This is a topic I could write a novel about despite the fact that I hardly talk about it... it's personal and something that I keep in the recesses of my mind, only to pull out on days where I feel like I need a little lift. Needless to say, no matter how long this journal entry will be it will end up being incomplete.

I look at work as a series of things you have to go through and put up with in order to realize an end goal 30 years down the road. After working your whole life, accumulating, saving, collaborating with all ranges of people, where do you want to end up? This is a question I've asked myself over and over. I took the places I've been and focused on my favorite, then focused even deeper on the places within my favorite that I felt were the most interesting to me.

I'm going to share with you guys my happy place. When I'm done I want to live in a place where I'm at peace and feel inspiration on a daily basis. (A sad admission within an admission - with the life I lead I find myself rarely at peace, so this is really important to me). I need to be around nature - I need the crashing water with mountains rising from endless blue ocean, wildflowers, cypresses, huge and ancient trees, birds.

I love the convenience of urban life but to be honest I mostly feel unhappy and disconnected. I don't want to be around just any old nature; I need something spectacular, something that when you see it for the first time it takes your breath away.

This is the place where I'd pack my bags tomorrow and leave for if I could - Big Sur, in the heart of the central coast of California. This place brings out the melodrama in me. This place is so important to me that when it's on my mind I talk about God, about absolute childlike wonderment with the world and all within it, about how life can be a natural high and a miracle, about the fact that life is both ecstasy and exile at the same time. Here is where I want to sit on a stone slab and grow old with somebody.









Here's an example of a place I'd never leave. I swear I could live here forever and be at peace.



See? My stone slab.











You can read more about my happy place at the wiki page, which yielded an interesting fact - - this place is so untouched that when my grandmother was born in 1928 there were only two homes in the entire region that had electricity, which was locally generated. The fabled Highway 1 was only completed in 1937; prior to that, Big Sur was virtually inaccessible.

Today I was reading an article discussing an Eminem video and I have to give him credit - he did his city proud. In one of his latest videos he used a handful of decrepit buildings of historical significance to the city as a backdrop, which I thought was a truly beautiful concept. You can read the article and see the video here -

The jewel, of course, is the Michigan Central Station, which is a building that must have been jaw-droppingly beautiful in its day.











This terminal was designed by the same firm that designed Grand Central Station. Looking at this picture reminds me our own park system and how we left a work of art designed by Central Park's own, Fredrick Law Olmstead, to rot and be severed by a highway. They are using BHO's federal "stimulus" money to tear this building down. It made me think about how torn I am regarding these issues, and of course what fate may await our own Central Terminal. I'm not for preservation for its own sake; there has to be a purpose and a predictable stream of income to make these projects viable in the modern age. They have a point when they say that the cost to tear it down is minuscule in comparison to the costs of renovation. In a city with a several hundred million dollar shortfall for funding things like schools, firefighters and police, I'm sorry to say that renovating properties with no future use or those that are prohibitively expensive to renovate will be relegated to our history.

In other words, we're watching these buildings die a slow, irreversible death. We're watching irreplaceable aspects of our history slip through our fingers! I'd love to see a visionary repurpose buildings like this, but the pragmatist in me knows that there is no chance without a sustainable plan and a ton of cash behind it.

So, kudos to Marshall Mathers for having the desire to preserve these buildings, if not materially. Every time I pass by the expansion on the Canisius High School campus it strikes me how in 100 years time our heirs will scold us for watching these monuments erode and leave nothing for them to admire. I'm sure you've heard the phrase "if walls could talk" - the non-pragmatist, batty dreamer in me thinks that these buildings have a soul, and the buildings we're leaving behind lack EVERYTHING that these older buildings simply ooze. If we're going to watch this happen, we should at least do our heirs a favor when we replace these forgotten buildings and build things worthy of admiration in their own right.

Carry on. (Great tune by CSN, by the way).

In my last entry (e:carey) mentioned the thought about not realizing or understanding those things that might make someone feel like the lil' ol' hypothetical me is hard to approach. I can't get my head around that, I've never really considered these things before. I'm painfully shy with ladies and I'm usually prone to scurrying off.

OH SHIT. Sly & Family Stone - Thank You just came on Sirius - fuck my blog. Nite guys!

I must be horny - lately I've been fixated on discussing what my boundaries are in terms of attraction to the opposite sex. The "mistaken lesbian unrequited love" entry that I posted yesterday is one thing, but I think this next tidbit may be controversial. Maybe not so much with the lesbian contingent, but we'll see.

Women with shaved heads. Yes or no? I'm not talking about Bic razor shaved, but your normal clipper style. I say yes!

Yesterday while driving home I saw a girl that completely blew me away but I don't think a single one of my friends would consider dating her. She was wearing a tight, slinky black dress, curvy, in my eyes mega attractive, and the way she walked just oozed sexy confidence. Really pretty smile, black Ray-Bans, and a shaved head. Allow me to be a typical guy and use a crude analogy - for some this is like being presented with a 5-star, world class dessert topped with something funky you haven't tasted before. This is where the world of "to each, his own" really kicks in, but for me this was another Cupid moment. Based on my track record and what I revealed in my last post, any takers on whether or not she's "off the market to me" so to speak? Maybe Cupid hates me? Really though, I was totally struck with how beautiful I thought she was.

Based on a very unscientific survey I think you'll find some of what my guy friends had to say surprising. A co-worker told me that he'd date a girl with a full tattoo sleeve before dating a girl with a shaved head. Hmm. Another spoke about the challenges of bringing home a girl with a different outlook on personal expression to meet grandma, which maybe isn't so surprising. (Yes, some of us are actually honest with mostly decent intentions!).

I say sexy is sexy, and personally I'm not going to be stopped because a girl I thought was an utter knockout has hair a little shorter than mine.

This is more direct and will probably be more controversial, but I suspect that it might start an interesting conversation. Or not. This time I'm not admitting something I don't like about myself but rather something maybe a little more unusual. I bet I'm not alone on this one either.

More than once I've found myself attracted to a girl that I found out later was a lesbian. Actually, this might be my least favorite thing about the pride parade - almost every year I see a fine lady and Cupid plays a cruel and unusual joke on me. I'll see a girl that gets my heart pounding, then a second later she'll be holding hands with another girl, and then a minute later they're kissing. SON OF A! Off the market, move along soldier. I love girls regardless of their own sexuality, apparently!

I have to laugh at myself. I'm sure this has happened to everybody (a lesbian attracted to a straight girl, etc.). I love you girls anyway - ALL of you!