well....it's a surreal experience. I wait and anticipate for months on end. I get really excited and plan to stay here for my entire vacation because I think I will need all of this time to hang out with old friends and family I haven't seen in a while....

...but the truth is, I get here, and there is nothing to be done. No one lives here anymore, and those who do have lives going on outside of waiting for their old friends to come back. Last night it hit me hard... I called an old friend who has always been there to hang out whenever...but this time, this friend was totally abrupt with me and had told me that they went to this party that we had planned to go to together.... without me because they thought it was the best thing to do "in this situation" (to complex to explain). I guess I was hurt a bit. I know I shouldn't be, but I am.

I have always been really independent since I was a child. When I left buffalo 5 years ago to start school in Plattsburgh, I was sad, but knew it was best for me...and it was....but that was the beginning of me losing touch with home. Now that I live on the other side of the world and that I have sort of a real life there, when I come home, I kinda just sit here and wait....for something to happen.

I guess home will never be the same.

So buffalo will always be my home....but I don't think I will ever feel at home again here....and I certainly don't feel at home any place else....I guess you could say I am homeless at the moment. I have a great place in Las Vegas and I actually like it, but its not some place that I take seriously outside of school and this temporary residency.


Maybe I am foolish for wanting to move back to buffalo when all else is said and done....I mean, i have been home for about a week and am already sick. I haven't been sick in months. None of my friends live here anymore, and even if they did, what do we have in common? Besides, other than working at Roswell (which would be awesome) what the hell would I do with my career?

And putting myself aside, what would danny do? I know for sure he doesn't want to live here....but I have been pleaing with him for months now....maybe I should stop.


Uncertainty is a good thing, but also a thing that puts that lump in your throat....I am defnitely feeling the lump.

Hello everyone! I got a lovely email from paul regarding e strip and all the new updates and shit....and i thought, damn, I haven't written in a long while....hence the reason why I am writing again....so I hope everyone is doing great....and I will try to post more often.


....so, things have been good....Las Vegas is actually going well. I love my graduate program and am making some friends....my car is finally fixed (danny totalled it after 5 days of having it....and I was without it then for 6 weeks) and looks just as new as it did when i bought it brand new....so I am very happy about that....

....danny and i got engaged for christmas, so that is wonderful. I am really excited about the future...but promise not to be a bridezilla like my mom is predicting I will be....

I am home now for the holidays. It is good to be back, but it makes me realize how much I love having my new life....its not like I love las vegas or plan to live there longer than I have to, but I like where I am in life....I really can't complain...school is good...the puppies are good...the job is good....danny and I are good.....so life is good.

I got some great gifts for christmas such as:
-the hello kitty ipod dock stereo
-tons of chanel perfum
-tons and tons of makeup (smashbox, lancome, clinique, etc)
-hello kitty humidifier (which I really wanted)
-wedding planner (kinda scary, but a great gift)
-a diamond...of course, the mother of all gifts


I hope everyone got what they asked santa for!




I plan on going to the new years party at the mansion with (e:lilho)... hope to see you all there! We might dress up very pretty!

yea, i haven't posted in FOREVER, so here comes a serious update:

-bought a new apple macbook
-sold my car
-moved to Las Vegas
-got an amazing internship through the public health dept at school....and i start next week
-got another job at Urban Outfitters (yea, 40% discount...can't beat that!)
-bought a new car (nissan sentra) which has already been in the shop getting fixed for 3 days out of the 5 i have had it. awesome.
-signed a lease for a new place to move to in a month...it's amazing
-went back to brunette!
-cried over sophia having a serious ear infection....and having to wear a cone around her head to prevent her from scratching...
-start graduate school in less than a week.


yea. so, as much as I miss home, I just keep my mind off of thinking about it by doing a billion things at once. I am sure I will crash at some point....but we will try to prolong this as long as possible.


if anyone plans on being in vegas, let me know!!!!!!!!!



Hope all is well with everyone....;)

well, after graduation last week, and freaking out because I had no idea what my future held...I got an "unofficial" acceptance letter from UNLV...it was from the public health dean....so, for real, i am so excited. other than being sick (I am always sick when i first get home....i think im allergic to my house)....life is good right now. I am just really relieved that i got in....it makes my life so much more organized! I should be getting the official acceptance packet soon! Center for Disease control....here I come (some day)!


