The rooster in the henhouse, the vodka in the punch, the coke in the booger, Mr. Al Franken, is running for United States Senate in the state of Minnesota. Now Air America has lost its biggest draw in an otherwise bankrupt, unethical, completely shabby and mismanaged experiment.

Sam Seder - now is the time, brother! As you know, Sam, it doesn't take a great deal of effort to outshine Randi Rhodes and now that the "big dog" has been euthanized the doors have swung open! Not only have the doors swung open, my friend in liberalhood, but the doors have been practically been - *snicker* - UNHINGED! You can definitely do this - and in a cruel ironic twist, if you play your cards right my man, you can get the "Wal-Mart" rollback on the price of the station very, very soon. Sam Seder Radio Network - think of it!

I say D.O.A. obviously because he doesn't have a burning chance in hell of actually being elected. Not only does he not represent in any way, shape or form the political landscape of his 'home state' (he's spent 90% of his life in either Hollywood or Manhattan) but he has absolutely no traits that are required of an effective politician. Make no mistake - this is a vanity project.

I can't help but wonder what was on his mind when he decided to run, and one part of me would absolutely love to watch a characteristic Franken implosion live on C-SPAN. Further, I think it would be interesting to see Al Franken get gangbanged and checked by the Italian Grandmother From Hell, Mrs. Pelosi when he inevitably would drool out the following -

"GODDAMMIT - they aren't yelling at the Republicans enough!"

"BUSH LIED 4 REAL - and the Democrats refuse to impeach!"

"We need to cut the funding - NOW!"

"Rush Limbaugh is successful and I am not - therefore we need to enact legislation that would FORCE an otherwise unwilling radio audience to listen to unpopular, unmarketable content that was a proven failure when I tried it!"

Prepare for the next election cycle to get incredibly amusing, and not because they will be laughing WITH Mr. Franken. Minnesota is known for Jesse "The Mind" Ventura's escapades, but I assure you, friends, he'll never be a Senator.

You all know how I abhor Valentine's Day, but yesterday while working I was inspired to write some things decribing love in various ways.

So, I'll share with you the haikus I wrote as well as a poem while I was "working" yesterday.

A note - haikus are traditionally 5/7/5 format but modern rules are essentially very loose. For fun I used 4/5/4, 5/6/5 and 7/7/7 - as I said in my MySpace blog, 7 is a lucky number and I need all the luck I can get!

For those of you who are in love and will hopefully do right by your lovers today - enjoy your day. To the rest of us who aren't attached - remember that love gives us the greatest human experiences... the highest highs, the lowest lows, hope and optimism. So for my sentimental side, and for those who I loved and who loved me, and for those who feel lonely on days like this - here are my thoughts.

The last haiku is my dedication to the brunettes out there - I have never dated a blonde, so to all the brunettes who have been charitable enough to like me more than blondes do - I love you!

Through My Eyes

only this thing
can make still waters
and dry the sea

as the water sings
hope eternally springs -
love is not yet lost

earthbound oceans of starlight
sunbeams on dark hair shimmer
water for a dying world

A Simple Answer

What makes the walking gaze
a breath that moves away
the wintry, anchored haze?

What gives and takes away
from souls and saintly dreams
as sunset steals the day?

What sweeps the sullen earth
and casts all fears aside
to show what life is worth?

Stay warm!

- Josh

Boss Gambles While Being Oblivious To The Needs Of His Company

I absolutely fucking hate it that my boss is asking me for something while he is on vacation in Las Vegas.... THAT I FUCKING SENT TO HIM LAST THURSDAY. Since he apparently didn't see that, then I can safely assume that he didn't read the series of questions I had asked him pertaining to the same project... which he is now asking me about from a casino somewhere.

What kind of business person can get away with this level of incompetance?

His response? "I'll call you in an hour." Thanks for paying attention to your employees' correspondance only as long as it has something to do with money!!! HOPE THAT GAMBLING AWAY OF THOUSANDS GOES WELL THIS WEEK!!!

