearly.

fellyconnelly - 07/06/07 11:45
how about a note in said frat house's mail box.

"I do not have a problem with your parties, but if you do not start cleaning up your beer bottles and broken glass after your parties, i will call the police every time i hear any type of gathering at your house"

or something of the like. if they won't be considerate, threaten them. they love that.
bridgette - 07/05/07 23:02
yes, it is very unfortunate. Maybe its just me but i have really been noticing the lack of consideration amongst people in general, all across the board. It amazes me, the number of problems that could be solved, and the accidents that could be prevented, if people only started being more considerate towards others.