What do you do when you want the unattainable? Most people would give up. That's what i like about myself I'm not like most people. I like to think anyone has a shot at what they want given time. I guess the way i see it is that things aren't supposed to come easy. Nothing as ever come easy for me and i think i like it that way. In a way, it makes me stronger to overcome my next obstacle. It sucks not getting what you want but i think time will tell over any situation. I'm a fighter (not in the violent way) and don't give up on battle worth fighting for. I hate making all my entries dramatic but its a great stress reliever for me. Plus, i always write these when i get home so that's when all my thoughts settle. I know someday i will win my battle and it will be my finest accomplishment. To all the underdogs out there whatever you do don't ever give up and someday it will all pay off in the end.

Im a dedicated watcher of the show One Tree Hill but its getting super dramatic.

"I felt for sure last night
That once we said goodbye
No one else will know these lonely dreams
No one else will know that part of me
I'm still driving away
And I'm sorry every day
I won't always love these selfish things
I won't always live...
Not stopping...

It was my turn to decide
I knew this was our time
No one else will have me like you do
No one else will have me, only you

You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here I'm now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine

Amazing still it seems
I'll be 26
I won't always love what I'll never have
I won't always live in my regrets

You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here I'm now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine

You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here I'm now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine..."Jimmy Eat World

Today was my last day at Circuit City and it felt great. Kind of had mixed feelings going on. Basically, i probably got as close as i could to feeling like it was that tI'me of the month. I don't have to hear anymore dumbass customers ask if we have any playstations or xboxs (except if i hear it from Poch and Erin. dammit). Some would say im on to greater things. I hope their right. Who would have thought the air would smell better and food would taste better. I'm excited that its all over.

p.s.- when you look at old baby books and photos of yourself be careful it can be very emotional. I also learned that when i do have kids to always write things down.

Working in a retail store sucks around Christmas. I work at Circuit City and it just blows this time of year. Let me tell you it sucks waking up at 4 in the morning so you can be at work by 530 the day after Thanksgiving. Its even worse when you have to be there until 10 at night. Then i was scheduled to work on sat from 12-1030. Basically, i was a fuckin zombie last night. If i have to hear one more fuckin customer ask me if we have any PlayStation's or XBOX's someone is going to die. I just wish i could come straight out and fuckin yell at these dumb people. "Well, if you didn't wait till last fuckin minute you couldve had one a fuckin month ago."

Yes its another thanksgiving and I'm not sure what to make of it. I've never been fond of this holiday. I always thought it was kind of pointless. Like most i never actually look forward to thanksgiving. I look forward to the Wednesday night before it. Thanksgiving to me is just a day to get over a horrible hangover.

The night before kicked ass. I lacked money so i boycotted the Chippewa scene. The way i see it tho you can make any bar fun the night before thanksgiving. O yea it also pays to know the bartenders at each bar you go to. Nothing like taking out a hundred bucks and realize you only spent thirty. That thirty dollars spent got a total of one round of drinks for six people, another three beers for myself, and a total of five shots. The best part was this was only the first bar and like i said i only dropped thirty bucks all night. GOOD TIMES!

I'm not one with words so i hope this comes out ok.

I've known Erin for about a year now. The first time that i met her tho was about a year and a half ago. I saw her for like a second and thought she was cute. If i looked at her longer than second i would have realized that cute isn't enough to describe her.

Nearly six months past and our paths crossed again. I met her through a friend and got to know her a little bit better. Ever since that night I've started to have these strong feelings for her. So i started hang in out with her and my friends Betsy and Tim. She worked with Betsy so that gave me a shitty excuse to go see her. This kind of went on for awhile.

To but it simple shes the type of girl that you think a lot about and can't get out of your head but in a good way. Great personality, beautiful looks, very smart, really funny (especially when a little tipsy), and speaks a foreign language (sexy). She has everything I've been looking for and more. I was going to go to Europe with her and some friends but that won't be happening now. It sucks cause i was hoping to get closer to her.

Here's to maybe one day having the best thing that's walked into my life and never letting it go.

(Erin this is basically what those song lyrics mean to me)

Where to start that's the question. Well, got up at eight to get ready for my meeting at Circuit Shitty. That sucked because the meeting started at nine and went till ten. Some would say "Why does that suck? You only had to be there for an hour." SI'mple answer because it interfered with my precious tI'me of tailgating at the bills game. What is one to do in this situation. MMMMMMM let me think i got it ill fill half of my Pepsi with Jack Daniels. Let me tell you that meeting starting to get really interesting. Fuck'em they should have saw it coming.

We got to the bills parking lot at about quarter after ten. At this point i have a wicked buzz going on. Lets just say we consumed a lot of beers around the Olson Cruzier. Its been along while since Ive been that drunk and out of control. It was a lot of fun and Olson got a taste of his own medicine. Sorry buddy now you know how it feels.

While all this was happening my friend Erin called me. My friend Jay and i went to go visit her because she was catering at someones tailgate. That was a lot of fun. Mind you i was drunk. O yea i forgot to mention that i like her to. Anyways she stopped over at the Olson Cruzier when she had to pass out flyers. Then a weird thing happened. A couple people kept on calling her my girl while she was standing right next to me. Actually i don't she or anyone else noticed. I don't know if I'm retarded or what but i liked hearing it.

Ok i guess its time to put some kind of personal info in my journal.
I'll drop a little more history on my whole Erin situation. This will be the only journal ill refer to her unless she has no problem with this. Well im running out of room so this will be continued onto another.

I just finished my first manager duties. Bare with me I'm a little drunk. If i have to get this drunk each time out i don't know if i can do this. I worked my ass off tonight. I must have got at least four numbers tonight to book shows. Hopefully, this will all pay off for North Park Project. Some would say why do you do this? I guess my answer would be out of friendship. I don't see these guys as a business venture. To me their my friends and i want nothing but sucess for them.They have the talent weather they believe it or not. We played at the Continental tonight and they played an awesome show. If they play every show with as much heart as they played tonight that makes it worth my while. I wish i had some musical talent to contribute to this band.

Drinkin jack and Dr.pepper today. Who would have thought that would be a good combo. Well just to let you know its GREAT!!!!
Just chillin at my friend Erin's house. She wouldn't let me help with the dishes so here i am typing away.
I'm also waiting for NPP's slacker of singer to find out if he has to work Thursday. Hopefully he isn't so we can play a show then.

I have no sympathy for ODB aka, Russell Jones aka, Dirt McGirt aka, Osiris aka, Big Baby Jesus.
Now here are the reasons why he should get no respect:
1993 convicted of assault
1997 arrested for failing to pay child support for his three children
1998 pleaded guilty to assaulting exwife
1998 arrested for stealing sneakers
1999 arrested for crack possession (Crack kills. No one probably informed him that)

Who steals sneakers? In 1998, the Wu-Tang Clan were making millions.
The best part is Wu-Tang Clan had their own clothing line. If he stole Wu-Tang shoes was he stealing from his own company or was he testing them.