Somehow I think it's in my destiny to be a housewife. The one thing that brings me joy above just about anything else is a house full of people with happy tummies. Tonight we had an unexpected dinner party of sorts. Fried catfish ala matt(gluten-free of course), collard greens, zucchini with mushies garlic and parsley, steamed clams in butter-lemon sauce, and sweet taters fried in the same canola as the fish. Divine, and all the folks so happy, courtesy in large part to my efforts in the kitchen. I think about being a cook sometimes, but think that it's not quite the same. I like the kitchen ambience, the people talking, slicing the odd veggie, swapping the tales of yesternight, battering the fish, picking up the 40, and just making revelry: the kitchen should be the life of the house. Maybe that's why so many housewives have become so disaffected. When I think of the kitchen that nonna [inlink]paul,1412[/inlink] was brought up in and contrast it to the kitchen of most modern households I can see why no one wants to work there anymore. They're disinfected: of both germs and society. Isolated hubs of efficiency, and slow asphyxiation (is that really how you spell that?). Who whats to hang around there when everyone else is watching the tube?

I can't decide how to take it. Do I rebel in masculine fury over my slow emasculation? Should I feel less of myself that I don't want to be out there earning bread for the table (instead of baking said bread, I suppose)? Am I nearer the feminine me I want to be in touch with (or am I treading dangerously close to the nongender entity I dream about)? Do other people want to be more degendered, like me? Caught up in stereotypes with nowhere to turn. Bake a pie and you're covered. But really, if all I do is sit around and take care of those I love, do I even deserve to live? Is this really an occupation? Obviously not one without accompanying stigma attached. I want to get back into my routine though. I love to cook. I do it well. It makes me happy. Why do I doubt? So let's make some kinda chintzy vow now, to cook at least said number of times a week. But I'll try, I really will. And please, if you're in a position to wish me well along the way (especially if you wanna come partake: there's barely nuthin' makes me happier'n feedin' folks), please do. I happily descend past my gender threshold.

sidenote: As Matthew said, the triplets of belleville is something worth seeing, it's pretty nuts. In a good way. I was even sad when it ended so early. Gotta download that theme song now...

This here monkey (macaque type, she is) only walks upright now. Apparently she had a bad tummy ache and after she got better won't go down to all fours anymore . Don't she know her place? Get down animal, leave the walking to those who been doin it for a while. Stop yo usurpin! Do you think she's available though?

sidenote: US food companies are going to have to label their food for allergens starting 2006 . This is good for those of us who suffer from these horrible maladies of digestive uncooperativeness. The allergens that must be labelled are: milk, eggs, fish, shellfish, tree nuts, wheat, peanuts and soybeans.

India'a courts have ordered the government to release the remaining funds (over $330 million) to the victims of the Bhopal disaster . Of course the accident was more than 20 years ago, so it's a little late for those who have suffered for a score of years with the death of family, horrible diseases, and chronic ailments (and of course those who still happen to live in the environment which has never been adequately cleaned up). If this is news to you Democracy Now! has been covering this for years . On December 3, 1984 a pesticide plant in Bhopal India owned by Union Carbide (later acquired by Dow Chemical) leaked toxic methyl isocyanate gas into the surrounding atmosphere. Poison clouds from the Union Carbide factory enveloped an arc of over 20 square kilometers before the residents could run away from its deadly hold. Thousands of people died immediately and thousands more slowly died over the next months/years from inhaling the toxic fumes. To this day the entire region is suffering from chronic illness, birth defects, and contaminated water. Bhopal.net has a good site about the disaster and its history .

sidenote: from my hometown of Las Vegas, NV. Linda Ronstadt was booted out of a hotel after dedicating her encore to Michael Moore and Farenheit 9/11 . Apparently some ardent Bush supporters were so riled up that they stormed out and ripped down posters. Guess we're more red-necked than I thought back home.

and finally (though the cuteness factor is slowly declining with these dumb internet surveys) I am:

Oh shoot and galdarnit! The books are late! The way it works at the library with renewing is you get an additional 3 weeks from the date you renew. So, in order to get maximum lending time, you wait until the day the books are due before renewing. I missed it! It was yesterday, and now I am stuck with a 75 cent fine and I may not be able to renew the two books I haven't read yet, one of which I'm in the middle of. Now I must off to the library to finagle with a hopefully nice librarian to please let me keep the books (usually they make some attempt at chastisement but then do it on a "only this one time" basis). Gotta go. I'll tell you what I'm reading next time.

