I don't really want to talk about extraneous whatevers right now, and maybe never again, I think it might lead to a bad place. Also coonskin caps are neat except for the coon part of them...

I watched TV three nights in a row now. All-told maybe 5 hours. Something needs to change. Most likely me. I really want to be a farmer. Really though, not just in a dreamy hippy way. I want to grow a good deal of my food (at least the majority of the veggies) and then maybe grow some alternative drug/supplement as a "cash crop". Maybe I could open up my own greenhouse with exotic plants. Something though. I keep trying to think of satisfying career choices and find almost nothing appealing. I just want out of everything. I sound like a teenager, I know. I don't feel like I've been broken enough to just keel over and take the money-making job though. What to do? I think I'll read a book about a magical land. Escape. Bye.

I'm doing it again where I have a cool idea but am too busy to talk about it enough right now. It deals with limited space for storage through memory in the brain. Knowledge is infinite but space is limited. Selection is required. Perhaps if choices are refined through elimination of extraneous thought can we reach new peaks of understanding. We'll probably all become fascists though. More?...

two unrelated topics I want to comment on.
Well first off, both Emliy and Mike have been posting about so-called perfect couples (100% compatible or whatever), and while I like the short story Emily posted I have to disagree with the whole assumption. Perfection is a limit. Like in calculus, it is something to be desired and pursued but never captured. I liken it to evoltution (and really to any complex adaptive system, read The Quark and the Jaguar by Gell-Mann for some intense theory behind this) in that perfection is defined by its environment. In evolutionary terms, the struggle for perfection is a struggle towards perfect fitness in any given environment, and since environments are constantly shifting, that which defines perfection must shift likewise. To me, this means that any relationship is a constant learning experience. I don't believe that people meet on the street and realize whoah, we are perfect for each other, rather they meet and decide that they have some things in common, that they find one another decent to look at, and that they want to give a relationship a go. From this point on we are dealing with a relationship that will endure a changing environment and different selection pressures. What seemed so perfect may rapidly deteriorate under these pressures if the parties involved aren't able to adapt to these situations.
Basically what I am getting at is there exist no people who are automatically made for each other; relationships are based on compromise. Those involved don't start out perfect, they slwoly intertwine their hopes, needs, and even identities until... that's the point there is no until. The beauty is in the process and not the final result. A relationship is a constantly evolving codependancy that leads nowhere except itself. I personally believe, and have witnessed, how relationships die when this is not realized. When the people involved focus on everything that is not-so-perfect about their relationship (again staring at the endpoint instead of the progress they've made towards it) they despair that they will never be perfect with who they are with and move on, only to start over with another stranger. It's hard to look at things this way, to realize that there is no perfection to be found. But, I think it's also liberating to rid yourselves of doubt that you're not perfect, you never will be, but neither will they. Getting rid of impossible expectations from them lets you free of those imposed on you, and lets everyone involved move closer to the perfection they've spent so long inventing.

I also wanted to comment on poverty a bit, but have decided to leave it to a whole 'nother entry since I have already typed your ear off. Till then.

• this just in: apparently the workers of Wild 101 are on strike right now. Whatever, but they are now playing ads on the radio that go something like this: Due to negotiation difficulties between management and staff new positions are available to talented individuals willing to cross the picket line... Haven't heard such blatant labor-busting talk in a while, but obviously it goes on all the time.

and I am at a loss for words. Probably due to the way too festive happenings of the last 3-4 days. Too much food, fun, and friends (especially of the loopy liquid and smoky green kind). So I am a bit foggy still, even though I've had a day and a half to recover now. I played Risk yesterday for 4 hours or something. I haven't played for years and years so it was fun to get to do it again, especially with Trisha. Unfortunately at one critical point in the game I was forced to make the choice that all of us have to make at one time or another: the choice between friendship or world domination. I struggled for a while before choosing (at the urging of the other players including Trisha herself) world domination. Still, I think my soul may be slightly more stained than before I started playing the infernal game. As I played I realized just how ruthless a game it was, totally based upon our domineering, conquesting, conqeuring, subjugating, and marauding culture. We decided at the onset that we should identify with a specific race depending upon the color of our men. I was chin, paulnotpaul injun, trisha fightn' irish (who else is green, if not martian?), and Summer (well she didn't get one cause she was blue, wtf?). It was amusing seeing Summer beat the original injun out of america and then later to watch the injun's take it back. The irish stayed mostly in Europe until I had to make my fatalistic choice to eradicate them. The game never even ended in that time, I almost won but then Summer took my Asia-homefront away, and then we looked at the board, realized we all had about one man per country (awfully reminiscent of the game's initial setup), and called a truce; maybe there is a chance for world peace and it consists of boring the armies to death. So is life, eh? I will end here, and make no promises, but perhaps give a vague prediction that my next entry contain a little more substance.

we are going to eat some good italiano foodo at nonna's in a minute, it will be great. And then it will be next year. See ya then!
OK New Years is cool! I am having a great time, I love my boyfriends! They are the coolest. I like my friends. I am glad that i have them, and want to keep them around me. why can't we live on my mythical farm and grow all the veggies? I don't understand...I love them all, why can't we all coexist and love each other? I love you and you and you and you...cnat' you just trust me and love them too? They're worth it, trust me. No please, just trust me, I am a distinguished observer, I know who we should keep. Let me keep you...please...

