so, India, my country, celebrates 58 years of independence today. happy happy to everyone. somethings been bugging me and it seems a lot of other brown people are feeling it too. i took the subway in new york a couple of days ago. i had a big red bag and two smaller bags. i was only trying to get home to my sisters place after 8 hours in a car travelling from buffalo. sweaty and hot, i probably never looked more "brown." i finally get on the subway. it is packed. i find myself a seat and wait for it to get going. i feel like i am being watched, intensely. i look up and see that no one cares. i begin to wonder why i care so much. i take pains to appear as normal as i possibly can. i open my bags, rest my legs on them and smile a lot at everyone. i figure a "terrorist' will not smile like an idiot at those she is going to blow up (unless it is my fave hindi film villain Amrish Puri before he whips out a diamond studded gun and blows up his enemy).
my station arrives and i get off, still with that huge smile on my face. As i sat on another train i wondered why i had to take on the onus of appearing 'normal.' what is 'normal' anyways? the world has changed after the 9/11 attacks and it has never been more clearly reinforced as by what ensued after the London train bombings. The words 'subway' and 'indian'-looking (a blanket misleading term meant to mean all brown-skinned people of South Asian origin) are now intrinsically meshed to invoke images of terror and destruction. as i write this, i still do not know how to explain this deep seated desire to fit in, to look 'normal' to look non-threatening. my younger sister, who takes the train to work in Atlanta was shocked to see that people moved away when she got into the train with a backpack. A policemen kept staring at her as if waiting for her to make a wrong move. as she told me what happened i assured her that it was just a few hyper-paranoid people. oh boy, was i wrong! accounts of similar experiences began to surface on the internet, on peoples blogs and other websites. it was subtle but the fear was palpable. it existed in the slight move away from you when you sat next to the nice lady in thr train. it exists when the policeman/woman keeps staring at you, hoping and waiting for you to make a wrong move so he/she can arrest you. it exists in the 'innocent' question a friend tells you that these 'security' measures are necessary to protect "us." it exists when you cannot carry a backpack without something inside you screaming caution. it exists, oh yes it does.
here is a humorous take on the current paranoia (via the fantastic sepiamutiny.com)

thats how many years i have lived in this body and walked this earth. and what do i have to show for those many years?
these are 28 things i wrote down as they came to me. they are things i love, loved, lost, wear, smell, touch, miss, want


1.many books
2.some music
3.a beautiful nephew
4.many mad laughs
5. many more tears
6. my dear dear friends
7. a mind
8. many great loves
9. a father who no longer lives in this earth
10. a home with the guava tree and an old creaky wooden swing
11. masala chai and tandoori rotis
12. open toed slippers and crisp cotton shirts
13. many nights of talking about mad "bosses" and their secret mistresses and yes, their fabulous movie ideas
14. my amma
15. my sisters
16. a mad, mad lover and friend
17. sex,it was always either really bad or really great
18. silk, khadi fabric
19. my eyes
20. my breasts
21. great food
22. my feet - to dance
23. my fingers - to touch
24. gold flake cigarettes
25. old boyfriends
26.new places and smells
27 old places and smells
28. 15 year old tongue cleaner


Hazaaron khwaishein aisi ki har khwaish pe dum nikle
Bahut nikle mere armaan lekin phir bhi kam nikle -

thousands of desires, each worth dying for...
many of them I have realized...yet I yearn for more

-mirza ghalib

below is the cover of a book. i found it on some one else's blog. now the internet is an egalitarian 'site' right? i can steal and share, no? i love the cover. it is maha (great, as in 'maha'-raja) cool.

ok i know ther is no connection between the title and the post but i can do what i wish and so have.

and others interested in badass brown chicks with an attitude check this out and this
Also, check out the sidebar with the news piece about the arrest of an Indian student at UT Austin. He was arrested, for he asked inappropraite questions regarding Ms. Coulter's sexual predilections.

Mr. (whatever your last name is Ajay, insert here, since we are on last name basis),

I would advise you to live in this perfect little oasis that you have made for yourself. The blinders will never come off and we can pretend not to see those unfortable truths. We can live this life we lead and pretend that we are one big happy family, like that happy Bajaj ad (just google it already).
Ok, now my response,
Firstly,
The Nazi government did not send out flowery notes to the Jews saying that they were going to be killed. They were forced into the camps under pretence of protection, a temporary one at that. The same thing happened as part of the Gujarat riots. The victims had to run to the camps as they had no other option. These camps were supposed to be 'safe.' I see a pretty straight line here and hence, the parallel.
Secondly,
You say " Moving to refugee camps and back has been happening to families in India for 60 years. The refugees from the mayhem of the Partition in 1947 didn't land in 5-star hotels; they landed in refugee camps all over India (and Pakistan). Every riot has resulted in families moving to/from refugee camps."

