I've got nobody I can really talk to about the stress in my life. My father lost his job and is preoccupied in a cloud, my grandmother is 80 and I can't lay my worries at her feet, and my brother has his own problems. My grandpa is gone and for those of you who didn't know, we were raised by our father and grandparents after our mother gave up custody when we were 9 months old. In other words, I can't draw on my mom for advice either.
I'm trying to figure out how to cope with this - I'm usually the listener, the source of optimism and enthusiasm for the people around me. What happens if I don't have it in me anymore? Lately I've been feeling a little worn down and I've been at a loss... I've been begging God to provide me with some clarity and to remove this spectre over me.
Joshua's Journal
My Podcast Link
07/30/2009 11:07 #49414
Outlet (not a place where you shop)07/21/2009 11:01 #49344
40th Anniversary of Apollo 11Neil Armstrong, Michael Collins and Edwin "Buzz" Aldrin, Jr. American patriots and heroes to generations of dreamers around the world.
Last night the BBC replayed the audio from the famous event in "real" time, as if it were occurring live. It. Was. Awesome. If you read my previous entry regarding my dreams then you know I can have a wild imagination; I enjoyed it last night.
Did you know that the average age of the engineers working on the Apollo program was 26 years of age? I heard that on NPR, for what it's worth. Not to wax too rhetorically, but I think it's fair to say that the moon landing cemented our nation's greatness for all time in human history; it was an accomplishment that people will be reading about and discussing 2,000 years from now. The 21st Century was very consequential in human history and our nation was at the center of it all.
This was done at a time where really we had the absolute bare minimum technical expertise to achieve the goal. It was more a matter of will and national pride than anything else, but the national investment in the Apollo program has an amazing legacy - decades of technological innovations that have advanced our nation, if not the world.
This was done during a turbulent time in our history - within 10 years we saw two Kennedy brothers and Dr. King get assassinated, the Vietnam War was in full swing, etc. The moon landing reminded us of what we're made of - we got to see the very personification of it on TV, watching three men in white spacesuits look back at us from another heavenly body. We needed heroes and Apollo delivered.
Some of the most fascinating conversation I've ever heard was listening to the Apollo astronauts talk about their feelings and what went through their minds during the mission, in particular how they felt looking back at the earth from afar.
Apollo 11 Wiki -
10 Reasons Why The Apollo 11 Moon Landing Was Awesome -
NASA Apollo 11 Image Gallery -
SFGate Blog - Alan Black - The First Laugh on the Moon -
What is breaking my heart, though, is that these men feel NASA is currently a shambles. Read here -
Last night the BBC replayed the audio from the famous event in "real" time, as if it were occurring live. It. Was. Awesome. If you read my previous entry regarding my dreams then you know I can have a wild imagination; I enjoyed it last night.
Did you know that the average age of the engineers working on the Apollo program was 26 years of age? I heard that on NPR, for what it's worth. Not to wax too rhetorically, but I think it's fair to say that the moon landing cemented our nation's greatness for all time in human history; it was an accomplishment that people will be reading about and discussing 2,000 years from now. The 21st Century was very consequential in human history and our nation was at the center of it all.
This was done at a time where really we had the absolute bare minimum technical expertise to achieve the goal. It was more a matter of will and national pride than anything else, but the national investment in the Apollo program has an amazing legacy - decades of technological innovations that have advanced our nation, if not the world.
This was done during a turbulent time in our history - within 10 years we saw two Kennedy brothers and Dr. King get assassinated, the Vietnam War was in full swing, etc. The moon landing reminded us of what we're made of - we got to see the very personification of it on TV, watching three men in white spacesuits look back at us from another heavenly body. We needed heroes and Apollo delivered.
Some of the most fascinating conversation I've ever heard was listening to the Apollo astronauts talk about their feelings and what went through their minds during the mission, in particular how they felt looking back at the earth from afar.
Apollo 11 Wiki -
10 Reasons Why The Apollo 11 Moon Landing Was Awesome -
NASA Apollo 11 Image Gallery -
SFGate Blog - Alan Black - The First Laugh on the Moon -
What is breaking my heart, though, is that these men feel NASA is currently a shambles. Read here -
jason - 07/21/09 13:57
Yeah, and it was great listening to the Beeb in the dark last night as they broadcast it. Pretty thrilling. When I was a tot I wanted to be an astronaut.
