I was giving thought to the whole penis measuring thing and I decided to measure my vaginal depth with my vibrator.



My vibrator was marketed toward gay men, I think, mainly because it was called the vibro dong anal probe on the package and it had a picture of a handsome necked man from behind turning his head around smiling.
Well, anyway I got about 3.5 inches with this thing, not very impressive I reckon.
It makes me reconsider sex with others even more. I mean, most dicks are well beyond 3.5 inches. I've been realizing that sex is just not worth the risk, Jesus Christ, I don't want a child! and I never get off anyway. I've had sex around 600 or so times in my life and out of those times I've had maybe 10 orgasms. I never fake either! I'm disgusted with myself. I love to talk about sex but I find sexual intercourse to be most unsatisfying. That's my fault I guess. I need to tell my partners exactly what to do but why does it matter? I know how to get myself off very well and if I can make my guy cum then what's the problem? It's a bad thing. It turns sex into a power issue which is totally fucked up.

Well, I called up my mother around 7pm to tell her, I love you Mama but I never got to it. My sister answers the phone and the first thing she says is "Scott just broke his leg on Eric's motorcycle." Scott is my oldest brother(34), Eric my 2nd oldest brother(32).
So my sister puts me on with my Dad and he asks if I found a job and says that if I don't find one I have to come home. Then he puts me on with my Mom and she asks me if I bought some groceries with the money she sent. I told her yes I have food but I'm out of money. She starts fussing about that but at the same time my brother Scott is sitting on a huge rock in my front yard and it's coming up a thunderstorm there. I tell my Mama if he's really broken his leg they should call an ambulance and I hear my Mama shout "Scott, do you want an ambulance?" My niece, Kiah, starts crying because they will not let her go outside.
So I ask to be put on the phone with Kiah and I calm her down by saying "Oh, poor baby, are they being mean to you? I'll get em. I'll give em all spankings but you and I'll give you candy." Kiah eventually calms down and tells me "Scott broke his leg." Kiah has the most adorable kid southern accent. Well, then she tells me "Poxy(cat) is here, she's not dead," and "the ducks like me." I hear my Dad in the background, he says "Scott broke his damn leg" so I say Kiah, "Did you hear Papa cuss? I remember when you used to cuss." It's true, one of Kiah's first twenty words was "Shit!" and she used it appropriately to, at not even a year old.
Well, after that my Dad gets back on the phone and says they just took Scott to the hospital. And they've gotta let me go cause it's coming up a storm and he can't afford the phone bill and they'll call and let me know how Scott is.

I just spent two hours going in and out of AOL chat rooms sending out links to the Baubo animation I made www.dreamdilation.com/robin I had a conversation or two about it. People seem to think that children should not see it but that's who I made it for, ages 2-5. I tried to make a point to them. I told them that when I was 14 I used to visit AOL chat rooms in order to collect pornography. Regular old female submissive porn for the most part but I never knew what I was getting until I downloaded the pic so I got a lot of sicko crap, like animal and shit fetish pictures.
The point I was trying to make is that no way is my Baubo animation as bad for young teens as a photograph of a snake coming out of a woman's vagina but who knows, maybe it is. Anyway, Liz if you read this maybe you could check the number of visits to my web page on your site and let me know how successful I was in getting it out there.

Well, I never in my life. Liz sure knows how to make a person feel welcome, from the Cheese, to the peppers, to the vodka, and back.
What interesting company there was. I've never been around so many nude people all at once. Penises and balls are so funny. I wonder what it feels like to have those things attached to your body? They're so swingy.
Yes, when me and Liz get together all sorts of drunken debauchery is likely to occur.

Come smell my hair y'all!

I was going to ask if you wanted to go to Keith's house with me, cause I was about to walk over there. It was a good time. We heard records while we talked about the man/boy love organization. Then we started singing, Pharaoh pharaoh, Oh nO, let my people go! and Father Abraham had many son's. Damn the excessive amounts of chick tracks in the house.
I drew on some paper towels and drank a shot of whiskey with the boys. Then I came home. I was asleep all day. I dreamed my sister got the cutest little puppy. It looked like a miniature Benjie and it kept licking everything.
I'm afraid I haven't been doing a good job with my job search. I've vowed to myself to try harder tomorrow so I don't get shipped away to humid boredom and numb bitching.
Going to Georgia sounds a little fun though because my Dad told me he fixed my sister's old truck so I'd have something to drive maybe. Ah yes, cruising with the windows down in the middle of the night, smelling the spring flying by. That sounds fine but that's just a little chunk of a way to spend time.

These quotes are from the book "Kids Say the Darndest Things" published in 1957.
What do you think a rich man is?
A bachelor

Would you vote for a woman for president?
No.
Why not?
Their responsibilities are not so political.