I can't say that I've dealt with this too much since I am usually as demanding on my superiors as they are with me, but this is ridiculous. If an employee is asking you questions about a project that a client is wondering asking about, then its probably wise for you to make sure that you are paying attention to the employee that is assigned with the task. Its inexcusable that he didn't realize that I was asking him about this very same issue several days ago.

Love Universal

In a slightly schizophrenic but sincere note I wanted to bring attention to a fantastic and inspirational story of non-Valentine's Day related love - - the power of a father's love for his child truly can know no bounds. I admire people who don't take the easy road, and I couldn't possibly articulate the amount of respect I have for this particular father.

Bucking Fabricated Holidays

I agree with (e:vincent) - we need a holiday that celebrates relationships of drama-free convenience. By this I clearly mean "friends with benefits" arrangements, or at the very least, friendships with (in my case, anyway) members of the opposite sex that are mutually beneficial and do not routinely end in dramafests. The only female that I've ever had such an arrangement with left Buffalo. It was not the "friends with benefits" kind of thing, but if it ever did slip in that direction it would have been solely out of sheer boredom. The bottom line is this - if I'm even remotely attracted to a girl, having a traditional friendship is just about impossible and so I maintain plenty of distance. For me its rare to have normal friendly, drama-free relations with members of the opposite sex partially because of my own idiosyncracies, but also because I simply believe that its a rarity. So why not celebrate such a rarity instead of a ginned up corporate holiday?

So, for the single ladies out there -



I drew you grassy, rolling hills with a box of chocolates, a credit card, a rose, seagulls, a smiling sun and a nice blue sky!

Seeing as flipping off "the man" and being non-conformist is hip again, I refuse to fill out this MySpace style bulletin question line. I would like to say that I used to use the picture booth at Frizzy's and get pictures with each and every girl I dated at the time. After I realized that this was horrible and assholish I stopped, but now I really want to go back and just get pictures of myself sans arm candy before I have to cut my hair.

When I was spellchecking the word "philanderer" I realized that www.philanderer.com is a site for married people who want extramarital affairs. This is what makes me incandescent with rage (thanks european football writers! mmm flowery language)... some straight people actually suggest that allowing gay people to marry (or have a civil union) ruins the sanctity of marriage. Sorry, I think straight people are fucking it up just fine all by ourselves. Here is some cynicism for you - are the people behind www.philanderer.com gay or straight? Straight, of course. This is not as if there is some nefarious gay cabal pulling the strings behind www.philanderer.com in order to ruin the holiest of marital holies. Its so damn ridiculous and upsetting - the next time I see or hear of an amendment to "protect marriage" I'm going to fucking snap. I don't recall any outrage when Ted Kennedy and Chris Dodd were busy making a waitress sandwich a few years ago. In fairness to Uncle Ted and Mr. Dodd though, Ted's wife was probably drunk somewhere and we aren't seeing either men try to write bigotry and sexual persecution into law either. The hypocrisy needs to stop; we should simply accept people for who they are. For me, sites like the philanderer site illustrate exactly why some of these judgmental, hypocritical, sadomasochist assholes should police their own before EVER attempting to bother gay people.

I am travelling for the first time in 4 months tomorrow, but only for one day. We're going to Toronto to visit a facility that makes "bodywear" - if this is Canadian for "clothes" I'll let you guys know tomorrow. The odds are high that I won't be able to privately interview workers to see if they have any problems - most factory workers in Canada are of Middle Eastern/Eastern European/Asian descent. Is there anybody around that can give me a crash course in Punjabi?

Your "RINO" for life,
Josh

I'm so sorry about delaying the latest beer review - in all honesty, (e:jason) and I procured the beer we wanted to review but ended up getting drunk off of it - and you'll understand why in a minute. As a result I didn't want to write a review of a beer that could be based on cloudy, inaccurate judgment - that wouldn't be honest. So, after repeated quaffings, here you are!