Yeah, and it was great listening to the Beeb in the dark last night as they broadcast it. Pretty thrilling. When I was a tot I wanted to be an astronaut.
mrmike - 07/21/09 13:14
I caught it, too. It was awesome. I'm old enough to remember school stopping for the moon launches and we'd all gather and watch on crappy tvs....and it was pretty great.
I caught it, too. It was awesome. I'm old enough to remember school stopping for the moon launches and we'd all gather and watch on crappy tvs....and it was pretty great.
07/15/2009 21:33 #49300
Michael "Mickey" KearnsVote for Mickey Kearns in the Democratic primary. I can't believe I saw three "Brown for Mayor" signs already posted up in people's lawns on a short drive from Hertel to home. We've got a guy with a Federal case staring down his office - a real case, not some trumped up bullshit allegation with no legal merit - and it's business as usual in Buffalo? The Feds don't get involved unless they know something. Brian Higgins is Brown's political ally. I'm sick of this crap - dump Byron Brown and vote for Kearns if you love your city.
joshua - 07/16/09 12:42
I would work for anyone though - Democrat or Republican. I'm a gun for hire sort, dogged loyal and when I have to be, vicious to affect a positive outcome for my boss.
I would work for anyone though - Democrat or Republican. I'm a gun for hire sort, dogged loyal and when I have to be, vicious to affect a positive outcome for my boss.
joshua - 07/16/09 10:23
(e:james) this morning the thought crossed my mind about registering D to vote in the primary - I'm pretty sure my dad would have a heart attack after crying tears of joy. (My parental political situation is the exact opposite of Drew). I'm pretty sure I'd change registrations ASAP afterwards because I love getting this mail spam from both parties. It's nice to feel wanted without having to commit one way or the other.
I miss the old Democratic Party - the one that JFK came up in. I considered JFK to be a mainstream liberal - certainly had ideas on the social side but in those days nobody ever considered stuff like national defense to be a political issue. He understood the power of liberty in the realest sense and took no bullshit from the Communists.
JFK was a WWII vet - he had an understanding about national defense that no Democratic President has had since. He would have cut someone's rhetorical throat if he had to defend our interests, right or wrong. He stuck up for our country at all times while extending his hand out to his enemies. He did the right thing by wanting to invade Cuba at the time; it would have been insanity to allow the Soviets to eventually put ICBMs on that island. When JFK died it broke Khrushchev's heart.
JFK's inaugural speech was amongst the greatest in history - sorry to say it, but as good as Obama is, he will never hold a candle to JFK's rhetoric. "Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, to assure the survival and the success of liberty.
This much we pledge -- and more."
Find me a Democrat like that and you very well might have my support.
(e:james) this morning the thought crossed my mind about registering D to vote in the primary - I'm pretty sure my dad would have a heart attack after crying tears of joy. (My parental political situation is the exact opposite of Drew). I'm pretty sure I'd change registrations ASAP afterwards because I love getting this mail spam from both parties. It's nice to feel wanted without having to commit one way or the other.
I miss the old Democratic Party - the one that JFK came up in. I considered JFK to be a mainstream liberal - certainly had ideas on the social side but in those days nobody ever considered stuff like national defense to be a political issue. He understood the power of liberty in the realest sense and took no bullshit from the Communists.
JFK was a WWII vet - he had an understanding about national defense that no Democratic President has had since. He would have cut someone's rhetorical throat if he had to defend our interests, right or wrong. He stuck up for our country at all times while extending his hand out to his enemies. He did the right thing by wanting to invade Cuba at the time; it would have been insanity to allow the Soviets to eventually put ICBMs on that island. When JFK died it broke Khrushchev's heart.
JFK's inaugural speech was amongst the greatest in history - sorry to say it, but as good as Obama is, he will never hold a candle to JFK's rhetoric. "Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, to assure the survival and the success of liberty.
This much we pledge -- and more."
Find me a Democrat like that and you very well might have my support.
jim - 07/16/09 09:58
Just kidding about voting for Brown of course.
Just kidding about voting for Brown of course.
jim - 07/16/09 09:58
I've given up on third parties until someone can give me a 'game theory' type plausible scenario about how mathematically or electorally the political system in this country could support a third party. Even NYS's fusion system doesn't do more then move third parties from low single digits to high single digits.
The 'vast middle' that are assumed the target a large new 3rd party could carve out a base from, well... they're the ones who pick and choose from left and right on various issues, or don't care about certain issues. There's no natural cohesion in the middle, they don't agree with each other.
