Hello All,
It has been a while since I posted to say the least. I am back in the -lo and have been for a while. Graduation was nice. The family came down. It was nice to finally get them in dc and show them the sightes. It was sad to say goodbye to my friends. I think the worst people to say goodbye to are those people that you like but you know you are not close enough to to maintain much of a friendship once you won't just run in to one another. Because you know you will stay in touch with your close friends. The people you don't like, well, fuck 'em. But these people kinda fall between the cracks.

I would also like to give a shout out to my friends over the pond in scotland. I hope you enjoy your time there and I will try and be a good friend and respond to communications. You certainly are missed, but make it worth the missing by having an amazing time. I am proud of you guys for doing it. That takes a lot of balls, and, quite frankly, I had some serious doubts about it. But you have put all my doubts to rest and then some. Just have a good time, stay safe, and we will make up for the partying you missed here when you get back.

On to other news. I just got back from my family's cabin in West Clarksville, NY . It is in the southern tier near Olean and Cuba. But unlike other times when we take a two hour drive out there, my uncle and I rode our bikes out there. We started at 5:15 am on Wednesday and finished at 4:15 pm. Of those 11 hours, approx 7 were spent biking. We went 74 miles at an average speed of 10mph, a peak speed of 35 mph (going down some of those hills is the southern tier are awesome, terrifying, but awesome). I went through 6 big bottles of gatorade, 3 bottles of water 7 powerade power gels (an energy gel in flavors of raspberry cream and tropical fruit that can be best described as thick), a bag of pretzels, a back of chex mix trail mix, and 6 ibuproven. My ass and knees were/are killing me. The hardestt partsto ride were the hills between franklinville and cuba and the big hill between cuba and our cabin. The worst part of the ride was getting back on the bikes after a break and every part of your body was screaming to get off the bike. We took about six major breaks, one each 10-15 miles, where we would stretch and down wretched energy gel. Two of my other uncles were going to try and do the trip in 2 days but after 3 flats and walking as much as they rode, they took it as a sign and my dad picked them up. All in all it was a neat experience and I am glad I did it. Would I do it again? Talk to me when I stop hurting.

I guess that is all for now, except that I have been listening to weezer's pinkerton a lot tonight (I am on spin #3). It is a great album and is just fitting my mood for whatever reason. And for that reason I posted all the lyrics below. I used to do this when I had to write required journals for classes (post-dating a semester's worth of writing the night before they were due). I would say that a song fit my mood perfectly at a particular time and then cut and paste the lyrics without giving much of an explination, but it did fill up space with little to no though and/or effort. Either way, here they are from this website .

Tired Of Sex
I'm tired
So tired
I'm tired of having sex (so tired)
I'm spread
So thin
I don't know who I am (who I am)
Monday night I'm making Jen
Tuesday night I'm making Lyn
Wednesday night I'm making Catherine
Oh why can't I be making love come true?
Whoa
I'm beat
Beet red
Ashamed of what I said (what I said)
I'm sorry
Here I go
I know I'm a sinner but I can't say no (say no)
Thursday night I'm making Denise
Friday night I'm making Sharise
Saturday night I'm making Louise
So why can't I be making love come true?
Tonight I'm down on my knees
Tonight I'm begging you please
Tonight tonight please
So why can't I be making love come true?

Getchoo
This is beginning to hurt
This is beginning to get serious
It used to be a game
Now it's a crying shame
'cause you don't wanna play around no more
Sometimes I push too hard
Sometimes you fall and skin your knee
I never meant to do
All that I've done to you
Please baby say it's not too late
To getchoo, uh huh
Getchoo, uh huh
Getchoo, uh huh
Getchoo getchoo getchoo
Uh huh
You know this is breaking me up
You think that I'm some kind of freak, uh huh
But if you come back to me
Then you will surely see
That i'm just fooling around
I can't believe (I can't believe)
What you've done to me
What I did to them
You've done to me, whoa
This is beginning to hurt

No Other One
My girl's a liar
But I'll stand beside her
She's all I've got and I don't want to be alone
My girl don't see me
When she's with my friends
She's all I've got and I don't want to be alone
No, there is no other one
No, there is no other one
I can't have any other one
Though I would now I never could with one
All of the drugs she does
Scare me real good
She's got a tattoo and two pet snakes
Nobody knows me like her
Nobody knows her like me
We're all we've got and we don't want to be alone