Yes, so your point is? This violence can actually be condoned? It is ok? Look at the bigger picture? Which bigger picture? Will we even be talking about the bigger picture when your father is killed, your mother raped and your home burnt by a mob drunk on a self-righteous mission? believe me, the picture is not a pretty one and it seems very small then.

Thirdly,
Ms. Bandi does not make mention of the many thousands of Kashmiris living in refugee camps because Ms. Bandi chooses to talk of a topic that is relevant to the discussion. The discussion, in this case, being the Gujarat riots. Now, who is drawing parallels that are illogical? The Muslims are being killed in Gujarat but instead you say but thats Ok let them die because see, in my liberal mind, aren't those poor Hindus also dying? How patronizing and blind can one get? Ofcourse I am equally horrified at any kinds of violence in whatever name, religion, power, geography etc etc. Yes, there should be more discussion about it. If the only way you can express your frustration with your surroundings is by picking up a camera and making a film, then very well.
What have you done if you are indeed so moved by the plight of people dying in the name of religion and oil? Your little oasis is drying up Ajay.

What made Gujarat "special?" It is "special" because perhaps for the first time it was established that the state (Gujarat) was responsible for the brutal killings that took place under its rule. For the first time, the highest judiciary body in India, the Supreme Court, ruled that all cases related to the event will be tried outside of Gujarat since they recognized that none of the victims will get justice if their cases were tried by the state's judicial system. And also for many other reasons that are too long to enumerate here.

No, this is not the first case of Hindu-Muslim riots happening in India. So, does that make it OK for the Gujarat riots to occur? And yes, riots such as these occur all the time and all over the world. But aren't we complicit if we do not recognize that these brutal events took place. That if we continue to squabble over the right statistics of those killed or raped and think it is not "special" aren't we to be blamed as well? What is our agency as those who claim to know better? While we espouse certain ideologies, whether in this space or elsewhere, isn't it our responsibility to extend them to those that we think are normal, the everyday and not out of the ordinary?

True, the Congress party is as evil in their machinations. And yes, the murder of those many thousands of Sikhs is deplorable. They have to be accountable and never made to forget the fact. But, Gujarat here is "special" simply because it is happening in our times, while we are still of capable mind and spirit to do something about it. The Chief Minister, Narendra Modi, has been held responsible for the riots but still got voted into power and remains in power. Can't we draw parallels to what is happening here in the US? The politics of power and resistance, in all their muddled glory, are the same anywhere in the world. Why the double standard when it comes to looking at one's own country? I have noticed this constantly over these two years that I have been in the US. It is so much easier for people to point at this country's wrongdoings but it amounts to betrayal of our beloved Bharat Maa (Mother India) if we speak out against any atrocities happening in India. Listen, I love India. Not for romantic glorifications of its land, its people and its smells but because it is home for me.

True, the police in India fire indiscriminately if they are threatened. The politicians incite violence and walk away. We, the 'common' people marvel at the spectacle of it all, shake our heads at it and walk away. Who suffers? The victims and their families. They continue to fight for justice even today. Whether it is the Sikhs or the Muslims. Top officials (police and government) are coming out now to publicly indict the Modi government in the genocide.


Also,
Another case in point*:
Former Commissioner of Police, Ahmedabad , Shri P.C. Pande
(he was CP when the carnage took place)
Nothing illustrates police role better than police commissioner P.C. Pande's statement that, "Police were not insulated from the general social milieu... (When) there's a change in the perception of society, the police are part of it and there's bound to be some contagion effect".
-– The Telegraph, March 2, 2002


Again, why does Gujarat become special? Because here it is not killing based on just the Hindu-Muslim divide but on a much deeper and chilling ideology of race supremacy. The Gaurav Yatras (Pride March) that the RSS and the BJP are so fond of conducting are concentrated efforts to incite violence against the Muslim minority.
Case in point*:
"Relief camps are actually child-making factories. Those who keep on multiplying the population should be taught a lesson.
-Shri Narendra Modi, addressing a rally in Mehsana district during his gaurav yatra, quoted in The Hindu, Sept 10, 2002.

This is why the film is called 'Final Solution.' It is a loaded term, agreed. But look at the parallels. Firstly, the systematic relocation of the Jews and then their murders are similar (although nowhere near that scale) to the relocation of Muslims to 'refugee camps' outside the cities and then the killing of these people, as Modi himself talks about. These baby machines need to be taught a lesson! The ideology of the RSS (Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh), the extreme right-wing nationalist wing of the BJP party is borrowed from Nazi ideology of race supremacy, the pure race. In recent years it has only gotten worse as they continue to gather supporters for their malicious twisted ideologies. Whther it is Bombay riots of 1990 or the Gujarat riots of 2002.