The divisive issues haunt the middle as well as the left and right, just not in a clear cut way suitable for organization as the polarized big parties do. What platform could a third party have that wasn't too the left of the democrats or the right of the republicans? And 3rd parties further left or right then the main parties often just get subsumed into the main parties given the slightest electoral success.
3rd parties seem to only gain power on the backs of charismatic figures (c.f. Perot or T.Roosevelt) but rarely defeat or last more than a couple electoral cycles.
Which really sucks. I'd rather have two parties, like the Greens and Libertarians locked in conflict then the Republicans and Democrats, or to have a parliamentary system where many voices and factions could be heard and coalesce.
I've given up on third parties until someone can give me a 'game theory' type plausible scenario about how mathematically or electorally the political system in this country could support a third party. Even NYS's fusion system doesn't do more then move third parties from low single digits to high single digits.
The 'vast middle' that are assumed the target a large new 3rd party could carve out a base from, well... they're the ones who pick and choose from left and right on various issues, or don't care about certain issues. There's no natural cohesion in the middle, they don't agree with each other.
The divisive issues haunt the middle as well as the left and right, just not in a clear cut way suitable for organization as the polarized big parties do. What platform could a third party have that wasn't too the left of the democrats or the right of the republicans? And 3rd parties further left or right then the main parties often just get subsumed into the main parties given the slightest electoral success.
3rd parties seem to only gain power on the backs of charismatic figures (c.f. Perot or T.Roosevelt) but rarely defeat or last more than a couple electoral cycles.
Which really sucks. I'd rather have two parties, like the Greens and Libertarians locked in conflict then the Republicans and Democrats, or to have a parliamentary system where many voices and factions could be heard and coalesce.
vincent - 07/16/09 09:44
I'm an independent waiting for that Third Party to emerge as I think BOTH parties in this country suck.
I'm an independent waiting for that Third Party to emerge as I think BOTH parties in this country suck.
james - 07/16/09 09:19
You are an Independent in New York, what is the point? Become a Dem and participate in the only game in town. Besides, as an Independent you can't participate in any major party's primary anyway.
I know you don't agree with a lot of what the Democratic Party does or believes, but there are good politicians and bad politicians and they are all Dems here.
Come on, join the Dark Side. ^_^
You are an Independent in New York, what is the point? Become a Dem and participate in the only game in town. Besides, as an Independent you can't participate in any major party's primary anyway.
I know you don't agree with a lot of what the Democratic Party does or believes, but there are good politicians and bad politicians and they are all Dems here.
Come on, join the Dark Side. ^_^
joshua - 07/16/09 08:42
I can't vote in the primary so I'm hoping for 20 votes to counter my lost one vote.
I can't vote in the primary so I'm hoping for 20 votes to counter my lost one vote.
james - 07/16/09 07:47
I will flip the switch for him so vigorously the voting booth might get an erection.
I will flip the switch for him so vigorously the voting booth might get an erection.
matthew - 07/15/09 21:35
see now, here's a journal i agree with. I'm most definitely voting for Mc-Kearns.
see now, here's a journal i agree with. I'm most definitely voting for Mc-Kearns.
07/15/2009 01:24 #49294
Surtax on the Rich5.4% surtax for those earning $1m or above, ostensibly to help pay for Obamacare.
I support taxing Hollywood limo libs to the absolute hilt, baby, starting with Al Gore and Sean Penn and moving down the line. I can't figure out how CA hasn't managed a wealthy surtax yet - how did CA beat the Feds to the punch again?
"From each according to his ability, to each according to his need," indeed. At least the Soviet Union managed to dial it back and adhered to the following - "From each according to his ability, to each according to his work."
I support taxing Hollywood limo libs to the absolute hilt, baby, starting with Al Gore and Sean Penn and moving down the line. I can't figure out how CA hasn't managed a wealthy surtax yet - how did CA beat the Feds to the punch again?
"From each according to his ability, to each according to his need," indeed. At least the Soviet Union managed to dial it back and adhered to the following - "From each according to his ability, to each according to his work."
ajay - 07/16/09 15:06
"((e:ajay)) - no, it isn't a right."
Fair enough. What about Education? and Defense?
"((e:ajay)) - no, it isn't a right."
