The theme song for this post is Eminem: Cleanin' Out My Closet

There is something on my mind that keeps rearing its ugly head at me. I've tried and tried to work through it but I can't seem to make any sense of it, therefore I'm having trouble moving forward.

I've recently been faced with facts. These facts changed my mind about several people in my life, their sincerity, and how much I've been used for my kindness. It gave me the motivation I lacked to do what I had to do and to be ok with it.

Why be ok with it? I feel for people. Deep down, everyone I have ever known, no matter what wrongs they have done to me, still has a place in my heart. Probably a very, very minute place, but they are never forgotten. So I have a hard time moving people to that remote part of my heart. More often than not I simply get used along the way, and continue to forgive and forgive. Lately the events in my life, though certainly not pleasant, allowed me the opportunity to shift some people over and feel good in the end.

I feel no guilt, not that I should. It was hard but I feel all the better for it. It was a real step in my personal growth. The confidence to know I don't depend on others for my happiness. Friendship is a circle created by two people. When one is holding on only half-assed with one hand, the circle is broken. I've gained the confidence to know I can let go too. There's no sense reaching for someone that doesn't want your hand. Let them fall. Let me fall. It's ok.

I've learned that most of my friends dislike each other. As a result A doesn't want to be around me because of the B, while the B 'won't allow' the A to come around. I don't really care if A and B get along however I will say I think both A and B SUCK because the person being punished for it is C.

My struggle to move forward is, do I let A and B go as well? Since neither wants to spend time with C because of their dislike for each other, there isn't much of a friendship left is there? Can I let go of this too, and be ok? That is the question I have to be able to answer yes to.

I had grad student nightmare a few hours ago. I lost my entire reference sheet for a big paper I was working on!! Trying to go back and find all my sources was a very costly task. While my paper did make it in by the midnight deadline, I'm afraid the flow suffered and I know I screwed up some of my citations. Seriously, in a detailed 439 page manual on proper reference and citation I still couldn't find the answers to my questions! What up APA!?

Here's a photo of the little man! He kind of reminds me of those mushroom dudes from old skool Nintendo – in a very cute and loving way!



Since I missed out on the Turkey Trot (just the physical part – they already had my donation so not all was lost) I am doing the Reindeer Run this Saturday. You can sign up at Medaille College. It's $16 and benefits the Ronald McDonald House. Festive Holiday attire is encouraged. I'll be walking it with some of my classmates, but give me a shout if you'd like to meet up. It's supposed to be a lovely jaunt through Forrest Lawn cemetery! Ciao.

It's official. As of 11:26pm central last night, I am now Auntie Mika! My nephew came a few weeks early. His name is William Maximilian; they are going to call him Max. I am happy. When he's able to talk and call me Auntie Mika, it will be the first time in my life I am really the aunt. I love my goddaughter and all, but it just isn't the same.

On a side note, I think my new vitamins make me sick. I took one this morning and I was suddenly overcome with nausea and started dry heaving in my trash bin (I'm in the office). I felt a little queasy yesterday too – but I thought nothing of it because I've had stomach issues since my surgery. Ciao.

If you know me, you know how much I love my Bambi. I was elated to get a few days off work and school to be able to go home and chill with her. She never left my side the entire time I was home. That's soup for the soul.


sugars as soon as i walk in the door


i got her a new toy for thanksgiving (she loves beanie baby type toys)


precious!

In other news, I have new hair! The hair story [inlink]leetee,87[/inlink]. I feel so much more like myself. I've been missing the fun colours in my life. How can you not have fun while wearing 'raspberry kamikaze'? I also went for a more angular Aeon Flux cut. Thanks again (e:Leetee)! Ciao.