say things during conversation just to entertain themselves, such as throwing in lines about fucking goats and that fucking a goat is actually preferable when compared to fucking a woman/man, because you won't have to worry about calling them too soon or too late afterwards...the only problem with having sex with a goat is the lack of cuddling afterwards. goats, though they are quite passionate, are not the sentimental creatures we hope them to be, and i think that if you are looking for a cuddler you may be more of a sheep person...

are there any other animals that "make love" to animals outside of their own species or are humans the only ones? If we are the only animals that do, does it make us smarter for exploiting other resources with which to "make it"? maybe that's a hidden reason for animal domestication? easy lays on the lonely farm?

it must have been hard to have been an "old timey" farmer guy. I mean, with the getting up wicked fucking early and making sure your daughters aren't you know, "getting it on" with hank the non-threatening but still attractive farm hand. also, chickens smell fucking horrible and if you were any type of farmer (at least in olden times) you'd have to have a mighty big chicken coop and the best location for a chicken coop is by the farmhouse so you can hear muhfuckin' chicken rustlers of all types (wolves, snakes, cousin Zeke the chicken-fucker, etc.). Not to mention that if you grow lots of crap you gotta go sell it to someone when you could as easily be just sleeping or "making it" with a goat.

I hope everyone had a good president's day!

Even when I had a girlfriend during this awesome consumer circle jerk, I was always against being forced into a romantic evening along with millions of other easily manipulated schmucks. It's tragic when you think of all the shitty, annoying relationships that get prolonged by an infusion of poor quality chocolates and ill conceived flower bouquets. Ads on TV shouting "Better get her something shiny!" you don't want to be forced to masturbate this valentine's day, you pathetic sap. If you need a card company or a heartshaped gold pendant with a diamond (that some poor bastard had to dig for in south africa) to save your relationship, you are fucked up in the firstplace.

When the assault of the color pink and sappy love songs gives way to the kelly green and the perpetuation of cultural stereotypes that is st. Patrick's day, i shall rejoice.

until then i remain,
Jonathan M. Simon