Fair enough. What about Education? and Defense?
joshua - 07/15/09 23:30
(e:dcoffee) - I'm watching a rerun of O'Reilly right now and they are discussing how cap and trade will allow GS to earn hundreds of millions of dollars in the energy market. Last hear GS paid no tax. None! No corporate contributions to national defense, healthcare, etc. So in that respect yes I'll agree that GS are seriously, seriously hating on America. They will pay tax this year.
Leave the businesses that make a lot of money alone, man - it's not illegal to get rich, at least not yet. GS has done very well for themselves, paid back the government money they never really wanted to begin with, and it's one financial firm that's managing to find some success in a ridiculously spooky market.
I don't care one lick that average compensation there, including bonuses, will be around $800,000 this year. Do you know who can't wait for those bonuses to get paid? The governments of the state of New York and the City of New York, Gov. Paterson, Mayor Bloomberg - there is a special tax on the books for Wall St. bonuses. The major reason why our state budget took a major shit this past year is because the tax money generated by Wall St. evaporated - it accounts for 20% of our state budget. What's good for Wall St. is good for New York, that's a fact that we'll have to learn to live with.
(e:dcoffee) - I'm watching a rerun of O'Reilly right now and they are discussing how cap and trade will allow GS to earn hundreds of millions of dollars in the energy market. Last hear GS paid no tax. None! No corporate contributions to national defense, healthcare, etc. So in that respect yes I'll agree that GS are seriously, seriously hating on America. They will pay tax this year.
Leave the businesses that make a lot of money alone, man - it's not illegal to get rich, at least not yet. GS has done very well for themselves, paid back the government money they never really wanted to begin with, and it's one financial firm that's managing to find some success in a ridiculously spooky market.
I don't care one lick that average compensation there, including bonuses, will be around $800,000 this year. Do you know who can't wait for those bonuses to get paid? The governments of the state of New York and the City of New York, Gov. Paterson, Mayor Bloomberg - there is a special tax on the books for Wall St. bonuses. The major reason why our state budget took a major shit this past year is because the tax money generated by Wall St. evaporated - it accounts for 20% of our state budget. What's good for Wall St. is good for New York, that's a fact that we'll have to learn to live with.
joshua - 07/15/09 20:57
(e:ajay) - no, it isn't a right. So I suppose you are correct, this discussion is ovah!
(e:dcoffee) - nobody has an hour these days. This class warfare stuff needs to stop - suggesting that the rich used to be interested in paying their fair share is LUDICROUS and I'm not debating the topic anymore. Any top 1%er will pay more in tax in one to three years than you or I will in our career earnings combined. It's that simple. To suggest that they aren't giving back their "fair share" is an utter fallacy. What about the people who "gave back" when Obama ripped up contract law to guarantee retiree healthcare benefits for union workers? I'm pretty sure many of those bondholders were rich!
I think being greedy is sticking your hand out, expecting something for nothing, then bitching when it isn't given to you. Do you believe in what Karl Marx said when he uttered the quote I referenced in my entry? I don't understand nor do I care for this weird penchant for constantly wanting to stick it to one person that has more than another.
W/respect to Goldman Sachs - do you know how exactly they have earned that money? Stock underwriting, which is what they specialize in. It's a market (maybe one of the only markets) that has literally exploded over the course of the past few months. Are you really arguing against a truly legitimate success story involving an American company? Their revenue has increased almost 50% as compared to previous quarters - of course their profits are going to balloon!
My god.
(e:ajay) - no, it isn't a right. So I suppose you are correct, this discussion is ovah!
(e:dcoffee) - nobody has an hour these days. This class warfare stuff needs to stop - suggesting that the rich used to be interested in paying their fair share is LUDICROUS and I'm not debating the topic anymore. Any top 1%er will pay more in tax in one to three years than you or I will in our career earnings combined. It's that simple. To suggest that they aren't giving back their "fair share" is an utter fallacy. What about the people who "gave back" when Obama ripped up contract law to guarantee retiree healthcare benefits for union workers? I'm pretty sure many of those bondholders were rich!
I think being greedy is sticking your hand out, expecting something for nothing, then bitching when it isn't given to you. Do you believe in what Karl Marx said when he uttered the quote I referenced in my entry? I don't understand nor do I care for this weird penchant for constantly wanting to stick it to one person that has more than another.