I've heard the song on Democracy Now! a lot and thought it was fun, but there's a whole little movie that goes along with it. Bovine Freedom!

so my movie is also Fight Club, go figure.
And my Genuinely Divine Goddess Name is: Truly Empowered Realist who Reasons Youthfully (yes, like Holly I end youthfully, thank goddess). I think my favorite god to be would be Loki, the Norse god of change and mischief. Here's a quote from some random website about him:
"Loki... is the creature who transgresses all boundaries; even more significant, Loki represents the boundary itself... Loki may most properly be seen as representative of more than either the boundary or the boundary crosser; in the character and role of Loki, the boundary, difference itself, has collapsed. But to say that it 'has collapsed' implies its prior existence, and this does not adequately describe Loki. In Loki that opposition has never been created; what is elsewhere two is one in Loki." -- Karen Swenson

He's always switching sides and creating havoc. He births two monsters who play major roles in the destrucion of the world. Super-duper fun right?

As far as outing aides of congressmen, I don't think that is quite necessary. I mean, if you're black and you wanna work for the KKK that's your (albeit horridly fucked up) perogative. Mary Cheney is the perfect example of this specific case. Her father is the evil partner of Bush, and yet she is an out lesbian. How does she live with herself? You don't necessarily need to campaign to make gay marriage legal but you at least shouldn't endorse the idea of a federal amendment banning it. Sheesh. But, I agree that it is awfully hard to find work that is going to be 100% aligned with all of your particular values. Scuttlebucket!

But! The amendment hasn't been passed anyway YAY! Though it's kinda saddening that 48% of senators wanted to write discrminination into our founding document (though according to polls that figure roughly represents the number of Americans with similar views-yuk).

Why must reason succumb?
Is there something beyond?
Or just synapses gone haywire.
Which to trust,
which to deny?
Is there compromise?

I am distracted.
I turned onto a freeway offramp today.
You've got to try it at least once,
or so I told myself.
Emotion!
Can't you wait for more opportune moments
to instigate confusion?

My friend's mother died recently.
She had a dream about icy tunnels
and choices she had no control over.
It played into my frenzy;
coinciding irrationality.

It's hard ro concentrate.
I feel like a teenager again,
raging hormones inspired by traumatic whirls of unreasonable thought.
Does it stop?
Do I want it to?
What is life without chaotic foibles?

Is the pain worth feeling,
even for eventual release?
It must be, else I'd turn it off.
Let myself slide into apathy.
Unfeeling hate.
Yet I linger,
savoring my agony?

So oft I discourage my own emotions.
Turn it off.
Only the facts matter.
Put it in context!
There is no universal suffering.
But, again, why?

Why god(s) why?
I don't need to ask.
It's all here.
I feel the release already.
Thank you muses,
for restoring my equlibrium.
I had but to tell it to the pen.

sidenote: I'm feeling the blues in the night, just click on my userpic and hear.

In the event of a terrorist attack, US authorities are coming up with plans to possibly postpone the November presidential election. (Democracy Now reports on todays show as well ) That darned al-Qaeda network might try to disrupt our elections, or so some "intelligence sources" are claiming. So the plan is that if this happens we ought to be able to stop the elections, maybe in the hopes of preventing a Spain-like "panic vote" for the non-incumbant? I wonder though, just who would benefit (politically speaking) from such an attack. Would it make Bush look weak? Would it make us stand behind the leader? Who knows. I suppose the plan about postponing the elections will hinge on which way the public reaction is leaning: outrage=no postponment, fear=postponemet. I think it's kinda baloney. Let's get this shit over with ASAP. I wanna focus on the Olympics.

sidenote: new video by Moveon comparing Edwards to Cheney

since I've written a journal entry. I'm not counting this one since I'm not really saying anything, just announcing my renewed presence. I'm back. Trip was neat-o. New user pic embracing naked theme. Until tomorrow...

Well, you [inlink]maidencateyes,52[/inlink] can see it at the Dipson which are a bit more localer, but they do have it at the Regal. I'm a bit surprised that the total corporate hack has it, but maybe it's not so bad to see it there. It's all about statement (for me at least, since it's total reeducation and nothing new to my left-ass) so it might be good if one of their highest grossing summer flicks is a left-political dissident film. Check it out!