Fucking God Damn Summer
This city is eating away at me, slowly and surly. I sit in my filth being a loathsome person. This is how I feel after calling my parents and begging for money. I talked my Mama then to my 3 yr. old niece Kiah for the longest time. She's so sweet it breaks my heart to be so far away. She said
Do you member me?
Are you tired? You can come sleep over here, Robie.
Is your cat there, is he still dead?
Poxy's not dead.
Poxy's dead she got all squishy.
Will you sing a song with me?
Where is your Mama? Granny yer mama?
When are you going to come here Robin?
You gotta get on an airplane?
No Granny you can't have the phone I'm talking to Robie
ahhhh waaaaa!
Is your boyfriend there?
What's his name, Annie?
He lives where I live?
Papa's gater broke.
We rode it to much.
Papa can fix it.
I've got a wire to fix the gater.
I love you.
When are you gonna come here?
So eventually she gives the phone to my Dad and I beg for a loan and he gets upset because he doesn't have the money but he says that he'll send me money every week and I try to explain why it's difficult for me if he sends money every week but it's pointless. He tells me to call more and not just when I need money. I tell him that I do call I just never talk to him and we hang up.
Then I cried for a good long while. I'm not even sure why. It could be because I feel bad for seeming ungrateful and spoiled. It could be because I'm worried about how I will get to campus when I move to a cheaper apartment that isn't so close to the subway. It could be that the people who I love the most and who love me the most all live 1000 miles away. It could be that I'm uncertain what the hell I'm doing with my life. It could be that I haven't done anything creative in what feels like a million years. It could be that I have to teach software in two weeks and I'm not that excited about it. It could be that Andy hasn't called me this week. It could be a million stupid, personal, and boring things.
I apologize for disappearing last night. I was bribed out of my hovel.
Wow, pecan pies. I love pecan pies and so does my Mama. In my Mawmaw's front yard there is a pecan tree.
I had a strange dream last night. My leg kept coming off right below the knee. I could put it back on but it felt like it was falling asleep. Numb parts. I tried hopping on the leg to make it wake up. A brown skinned girl helped me but I was so unbalance that I knocked us both over. Then the girl helping my slid her tongue in my mouth.
Do you member me?
Are you tired? You can come sleep over here, Robie.
Is your cat there, is he still dead?
Poxy's not dead.
Poxy's dead she got all squishy.
Will you sing a song with me?
Where is your Mama? Granny yer mama?
When are you going to come here Robin?
You gotta get on an airplane?
No Granny you can't have the phone I'm talking to Robie
ahhhh waaaaa!
Is your boyfriend there?
What's his name, Annie?
He lives where I live?
Papa's gater broke.
We rode it to much.
Papa can fix it.
I've got a wire to fix the gater.
I love you.
When are you gonna come here?
So eventually she gives the phone to my Dad and I beg for a loan and he gets upset because he doesn't have the money but he says that he'll send me money every week and I try to explain why it's difficult for me if he sends money every week but it's pointless. He tells me to call more and not just when I need money. I tell him that I do call I just never talk to him and we hang up.
Then I cried for a good long while. I'm not even sure why. It could be because I feel bad for seeming ungrateful and spoiled. It could be because I'm worried about how I will get to campus when I move to a cheaper apartment that isn't so close to the subway. It could be that the people who I love the most and who love me the most all live 1000 miles away. It could be that I'm uncertain what the hell I'm doing with my life. It could be that I haven't done anything creative in what feels like a million years. It could be that I have to teach software in two weeks and I'm not that excited about it. It could be that Andy hasn't called me this week. It could be a million stupid, personal, and boring things.
I apologize for disappearing last night. I was bribed out of my hovel.
Wow, pecan pies. I love pecan pies and so does my Mama. In my Mawmaw's front yard there is a pecan tree.
I had a strange dream last night. My leg kept coming off right below the knee. I could put it back on but it felt like it was falling asleep. Numb parts. I tried hopping on the leg to make it wake up. A brown skinned girl helped me but I was so unbalance that I knocked us both over. Then the girl helping my slid her tongue in my mouth.