Yes, the choices suck but Bush is the king of bastards. A total turd. He sucks more than a black hole. I wish that he would have a heart attack, a car wreck, a plane crash, or good old-fashioned kidnapping and torture. Yes, Bush is bad. It almost makes me want to vote, almost... but not quite.
It is sad this anti-voting mind set of mine but the truth is all the candidates are fuckers and not anyone who I would choose as a leader. Where are the fucking lady leaders in this cuntry? eh? It's not that I hate guys, I love dick but I think dick is the wrong choice to lead the people. The woman god has been crushed for long enough. Fucking Laura Bush, What kind of Bitch is she? Not a good one I'd say. I hope she dies a painful death and burns eternally in the fiery depths of hell, even though we all know hell is a bull shit concept. I just hope for a minute that it's real because surly the Bushes would Burn.
So no, as tempted as I am to vote for some other shithead just to do my part in the attempt to get the super shithead out of office, I will refrain. I refuse to make an effort and waste my energy until there is someone worth voting for in the line up.
If however this shithead bush does end up in office again, I predict mass protest, the kind of protest that haven't been seen since the late sixties. Oh dear God I would be a part of that uprising. I would gleefully die for a cause that is correct and progressive.
I'm sick of all these old white men.

Joy,

Well, the first day of my African aesthetics class the teacher, Deborah Jack played a bunch of music for us and one of the songs was Strange Fruit by Billie Holiday. So I looked up information on the song and here is what I found.


Abel Meeropol wrote the poem strange fruit, in 1937 after seeing the enclosed photograph. He was a Jewish schoolteacher who adopted the Rosenberg boys after their parents were executed by our government.


Billie Holiday made the poem famous through song.
Strange Fruit


Southern trees bear a strange fruit,
Blood on the leaves and blood at the root,
Black body swinging in the Southern breeze,
Strange fruit hanging from the poplar trees.

Pastoral scene of the gallant South,
The bulging eyes and the twisted mouth,
Scent of magnolia sweet and fresh,
And the sudden smell of burning flesh!

Here is a fruit for the crows to pluck,
For the rain to gather, for the wind to suck,
For the sun to rot, for a tree to drop,
Here is a strange and bitter crop.







so what does this have to do with my granny? Well, last night at about 4 or 5 in the morning I was trying to sleep but I had a terrible headache and just kept thinking about the development or my personal construct of race. This starts out within the family and then later on school and other social environments.

I remembered how my dad once told me that he remembers being on a school bus chanting "2, 4, 6, 8, we don't want to integrate." He was a teenager. Then I started thinking about what a poor and miserable mill town my dad grew up in. He definitely had issues about class. He went to school in the neighboring town and all the kids from his part of town (or side of the river) were looked down upon as poor trashy "river rats." I think that my dad as a child learned to displace his personal feelings of inadequacy onto Afro-Americans. That rationalization does little to explain the historical racism of rich whites.

Thinking of my dad though made me think of my granny. She worked in this tiny mill in Bynum NC from the age of 12 to 76. A mill town is a pretty miserable environment. The community consisted of a group of houses all close together, similar to a subdivision with outhouses, I guess. The people who worked in the textile mill were also dependent on the mill owners for their housing. Granny was born in 1909. So she would have been our age at the start of the great depression and 28 when Strange Fruit was written.

My granny died when I was 16 so I was trying to remember things that she told me when she was growing up. Then I remembered this story. I'll try to tell it as I remember her telling it to me but it was a long time ago so its probably not totally accurate.

Granny's story

Everybody was gathered around because they were going to hang this man. The man was up in from of the crowd about to be hung when he said "Lord, if I am innocent, let the wind shake this tree" and right then and there the wind came and shook up the tree. I went home after that, they still hung the man but I didn't want to see it because I knew it wasn't right. They should have let him go.

Well, that's a story or history that troubles me. I was a little girl when my granny told me that. I remember when Granny said she left after the wind shook the tree I asked her why. This is sick but I think that a hanging seemed like something exciting to me when I was little. I didn't know anything about lynching so I didn't make the connections that I can make today. When I was researching strange fruit I came across Lynching Statistics from A. Red Record. It's fucked up and sad that so many people were murdered in one year alone. I don't know if my granny was talking about a lynching. She never said that word and she never specified the race of the man they hung but still, I d
on
'
t kn
ow. I'm sorry to bring all this heavy information down on you Joy but you asked so... I delivered. Are you sorry you asked? What do you think of Granny's story? It bothers me that she knew it wasn't right but didn't do anything about it.