Why Bother?
know I should get next to you
You got a look that made me think you're cool
But it's just sexual attraction
Not something real
So I'd rather keep whackin
Why bother
It's gonna hurt me
It's gonna kill when you desert me
This happened to me twice before
It won't happen to me anymore
I've known a lotta girls before
What's the harm in knowing one more?
Maybe we could even get together
Maybe you could break my heart next summer
It's a crying shame I'm all alone
Not with you - nor her - nor anyone
Won't you knock me on my head
Crack it open let me outta here
Why bother - it's gonna hurt me

Across the Sea
You are eighteen year old girl
Who live in small city of Japan
You heard me on the radio
About one year ago
And you wanted to know
All about me, and my hobbies
My favorite food and my birthday
Why are you so far away from me?
I need help and you're way across the sea
I could never touch you
I think it would be wrong
I've got your letter
You've got my song
They don't make stationary like this where I'm from
So fragile
So refined
So I sniff (so I sniff)
And i lick (and I lick)
Your envelope and fall to little pieces every time
I wonder what clothes you wear to school
I wonder how you decorate your room
I wonder how you touch yourself
And curse myself for being across the sea
At ten I shaved my head and tried to be a monk
I thought the older women would like me if I did
You see ma, I'm a good little boy (good little boy)
It's all your fault, momma
It's all your fault
Goddam this business is really lame
I gotta live on an island to find the juice
So you send
Me your love
From all around the world
As if I could live on words and dreams and a million screams
Oh, how I need a hand in mine to feel
Why are you so far away from me?
I got your letter
You got my song

The Good Life
When I look in the mirror
I can't believe what I see
Tell me who's that funky dude
Starin' back at me
Broken beaten down
Can't even get around
Without an old man came
I fall and hit the ground
Shivering in the cold
Bitter and alone
Excuse the bitchin
I shouldn't complain
I should have no feeling
'cause feeling is pain
As everything I need
Is denied me
Everything I want
Is taken away from me
But who do I got to blame
Nobody but me
And I don't wanna be an old man anymore
It's been a year or two since I was out on the floor
Shakin' booty making sweet love all the night
It's time I got back to the good life
It's time I got back
It's time I got back
And I don't even know how I got off the track
I wanna go back, yeah
Screw this crap I've had it
I ain't no Mr. cool
I'm a pig I'm a dog
So 'scuse me if I drool
I ain't gonna hurt nobody
Ain't gonna 'cause a scene
Just need to admit that I want sugar in my tea
Hear me? Hear me? I want sugar in my tea
I wanna go back
I wanna go back
And I don't even know how I got off the track
It's time I got back
It's time I got back
And I don't even know how I got off the track
I wanna go back, yeah

El Scorcho
El Scorcho, Aye Carumba!
Goddamn you half-Japanese girls
Do it to me every time
Oh, the redhead said you shred the cello
And I'm jello, baby
But you want talk won't look won't think of me
I'm the epitome
Of Public Enemy
Why you wanna go and do me like that?
Come down on the street and dance with me
I'm a lot like you so please
Hello I'm here I'm waiting
I think I'd be good for you
And you you'd be good for me
I asked you to go to the Green Day concert
You said you never heard of them (how cool is that?)
How cool is that?
So I went to your room and read your diary
"Watching grunge leg drop New Jack through a presstable"
And then my heart stopped:
"Listening to Cio-Cio San
fall in love all over again."
How stupid is it
I can't talk about it
I gotta sing about it
And make a record of my heart
How stupid is it
Won't you gimme a minute
Just come up to me
And say hello (to my heart)
How stupid is it
For all I know you want me too
Or maybe you just don't know what to do
And maybe you're scared to say
I'm falling for you
I wish I could get my head outta the sand
'cause I think we'd make a good team
And you would keep my fingernails clean
But that's just a stupid dream that I won't realize
'cause I can't even look in your eyes without shakin'
And I ain't fakin'
I'll bring home the turkey if you bring home the bacon

Pink Triangle
When I'm stable long enough
I start to look around for love
See a sweet and floral print
My mind begins the arrangements
But when I start to feel that pull
Turns out I just pulled myself
She would never go with me
Were I the last girl on earth
I'm dumb she's a lesbian
I thought I had found the one
We were good as married in my mind
But married in my mind's no good
A pink triangle on her sleeve
Let me know the truth
Let me know the truth
Might have smoked a few in my time
But never thought it was a crime
Knew the day would surely come
When I'd chill and settle down
When I think I've found a good old fashioned girl
Then she put me in my place
If everyone's a little queer
Can't she be a little straight
Let me know the truth