What do you want to be when you grow up?
Nothing, because I don't wanna grow up.
That's unusual. How come?
Because of all the bills you have to pay at the end of the month.

What do you want to be?
I don't care as long as I get money.
Why do you want money?
Because I want to have a husband and the only way you can get a husband these days is to have money.

What do you want to be?
I'm not sure but I think I'd like to get married.
Why?
Well, I'd rather do that than work

What's your favorite expression?
"Bury that crazy prehistoric!"
What does it mean?
It means get rid of that old man.
Who do you use it on?
Anyone over 21.

I've got a new boy friend
How do you know?
Because yesterday he told me to shut up and go home.

What do you want to be?
Housewife.
Who are you going to marry?
I think a woman.
But you're a girl yourself... why would you want to marry a woman?
Because women are a lot less trouble than men, my mother tells me.

Who matures faster girls or boys?
Girls.
How do you know?
Well, a girl knows when she falls in love with a boy but a boy doesn't even know the girls in love with him or what, and doesn't know much of anything- so girls are more mature.

Would you like to be the president?
Oh, it's all right.
The Governor?
No.
How about the mayor?
Why not?
Because that's a girl horse.

What do you like to do best?
Cook, sew, embroider and clean house.
With those interest what do you think you'll be?
A private secretary.
Do you know what a private secretary does?
Yes, the main thing is to keep the newspaper man away from her boss so they can't get a scoop on anything he doesn't want them to know about.
Would you be willing to sit on the boss' lap?
Well, if you have to- you have to.



Looking at this picture I realize that things were not necessarily simpler. Yes, I could get away with wearing overalls with no shirt but look at my expression. What the hell was I thinking about? I'm sure I had something on my mind, maybe I was thinking "Wow, my sister's Panama Jack shirt is so much cooler than my overalls." I got to many things on my mind lately. I had more disturbing dreams. One of them involved MDMA. In the dream I took the drug and went to sleep. I took the drug with my friend Skip Willimson, this older wild man I know. I was creeped out because someone had recently told me that people only give you ecstasy if they want to have sex with you. The drug was injected into lifesaver shaped candy. I ate it then went to sleep. I could hear them saying "she's asleep, is she ok." When I woke up in the dream the shape of my head had changed.
The second dream was strange, kind of insect like. I was thinking like a preying mantis but it wasn't that cool. It would have been cooler if I were a prey mantis, well, a preying mantis might enjoy having my dream though, ah, who knows?
so yeah, what that says about my own personal psychology, I have no idea. What is more natural the desire to consume or the desire to copulate?
Andy(my Atl sweetie) called and said that he is coming here for a week in June for my birthday,so anyone who comes to me and Soyeon's joint birthday party on June 13th can meet em. I miss how he liked to give me foot massages when I put my feet in his lap while we were watching movies. I gave Soyeon a foot massage the other day because she looked so melancholy. She said she's never had a foot massage before and that made me so sad. Her poor little feet in those high heels
e
veryday, she needs a good foot massaging man like Andy.
I'm very fortunate to be a woman.

Keith says that "After looking at my favorite porn sites I guess there might, I supply to my favorite porn sites I suppose. Something about Elmwood strip. I read the journal everyday. I read stickboy. I find myself finishing the job the job when I read Paul did I mention myself reading Stick boy?"

When I was in grade school we tried to wear green on St. Patrick's Day, If we didn't we would get pinched. I wonder if y'all did that evilness up here? Keith did not. He gave me cornbeef and made me think of that stuff.
When I was three I went to an amusement park with my Mom and a lot of people from church. A tornado went through the park that night. I remember wondering where my brother was and being scared that he would be crushed by a tree but I thought the storm was exciting. We went into a souvenir shop to wait out the storm a bit. I was standing by a sunglasses rack. My cousin, Josh, who was two years old at the time, saved me from kidnappers there. OK, that part has to be bullshit, you know? So I think that's my oldest fantasy.
Josh joined the air force a few years ago. I wrote him a letter telling him how crazy and stupid I think that is and he never wrote me back. He does mechanical work on planes. He recently married a girl from Louisiana and she'll be having a baby if a few months I reckon.
I had scary dreams last night or actually today. It's tidy in here. I wish I had a little money and I would invite people over for food and drinks. I've never done much entertaining in this apartment. I feel like I should do a little this summer because pretty soon I'll move in with Soyeon and that will be different. It'll be our space then, not just my space. I've had my own space for a long time but I think Soyeon will be a good roommate for me. We'll help each other keep our heads on straight.
The job hunt, yes, I'll start up again tomorrow. I hate that the weather is so cold. It's fucking May, for christ sake!
Ah well, at least music is beautiful no matter the temperature.

my house is clean. stop on by sometime.