so, i have been posting much less lately, as things here have been somewhat out of control...

unfortunately, this is not due to my drunken exploits or slutty encounters.

oh no, i just have the largest craziest extended family ever.


here's what was up for xmas:


(e:hodown) came and totally surprised the mom.


(e:hodown) was sick.


the mom was even more sick, and still sick. (e:hodown) has recovered.

on xmas. gift exchange was interrupted by emergency phone call and then emergency trip to grandma's. she has been on a slippery slope, and thing worsen by the day, and there is a 'death scare' most everyday now.

grandma's liquid morphine goes missing. rx addict aunt is staying with grandma when this is discovered. no one will confront crazy drug addict aunt.

my mom is avoiding her bf, who now calls me all the time to figure out what s up with her. i think she needs to dump him. i don't have a bf, and i don't want to deal with hers.

my sis has been very emotional this trip. i told her please stop; that is my territory, but lately, i am incapable of tears.

on xmas, my grandma wished me a "happy bday", asked "how my easter was", and also asked "how my bf with the dog is doing"... none of these questions made any sense.


basically my cracked out aunt who may have stolen the morphine drugged my poor little granny up to the point of almost killing her, and now granny is in hospice care.

my grandma who means the world to me, is not going to be around much longer. i am the favorite of nearly 50 grandkids, and it is a known fact. i have never dealt with death, so i am very scared. it is hard to explain, but my grandma has always been a kindred spirit, and there is so much of her in me. she has given me so much joy in life, and i just wish her a peaceful passing.

of course i don't want to say goodbye, but i know she is not long for this world. she told my aunt carol that she keeps seeing a room and that one day she will just walk into it. i don't know why, but that gives me nightmares. i can't imagine not hearing her voice again, not being able to tell her everything. i love her so much, and the bond we share is so strong.

saying goodbye is just so hard...


to end it on a more happy note, pretty ring (e:hodown) gave me for xmas, onyx and rubies!

umm, i get to see my sister in like 9 hours, and i am so excited!

i haven't seen her since august which is way too long. pretty much, if my life were myspacey, she wouldn't be top 8 always. more like top two...

i hope she isn't too sick the whole time, and if she is, i will nurse her back to health...

i think this xmas is really go to rock... around the palm tree!


i really don't even want any gifts or anything, i just want to be with my family and for them to feel happy and loved!

i wish my brother was going to be here, but hopefully i will make it out to blo soon and see him and all of you crazies!


merry pre-kissmas!

me and my granny, it's a funny photo, but she is doing much better, and she will be home for xmas, which is great!

britney's little sister is preg. just when you think that family couldn't get any trashier, they take it to the next level.

she is 16, and the star on a nickelodeon show. seriously. she will for sure be fired.


and the daddy is some country boy no one. and the parents were allowing him to live with her. who lets their 16 year old daughter have a live in boyfriend?


what the fuck is wrong with those people?


but i kinda love it, because it makes for great tabloids.

i am sad because i thought jamie lynn is way prettier and could be the britney 2.0, but i guess not. well, maybe she can in the way that she may end up crazier than britbrit....

there is also some other headline that they are going to test britbrit's kids for drugs. and she is not allowed at the four seasons in l.a. anymore.

get yourself together (spears)women!

so, i have successfully completed another semester of school! hooray. my stick-with-it-ness seems to be improving.

the whole special ed thing really excites me, since i practically already am a special ed teacher, without the degree, and the better pay. im sick of people saying, "oh, there isn't any money in that". blah, blah, blah.

people, if i cared about all of the money, i wouldn't me be. anyway, even though i may appear shallow on surface, underneath, there is a person who likes to help others. i wouldn't feel complete even i didn't give back somehow.

there is a big stipulation though. when i am ready to transfer, where od i go? well, hopefully where it is cheapest. that means asu, or back to nys, and go to a state school there. now, i don't really want to come back to blo, but it could be beneficial. i could get my old job back, or probably a better job. i could get the excellent education, andh ave more choices of where to go.

there are only three state schools here, and two of them aren't in phoenix. flaggstaff is cold and fuck, so i might as well be in blo. and i don't know how i feel about asu, or ua(which is in tuscon).

i guess i will just apply to all and see.

now that i feel like my life is going somewhere, i am not so concerned about it all.

what i am concerned about is the fact that i banged my knee so hard it is bleeding, and that i am nowhere near done with xmas tasks as planned. it looks like i will kick into high gear friday morning, when i know i have 7 hrs to do it all. because right now, i feel like being lazy!

my granny is doing so much better. i think those hospice people were overmedicating her. to the point of her just seeming like a totally different person. they took her off a few meds, and she is soooo much better!

good day mates!

some call you (e:hodown), others call you a variety of other names:

jhova
jho
ho
jess
jessica
jhizzo
grand puba
jessy
jessy messy
boobers

i call you sister! and, i love you, i love you, i love you! happy birthday!






see you friday!