Robin

---

Robin,
Hey I know that you are going to be shocked but I emailed a copy of this letter to artnews..Why? because your story hit me , and I feel that millions of other people have the same story ..It is sad to say that my great granny never told me stories like that instead she told me stories about how she had sex with a white man in the town while she was still married to her husband but in that town no one could do such a thing...She got pregnant with my grandma, and she wanted to keep the baby..I remember her mostly telling me that the white man was a doctor , and one day she told my grandma"do you want to know who your real dad is " so she took my grandma into town to his office..She wasn't allowed in even though that white blood ran through his body. He came out of the store gave her a lollipop and said ..You can't come back down here anymore.. I wondered how my granny felt ....I wonder does she think about her dad..I wonder what the town would have been like if she would have announced it....Race is not just about color..Well at least that is what I think it's this long threaded out history .....And even though some people think that it is over it is not....It shapes are existence.. I mean what if my great granny told the whole town.....Would I even be here today..So yeah it is a dechotamy of so many things......so many grey stories..... I mean I can remember hanging out with my friends and being the only black girl at a table of ten...Of course it made me aware....Also dating white guys and meeting there parents..I know in their eyes I raise old buried stories , of what they did , or said and didn't do....but the generation is changing ....I don't know to what..but I think we all are hanging in trees..haunted by an illusion of what we think is truth.
Joy


_________________________________________________________________

I've pretty much spent the weekend holed up, downloading porn videos, and masturbating. It was kinda fun. I'm still way jealous of all the campers. I think I've been to horny lately, its affecting my brain. It's hard when your sex partner lives 900 miles below you.
I don't think I would be so interested in sex if it were readily available. I found some great porn this weekend. I was on a porn hating kick for a second there. I just get worried about the exploited and possibly victimized peeps out there. I downloaded some freaky shit. Even the stuff that is totally gross fascinates me. I don't like the idea of being a participant in the pornography in anyway other than being the viewer. I get so grossed out by one way attractions that occur in everyday life. Everyone's been there and I've been there a lot. It's a tragic phenomenon.
Ah, sweet sex, sweet nothing. I'm sick of trying to work. I don't know what the hell I want to make now. The distraction of physical pleasure is ailing me. I should write out these ideas i don't have, yes!

but I like swan dives, do you?

No Shit, the pink painted over all the graffiti, I'm sad about that. I feel alienated.

