I've been reading Bakhtin's writing on medieval laughter and the carnival all day. Scroll down to "The Grotesque Body" and you should get the gist of Bakhtin's theory.
I fell asleep after finishing the reading and here is the dream I had. It's not a particularly spectacular dream as it obviously stems from my real life's everyday events.
I was in my house, Caroline, the chair of my thesis committee was over visiting. For some reason I peed in my pants so I went to the bathroom and took off my pants. While in the bathroom I forgot I had a visitor and because my pants were already off I thought, Ah hell, I may as well masturbate. So I went out into the living room and positioned myself in a chair in front of a mirror in the wall. I then put my feet up on the wall and preceded to masturbate by use of a vibrator and dildo. I orgasmed once then started up again this time I lifted the vibrator off my clit and just went at it with the dildo. When I climaxed gushes of milky liquid came out of my slit. Then i went to get dressed. While in my bedroom Caroline called out "Robin, I'm going to go outside." that's when I realized that Caroline was in the kitchen while I was pleasuring myself. The kitchen has no door so the living room is unavoidable from there.

So... the dream went on to me embarrassing my Mama with the people at church somehow and I forgot about it until she reminded me by telling the story in front of a relative. Making me feel guilty that something important to my mom was trivial to me.


OK, I'm going to go put together my thesis writing.
please enjoy the bukowski poem.

This morning I woke up at 8am from a creepy dream. Here is how it went...
I was babysitting 4 preschool aged children in an apartment in a sky rise building. One of the kids was Kiah, my niece. The kids were driving me nuts because...well... kids are so energetic and I couldn't smoke in the apartment. Some other old person was there with me, a cousin or something. I finally got completely fed up and said, "ok, we are going outside. I have to smoke" So we all headed for the elevators. I had to run back into the apartment to change the laundry so the kids went on downstairs with the cousin. I put the laundry in the dryer and took the elevator down to the lobby. In the lobby my niece was standing next to a bosomy, middle-aged black woman. The woman was smiling going on about what a little sweetheart, Kiah is.
I was surprised to see Kiah standing with strangers but the strangers were nice so I was relieved. I called Kiah back onto the elevator and went to the recreation level were the deck was, to see if I could find everyone else. We found my cousin and two of the other children but a little boy named Jason was missing. I was angry that the cousin lost jason. I left the children with the cousin and went with my aunt outside to find Jason.
We looked but didn't see him anywhere. We went back inside the sky rise by means of some weird horizontal elevator that goes through the lobby and then up. While we went through the lobby I opened the door to look for Jason. At first, no Jason but then I saw a little boy standing, in the distance, by a plant. I started screaming out, Jason, Jason and he ran over to the elevator, smiling and happy(relieved). I grabbed him in my arms and we continued on the elevator back to the recreation level.
I asked him, "Jason, where were you?" and he didn't say anything. I said "You need to tell me, I have to take care of you" and he said he didn't want to say. I sensed something was wrong and asked"Who were you with, a man or a woman?" He ignored that question but said "They banged my head into a pillow and it burned down there(he points to his genitals) and got all brown."




Ok so that's when I woke up from this dream. I was laying there forever think of what to do. Call the police first or take him to the hospital?
I guess if this were a real situation I would go get the rest of the kids. Go to the hospital and call the police from there. Have them check the security camera's in the sky rise and find out where the child molester lives.
It's frustrating to have bad dreams that end before any real conclusion. It's good I found the little boy but it's scary to think of what happened to him and how it was to late for me to protect him.

Looks like c-ney is coming to buffalo. I haven't seen her since the summer in GA. This should be fun. I think I've lost my mind but we are sure to make some great videos.

wish me luck.

What about this video? I know more of you have watched it than letting on. I can see it on the web stats. What do you think?


I told y'all my Dad went nuts on this ancestor stuff.

this is Annie may, my granny's sister. She was one of the first women race car drivers.
this is her with my great granny.


I have no idea who these people are except they have my last name. Looks like mustaches run in the family.




The little one is my dad. The other two are his siblings.


My dead great uncle's would be wife. I bet WWII really pissed her off.


Here is my granny with her mama


And this is my granny. apparently I have some Cherokee blood from her mother's side of the family.


This was my grandpa, he was that raggedy lil boy in black, member?

I made this. Any advice for improvement? I'd sure appreciate it. You need quicktime to watch.

