02/09/06 03:39 - 24ºF - ID#23272

free puppies*

there will be a party featuring the Rabies, Beamer and a miscellaneous musical act at 1039 elmwood...five dollars at the door...plenty of social lubricant for us compumonkeys/pariahs...

no free puppies...

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11/16/05 07:41 - 38ºF - ID#23271

like a little bee caught in the breeze

i'm sure that people have already mentioned this on here but: how about those cruise ship attacking pirates?

In this world of camera phones and pre teen neo-nazi songstresses ( www.prussianblue.net ) it's kinda refreshing to know that there are still pirates roaming the "seven seas", as it where.

I figure that modern or "neo" pirating, is a hard line of work these days with radar and nuclear powered submarines.

that is all.

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04/02/05 12:06 - ID#23270

first of all...

in n out is the only fastfood chain i have dreams about...it's all about the animal steelo and they are very good to their workers: living wage, health care, free dildos, etc.

also,
even though i am a jew i still think the pope is kind of a swell guy...but the new pope will be neat...maybe he'll demand a new pope mobile with stained plexiglas windows an' shit...maybe there'll be a black pope...or maybe one that is double jointed...it's a crap shoot people but one thing's for sure...the pope will be a dude...sorry ladies...and he will not be getting laid for a long long time...unless he's like pope pious the 14th who like, "did it" all the time...

blarp!

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03/14/05 02:39 - ID#23269

i'm not sure why...

but i love watching my views go up up up...vanity? boredom? monkies?

I recently got back from a delightful time in the NYC metro area...

Excerpt from conversation with random soon-to-be inlaw at my sister's engagement party:

Old guy(uncle of my sister's betrothed an'shit): So what did you study in school?

Me: Psychology and Linguistics.

Old guy: So, are you working at mcdonalds or burger king?

Me: Actually i work as a life skills trainer for Developmentally disabled adults. Who knows, maybe one day i could be taking care of you.

I'm an ass.

That is all.

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03/11/05 08:41 - ID#23268

seeya suckers

and just like that I'm off to NYC for some family fun after a long night of interpol and dancing, dancing, dancing...

Later my little monkies!

ps: that type on my last post was rediculously big, i should have previewed it...i apologize

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03/03/05 10:47 - ID#23267

art is...

like, paintings and stuff?

also i think that monkeys, if placed properly in an array of some kind could constitute art...

I believe that anything, if looked at in a detatched manner, can thought of as art...

example: one of the consumers i work with storms into my office in a way that is visually entertaining, she is carrying an aquarium that is full of fish and water and smashes it against a wall to display anger...this, to me is amazing and internally i think of how neat a smashing fish tank looks and wish that we were on a spaceship with low gravity so that the water and fish would not have to part...

this reaction is a part of my mind that judges event purely on the spatial composition of what my eyes see...

[size=xl]
I've often thought that film/video and photography were proof that all of life is art waiting to be framed and appreciated.[/size]

PS: I think organized religion is a ready made salad in the supermarket of life.

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02/22/05 06:34 - ID#23266

um, does anyone...

say things during conversation just to entertain themselves, such as throwing in lines about fucking goats and that fucking a goat is actually preferable when compared to fucking a woman/man, because you won't have to worry about calling them too soon or too late afterwards...the only problem with having sex with a goat is the lack of cuddling afterwards. goats, though they are quite passionate, are not the sentimental creatures we hope them to be, and i think that if you are looking for a cuddler you may be more of a sheep person...

are there any other animals that "make love" to animals outside of their own species or are humans the only ones? If we are the only animals that do, does it make us smarter for exploiting other resources with which to "make it"? maybe that's a hidden reason for animal domestication? easy lays on the lonely farm?

it must have been hard to have been an "old timey" farmer guy. I mean, with the getting up wicked fucking early and making sure your daughters aren't you know, "getting it on" with hank the non-threatening but still attractive farm hand. also, chickens smell fucking horrible and if you were any type of farmer (at least in olden times) you'd have to have a mighty big chicken coop and the best location for a chicken coop is by the farmhouse so you can hear muhfuckin' chicken rustlers of all types (wolves, snakes, cousin Zeke the chicken-fucker, etc.). Not to mention that if you grow lots of crap you gotta go sell it to someone when you could as easily be just sleeping or "making it" with a goat.

I hope everyone had a good president's day!

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02/13/05 11:01 - ID#23265

valentine's day is lame...

Even when I had a girlfriend during this awesome consumer circle jerk, I was always against being forced into a romantic evening along with millions of other easily manipulated schmucks. It's tragic when you think of all the shitty, annoying relationships that get prolonged by an infusion of poor quality chocolates and ill conceived flower bouquets. Ads on TV shouting "Better get her something shiny!" you don't want to be forced to masturbate this valentine's day, you pathetic sap. If you need a card company or a heartshaped gold pendant with a diamond (that some poor bastard had to dig for in south africa) to save your relationship, you are fucked up in the firstplace.

When the assault of the color pink and sappy love songs gives way to the kelly green and the perpetuation of cultural stereotypes that is st. Patrick's day, i shall rejoice.

until then i remain,
Jonathan M. Simon

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01/24/05 01:50 - ID#23264

titty pictures...

not really.

I have placed my image on hotornot.com for the purpose of amusement/infotainment.

Currently I am a 7.1.

I have always considered myself a 7.2, so it goes.

Also, i noticed last sunday at Wegaman's that there was a superbowl display with life size cardboard cutouts of Donovan McNabb and Tom Brady. Now, this is weird because at the time of said display observation there were four teams and therefore four QB's(quarterbacks, for the lay person) in the running. How come the QB's from the other two teams weren't represented? The two QB's that will not be participating in the Super Bowl in a fortnight's time? There is some serious funny business going on. Oh Danny Wegman, what have you gotten yourself into?

here's the link to my hotornot.com thingy: