I think I'm the mistress of an emotional affair. I might be in trouble,i got to have lunch with him today. I brought a friend and his bf popped over to say hi. Kinda akward. Im omw to nola now, here I come mardi gras.....

Um....

You ever have one of those days where all you want tIo do is sing and dance? I mean I like doing it everyday, but today more than ever I feel like expressing myself in song. I think I need a karaoke machine, but knowing me it will be me at night all myself sitting on the couch drunk singing. Haha not very attractive ;). These last couple days I have been filled with so many emotions.excitement, sadness, anger, very overwhelmed and uncertainty. Things to sing about for sure, and I think I just might tonight. Even if it means I'm gonna be in Buffalo by myself tonight singing my heart out. One song on specific is "heartless" by Kris Allen another is "Higher" by Gloria Estefan. Things that make you go hmmmm?

It's so crazy how life can change in only a few minutes. My friend just called me named Scott. Scott is a straight white boy who I met in new orleans and had a blast with. He also came to Chicago and lived with me for a month and then came back right after new years and stayed with me another week. Just a little background ;) I already knew he was going to be working at the same place I am for mardi gras, he just asked me to go to Santa Monica with him after mardi gras to work because that's where he's from, and we could go to Hawaii after and wurk at the stores there. I'm thinking about doing it. I called my mother to ask her what she thought about it and she told me to go for it. I'm feeling conflicted at the moment because right now because as I'm literally on my way back home to try and settle in, there is already and opportunity to move somewhere else. Damn my head is spinning I kinda can't believe this is happening. So now I need to make a decision before I finish my previous one. On one hand I want to be here for my mother and be around my good friends and family. On the other hand things like this don't come everyday. He and I would be driving in his car from Denver to California; OMG!!! My stomach if flipping thinking about it. Arrrgggg!!!!! What to do?!?! Is this really happening? This is a very hard decision.

The time is now I'm heading back to new york to drop off my things.I'm saying buh bye to chicago. Although it wasn't as fun as I thought it would be and filled with un necessary drama I still made great friends and had a good time. I can't help but be excited about being closer to my mother after almost a decade, and I think it will be a lot better for her state mind and my mind knowing that I finally have a mother who is doing "normal" mother things for once. I touchdown in new york monday then right back out thursday. Bubba gumps new orleans already sent me my wurk schedule. My first day of wurk is the 26th and they have me scheduled a double and then closing the restaraunt the following night. I guess they are happy I'm coming back. Besides being in new orleans for mardi gras, I will also be spending a lot of time with my sister, and my nephew which is going to be excellent,i miss those two. Not enough to move to the south but I miss them so much. It's really too bad that a good friend of mine decided to ditch me on the apt we were gonna do together, but hey that's just a minor speed bump, I guess ms. Ho isn't the only one going through friend issues. Which I'm completely over worrying about btw. If these last few weeks taught me anything, with all that's been going on with my family. Its that life is WAY too short for shitty "friends". If someone has a problem with me and I've done nothing wrong to them, I don't need you in my life and I'm over trying to make you like me or reach for your acceptance. I'm done. I'm so happy with what I've accomplished so far, and proud of the decisions I've made. The same goes for ((e:lilho)) tell those haters to kick rocks honey. Antywho I'm gonna be doing a lot of dancing, working and loving those who love me in the coming weeks and I really wish I could bring a lot of you with me. To share my world, because it truly is beautiful despite minor or major hiccups. I'm Coming back to Buffalo with a new attitude a new job (thanks to my friend Joel) a new apt and a new wardrobe. I definetly need retail therapy ;). I will see you all in a few weeks and for those who don't want to see me, trust it can be arranged aswell. Keep love and light in your heart always and every now and then, stop and take a good look around and be thankful that you are so fortunate. I love you Buffalo peace out yo!!!