y'all should come have a drink

Viagra Ape: may I ask a favor of you ?
Mystfktion: ok
Viagra Ape: would you be willing / able to post something to the blog?
Mystfktion: like what?
Viagra Ape: I'm going to send out an email to everyone as some people said they had difficulties and other's did not know and I'm going to include a link to it and I would like to at least have something on it so people get the idea that this can work
Viagra Ape: like anything...you're clever
Mystfktion: ok
Viagra Ape: thank you
Mystfktion: welcome
Viagra Ape: I'll be leaving the normal time tomorrow if you would like a ride
Mystfktion: the normal time huh?
Viagra Ape: believe it
Mystfktion: i'd like to hitch a ride
Viagra Ape: I think that can be arranged
Mystfktion: who is tg and js
Viagra Ape: ?
Mystfktion: oh, nevermind
Mystfktion: i see
Viagra Ape: can you show me?
Mystfktion: no
Mystfktion: sorry
Mystfktion: it's stupid
Viagra Ape: stupid?
Mystfktion: yep
Viagra Ape: I was just thinking about stupid this evening
Mystfktion: ah
Mystfktion: what about
Mystfktion: yes yes stupidy stupidly
Viagra Ape: how I cannot think of a way of defining it and should be nixed from my vocabulary
Mystfktion: well there are two options
keys to the castle
or
the elevator stops here
Mystfktion: which one for the show title at city hall?
Mystfktion: i think one is stupid
Mystfktion: well, they are both kind of dumb
Viagra Ape: well, without knowing anything else about it the elevator stops here seams to fit Buffalo pretty well
Mystfktion: so you like that one huh?
Viagra Ape: from the two... I have choosen that one
Mystfktion: yes, i understand
Mystfktion: damn it
Viagra Ape: I suppose you think that is stupid
Mystfktion: i think that one is stupid
Mystfktion: but you have a good argument
Mystfktion: Soyean is correct
Viagra Ape: how so?
Mystfktion: She likes that one
Mystfktion: I just like the visuals i get from the first
Mystfktion: i like castles god damn it
Mystfktion: and keys
Viagra Ape: understandable, and it works well with city hall I suppose
Viagra Ape: but it's also funny that they only use less than half of the floors in it
Mystfktion: hmm... if the title mentions the elevator maybe there should be an installation in the elevator
Mystfktion: performance maybe?
Viagra Ape: perhaps
Mystfktion: we hsould each sit in the elevator in our panties but seperate elevators so we can see which one people take
Mystfktion: are you down?
Viagra Ape: are you sure you're up for such disapointment?
Mystfktion: what do you mean?
Viagra Ape: clearly people would not be able to resist cramming into my elevator, how would you feel with no one to ride up with?
Mystfktion: i'd be cool with that
Mystfktion: what would be our personas in the elevators?
Mystfktion: we can have walkie talkies
Viagra Ape: wait... what do the panties have to do with it again?
Mystfktion: and be the elevator underware agents at city hall.
Mystfktion: well necked is what i though at first but this is city hall, i don't know how people would feel the civilians
Viagra Ape: hmm, I'd almost venture to say stranger things have happend
Mystfktion: I'll e-mail caroline and see what she thinks
Viagra Ape: keep me posted on that
Mystfktion: wait lets develop the idea more
Mystfktion: ok will we have the walkie talkies?
Mystfktion: I want a stool
Viagra Ape: what about a box constructed of one way mirrors?
Mystfktion: so you can see in or out
Viagra Ape: out
Mystfktion: hey we could both be in one,
you could see out and i could see in
Viagra Ape: but if you put your face up against it you can see through
b
ot

