My gramma's funeral was on Tuesday. It was a very difficult day. I was holding it together pretty well until it came time to pay last respects at the funeral parlor. My little sister started sobbing and as I hugged her I lost it. Then we drove to the church. It's the same little Polish Catholic church my gramma used to take me to after Bingo. She'd always tell me we had to stop and say prayers and light the candles for people. I didn't grow up Catholic so I didn't really understand the concept. I always just thought the dying Jesus on the cross was really creepy and I was afraid he'd look at me, or worse, talk to me.

So we entered the church in procession of the funeral mass. I don't know who the guy singing was, but he was amazing. He had such an angelic voice. One thing I've always admired about Catholic churches is the architecture. The way the pipe organ and choir voices resonate throughout the building is so moving. I cry when I'm happy and hear something that beautiful. Needless to say, this is where I came unglued. Sobbing loudly, I could hardly breathe.

Again, I'm not Catholic, but once in a while I enjoy attending a mass done in Latin. I love Latin. I love chanting. It really is soothing. Like the time I went with (e:Libertad) to one of his Buddhist meetings. I almost fell asleep from the chanting. But I digress. The priest had a lovely voice as well. He did some of the mass in Latin, then a few Polish prayers and chants.

After the church we drove to the cemetery and had another Polish prayer at the mausoleum. Traditionally they don't allow you to watch as they insert the coffin into the wall, but the guy was there and eager to get his job done, so we did. She's now snuggled up with my grampa. When the guy took the flowers off her casket he said he was going to throw them out. That's what they do with them, just throw them out! What a waste. I mean, they could at least donate them to various institutions. Perhaps hospital chapels, or old folk's homes, some place where flowers would brighten the atmosphere. We didn't want to see that happen so we dismantled the arrangement and each took some flowers from it.

When that was all settled we went to a banquet hall and had a polish feast. Went home with my family afterward to chill. I played with my nephew Max for a while then played with (e:Bambicroft). Boy does she miss me and I miss her tons.

So that was the day. As sad as I am, I have to say, she had it made. Who doesn't wish that when they die, it will be peacefully, pain free, of old age, in their sleep? That's just what my gramma was granted, the chance to fall asleep and never wake up, at least not in physical terms. I don't think we ever die. We are all made of energy; call it a soul, that which cannot be extinguished.

Thanks to everyone for your condolences. I'm very appreciative of your kind words. As (e:enknot) said, it is so wonderful that this community can take the time to support one another. That is why I love estrip so much.

My mom called at about 7pm to let me know my gramma died tonight. Apparently my uncle went downstairs to watch the 6 o'clock news with her, like always, and she had died in her chair. Exactly the way my gramma found my grampa when he died.

She wasn't sick other than some arthritis in her knees so this is rather a shock. I just keep imagining her voice calling my name. She had that funny little Polish accent and said my name funny. I'd post a photo but they are on my dad's computer at home. I still haven't had the time to get them on my jump drive.

I'm so very sad.

Aqua Mouse took a huge crap the other day. A violent eruption of boiling toxic green and choking clouds of smoke made me want to cry. I think my sister made a record for the most lightening quick move by a pregnant lady when she jumped out of her seat and out of the garage in under 3 seconds. Of course my reaction was slightly different. I just sat in my seat and thought,'damn, I think my car is on fire'. Sigh.

The official bike riding commute was established as a result of this unpleasantry. I knew I needed to start riding because I can't afford gasoline to feed Aqua Mouse, but this was the foot in the ass I needed.

So (e:Nejifer) agreed to make a test run out to Canisius with me yesterday. I wanted to see how long it would take me and what my best route would be. I have a pump for my tires but Limey Mouse, my old skool retro Schwinn of equal squeakiness, requires 90psi and I simply don't have the muscle to reach those numbers.

First, a walk to A Plus to use the air pump. I really don't like walking my bike. It's a strange contradiction. We get to A Plus only to find the air pump is out of order. So I had to walk a few more blocks down to Mobil. I'm sorry but I think 75 cents for 2 minutes of air is absurd. Whatever happened to the days of free air?

Even with the air pump reaching 90psi was tough, so it cost me $1.50 worth of air to get there. I'm not bold enough to just let it fill. I keep stopping to check the pressure because I don't fancy a tire blowing up in my face.