Falling for You
Holy cow I think I've got one here
Now just what am I supposed to do?
I've got a number of irrational fears
That I'd like to share with you
First there's rules about old goats like me
Hanging around with chicks like you
But I do like you
And another one: you say 'like' too much
But I'm shakin at your touch
I like you way too much
My baby I'm afraid I'm falling for you
I'd do about anything to get the hell out alive
Or maybe I would rather settle down with you
Holy moly baby wouldn't you know it
Just as I was bustin' loose
I gotta go turn in my rock star card
And get fat and old with you
'cause I'm a burning candle
You're a gentle moth
Teaching me to lick a little bit kinder
And I do like you you're the lucky one
No I'm the lucky one
Holy sweet goddam you left your cello in the basement
I admired the glowing stars
And tried to play a tune
I can't believe how bad I suck it's true
What could you possibly see in little ol' 3-chord me?
But I do like you and you like me too
I'm ready let's do it baby

Butterfly
Yesterday i went outside
With my momma's mason jar
Caught a lovely butterfly
When I woke up today
Looked in on my fairy pet
She had withered all away
No more sighing in her breast
I'm sorry for what I did
I did what my body told me to
I didn't mean to do you harm
Everytime I pin down what I think I want it slips away
The ghost slips away
Smell you on my hand for days
I can't wash away your scent
If I'm a dog then you're a bitch
I guess you're as real as me
Maybe I can live with that
Maybe I need fantasy
Life of chasing butterfly
I'm sorry for what I did
I did what my body told me to
I didn't mean to do you harm
Everytime I pin down what I think I want it slips away
The ghost slips away
I told you I would return
When the robin makes his nest
But I ain't never coming back
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry

I guess I should really lay off the lesbian asian porn.
-Jesse

It is really wierd to be almost done with college and saying goodbye to everyone. Last night was the Senior Cruise, where the seniors go on a boat that drives up and down the potomac for two hours and they all get really drunk. It was a lot of fun. It was also wierd seeing all these people that I had class with freshman year and have not spoken to or seen since. It was nice.

The whole goodbyes thing sucks though. I will miss all the friends I made here. We have been through a lot together and it is just wierd that I won't be able to call them up and walk over to their apartment or dorm room. I especially hate saying goodbye because of the finality of it. I prefer just pretending like there is a chance we will see each other again before we leave. That way there is not that whole wierdness. The day I left for college I cried when we first started driving away. Will the same thing happen when I leave college. Either way. I am graduating sunday and will be driving back to buffalo. If any of you all care to hang out give me a call tuesday.

I also finished my thesis. It is on why African-Americans would support county consolidation (like what is being discussed here with B-lo and Erie County). If anyone is interested in reading it here is the link . It is just a page I made on my old geocities site. click on the link to read the Adobe file. If you have any thoughts, feel free to share. Thanks

That is all.
-Jesse

Hey (e:) Maureen,
Hope you are having a happy birthday.
-Jesse

okay, so I am officially really homesick. I have not been in buffalo since december 26th. And I have not been home for more than 2 weeks since dec 2003. I really need to get home. And all the banners with pics of buffalo make me want to be home even more. I do really like them. I just bought an old postcard on ebay of city hall at night. It is one of those drawing postcards that they used to do. It looks really cool. It was such a homesick impulse buy though. Oh well.

I will be home in less than 2 weeks. The only bad part about that is that because I am so homesick, I might not appreciate hanging out with my friends as much and that is bad cause I will miss my friends dearly. They have been such an integral part of my life. It will not be the same without just being able to hang out with them at will. I will especially miss my Indian. What will I do without him sleeping in the bed next to me? I really lucked out getting him as a roommate freshman year. There have been moments this year where I wanted to strangle him, but he is my right hand man. I will also miss the people that I like and am friends with, but I know that we will never talk to each other again cause we are not that close.The people that you pass in the hall, say hi to and occasionaly hang out with them at a party. I know people say, "well just become better freinds with them and stay in touch," but we all know that won't happen cause you weren't close now so why would you when you are so far away.

This brings me to my next topic, people I won't miss. I was having a conversation with a friend the other day about a mutual friend that neither of us have been fond of as of late (for different reasons). My friend had said something about not wanting to do something because it would annoy the mutual friend. My response was fuck them. I don't really care what they think. To which my friend replied, well I want to leave on good terms with everyone. Which is the better way to approach it? To me, I know that I will never have any type of relationship with this mutual friend once I leave, why should I worry about offending her when she has done a lot of bs that I don't care for. I have been like this with a lot of people lately. I have just been speaking my mind, not caring what people think. I guess it is good in someways but at the same time, am I too quick to burn bridges? I just don't think it is worth faking it for someone I don't particularly care for anymore. Should I tone it down or say fuck it?