h ways
Mystfktion: very typical gender roles
Mystfktion: so what
Mystfktion: you still have to be necked
Viagra Ape: yes, exactly
Mystfktion: would it be expensive to build those boxes?
Viagra Ape: but this would get around forcing people on the elevator to confront your naked body... they would have to be curious as to what goes on inside this mammoth box of self reflection
Mystfktion: so
Mystfktion: thats good
Viagra Ape: er... I don't know... probably not dirt cheap, but probably not more than 100 dollars each
Viagra Ape: so .... that's good ....
Mystfktion: two hundred dollars is a lot of money
Viagra Ape: I really have no idea to what you're refering to.... I strongly dislike IM
Mystfktion: why?
Mystfktion: some guy in his car asked me if i wanted to makke tow hundred dollars once
Mystfktion: i told him to fuck off
Viagra Ape: it's very difficult to carry on a conversation more in depth than simple conversations.... yeah on so campus, no?
Mystfktion: what?
Mystfktion: i like basic conversations
Mystfktion: even though i have poor grammer and all
Mystfktion: we just came up with a great idea i think
Mystfktion: are you really up for it?
Mystfktion: and down for it
Viagra Ape: ah, sure, yes
Mystfktion: and up for it
Mystfktion: and down for it
Viagra Ape: yeah, I've spent some time on elevators this semester for extended periods of time
Mystfktion: why?
Viagra Ape: in one of my performance classes
Mystfktion: what was the performance?
Viagra Ape: long story and really not that interesting
Mystfktion: type it brother
Viagra Ape: we were doing all these get to know each other talk show / performances for the frist threww weeks
Viagra Ape: and one group decided to do it in the elevator
Mystfktion: how many people?
Viagra Ape: about 20
Mystfktion: in one group?
Viagra Ape: they tried to do it in the small elevator, but that wasn't working so well, so we moved to the frieght elevator
Viagra Ape: oh
Viagra Ape: 3
Viagra Ape: and then I was in a second group that was supposed to recreate the first groups performance verbatim
Mystfktion: what was the performance
Viagra Ape: and a third group was supposed to perform te frist groups "character"
Mystfktion: anyone in the group
Viagra Ape: nothing, no performance other than how everyone performs their self day to day
Mystfktion: what was their character
Mystfktion: these adventurous three
Viagra Ape: one was Whang
Mystfktion: who?
Viagra Ape: it wasn't so adventuous, but we did go up and down for about 40 mins
Mystfktion: damn
Mystfktion: yep
Mystfktion: 20 people
Viagra Ape: yeah, up and down, up and down, up and down...
Mystfktion: seems strange
Mystfktion: were you bored?
Viagra Ape: the frieght evelvator is very large
Viagra Ape: no, I was trying to take notes on what was going on
Mystfktion: I thik it would be better if ve reversed the gender roles and you were in my box
Viagra Ape: how could I be in your box if you are not?
Viagra Ape: than it would be my box
Mystfktion: yes
Mystfktion: you should be in the one where you see yourself
Mystfktion: i should be the vouyer
Mystfktion: it's just to damn boring and typical the other way
Viagra Ape: well ok, doesn't sound much different from a typical day of mine
Mystfktion: but stating to obvious can sometimes make a statement i guess
Mystfktion: which do you think is better?
Mystfktion: mr. -
Viagra Ape: this is your project
Mystfktion: so
Viagra Ape: I am impartial
Mystfktion: come on
Mystfktion: ask roxy and tack
Viagra Ape: they are sleeping
Viagra Ape: wiat
Mystfktion: those losers
Viagra Ape: are the boxes in two elevators or one?
Mystfkti
on: i
mean
nice
guys
Mystfktion: two
Viagra Ape: so how is one viewer to make the connection between the two?
Mystfktion: one goes up one goes down
Mystfktion: what comes up must come down
Viagra Ape: I'm not following you
Viagra Ape: not the voyager space craft
Mystfktion: yes
Mystfktion: umm
Viagra Ape: it's still going
Mystfktion: what of we just mirrored off the corners so we could control the elevators from within
Mystfktion: be the service operators
Viagra Ape: how would that work ?
Mystfktion: I could be the hiddin female who takes people up and you can be the vain necked dude they ride down with
Mystfktion: we would need signs and keys to the elevators
Viagra Ape: would this be for the everyday cityhall people, or people specifically going to your installation ?
Mystfktion: the installation but the elevators go down to the lobby so...
Viagra Ape: at what time?
Mystfktion: late thirty
Mystfktion: are you nervous?
Viagra Ape: what give you that impression? are you casting your insecurities on me?
Mystfktion: you have to prim in the mirrors
Viagra Ape: me, or "you" the elevator rider?
Mystfktion: you
Mystfktion: you see yourself in the mirror
Mystfktion: "they" may primp in my elevator on the way up
Viagra Ape: and what do they do when I am primping?
Mystfktion: look at you and ride down, silly
Viagra Ape: but that is not proper elevator etiqite
Mystfktion: uh
Mystfktion: are you chickining out?
Viagra Ape: eyes forward, look at the numbers
Mystfktion: what numbers?
Mystfktion: you look at yourself
Viagra Ape: of the floors, where the elevator is... normally found above the door
Mystfktion: is that what you think people will do?
Mystfktion: or you?
Mystfktion: you can't its not your role
Viagra Ape: that is what most people do on an elevator
Mystfktion: well not when there is a necked dude
Viagra Ape: that would seam all the more reason to do so
Mystfktion: well they will have to tap your box to let you know to go down
Viagra Ape: and I will not be able to see them
Mystfktion: nope
Viagra Ape: when will this be?
Mystfktion: april
Mystfktion: mid to late
Viagra Ape: I am not commiting to anything, but I am not opposed to the idea
Mystfktion: damn it
Mystfktion: come on
Mystfktion: you can be drunk
Mystfktion: but bathroom might be a problem
Viagra Ape: I don't drink
Mystfktion: oh