It may be an effect of reading Darwin who knows. I have a strong interest in my ancestors(Welcome to the gothic south.) I would love to hear about collective family histories on e-strip. When I was applying for a residency in Greensboro. NC a couple weeks ago It peaked my interest in my Dad's half of the family. I started looking around on the internet and listened to these interviews. (N.C.)%20--%20Social%20life%20and%20customs.
The people in these interviews are from my Dad's hometown. This was a little mill town called Bynum. The mill closed in the 70's or 80's so now this town is going through gentrification from the research triangle people. My dad's always told stories about bynum. Here is a link to some of his stories that I recorded I've sampled some of the audio from the oral histories and plan to use it in a video. I'll probably shoot and edit tonight.
So...
I sent my Dad a link to those interviews and asked him for the names of my grandparents brotherrrs and sisters. Now my Dad keeps sending me stuff. I've inherited the role of keeper of the family history. This is good because I'm interested in family mythologies more that institutionalized history.
The first thimg I learned was that I have a connection to Greensboro through my paternal Grandma "granny" apparently granny's daddy was from Greensboro. He died early and granny's mother didn't want anything to do with her dead husbands family.
quoting my dad
"They all moved to Bynum just as the great Depression was
starting. After Mother's father died, Mother's Mother told the lawyers
for the Montgomery estate that she wanted no part of hell's half acres.
Mother's father was a Montgomery and his family came to Gilford County
around 1750 from Lancaster, Penn."
and
"The Montgomery Plantation lasted through the revolutionary and civil war.
The Montgomery's lost the final 60 acres in 1974 when the city of
Greensboro took it to build a sewer plant."

apparently if I can track down the sewer plant in Greensboro I can track down "hell's half acres" so... the same thing goes for the brasington plantation but I guess that was sold off much earlier in 1920.
My Granny started working in the mill when she was 14. Once again quoting my dad.
"Lee Montgomery was the first one to move to Bynum when he was about 19. He
went there to get a job after his Father died. Lee got Mother a job in the mill when she was about 14. Then Marion and Clemont moved to Bynum and got a job. They all lived with Lee until Lee got married. Annie May lived with her mother until she got married the first time. Your Granny started dipping snuff when she was about 14 because the old mill hands told her to dip it so she did not breathe in the cotton dust from the machines. They all moved to Bynum just as the great Depression was
starting. "

Today my dad, well I call hin Daddy pronounced "deddy" today he sent me a bunch of old pictures. I think he's really bored since his retirement. So here are the pics he sent.
This is my Dad as a young man. I think it's his high school graduation photo.


These two are my Granny's brothers. (McGee) Montgomery, I heard in one of the audio histories online that Mcgee used to participate in quilting circles. He died around D-day in France, 1944. Hy dad who was born in 1944 is named after McGee who's given name was Marion Moore. The man in the hat is named Clemont. "Clemont is the one who was shot in the head as a teenager and later died. After Clemont was shot, his brain never developed anymore so he acted sorta like a 15 year old boy the rest of his life. Even though his brain never developed, he had total recall and could remember anything he saw or read. He could quote the whole bible from memory. "



This one is of my grandfather (the little boy in black). I never met him. He died when my Dad was 5. He was born in 1907.



so even though I've always associated my dad with Bynum I guess my grandparents moved there to get jobs and actually come from othe parts of north Carolina.

I can still taste vodka. My body is working to digest but it seems to take forever. Park st. had a birthday and I was guilted out to the pink. It was fun... strange but fun. I got around an hour of sleep. Then the lovely korean woman in my bed woke me up and asked for directions home. Then she got lost and kept calling so... I ate a couple soft boiled eggs and some herring. I've been planning for class today. I hate being a walking talking technical manual but that's what my kids want. They've broken my spirit. I've given into their desires.
This research is driving me nutty. It's so many things to put together but I can do it. It's time to become a hermit and get em done. I still need three people to shoot a video of. I think I will ask Julie, Soyeon and Arzu if they will do a sequence. This project seems to be more about relationships than absurdity, unbelievably.

I need a boyfriend but one I can send home with ease. It must be spring fever. I know I'm not good with guys but Jesus Christ, everyone needs a lay every now and then. Do I scare men. It's either that or... well, maybe y'all can tell me the problem. Should I put on a faux innocence to be romantic?
Thanks for the cow advice. I wish things were easier. All I want to do is walk a cow around downtown Buffalo but without a truck or money, it just seems infeasible. I really have to get a move on if you know what I mean. It has to do with the changing of times. I hate being commodity dependent for happiness but at the same time, could you imagine killing your own meat?
I hate seeing my sister make up to her daughter for the lack of time she spends with her by buying her shit. I know she has bills but what if she just quit her job and hung out. I mean food and shelter are the biggies. They always have shelter. They could make a garden. What about me though? I buy shit all the time with God Damn loans, usually ephemeral things intended for immediate consumption but not always. I have a media addiction, books, movies and music.


I'm bothered.
I really can be bothered.
I found an old roll of film and had it developed. It's from inside my old apt. at 226 elmwood. I think I cooked mac and cheese for Soy. It was back before she moved to the suburbia and became a housewife.
reason # 2304 not to have a boyfriend
regular sex makes the majority of people lazy and boring (but then some people have always been one or the other), must be a comfort thing.

Does anyone have a live cow I could borrow or know where to rent one?
I'm serious.
I need some help here. I know where to get dead cow but a live one...
I've no idea.