I really should be doing work, hence the long entry. I only have one take home final, one 5 page paper and one real final left in my undergraduate career. I just can't seem to make myself do them. Oh well. I should give it a try.

Talk to you all later and hopefully I will see you soon.
-Jesse

I was watching a program on the history channel the other day about the Russian tsars, and it got me to thinking about how some monarchs had an adjective added to their name, such as Cathering the Great, Ivan the Terrible, etc. I then wondered what would my name be. Would I be remembered as great, as an asshole, as nice, what? This all ties in with my last week as Student Director for the Leadership Program. One of the people in the program approached me with a problem with next year's student director and how they approached people and it made me wonder what people will think of me and what I did with the Program while I was there. Will I be Jesse the Sufficient? Jesse the Replacement? Jesse the Person who was available? I don't know. I am just starting to think about my days ending here at AU and I hope that I made it a better place than it was before.

Sorry about that rambling. I'm sure it sounds very pompous and masterbatory, but I am pompous and masterbate a lot so deal with it.

On to other exciting news, my desktop is finally working again after a nine month hiatus. It makes me very happy, not because I didn't have access to my papers, I had them all backed up on my laptop, but because I have all the music videos I downloaded freshman year back. I can't wait to watch them and the few episodes of pete and pete I have saved on there.

Well I have to go read for class. Talk to you later.

-Jesse

Hello All,
It has been a long time since I posted. I have been working on my senior thesis and in the interest of getting it done, I had a self-imposed exile from AIM, elmwoodstrip, etc. But my thesis is now drafted YAY!!! I just have to go through and make the edits my thesis advisor tells me to. IT should be a pain but I am ok with it because I have something down and that is what matters because I only need to get a B in order for me to get credit for it and graduate with University Honors in Political Science.

On to other news, I just got back from FLorida for my cousin's wedding. I was there for a weekend with all my family on my dad's side. It was great to see everyone. ALl but 2 of my cousins on that side were there, which is pretty impressive, my dad has 3 brothers and 3 sisters and many of them had multiple offspring and now they are starting to get married and have kids. Two of my cousins are pregnant. It is craziness. But the wedding was really nice. Rather than throwing rice, they had live butterflies in these envelope things and you let them go. It was wierd but ok.

When we were in Florida, it was also my Grandfather's 80th birthday. I can't believe he is 80. He is so active and energetic. It is great. He is constantly running around keeping himself busy doing stuff. If I could have half of the energy he has when I am 80, I will be set. At the wedding, he was supposed to say grace before the meal, but when he went up there, he felt that he should sing a song (my grandfather is not a singer). It was a song that his mother use to sing to sing to him when he was younger. It was really sweet and genuine. My grandpa is a great guy.

On to other things. Did you ever know someone that you really wanted to get to know better? Like a friend of a friend or something like that. You know them casually but you feel like you would be great friends if you hung out regularly. But at the same time you know you never could. Hmmm. That is all on that. Hopefully I will post more regularly.

Peace out,
-Jesse

As of late I have really enjoyed the Pretenders' song "My City Was Gone." I watched them play it on their induction to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. I looked up the lyrics, and as I read them, I almost laughed/cried at how applicable they were to Buffalo. I decided to make a few changes and make the song about Buffalo. Here is my adapted version followed by the original:

Buffalo Version:
I went back to Buffalo
But my city was gone
There was no train station
There was no downtown
The zoo had disappeared
All my favorite places
My city had been pulled down
Reduced to parking spaces
A, o, way to go Buffalo

Well I went back to Buffalo
But my family was gone
I stood on the back porch
There was nobody home
I was stunned and amazed
My childhood memories
Slowly swirled past
Like the wind through the trees
A, o, oh way to go Buffalo

I went back to Buffalo
But my pretty countryside
Had been paved down the middle
By a government that had no pride
The parks of Buffalo
Had been replaced by shopping malls
And muzak filled the air
From West Seneca to Niagara Falls
Said, a, o, oh way to go Buffalo


Original Version:
I went back to ohio
But my city was gone
There was no train station
There was no downtown
South howard had disappeared
All my favorite places
My city had been pulled down
Reduced to parking spaces
A, o, way to go ohio

Well I went back to ohio
But my family was gone
I stood on the back porch
There was nobody home
I was stunned and amazed
My childhood memories
Slowly swirled past
Like the wind through the trees
A, o, oh way to go ohio

I went back to ohio
But my pretty countryside
Had been paved down the middle
By a government that had no pride
The farms of ohio
Had been replaced by shopping malls
And muzak filled the air
From seneca to cuyahoga falls
Said, a, o, oh way to go ohio

Here is an article from the March 7th issue of time. I could not agree more with the author. I believe (and have for a while) that the abortion debate is ridiculous. Noone is proabortion. Rather than fight to make abortion legal or illegal, why don't both sides fight to make it unneccessary.

