i feel like the world's biggest loser right now.


right now, i am reminded of the death cab song, which goes, "so this is the new year and i don't feel any different..."

except i think everything is quite different from last year, and much improved.


i am not going out. i am probably going to be sleeping my midnight, ok, it's not even 8 yet. let's change that probably to a definitely.

i am so over the whole new setting thing, and just ready to actually meet people here i like. anyone.

it's not that i haven't been invited out, but i can honestly say i would not have fun.


they say you have to give new places two years to adjust. f that.


i want new friends now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


new years resolution: meet cool people. join club or something....

at least i will be perky for a nice hike tomorrow morning. nothing says happy new year like a fit new bod....


p.s. i am also going to take belly dancing classes.

this is jessica. sarah is playing drunk haircut with me. im kinda scared.

so, i have been posting much less lately, as things here have been somewhat out of control...

unfortunately, this is not due to my drunken exploits or slutty encounters.

oh no, i just have the largest craziest extended family ever.


here's what was up for xmas:


(e:hodown) came and totally surprised the mom.


(e:hodown) was sick.


the mom was even more sick, and still sick. (e:hodown) has recovered.

on xmas. gift exchange was interrupted by emergency phone call and then emergency trip to grandma's. she has been on a slippery slope, and thing worsen by the day, and there is a 'death scare' most everyday now.

grandma's liquid morphine goes missing. rx addict aunt is staying with grandma when this is discovered. no one will confront crazy drug addict aunt.

my mom is avoiding her bf, who now calls me all the time to figure out what s up with her. i think she needs to dump him. i don't have a bf, and i don't want to deal with hers.

my sis has been very emotional this trip. i told her please stop; that is my territory, but lately, i am incapable of tears.

on xmas, my grandma wished me a "happy bday", asked "how my easter was", and also asked "how my bf with the dog is doing"... none of these questions made any sense.


basically my cracked out aunt who may have stolen the morphine drugged my poor little granny up to the point of almost killing her, and now granny is in hospice care.

my grandma who means the world to me, is not going to be around much longer. i am the favorite of nearly 50 grandkids, and it is a known fact. i have never dealt with death, so i am very scared. it is hard to explain, but my grandma has always been a kindred spirit, and there is so much of her in me. she has given me so much joy in life, and i just wish her a peaceful passing.

of course i don't want to say goodbye, but i know she is not long for this world. she told my aunt carol that she keeps seeing a room and that one day she will just walk into it. i don't know why, but that gives me nightmares. i can't imagine not hearing her voice again, not being able to tell her everything. i love her so much, and the bond we share is so strong.

saying goodbye is just so hard...


to end it on a more happy note, pretty ring (e:hodown) gave me for xmas, onyx and rubies!

umm, i get to see my sister in like 9 hours, and i am so excited!

i haven't seen her since august which is way too long. pretty much, if my life were myspacey, she wouldn't be top 8 always. more like top two...

i hope she isn't too sick the whole time, and if she is, i will nurse her back to health...

i think this xmas is really go to rock... around the palm tree!


i really don't even want any gifts or anything, i just want to be with my family and for them to feel happy and loved!

i wish my brother was going to be here, but hopefully i will make it out to blo soon and see him and all of you crazies!


merry pre-kissmas!

me and my granny, it's a funny photo, but she is doing much better, and she will be home for xmas, which is great!

britney's little sister is preg. just when you think that family couldn't get any trashier, they take it to the next level.

she is 16, and the star on a nickelodeon show. seriously. she will for sure be fired.


and the daddy is some country boy no one. and the parents were allowing him to live with her. who lets their 16 year old daughter have a live in boyfriend?


what the fuck is wrong with those people?


but i kinda love it, because it makes for great tabloids.

i am sad because i thought jamie lynn is way prettier and could be the britney 2.0, but i guess not. well, maybe she can in the way that she may end up crazier than britbrit....

there is also some other headline that they are going to test britbrit's kids for drugs. and she is not allowed at the four seasons in l.a. anymore.

get yourself together (spears)women!