The numbers (2,500) used are 'official' numbers. Independent human rights commissions put it at a much larger figure. As is always the case the 'official' numbers are what are carried in the mainstream media and have been used in this case to avoid unnecessary splitting of hairs. No violence can be condemned. Especially not in these crazy times that we will live in. What Rakesh Sharma is doing with the film is to make sure that it reaches the widest audience possible that something like this not happen again. Sure, it is idealistic but who made that a dirty word anyway? And yes there are films made about all sorts of violence. The spread of cheap, digital technology has just made it easier for filmmakers to actually document such events so as to keep reminding us not to be complicit. We cannot put the onus of talking about all the fucked up events occurring across the world on one person. It is the responsibility of artists to use their art for greater good, however small their audience may be. There has to be real and urgent immediate reactions to any sort of injustice.

Finally, the film does not base itself on a simple reading of the Hindu-Muslim divide. It talks about the rise of right-wing fundamentalism in India. It is important to deconstruct to their binary oppositions the semiotics of their ideologies. The presence of overt stances and doings is just as important as the apparent absence of them.
We have to continue to speak out against all violence in the name of religion, power. It is our responsibility. Isn't it easy to look the other way and pretend these things do not happen because it just makes our lives so much easier?

Some of the websites devoted to the Gujarat riots:

• all quotes in the above passage are from this source :

The screening of the film has opened up controversies that i knew would be created but the viciousness of it all has me baffled. not only have i been called unpatriotic but accused of being sucked into idealistic left-leaning "pseudo-liberal" fundamentalist rhetoric. one guy actually asks whether for the sake of telling the truth, we need to go around publicizing it? while i brushed aside the question as being silly it does question our agency as 'progressive liberals' and our own complicity in the growth of a normative hegemonic nationalistic ideology.

The poem below by pakistani poet faiz ahmed faiz is not only beautiful but also appropriate in this climate.

bol ke lab azaad hai tere
bol zabaan ab tak teri hai
tera suthwa jism hai tera
bol ke jaan ab tak teri hai
....
bol ye thoda waqt bahut hai
jism-o-zubaan kii maut se pehle
bol, ke sach zindaa hai ab tak
bol, jo kuchh kehna hai kah le


Speak, for your lips are free
Speak, this tongue is still yours
Your bare body is yours
Speak, for life is still yours
....
Speak, this limited time is a lot
Before the death of body and tongue
Speak, for truth is still alive
Speak, say all that you wish

- faiz ahmed faiz

In a conundrum fuelled by fascist regimes and apathetic governments, 'Final Solution' is an attempt to chronicle the brutal events of a state-sponsored genocide that occurred in Gujarat, India in the year 2002. It is a study of the politics of hate. In 2002, India saw about 2,500 Moslems being brutally murdered, hundreds of women raped and more than 200,000 families left homeless. Right-wing Hindu fundamentalists argued that this bloodshed was necessary to retaliate against the equally brutal and senseless burning and killing of 58 Hindus on the Sabarmati Express train at Godhra, Gujarat on February 27, 2002. The film examines the aftermath of the deadly violence that followed this event between the months February 2002 - July 2003. Borrowing the chilling term Endöslung, meaning the systematic relocation and murders by the Nazis, for the title of his film, Rakesh Sharma seeks to remind that "those who forget history are condemned to relive it."

FREE AND OPEN TO THE PUBLIC

Film: 'Final Solution' (2004), 148 mins, India
Director: Rakesh Sharma (Filmmaker will be in attendance)
Venue: Room 112, Center for the Arts, University at Buffalo
Date: April 26th, 6.00 p.m -9.00 p.m
Contact: Swati Bandi – sbandi@buffalo.edu; 716-536-1928
Rima Aranha - raranha@buffalo.edu; 716-796-5641

finally, after many months of waiting, my nephew is here. He was born December 20, 2004 at 9 lbs and 10 ounces. he is the most gorgeous baby I have ever seen and I am right now i love. And in other news, I have been accepted into the PhD program and they are giving me monies, i was their "top choice" they said. Life is good and life is good.

Here's Dhruv (named after the north star)



And here's aunty and nephew

type and so i drag my ass back to this site. my elder sister in new york is having a baby this week. i am gonna be a pinnamaa( that telugu for aunty)! and also am moving to frightfully expensive place because i feel like spending some more money i don't have. what fun i say!