In Freud's dream analyses he's always trying to say that if you dream of an umbrella it's really a phallic symbol and things like that. I wonder what Freud would think of my dreams maybe he would say you dreamed of a dick so it's really and umbrella symbol.

I did head to that party last night around 1:30. It was winding down at that point, it started at like 4 in the afternoon. I stayed there about an hour and was informed that I could stay because I am extended family. That was nice.

I asked around about portraiture and what the point of portraiture is. Jon kept me entertained with answering that (it somehow lead to a conversation about how people can fuck anything) but Keith was pissing me off because he refused to answer my "GodDamn" question and he kept swearing that I have a mini me walking around but I happen to know this girl and I can assure you that she is entirely her own person. I must have a couple of twins because whenever I go to Louie's hot-dogs the woman working there always remembers me as a person who looks like one of their other customers.

I left that party last night and came home to read and fuck around until about 5 in the morning. I woke up around 2 being jarred out of my sleep by a fucked up and disjointed domestic dream.

It starts out at my parents house. My sister and I were the only ones home. Lori says something like "Harvey's coming here to kill us" so I run to the back and call 911 and I can hear my sister screaming in the front of the house. There are other scary people with Harvey. They tell me I'd better not call the police and I say to the receiver "come to 2-- Stoner Rd as soon as possible" Then my sister is in front of me with Harvey. I'm so happy that he didn't kill her that we laugh and hug but then Harvey jumps on her back pinning me to the ground underneath them. Then Harvey starts to dry hump us. My sister and I seemed willing to give in and choose rape over death.
Then I'm in the front of the house and my Mom is home. A busload of bohemians pull up and my Mom goes out to tell them that they can't stop here but they pile out of the bus anyway and they have small children with them so my Mom gives in.
Then I'm at a fancy restaurant in the mall with my Dad and brother. I want to leave because I don't have money but my Dad ask me to stay so I do but then the order taker takes everyone's order but mine and then she takes the order of two women behind us so I get all pissed when she is finally ready to take my order so I storm out and steal a camera.
Then I'm at home and my joints keep unraveling but their mostly tobacco anyway because one of my brothers took my weed and my dad told me he probably went to smoke it with my other brother.
Finally Harvey is back. He's on top of me and I'm laying on my stomach on two tables that separate a few inches right where my crotch is. We are trying to have sex and I turn around to my mother (Harvey has turned into my Mom) and ask how can you fuck me if you don't have a dick? She says I do and she shows it to me and she's Harvey again. I look at the dick its very long and very thin. While he is trying to put his dick inside of me I ask Harvey what happened you had such a big dick in high school. He says he's become infertile and then he pulls his dick out because he had ejaculated. I said "you came already" with totally pissed off frustration.

Well, that's the end of the fucked up dream. Harvey was my friend Shannon's nutty brother. I don't know what the hell brought him up in my mind. That's the 2nd time I've dreamed about guys cuming to soon. It's a little different from the Chris Rock dilemma of wrap it up. I don't know. Crazy.

I experienced a Paul and Terry sighting a few minutes ago so I honked, laughed and then I felt sad because they looked so happy, not that I don't want them to be happy or anything but I'm bored and I want some of jolly companionship for myself. I might head over to Keith's neighbors and check out their party who knows?

My apartment is chilly for the first time in weeks. I woke up and put on one of my sister's old boyfriends shirt. It's comfortable. I need to straighten up in here. I wonder how I'm going to fit all this junk into keith and jon's place?

Whenever I have to get up before my body desires to I am reliant on the terrible screeching of 3 alarm clocks. Usually I hit snooze for around an hour and then get up.