Mystfktion: sorry
Viagra Ape: that's not true
Mystfktion: what?
Viagra Ape: but I shouldn't have to drink, why are you trying to force me to drink?
Mystfktion: its ok
Mystfktion: relax
Mystfktion: take a load off
Viagra Ape: oh I'm fine
Mystfktion: what do you think?
Viagra Ape: well, let me ask you this
Viagra Ape: why me?
Mystfktion: becuase we thought it up together
Viagra Ape: well, as I said, I am not opposed to the idea
Mystfktion: well say if you are
Viagra Ape: hmm, maybe this will work in well with my current thoughts on this damn "metrosexuality" everyone loves talking about
Mystfktion: what's that?
Mystfktion: sexuality for public transportation
Viagra Ape: in sum, the commercial feminization of men
Mystfktion: oh, the commerical
Viagra Ape: and not what is good and "natural" about femininity
Mystfktion: i don't know, what is not good and natural about development of power structures in western culture?
Viagra Ape: basically creating a new market for what has already been forced upon women to feel as nessiary to fit in society... hair & skin care products, obsession gromming and maintance of fashionable appearance
Mystfktion: not all women are into that stuff silly
Mystfktion: that's the problem
Mystfktion: sterotypes
Mystfktion: are you af
raid of no
t fitting
into you
r sterotype?
Mystfktion: kieth?
Viagra Ape: no, and I was not saying all women are into that, but yes, that is a sterotype, and it is also a dominant western belief perpetuated by our media institutions....
Viagra Ape: be afraid of not fitting the sterotype
Mystfktion: well yeah and lots of ladies enjoy make-up and there personal apperance. There is nothing wrong with a little self love ya know?
Mystfktion: yeah
Mystfktion: self love is nice
Viagra Ape: nothing wrong with self love, no.... but who decides what constitues loving oneself and appearance... I am surprised we are disagreeing on this
Mystfktion: but loving others is nice
Viagra Ape: yeah, there's a balance there
Mystfktion: I love my appearance, i've seen myself more than anyone, repitition is valued,
Mystfktion: i'm the most comfortable when it's just me
Mystfktion: but you should always be working on the collective good for everyone
Viagra Ape: a balance indeed
Mystfktion: but i think we are disagreeing about what is right
Viagra Ape: and what is that?
Mystfktion: what do you think defines masculine characteristics
Viagra Ape: I'd rather abstain from answering that now
Mystfktion: why?
Mystfktion: its hard
Viagra Ape: it is, I have been trying to come to terms with that for some time now
Viagra Ape: hence my comment the other day about feeling genderless
Mystfktion: how about strength and toughness
Viagra Ape: but I am also tired and not wishing to put forth something that I do not entierly believe
Mystfktion: oh come on
Viagra Ape: my beliefs, or society's?
Mystfktion: whichever
Mystfktion: both
Mystfktion: what's the difference?
Viagra Ape: yeah, I don't really feel like diving into this right now... there is a big difference
Mystfktion: you gotta give me at least one characteristic
Viagra Ape: biologically, more or less clear cut difference, though science has allowed this to change, no?
Viagra Ape: genderwise.... completly fluid... depends upon socialization
Mystfktion: what?
Viagra Ape: I am not prepared to make assumptions about where biology ends and socialization begins
Mystfktion: what is socialization?
Mystfktion: i know society but I'm from a community
Viagra Ape: in freudian terms, formation of the superego
Mystfktion: ah
Mystfktion: well thats some old shit
Viagra Ape: internalization of social norms, expeirence, knowledge... the voice in your head
Viagra Ape: no
Mystfktion: no?
Viagra Ape: i just refered back to him as I know he's your main man
Viagra Ape: socialization is the process of becoming a subject within society
Mystfktion: I just think that the superego is older than society
Mystfktion: and a lot of people escape society
Viagra Ape: and when do you suppose society started?
Viagra Ape: not escape... chose different paths within under the dominant ideology
Mystfktion: no, like, they were just born out of it
Mystfktion: lucky them
Viagra Ape: still internalize it, but somehow decide to live their life beneath, or against
Viagra Ape: well, that is become less and less possible
Mystfktion: yeah
Mystfktion: so what's wrong with the dominate media ideology on masculinity
Viagra Ape: you tell me
Mystfktion: do you like queer eye for the straight guy?
Viagra Ape: this new trend isn't a radical departure from what's wrong with masculinity... it's a glazing over
Mystfktion: what do you mean?
Mystfktion: queer eye is glazing?
Viagra Ape: I have never seen
Mystfktion: but you know the idea
Viagra Ape: I suppose
Mystfktion: is it offensive
Viagra Ape: I wouldn't think so
Mystfktion: my mom sent me 4 dollars and said to buy some candy
Viagra Ape: that was very sweet of her
Mystfktion: I think it's a
little proble
matic
Via
gra Ape: yo
u have something against mother candy
Mystfktion: just because it's offensive that these straight guys need others to arrange there lives for them.
Mystfktion: the show
Viagra Ape: (with%20pics)/
Mystfktion: what happened to self reliance, not such a masculine trait i guess
Mystfktion: cool
Mystfktion: which guy are you?
Viagra Ape: sorry, just searched for queer eye on google and that was the third listing with the first two being the offical site... er, hold on
Viagra Ape: um, none of these answers are fitting
Mystfktion: just choose
Mystfktion: one
Viagra Ape: I'm trying, but I'm finding this inferiating
Mystfktion: just go with your gut
Mystfktion: use your imiganation
Viagra Ape: ok, I'm am so Ted Allen, the food and wine connoisseur
Viagra Ape: I am going to go work in that kitchen, boo ya
Mystfktion: I'm Shop till ya drop CARSON Kressley: Fashion Savant. Get ready to max out your credit card on madison ave    
    




