So here's what's not fun. Looking on Facebook and seeing your ex-boyfriend in his user picture with a girl. Granted the picture is so small that you can't see who it is but you're pretty damn sure it's a girl and you also know pretty well who it is and are not fucking shocked at all who it probably is. What's not cool is sitting in the middle of JFK. crying your eyes out around a bunch of strangers. What's cool yet embarassing is someone you don't even know giving you a packet of Kleenex. I want to just die right now. I just can't even stop crying and I don't know what to do with myself.

Ok well now I'm at the airport. I can't believe I have another hour and half. Puke. AND to make matters worse, THEY TOOK MY HAIR GEL!!! My favorite hair gel that I can't even find in Buffalo and had to buy in Toronto. The jerks took it. This especially annoys me because I got through Buffalo security without anyone noticing or caring. I love that hair gel. Waaahhhhh.

I would like to hit up the airport bar actually but a) I'd have to drag everything with me and b) I already spent way too much money on this trip! But I got some good stuff so that's exciting. I bought new running sneakers which will hopefully motivate me to get back into running. A friend and I are going to run the Buffalo Half Marathon in May and then probably a marathon down in Long Island in September or October. I'm going to need a race before that though. A good 10K or something.

For anyone keeping track or keeping score, I've decided to stick around Buffalo for another year until I go to graduate school. So you are all stuck with me for another year. :D Mike, if you get that music school going, I will gladly apply.

Finally, the kitty in the picture in the last entry with me is not mine but my friend Lindsay's. I am totally and completely a dog person but I absolutely love this cat. His name is Reuben and he is soooooo playful and loving....unlike any cat I've ever met. He crawled right under me when I was lying on the floor playing with my laptop, hence the cute cute pictures of us together. I will put up one other, but then I have to put up pictures of my dogs because they are REALLY my favorites and I don't want them to feel neglected.

So I was supposed to leave at 10:40 pm from JFK tonight and now my flight is delayed until 1:10 AM. I feel terrible because someone has to pick me up at like 2:30 in the morning. And I think it's only because of stupid rain. Ugh I'm so mad at Jet Blue.

But in the meantime look at this cute kitty!!!

So last week I was in Boston and now I am in (on?) Long Island visiting a few of my friends until Sunday evening. Right now I'm staying at my friend Laura's. Since she's not as lucky as me and has a normal job that doesn't have off today, she's at work while I'm hanging around her apartment. I think she feels bad but I'm honestly thoroughly enjoying just having the morning to myself. Soon my friend Mary Beth who is student teaching somewhere near here is picking me up and we're going to get some lunch. I think we'll go see a movie later or something with Laura after she gets out of work. I feel a little like I'm invading everyone's life and that I'm annoying because I don't have a car. (p.s. I ate BLUE potato chips on my flight here and they were delicious.) I want to go into the city tomorrow but Laura has some shoot in the morning and Lindsay, another friend of mine, lives about an hour away from where I am now, which means like an hour and a half from New York, and I don't know if she'll want go at all, let alone be there in time to really do anything. I would actually really like to see Rent while I'm here. I know you can do the whole rush ticket thing beforehand so that would be neat if that works out. I won't be totally bummed if we don't go to the city but it would be nice. I usually really enjoy New York City when I am here, especially when I actually have a plan and am not just hanging around. So we'll see what happens. I think I'm going to go enter grades online now. I lead a very exciting life!!!!

This is one of those life posts.

I'm rethinking my future and as always never know if I'm making the right decision, so any input would be fine.

Here's the deal...

So I've been planning for several months to stay in Buffalo for the remainder of this school year, and then move out of state somewhere to go to graduate school. I'm 23, I teach high school music and would be going for my Master's Degree in Vocal Performance or Pedagogy. Now I'm starting to think maybe I want to stay in Buffalo and wait another year to start my Master's.

The pros, benefits would be...

I can save more money. I can take voice lessons and improve my singing, so that I could sound better for my grad school auditions. I can get more teaching experience and delay the fact that I'm simply going to leave my students. I get to spend more time with my friends and family, and can continue singing with the groups I sing with.

The cons would be...

It is really just the way I feel. I have always been afraid to just settle. I feel like if I don't go away to grad school, I'm wasting my potential and talent and taking the easy way out by just staying here. I have felt that way for awhile and I don't know why.
Plus grad school may be a nice place to meet people. And I ain't getting any younger. By the time I get to grad school, everyone else will probably be married with 2 kids. Ha.

The bottom line is, most people move away because they are tired of where they are. But I am honestly not tired of being here at all. I love my friends, I love my family, I, well, my job is okay, I love my voice teacher. So I feel like if I leave...am I doing it for the right reasons?

There's nowhere in Buffalo I can do my gradwork. I KNOW that I eventually want to be a full time graduate student. The problem is just...do I want to wait? Will I feel like I missed out or that I'm not doing all that I could?

MEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!