W/respect to Goldman Sachs - do you know how exactly they have earned that money? Stock underwriting, which is what they specialize in. It's a market (maybe one of the only markets) that has literally exploded over the course of the past few months. Are you really arguing against a truly legitimate success story involving an American company? Their revenue has increased almost 50% as compared to previous quarters - of course their profits are going to balloon!
My god.
ajay - 07/15/09 17:13
(e:joshua) , first questions first: do you think healthcare is a "right" (as in, "everyone in a developed country should have it", and not a constitutional right) ? Should every American have access to low-cost basic healthcare?
If yes, then we can discuss how to pay for it.
If no, then there's not much to discuss....
(e:joshua) , first questions first: do you think healthcare is a "right" (as in, "everyone in a developed country should have it", and not a constitutional right) ? Should every American have access to low-cost basic healthcare?
If yes, then we can discuss how to pay for it.
If no, then there's not much to discuss....
dcoffee - 07/15/09 16:12
I like that idea of having congress on the Public Option :), So long as I get to have it too.
I like that idea of having congress on the Public Option :), So long as I get to have it too.
dcoffee - 07/15/09 16:10
I wish I had an hour.
Fact is that we have to compete in a global economy now, and we have to work together as a society to make sure we can out preform other countries. This means giving Americans real opportunity, helping the best and brightest perfect their tallents and rise to the top. Concentrated wealth prevents competition and innovation, it stifles the economy. The richest companies don't want competition, they want protection and stability. They want the workers to stay in their place as servants, not rivals. The people at the top are mostly there because of ruthlessness and luck, not because they are the smartest or most motivated. This must change.
Americans need more freedom to go ahead and innovate. By freedom, I mean freedom from fear, 'how do I pay for college', 'what if I get sick', 'what if I lose my job and can't afford health coverage'. We need the freedom to move about the economy and do what we enjoy. If you enjoy your work, you will do it well. But right now most workers are locked in their jobs, they have no other choice.
The rich used to support the idea of paying their fair share, and giving back to the society that enabled them to be successful. Not any more, Goldman Sachs doesn't care about America.
America better start looking out for itself.
Honestly, all these years we've just had good luck, excess resources, excess wealth, weak international competition, unending growth. It didn't matter how much the fat cats shoved in their pockets because there was so much to go around. Now the rest of the world has caught up, and we need to start paying attention and making hard choices. Being greedy is a luxury we can no longer afford.
I wish I had an hour.
Fact is that we have to compete in a global economy now, and we have to work together as a society to make sure we can out preform other countries. This means giving Americans real opportunity, helping the best and brightest perfect their tallents and rise to the top. Concentrated wealth prevents competition and innovation, it stifles the economy. The richest companies don't want competition, they want protection and stability. They want the workers to stay in their place as servants, not rivals. The people at the top are mostly there because of ruthlessness and luck, not because they are the smartest or most motivated. This must change.
Americans need more freedom to go ahead and innovate. By freedom, I mean freedom from fear, 'how do I pay for college', 'what if I get sick', 'what if I lose my job and can't afford health coverage'. We need the freedom to move about the economy and do what we enjoy. If you enjoy your work, you will do it well. But right now most workers are locked in their jobs, they have no other choice.
The rich used to support the idea of paying their fair share, and giving back to the society that enabled them to be successful. Not any more, Goldman Sachs doesn't care about America.
America better start looking out for itself.
Honestly, all these years we've just had good luck, excess resources, excess wealth, weak international competition, unending growth. It didn't matter how much the fat cats shoved in their pockets because there was so much to go around. Now the rest of the world has caught up, and we need to start paying attention and making hard choices. Being greedy is a luxury we can no longer afford.
joshua - 07/15/09 15:35
(e:ajay) - you should ask that question to the Dems themselves that wrote the bill - even they don't know for sure, and I'll bet that the Senate will make this bill look like an MJ before and after shot.
I do not support the enrichment of one person at the poverty of another, under any circumstances. If they want to institute healthcare, then they have to find a way to pay for it that ensures that EVERYBODY suffers equally. But don't worry, regardless of how it is paid for, when the rationing starts the equitable situation will be quite evident. ;-)
So, is Congress still exempt from participation in this system? Every single politican that votes for the bill should be forced into enrolling in the program. This way, people like Ted Kennedy won't be going to Duke University Hospital anymore, but Local Medical Center #27 in inner city D.C. Nobody wants to practice what they preach, do they?
