I'm passionate about my work. I give it my all and I really think about situations before I act on them. I do my very best to keep my team motivated but also challenge them to grow. Many, many times over the last year and a half I have felt like a mean ogre.

While other people seemed more intent on having people 'like' them, I believed I would earn their trust and respect through leading by example. I cried so many times wondering if the tides would ever turn, or my kids just wanted me to be lax like everyone else.

Since the start of this semester I think the tide has finally turned! 'Problem children' have suddenly been responsive to my requests for conduct hearings, some residents are stopping by to tell me good things, not just list their problems, and today TWO people stopped by my office to give me something.

From one I got a hand carved wooden crocodile from Botswana, while she told me how much she appreciated that I stayed in contact with her while she was having a hard time and how much I helped her get back into school. The other got me this amazing painting from Tanzania, done on piece of burlap by a 10 year old! Just to say thanks for being her supervisor.

I am blown away. It seems in these moments when I really doubt myself I am given not just a ray of sunshine, but a blazing sun to blot out all the gray. It is the greatest motivator to continue doing what I'm doing and push through all these obstacles, because I can finally see I AM making a difference in these kids' lives. I love it!

On another note, thank you so much peeps for your very kind words on the previous post - I'm all smiles :)

I was thinking about it last night. My happiness. The fact that I am truly happy for the first time in a very loooooong time. I can only describe it as a constant giddy sensation as if I've just started dropping down the big hill on a roller coaster. Butterflies in my stomach, anticipation of the thrill ahead.....this is contentment.

Sometimes it makes me cry I'm so happy. I love when this happens because I feel so alive. SO ALIVE! Now I have to learn a new vocabulary just so I can adequately describe my feelings!



On a side note. If you have any special talents that you would like to contribute to a festivity (meaning our US reception) we'll be looking for volunteers in the near future :) (e:Lilho), you are hereby appointed "Official hair and make-up artist"!

It's all I can think about. All night, all day...I have an unstoppable hunger for popcorn! I think I need to duck out of work early to go buy some. I need it!

These are some of my regular frustrations with work.

• Working very hard to plan something in advance, getting it all down the the tiniest detail, then someone walking in and saying, "Oh yah, we're scrapping that".

• Working very hard to plan an event which you know you cannot attend, but everyone insisted it happens on that day. So you do it, and you do it very well. Every detail is taken care of, all they have to do on the day is have fun. But then without your presence apparently everyone forgets their very simple job and it becomes a huge mess. They do not take responsibility for it, they blame it all on you by saying, "Not my problem, I didn't plan it". Sigh.

• Having endless meetings about something, getting everyone in agreement about the actions your going to take in a large scale event. 2 months later someone walks in and says you did it all wrong and all the work you've already done has to be taken back, making you look like a complete tool.

• Being told something is a crisis, emergency, world is going to end situation - busting your ass to deal with it, only to find out it didn't really matter at all.

• Being on duty every time there is a holiday or birthday celebration resulting in me missing all the fun.

• Being told you're allowed to do things your way, then when you do them your way, being told you should do it their way, making you do double the work.

• People being incredibly ambiguous with information you really need in order to move forward on a project.

• Being told you can't get any programs or products to make your life SO much easier because you'll be moving into a new building in 2 years - 3 years ago - of which the building hasn't even broken ground yet - of which we'll not move into for at least 2 more years.

Sigh. Off to get passport pages added. I filled mine up in 5 years!

My oh my I haven't been able to sleep much since I've been back. I'm having some kind of combined jet lag / Rory withdrawal syndrome. I am having real issues sleeping alone! Darn you conservative society.

Meep.

I did manage to fall asleep long enough last night (actually 4:30 this morning) to have a dream before the workers woke me up with their banging.

In my dream Rory proposed to me, but I was really confused because the ring was this huge pale purple amethyst surrounded by at least 3 dozen tiny diamonds. I mean it was HUGE. He did it at some kind of family function. It was noisy, and the floor was sticky, and there were so many people. I remember thinking, "OMG this ring is way too big and this is so not how I wanted it to happen". (Although I was entirely happy about him asking). Then I woke up feeling really guilty for having thought that in my dream, because honestly I'd be happy with anything.

I think I had the dream because he's been teasing me about how I don't know when, where or how it will happen. My requests were: not in front of family, not on a major holiday or event (ie birthdays etc), and that I would love a dark blue sapphire on a silver ring.

I can't wait until I get to share the real story of how it goes down!