Don't bother

I am confused. About what to be, what to do. I am too pessimistic. I don't believe in anything. I think too gobally, it's hard to have hope that way. I need to think about my own circle more, what I can influence. And start believing that it matters. That if I try I can make something happen. But more importantly, that what I make happen will have some significance. Do I even care to be significant? Does it matter. Am I too selfish? Is there anything else? I need to convince myself that trying to change the world is happiness. Even if there is little hope of the world being changed. Right?

sidenote: clowns driving cars like normal people is just wrong. Honey the clown was stopped next to us at the light, and when she saw me staring she game me a real creepy clown-smile. Sends shudders down my spine just thinking about it.