Just finished watching a interview on Dem Now! with a young man recently returned from Iraq. The whole thing just confirms my belief that what the military relies on to recruit troops is heavy propaganda aimed at undereducated people. This young man is not evil, in fact he strongly beleives that serving in the army is a sacred obligation. This is a regular guy and now he's in, and the indoctrination only becomes stronger once you're in. He's being taught that what he's doing is what the country needs, and that there is no greater honor than serving your country. He hasn't seen any of his friends die yet, maybe some of his views will shift after he does. But he's not evil. I don't believe it.

Sidenote: Howard Zinn has written a speech for any of the potential '04 presidential candidates entitled, "The Logic of Withdrawal"

Anyone read/heard/seen it? We started watching the movie last night and it was maybe the worst adaptation ever. The graphics were so bad that it detracted from a quite good story. I read all the books and really liked them, and even Matt said he liked the witty british sarcasm, but couldn't deal with the pictures. Here is an example of a two-headed alien named Zaphod. It's a guy with a rubber head on next to his, and the head doesn't really move or anything it just sits there and looks like a rubber head. Sheesh.

Q) Where were you last night at 8:00 PM?
A) the downtown f train headed south

Q) Why did you do it?
A) at first i thought because it wasnt enough, then i figured who doesn't like it strong so i filled it up some more. and then it simply wasnt enough.

Q) No really, why?
A) sometimes i feel like a butt. bute. and because, it is really okay to dig out the middle of the loaf and leave the rest.

Q) This isn't funny?
A) whoever said that sucks giant watermelons and wears headgear.

Q) Really?
A) i believe the proper term is 'actually?'

Q) WH--whe-wh-wh-whwh-wher-wh-wh-where were you last night?
A) at the local noraebbang inspiring a storm. heart of glass. what a beautiful face i have found in this place that is circling around the sun. on a murphy bed.

Q) Don't laugh at my defect. It's not-n-no-n-n-no-ot funny.
A) poor you. mommas hung you up in the closet and youre feeling sad.

Q) Go away...
A) you go away...

Q) g-g-g-g-g-g-o-g---go awaaaaayy..
A) just for that i ll stay a little bit longer

Q) ahhahahahhhhhhhhhh-gonyyyyyyy...
A) don't fret my dear
A) *ding
A) who was that girl in the art hallway?
.
.
.
... .. . .

the whispers underneath the sounds traversed
across the room into memories later forgotten
noises and sounds lit up their lives
until neglected pieces of puzzles lost set in

sensing the last days
lost opportunities
slipped and broken chances
words never spoken
the hands moved ahead

• you may choose to write separate answers or to add on to the choo-chooless**

Q) Where were you last night at 8:00 PM?
A)
Q) Why did you do it?
A)
Q) No really, why?
A)
Q) This isn't funny?
A)
Q) Really?
A)
Q) WH--whe-wh-wh-whwh-wher-wh-wh-where were you last night?
A)
Q) Don't laugh at my defect. It's not-n-no-n-n-no-ot funny.
A)
Q) Go away...
A)
Q) g-g-g-g-g-g-o-g---go awaaaaayy..
A)
Q) ahhahahahhhhhhhhhh-gonyyyyyyy...
A)
A)
A)
.
.
.
... .. . .

if anyone thinks this is fun or a good idea, please forget all about it, otherwise email me at my link to the right with your answers (errr, A)s, yeah) and I'll put it on my journal. Fun, right? (hint: copy entre entry (Ctrl+C), well except this last stupid paragraph, and paste (Ctrl+V) into your email) Have fun kiddos!

at the moment we are listening to ourselves
finding hope in past observations
well hope as Confucious demands
talking in riddles makes pain hidden

so I won't make any secret of my innermost longings that perpetuate their dreamtime fancy. Gives none. Not a whit or an ounce. I have however seen apparentness in signs; it's logical. You'll find them too once you have accepted inevitablity without confines. Everything that happened was inevitable at the point it occupies and nowhere else. Even when the point is not unique it's coincidences are. Supernatural religion is my new motto. Convince my brain and take my spirit for a ride. Don't make me believe. Leave that to me. Let my life be ruled by a knowledge of how precious it is; unrevocable, one, unique. My personal choices deride thus, my faith is in what is and nothing else. Once I'm shown the other though, it always finds itself welcome, even incorporated. So my faith expands with knowledge unto who knows where...only the dead, whom we can't ask, could answer. I will make a difference larger than my molecules without aide from beyond, but with much from my friends.