-Jesse

Time Magazine
March 7, 2005

The Case for Compromise on Abortion;
How the pro-choice side is wielding a new principle that's tough to argue with

Andrew Sullivan

Something very unusual is happening to some Democrats and pro-choice abortion activists. They're getting smarter about their strategy. For years, they've harped on and on about a woman's right to choose, while failing to capture in any meaningful way the moral qualms so many of us have about abortion itself. So they often seemed strident, ideological and morally obtuse. They talked about abortion as if it were as morally trivial as a tooth extraction--not a profound moral choice that no woman would ever want to make if she could avoid it.

But that obtuseness seems--finally and mercifully--to be changing. Senator Hillary Clinton led the way in a recent speech to abortion-rights activists. She said something so obvious and so right it's amazing it has taken this long for it to be uttered: whatever side you're on in the pro-choice vs. pro-life debate, we surely all want to lower the number of abortions. Whether you believe that an abortion is a difficult medical procedure for a woman or whether, like me, you believe that all abortions are an immoral taking of human life, we can all agree on a third principle: we would be better off with fewer of them. And the happy truth is, abortions have been declining in numbers. According to the most recent data from the Centers for Disease Control, since 1990 the number of reported legal abortions dropped from 1.4 million a year to 853,000 in 2001. The number of abortions for every 1,000 live births dropped from 344 to 246.

How did this happen? No one is quite sure. It could be related to less access to abortion providers, but more likely it is a function of declining teenage pregnancies, more widespread use of contraception, abstinence programs and cultural shifts toward sexual restraint among young women. None of these strategies separately is a panacea, but each has a part to play. So what's the new pro-choice line? Let's keep up the progress. Let's defend the right to an abortion while doing all we can to ensure that fewer and fewer women exercise it. Leave the contentious issue of Roe v. Wade for one minute, quit the ideological bickering about when life begins for a while, take down the barricades, and craft a strategy that assumes abortion will be legal for the foreseeable future, but try to reduce it.

Both sides have something to contribute. Sure, we should fund abstinence programs, as many pro-lifers argue. They can work for some women. But so too does expanded access to contraception. The pro-life Senate minority leader, Harry Reid, has a bill called the Prevention First Act that would expand access to birth control. Or you can focus on expanding adoption as an alternative to abortion (which means adoption by gays as well as straights). NARAL Pro-Choice America, formerly known as the National Abortion Rights Action League, actually took out an ad in the conservative Weekly Standard last month, appealing to pro-life groups to join in the antiabortion crusade--not by making it illegal but by increasing access to contraception.

What's the downside? I cannot see any. Both sides can still fight to keep abortion legal or illegal. But both can also work hard to reduce the moral and human toll of abortion itself. Why shouldn't a future Democratic candidate commit to an actual goal of reducing abortions nationally by, say, one-fifth in a four-year term? Alas, the pro-life side is leery. A key part of their coalition is made up of conservative Catholics who oppose any kind of birth-control devices; others are hostile to any adoption rights for gay couples. Still others may fear that if the number of abortions drops significantly, their argument for making it completely illegal may become less salient.

But none of those arguments makes sense on its own terms. If abortion really is the evil that pro-lifers believe it is, they should stop at nothing to reduce its prevalence--now. Is it really better that someone should have an abortion rather than be on the pill? Is it really preferable for an unborn life to be snuffed out than to allow him to have loving gay parents? Those are the questions that pro-choicers should be posing to pro-lifers. Saving human life is the priority. Why are you so reluctant to do it? Call this position the pro-choice, pro-life compromise. If Democrats want to regain credibility on moral issues, it's a great way to start. And if Republicans want to prevent abortions rather than use the issue as a political tool, they can get on board. We have nothing to lose but trauma and pain and politics and death. And we have something far more precious to gain: life itself.

The truth comes out. I am apparently not really a Republican.

On Non-Fiscal Issues, you rank as a Moderate Liberal (23).
On Fiscal Issues, you rank as a Centrist (45)

Damn you Sam Hoyt!!!

[inlink]mike,317[/inlink]
Mike,
When I come home in may we can awkwardly hang out at spot with Yosepha everyday, if that works for you, and a good time will be had by all.
-Jesse