Today was a damn good day. Tony split open a watermelon while illuminated by a red light. Then he gave us all a piece. We were talking about surveillance and cyber sex for the most part but they didn't call it cyber sex it was online video sex or something. I think Tony was arguing that it's a great form of birth control and protection from std's. I don't like the idea. Sex needs bodies.
I never got around to talking about my thing I've been thinking about but that's ok.
My second day of teaching went fine. I was so uncomfortable and nervous the first day. It's difficult but I think I'm getting better. I showed them a reel of work from my undergraduate school and they liked Andy's video's.
One of my students built this web site www.theyardape.com.
It's a little strange because I have 17 male students and only one female, funny.
I'm thinking about showing a Paul Morrissey film but I showed trash to Soyeon last night and she doesn't think my students are ready for that kind of thing but I think they'll be fine. I have a reading to go with it...
yeah

Today has been so nice and slow. Tomorrow school....school.... a zillion years of school school school! Time to take a bath and head to school a day early to work on sound from the Kino thing. I have thirty minutes to get there so I'm going to be late. One long relaxing bath then I'll start.
The clutter inside of my place is once again driving me insane. It could be that the heat and the smell of stale smokes is contributing a great deal to my discomfort in my own space. When I first got home from Georgia I was shocked to return to my mess. I have pile of old cards in my bedroom floor. I cut them up for a collage but never got around to in. In the middle of my living room floor is a half finished girl scout 1965 collage. A severe mess has built up around that.
Looking around I see, ginger ale, co cola, change, lighters, panties, dishes, keys, bread, boots, sneakers, socks, Wendy's cups, an old art voice, a crotched hat, paper towels covered with oil paint, pony tail holders, a mirror, glue, books, tampons, hair rollers, an obituary for a boy i grew up with, umbrella, belt, fabric, photos, CDs, a nail file, light bulbs, wrappers and old cigarette boxes, plastic bags, pens, toilet paper, an old car phone, a type writer, eye shadow, a birthday party blow thing, a wallet, purses, a blanket, tapes, paper bag, towels, old mail, a rain jacket, dirty clothes, , a ruler, a sketchbook, perfume, a recorder, cell phone box, broom, platform sandals, suitcase, ford toboggan, a tin with sewing needles, cigarettes and butts. That's about it.

I've only now recovered from a night of excessive drinking, tequila to whiskey to rum to beer to vodka. My body is still cursing me. Time is speeding up. I knew it would.
Happy genuine day of birth to Terry.
I had a silly dream in my drunker slumber.
I was at a house in the country speaking to Soyeon on the phone. She was actually sitting next to me on the couch but then these people broke into the house and Soyeon was on the phone somewhere else. I told her "Call the police, call the police" I was pretty sure that the people wanted to burn me alive and eat me or something.
One guy grabbed my hands and crossed them over each other. He said don't move. I asked him if I could at least have some kind of drug to ease my suffering. He gave me a rufenol. Then he started caress my genitals through my clothes and saying, look at her hair it's so dark and soft. He found the place where my vagina opens so I asked him, why don't just you fuck me? He said ok and started, this was a pleasurable experience for me. I felt a distinct separation between my mind and body but at the same time they were together. I could hear my self making sounds but it was as if they were coming from somewhere else. The guy came in three thrust.
Turns out that the people were just a group of nomads who travel around. I think I could have joined them if I'd wanted.

I went to Keith and John's to talk about this moving stuff. They were working on some video stuff that they're setting up at a show Wednesday night. It's at Mcgarrets. These guys we know are playing, nice, talented guys. They play instrumental stuff, personally I like lyrics and Ben(player) does to but the other guys just don't like his singing but fuck it I'm going. Yawl should come on out.

It looks like I'm moving in with Keith and John in a week or so, good lord!

The drive back from Georgia was crazy, the party I encountered at 1 in the morning was even more crazy. Poor Mike, I felt so bad for him when he was trying to pass out and we were singing happy birthday and taking pictures. I was comatose quickly after my first drink and smoke. It was a wild party, so many dancers. I wonder where all those people came from?

I was in Owego, NY at the experimental Television Center when I turned 21. Pam Hawkins made me a screwdriver and then I walked down to the gas station with my buddy Al Mill and bought us a 6pack of Heineken.
We were sitting on the street drinking when I encountered my first Yankee redneck. He was a tall, skinny and friendly fellow. He told us to watch out for the cops. Al Mill was afraid the Y RN was after me but I just knew he was a nice guy ... and he was. If only my character perceptions were always correct.