(e:ajay) - you should ask that question to the Dems themselves that wrote the bill - even they don't know for sure, and I'll bet that the Senate will make this bill look like an MJ before and after shot.
I do not support the enrichment of one person at the poverty of another, under any circumstances. If they want to institute healthcare, then they have to find a way to pay for it that ensures that EVERYBODY suffers equally. But don't worry, regardless of how it is paid for, when the rationing starts the equitable situation will be quite evident. ;-)
So, is Congress still exempt from participation in this system? Every single politican that votes for the bill should be forced into enrolling in the program. This way, people like Ted Kennedy won't be going to Duke University Hospital anymore, but Local Medical Center #27 in inner city D.C. Nobody wants to practice what they preach, do they?
ajay - 07/15/09 13:34
So how do you propose we provide health insurance to the 50M people uncovered?
The chances of an American dying from a terrorist attack are 1000x less than that from dying due to lack of good healthcare; and yet you don't mind spending trillions on this "war" on terror.
Would these taxes be easier to digest if Obama called them "war on disease" ? ;-D
So how do you propose we provide health insurance to the 50M people uncovered?
The chances of an American dying from a terrorist attack are 1000x less than that from dying due to lack of good healthcare; and yet you don't mind spending trillions on this "war" on terror.
Would these taxes be easier to digest if Obama called them "war on disease" ? ;-D
vincent - 07/15/09 10:04
The thing is that a Married Filing Joint Couple making $350,000 in CA, MA, NYC doesn't really have it "made." Especially if they a small business owner or paying back large professional student loans. Plus, this is "Off the top" before any Standard Deductions that rich people love like home mortgage interest. I can only imagine that in high taxes "Blue" States people in this tax bracket are going to be well beyond paying 50% and in some cases 60% of their income in taxes to Fed, Trust Fund, State, Local Governments.
The thing is that a Married Filing Joint Couple making $350,000 in CA, MA, NYC doesn't really have it "made." Especially if they a small business owner or paying back large professional student loans. Plus, this is "Off the top" before any Standard Deductions that rich people love like home mortgage interest. I can only imagine that in high taxes "Blue" States people in this tax bracket are going to be well beyond paying 50% and in some cases 60% of their income in taxes to Fed, Trust Fund, State, Local Governments.
jason - 07/15/09 09:18
The result is predictable. What happened in France the last time they soaked the rich will happen here and some rich folks will skip the country to avoid the taxes. CA, you know, I'm not enjoying their misery but they've brought it on themselves by building a government they can't afford. That shit was predictable too. If we have to bail their incompetent asses out, I will absolutely freak.
The result is predictable. What happened in France the last time they soaked the rich will happen here and some rich folks will skip the country to avoid the taxes. CA, you know, I'm not enjoying their misery but they've brought it on themselves by building a government they can't afford. That shit was predictable too. If we have to bail their incompetent asses out, I will absolutely freak.
07/16/2009 12:24 #49306
Dreams, Cont.(e:lilho) made me realize that my situation is the exact opposite; that for the longest time I had vivid dreams that I could remember precise details about. God, I miss it badly. I haven't had a vivid dream in a long time. I have a couple of theories; one involving the serious about of anxiety that I suppress on a regular basis, and the other being the at times abusive way I treat my body.
Dream No. 1
One dream I had involved me hanging out at an ex-girlfriend's family home. (This is a girl I had a recurring nightmare about for many years - she hurt me badly, I suppose, if I had constant dreams about her abandoning me. Different situations, same result - no matter what, at the end of the dream I lost and couldn't find her). This dream was a little different - she wasn't actually in the dream although I was in her parent's house. I was in her room when I hear the doorbell ring downstairs; I run down the stairs and all that is there is a receipt for flowers, next to the goldfish. The receipt lists the type of flower, I pick it up, then I wake. The first thing I did was scribble down the name of the flower - I did a Google search and it was non-existent.
Dream No. 2
Another dream I had involved tooling around what was in my mind somewhere in lower Manhattan, although in reality it could have been anywhere. I was with an anonymous group of friends, tooling around bars, checking out dingy record stores, taking a walking tour of a new urban landscape. I remember the traffic, the smell of the hot street, the people, the dangerous crosswalks, the skyscrapers, the weather (early afternoon gray skies, followed by bright sunshine), walking the sidewalks and taking in the environment. It was a truly beautiful day. I recall not the rush, but the flood of excitement and newness I felt during my dream - I wish with all my heart that I could repeat it and feel it again. It was like somebody poured an ice-cold pitcher of water over my restless soul, allowing me to take in a fire hose of zest for life, full bore, all while admiring the grandness, chaos, sadness and magic of a new city with good friends.