We wanted to highlight a local brewery which I think is absolutely
fantastic, with some exceptions depending on the variety. For example, they make a Tripel that I really, really dislike. However, I wanted to take two of their Imperials to highlight how quality brewing can mask alcohol content and bitterness, and ultimately makes for deceivingly drinkable beer. To illustrate this, and to get you lords and ladies drunk, we've selected two different styles - the Heavy Weizen and the Unearthly Imperial India Pale Ale.

About the brewery - the brewery is located in a small manufacturing space in the town of Lakewood, NY - about 3 miles from my childhood home in Jamestown. The people that run this outfit are very laid back and hippie-ish - the brewery actually has a small pub in it so Jay and I always make a point to stop by and have a few pints... and usually fill up a growler with their fabulous Porter. God I love that beer - it makes most other porters (to my palette anyway) taste watered down. They are very friendly and tours are available - having toured the Anheuser-Busch brewery in St. Louis I think this is a great way to kill an afternoon and learn a little bit about America's favorite drink. Their web site - - gives you a feel about the hip artistic design of the bottles and all the information you'd ever want about the beers themselves.

Before anybody accuses me of homerism - if the beer sucked I'd just come right out and say it. Their beer definitely doesn't suck and at worst it's better than most commercially produced "specialty" beers. Some of their varieties are better than others, and I've tried every single one, so if you have a question about a specific variety of Southern Tier just leave a comment or ask me if you catch me on the street!

Southern Tier Heavy Weizen - Imperial Unfiltered Wheat Ale

8.0% ABV, 38 IBUs - available most places locally in 22 oz. bottles, or if you can find it, it is available on tap as well. I know that as of last
week Heavy Weizen was on tap at Cole's, so if you are out and about you may see it.

This beer is a variation on the traditional hefeweizen (hefeweiss, weissbier, wheat beer, sometimes white beer) that you'll find from brands such as Paulaner, Hacker-Pschorr, Franziskaner and the like. Its a traditional German variety that has a flavor derived from the special top-fermenting yeast that lends its distinct flavor. Two traditional flavors that people associate with hefeweizen are banana and clove, although many beers brewed in this style
have a citrus tone as well. To call a beer a "hefeweizen" is to assume that the beer has remained unfiltered - this leaves the body of the beer cloudy and when poured into a proper glass reveals a unique look. Americans traditionally love to put citrus in this style of beer, although purists absolutely hate this idea and feels it takes away from the head and the citrus tone inherent in the brew. I have a tight-assed compromise explanation on what is proper here, but I will save it for last.

Putting it simply, Heavy Weizen slots somewhere between Blue Moon and a traditional hefeweizen. I compare it to Blue Moon, but Blue Moon is a Belgian-style wheat ale and rather than a German hefeweizen. They are both wheat beers but I promise that if you taste both side by side you'll understand that Hefeweizens are usually a tad sharper in flavor, have more carbonation and have a more consistent golden color.

When you look at Heavy Weizen, it has a dense, hazy golden color with a slight reddish/orangish hue to the center of the glass. If you smell the beer before you sip it, you'll notice a spicy side to the beer that lends itself more towards the Blue Moon side of things. Heavy Weizen reveals more of the hefe side of things as you drink and get into the glass. Bananas, cloves, wheat, yeast and less acidic citrus dominate the muted but very well established flavor combination - this is a very easy to drink beer. Wheat beers in the German style are well known for their refreshing quality in the summertime; in this beer you have that same quality but to a lesser extent. Mid level carbonation, slight spiciness, twice the alcohol content and general mouth feel of the beer make it less so. Despite the alcohol content, there is only a slight boozy quality to the brew; the cleverly balanced flavors and heavier mouth feel (relative to hefeweizen, that is) match up well and only towards the aftertaste to you notice a deceivingly slight kick.