Syracuse this weekend....Boston next week....and vegas in 2 weeks....


and I am buying a macbook with my gradution money. They are cute....im all about it. yay!

as much as i don't like plattsburgh at times, I am going to miss it here..... tomorrow is my last exam/school work I will ever have to do here, and it is a damn good feeling I must say. I have worked my ass off soooooooooooooo much the past 4 years....and it is finally paying off. I AM OUTTA HERE. how wonderful.

Sarah, I got your voicemail, but my phone is fucked. I will call you as soon as I can....but if I don't reach you, I will call monday because I will be home!

but it really makes me sad when I see really overweight people. I mean, REALLY overweight people. I know that some people suffer from genetic problems....but I know that the majority of Americans, including myself (and no, i am not saying i am FAT) are overweight. It is ridiculous to see people who are 300 lbs overweight though. I mean, when do you get to the point where you think to yourself, "i just don't give a fuck about my health anymore"? What is it about our culture that allows us to think that being fat is ok? I mean, there are millions of people that die everyday due to complications with being obese. On top of the people who die everyday, there are millions who are diagnosed with unhealthy diet and lifestyle related diseases. Honestly, I am worried about the direction that most people choose to live their lives. Just recently have become aware of the shit I eat. The last 3 weeks I have made an honest attempt to look at the way I eat, and change itI t. I don't want to be fat, and I worry about my future because the way that I eat. I think that when I get my career going, I really want to promote a healthy lifestyle that reduces fat and increases awareness to diet choices that people make.

This is all brought on by the fact that today I was in the mall, and in the matter of my 20 minutes there, i saw well over 50 people that weren't just overweight, but obese. This, the rate of people who are obese, is unacceptable, and extremely sad.

and I am not saying that we should all go starve ourselves to become skinny mini's....but I am saying that we should not be blind to the choices we make. There a huge difference between being health conscious, and being sickly thin.

That's all i have to say at the moment. thanks.

so, i had this wonderful idea to get trashed last night. I think i am half wasted still and half hung over....the horror. Yea, so today is the anthropology department's picnic...and i hope i don't puke. I have to hand out fuckin t-shirts and shit.....i am so fucked. i hate this. i am never drinking again. ugh. tequila=devil.


my honey sent me a surprise and it is being delivered today. i wonder what it could be!


o my god....i am sooooooooooooooooooo fucked. fuck fuck fuck.

Yea, so, today, my apartment building caught on fire and it was evacuated by screaming firefighters saying "EVERYONE! GET OUT OF THE BUILDING....THERE IS A FIRE!" It was the scariest day of my life may I say.....more details to come.

overall, life is good right now. I have a great boyfriend, cool friends, an awesome puggy, an amazing family, and a bright future....these are the things that get me through the day.

Biostatistics though, man, it's hard to get through the day when you have to sit through that class. It's kinda disappointing....I mean, if you have your heart set on a career, and you know that career is what you would love to do and what you know you would be good at....and then you take a class related to the career and it sucks, well, its kind of dicouraging. I like the shit in the class, it's just the way its taught. A good teacher is key in a class such as biostats. which i do not have.

I have come to terms with the fact that I may not get into grad school. At first the thought scared the shit out of me, and honestly, thinking about it sometimes made me cry. It sounds stupid, but when you want something so bad and you know that if you had it you would never take at advantage of it....it just hurts knowing that you may not get it. Being selected into the program would be an honor, but not the end of the world. I mean, I will jsut keep reapplying till I got in.....and in the mean time work at a cool place such as the health department or Urban Outfitters (2 totally different ends of the spectrum, but both cool....). I applied for a manager position at Urban....and it would be great to get it....I would still take it even if I got into school because classes are in the evening. The job pays better than a starting teacher salary, so I mean, why the hell not....and the 40% discount is an added bonus along with health benefits and such.

I just want it all to happen now. But the next couple weeks are going to fly by. I have a lot of school work to do, then I graduate and move home, then I have a million Dr's appointments, then I run frizb's becasue the boss will be out of town, then i go to boston, then I come back for a week and go to vegas, and then i come home and start my summer job watching my brothers....so, as long as time passes fast, im good.

i quit my job at the Y. It was just too much stuff to do...I only have 4 more weeks left anyway, so, it won't be that bad.....


and i got a sub teaching job in vegas...it pays $110 per day...which despite how much teaching will suck, it's my transition job....

....and i applied for an urban outfitters manager job at the new store in las vegas....i hope i get it.


i am excited about the future. Yay!