Dream No. 3
I'm with my brother and my dad in a strange city - it could have been a weird mix of Pittburgh and parts of New York. We're there on vacation, just to check things out and see a baseball game. We park our car in a downtown garage, which is attached to an absolutely enormous office building, complete with several walkways suspended over different parts of the building. I learn that I must work here - I have access to the building. Our car is stolen, which triggers me to run upstairs. It's late afternoon at this point, about dinnertime. I'm talking with police on the phone, who are downstairs speeding in their cars through several levels looking for the thieves. The office walls are mostly glass; I gaze outside the windows to try to relax, and enjoy the beautiful scenery and the strange aesthetic beauty of the modern downtown, the traffic, the people, the sun gradually retreating, office lights flickering on from across the street, all in combination. Then, I wake.
Dream No. 4
I'm with my ex-girlfirend I've mentioned earlier, although in the dream we're still together (sorry for the spoiler earlier, you already know how this ends). We're upstairs at a party - it's evening and we're in a somewhat old apartment building, with a huge entertainment area. The party is great, a real laid back and enjoyable atmosphere. Outside of the windows you see equally tall buildings that look like they were built during the Great Depression - evidently I'm in New York and in my head the party is set in a building somewhere in lower Manhattan. While the party is going on, criminals burst through the doors and begin shooting people. I rush over and proceed to put my fist through a guy's face, incapacitating him and injuring him severely. This evidently spooks the criminals, and they retreat. Not having any of this bull, I proceed to jump out of the window and fly about 20 storeys to the ground level to apprehend them. I shoot sparks out of the tips of my fingers, stunning them and allowing for the police to easily haul them in. In a flash I'm back upstairs and the mess has been cleaned up. I can't find my girlfriend, who seemed to be oddly missing during a lot of the party. Evidently, I was a guy with super powers who lost his girl during the evening.
Dream No. 1
One dream I had involved me hanging out at an ex-girlfriend's family home. (This is a girl I had a recurring nightmare about for many years - she hurt me badly, I suppose, if I had constant dreams about her abandoning me. Different situations, same result - no matter what, at the end of the dream I lost and couldn't find her). This dream was a little different - she wasn't actually in the dream although I was in her parent's house. I was in her room when I hear the doorbell ring downstairs; I run down the stairs and all that is there is a receipt for flowers, next to the goldfish. The receipt lists the type of flower, I pick it up, then I wake. The first thing I did was scribble down the name of the flower - I did a Google search and it was non-existent.
Dream No. 2
Another dream I had involved tooling around what was in my mind somewhere in lower Manhattan, although in reality it could have been anywhere. I was with an anonymous group of friends, tooling around bars, checking out dingy record stores, taking a walking tour of a new urban landscape. I remember the traffic, the smell of the hot street, the people, the dangerous crosswalks, the skyscrapers, the weather (early afternoon gray skies, followed by bright sunshine), walking the sidewalks and taking in the environment. It was a truly beautiful day. I recall not the rush, but the flood of excitement and newness I felt during my dream - I wish with all my heart that I could repeat it and feel it again. It was like somebody poured an ice-cold pitcher of water over my restless soul, allowing me to take in a fire hose of zest for life, full bore, all while admiring the grandness, chaos, sadness and magic of a new city with good friends.
Dream No. 3
I'm with my brother and my dad in a strange city - it could have been a weird mix of Pittburgh and parts of New York. We're there on vacation, just to check things out and see a baseball game. We park our car in a downtown garage, which is attached to an absolutely enormous office building, complete with several walkways suspended over different parts of the building. I learn that I must work here - I have access to the building. Our car is stolen, which triggers me to run upstairs. It's late afternoon at this point, about dinnertime. I'm talking with police on the phone, who are downstairs speeding in their cars through several levels looking for the thieves. The office walls are mostly glass; I gaze outside the windows to try to relax, and enjoy the beautiful scenery and the strange aesthetic beauty of the modern downtown, the traffic, the people, the sun gradually retreating, office lights flickering on from across the street, all in combination. Then, I wake.