All squared away, we cruise down to Delevan and head to school. Limey Mouse isn't made for potholes and gravel. It was a tricky ride. We cut through Forrest Lawn at the corner to enjoy a change of scenery and a few hills.

Took a break and had some water, then set the compass for home. Half-way through Forrest Lawn I realized I was putting out too much effort. I looked down to find a flat rear tire. Karumba! Crossed Deleware and dropped more change to re-inflate the rear tire. Made it home on cranky breaks and a continuous leak.

Aqua Mouse is broken. Limey Mouse is broken. I seem to have a thing for squeaky modes of transportation that don't work so well. What's a girl to do? I would drop a lot of money to fix up Limey Mouse. Aqua Mouse is out of the question. So...I had to buy a new bike. While I enjoyed Limey Mouse's look, I've always been a mountain biking kind of girl.

Essentially, I combined the two. I got a Schwinn Jaguar with incredibly high handle bars and super fat (or phat) tires. At least now I can go up and down curbs and over trails.

So, if you see a girl in black with a black helmet, don't run me over.
Ciao.

People:
1. How did you find out about/why did you become of estrip?
I became friends with (e:drchlorine) who has since disappeared and we all know why. Anyhow, he told me about this site and paul and said I should check it out. So I did for about a month, then decided to join.

2. How "out" are you about having a publicly accessible online journal. Do your friends know? Does your family know? Do your co-workers know? Does your boss know? Do you use your real name? Do you use your real photo?
Most people know. Though in my field it is a battle star galactica wars over online profiles, so I don't tell my employers. Seriously, it's like a high profile court case the way our arguments go over student rights/freedoms. Where do you draw the line on snooping on people? Don't post anything illegal, no problem; however I find it insulting and illegal to fire someone or not hire someone because they had pink hair or lead an exciting life outside the office/classroom.

3. How many epeeps have you met real life?
Well, if they post regularly, or even semi-regularly and live in b-lo I've probably met them. Even a few that don't live in b-lo.

4. How has estrip changed the way that you meet people, on and/or off line?
Offline, no different. Online, eh I think it's rather the same? Except that since many estrip members are involved in each other's lives you hear/see/read more about them than if it was just one person on some other site?

5. How has estrip affected you love life?
I haven't had a love life in several years.

6. How many of your friends have joined estrip because of your influence?
Mmmm.... (e:nejifer), (e:kangarooboi), (e:krains), (e:vincent), (e:theecarey), (e:pyrcedgrl)... I think that's it for now.

7. Are you from Buffalo/do you live in Buffalo?
Born in b-lo. Lived in Cheektovegas then Youngstown, moved away for 10 years, now I'm back.

Equipment:
1. What type of hardware or software purchases have you made as a result of using estrip?
None.

2. Have you used the mobile version of estrip? Why or why not?
No. I don't have service on my phone.

Lifestyle:
1. In what way has estrip changed your Internet surfings habits? Describe the amount of time you spend on estrip, when you use it and about how long?
It gave me people to talk to when I couldn't sleep, so perhaps a few more hours than my previous usage? But my life is changing, so that habit has evolved.

1a. How many journals do you usually read per day?
I dunno. Could be 10 if it's all the people I read. Might only be 2.

2. In what ways has estrip changed the way you perceive your local community?
It has given me a sense of community that I was not able to experience on my own, until now. Although estrip itself is an online community, and I think that refelcts in the way that we support one another or bicker like a little family.

3. How has journaling about your life affected the way you spend your free time?
I suppose I've met more people to do more/new things with.

4. Has estrip changed your living situation in any way?
Why yes it has. I now live with (e:nejifer), who I met at work at Hilbert, and (e:decoyisryan), who I met here. I have to say, they are the best roommies I've had :)

5. Do you find that you mediate/document more of your experiences now that you share them with others?
Probably. In terms of gatherings etc, I wouldn't bother to write that in my private journal, or send e-mails to people about it.

6. Has publishing on estrip affected the way that write?
I love that I can add media!

7. Do you have other online journals? If so, with what service and has estrip affected your usage of that journal?
I don't really count myspace as a journal. I hardly ever post anything there. So really just here, and I joined myspace after estrip anway.

8. Have you ever gotten in trouble for using estrip at work?
Nope.

9. If you have stopped using estrip, why?
Nope, still here.