Viagra Ape: jesus
Mystfktion: what?
Viagra Ape: nevermind... you can't see why I find this troublesome?
Mystfktion: yes, that's why i'm interested
Viagra Ape: well, perhaps we ought to discuss this in depth a sometime later
Viagra Ape: I really ought to retire
Mystfktion: yes, yes see you tomorrow
Viagra Ape: 12:30
Mystfktion: ok
Viagra Ape: night
Mystfktion: good night

tough: difficult to accomplish, resolve, endure, or deal with.    
un·ruly:     not readily ruled, disciplined, or managed     
ungovernable: not capable of being governed, guided, or restrained


strong:striking or superior of its kind     
forceful: possessing     
effective: decided, decisive, or desired


Main Entry: 1fem·i·nine
Pronunciation: 'fe-m&-n&n
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English, from Middle French feminin, from Latin femininus, from femina woman; akin to Old English delu nipple, Latin filius son, felix, fetus, & fecundus fruitful, felare to suck, Greek thElE nipple
1 : FEMALE 1a
2 : characteristic of or appropriate or unique to women
3 : of, relating to, or constituting the gender that ordinarily includes most words or grammatical forms referring to females <a feminine noun>
4 a : being an unstressed and usually hypermetric final syllable <feminine ending> b of rhyme : having an unstressed final syllable c : having the final chord occurring on a weak beat <music in feminine cadences>
- fem·i·nine·ly adverb
- fem·i·nine·ness /-n&(n)-n&s/ noun     
    
        
Main Entry: 1mas·cu·line
Pronunciation: 'mas-ky&-l&n
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English masculin, from Middle French, from Latin masculinus, from masculus, noun, male, diminutive of mas male
1 a : MALE b : having qualities appropriate to or usually associated with a man
2 : of, relating to, or constituting the gender that ordinarily includes most words or grammatical forms referring to males
3 a : having or occurring in a stressed final syllable <masculine rhyme> b : having the final chord occurring on a strong beat <masculine cadence>
4 : of or forming the formal, active, or generative principle of the cosmos
- mas·cu·line·ly adverb
- mas·cu·lin·i·ty /"mas-ky&-'li-n&-tE/ noun     
    
    
    

Oprah for president

It sure is nice in here but I'm afraid that now I just want to sleep.

It is about time I ventured off the library. It is time to get it together ah yeah ah yeah with my theory now!

This rambling is pointless. I feel bad for any of y'all nice people who may actually bother yourselves by reading this drowsy ramble of typed words. I feel like I should have a point, be informative on situations in society or some bull shit like that but the thing is the older I get the less I know.

Well, class is soon. I'm just and fairly unprepared. It should be slightly awkward so I'll look forward to that.