Dream No. 4
I'm with my ex-girlfirend I've mentioned earlier, although in the dream we're still together (sorry for the spoiler earlier, you already know how this ends). We're upstairs at a party - it's evening and we're in a somewhat old apartment building, with a huge entertainment area. The party is great, a real laid back and enjoyable atmosphere. Outside of the windows you see equally tall buildings that look like they were built during the Great Depression - evidently I'm in New York and in my head the party is set in a building somewhere in lower Manhattan. While the party is going on, criminals burst through the doors and begin shooting people. I rush over and proceed to put my fist through a guy's face, incapacitating him and injuring him severely. This evidently spooks the criminals, and they retreat. Not having any of this bull, I proceed to jump out of the window and fly about 20 storeys to the ground level to apprehend them. I shoot sparks out of the tips of my fingers, stunning them and allowing for the police to easily haul them in. In a flash I'm back upstairs and the mess has been cleaned up. I can't find my girlfriend, who seemed to be oddly missing during a lot of the party. Evidently, I was a guy with super powers who lost his girl during the evening.
tinypliny - 07/31/09 19:35
What is the name of the flower?
What is the name of the flower?
lilho - 07/17/09 15:09
i'll trade you.
i'll trade you.
metalpeter - 07/16/09 18:47
4 Sounds like it could be an episode from Heroes
4 Sounds like it could be an episode from Heroes
I like (e:drew)'s Idea. The other option is if writing helps. Type it out in a post and get the stress out and click on that draft button. Then the only person who can see it is some logged in as you or when paul is logged in how ever he views the site. If you don't want to take that chance I have heard of people writing journals on paper to get it out and then they don't want any one else to read it so they after they get stuff out burn what they wrote.
Dear Father, I have TERRIBLE confessions to make!
The offer stands for you and just about any (e:strip)per--glad to put on the "pastoral counselor" hat and just listen--keep confidence and all that.
And if you want to find a stranger, I could refer you to somebody who is (and who will listen well--no charge)
My input has always been consistent. Suffering needlessly is a waste of time and energy.
Sometimes, right before something really great happens, some really crappy times come along first. Stay encouraged! DO you have a church? Ask God to lead you to a church where His hand is working, give Him time to work- keep the faith! When I had my babies I lost most of my friends. They stopped calling and coming over, I wasn't such a good party buddy anymore, I guess. My fam was always waist deep in drama, all I had was my guy. There were days I was so lonely I would cry- sitting in my house like a recluse for a year or so. What I didn't realize was that God was listening my prayers- the WHOLE time. He was lining people up to come into my life, people who would be perfect for this new season in my life. In the last 8-9 months i have been experiencing things I never thought were possible- amazing things. keep praying, and hang in there- You're breakthrough may very well be right around the corner!!!
And what is more interesting is most of my friendships have fallen apart when the element of judgement entered into them - either on my side or theirs. Its so hard for people to just take you for what you are but its what most parents do bes. Maybe because they know that they can't change things and maybe because they have to believe steadfastly in something and evolutionarily and biologically believing unswervingly in a kid makes sense.
Which makes me think its all about judgement really. If you can find someone who absolutely does not have a shred of judgement about who you are, they might probably be the closest to a parent.
(e:tiny) - there are some things I don't even tell my oldest friends.
(e:jim) - you are right, on both accounts. =P
I know. :/ Friends don't make the cut somehow. There is some level of generosity missing. My mum still thinks I am in kindergarten and treats me likewise. Its sometimes very annoying but most times, its just a relief that she doesn't judge me in the same terms as a grown-up and everything I do seems like a childish misstep to her. I am forever a kid in her mind and very strangely I feel like one when I talk to her.
Nothing quite replaces sobbing to a parent about how the world mistreats you, in terms of stress relief.
Hmmmm.. so friends don't figure in this circle, eh?
I can relate. My mom and I were very close, but she's gone now. And talking to my Dad -- hate to say it but he sounds like an old, old man now -- is usually me consoling him for his dead wife, dead dog, dead parents, job that he hates, and for the girlfriend that just left him.
We're both, you and me, getting towards being on the ragged side of our ancestral lineage, I'd say. I think what most people do is have kids so that they're too busy to be preoccupied with their own problems and stress. And then when their kids are grown up they can be vented to...
Circle of Life!
You will do fine! You have no reason to feel lost. Post all your worries, amd I promise to shake you out with my super-annoying comments - you know, sort of like a counter-irritant is good for pain.