I should be writing a research proposal, but I can't concentrate. This little detail seems to be rearing it's ugly head non-stop these days. My mind spins in so many directions I can't see straight. I can't even hear straight! Nothing is physically wrong with my ears, I just have the memory of a gold fish and the attention span of jack russell terrier. I forget what I was even explaining just now...something to the effect that I can't hear because I can't concentrate, which is a prominent side-effect of the depression that is sucking my soul dry.

Actually the things I think I hear people say are quite entertaining. I should write them down and make t-shirts. That could be my fortune waiting to be made. I digress.....

I can't write, so I'll post photos of an outing instead. After my final yesterday our prof, aka the Dean of Students, had us over for beers and burgers. Pretty fly guy. So we got drunk and went to Goodbar to watch the Sabres win, and drank some more. I'm not gonna lie, self-medicating feels good right now. It frees my mind from its turmoil.

I'm not looking for empathy or advice, I'm just talking out loud. I've been seeing a counselor for almost 2 months now, and I start seeing a new therapist tomorrow. I'm tired of watching this other person live my life while I float aimlessly to the side. I'm tired of putting on a pretend smiley face in the presence of others because Timika is not allowed to be sad. Timika is not allowed to be depressed. Timika always has to take care of herself, no matter how broken she is.

I'm tired of people minimizing the severity of my mental prison. You think I don't want to be free? I'm dying inside, of course I want to be free! I claw desperately at the walls of my malfunctioning mind in hopes of reaching daylight. Yet in the last 8 months I have only succeeded in sinking deeper into the black chasm of my polluted world. I am exhausted. I am numb. My heart hardly feels anything anymore.

Again, I digress. Attention span of a jack russell...on with the photos.

Cinco de Mayo + cumpleanos celebrations + heart pounding car failures made Friday an action packed day in the life of Lady Croft. Our story begins with the obligatory pitcher of margaritas shared primarily by myself and (e:jenks), with a little help from (e:decoyisryan).



Since Cozumel was a bust due to overcrowding, Goodbar graciously fulfilled our need for beer and billiards.












The bouncer wouldn't let (e:paul) in the door, so the party moved to PMT, followed by cathode ray and pink, respectively.






(e:terry) shared a story which shocked and amazed (e:jenks)




(e:lilho) was not as impressed




(e:libertad) and (e:mike) were too busy smoochin' to care




but (e:tina) laughed




(e:terry) ripped up the pool table




then groped me as usual




prompting (e:mike) to begin his infamous self-exposure




(e:jenks) ended the night with this party trick - piercing a pepperoni through the heal of her shoe, twice... let me hear you say 'oooh ahhh'

I'm glad I'm not here:



Because this happened to me at 5:30am:



Basically my tire blew up and I have 3/4 of a piece of tread left to it. I was on the highway going 60 and BAM - my car turned into a psychotic missile on 3 wheels. I missed the concrete median by a fraction, shot wildly into the other lane, then back again- thankfully no other cars were around. I managed to guide the car to the side of the road.

I want to send my big shout out to (e:Mike) for rescuing me!!! You don't know how deeply I appreciate you! Also big thanks to (e:Libertad) for riding along. I'm sure picking up Lady Croft on the highway at 6:30am does not make your 'this is so cool' list...but I desperately needed help, and you aided me. Bless your hearts!

This will teach me not to procrastinate - I've been meaning to get AAA...

I have many photos from yesterday's festivities. For now I need to work on dealing with Aqua Mouse's recovery. Until then... be well my dear peeps. I shall post photos soon. Ciao.

So everything has been so up in the air lately I was losing my mind. Today I got the call I had been hoping for. I have been awarded a grad assist position with the International Office / Admissions. I'll be working between the two offices, assisting international students with the admissions process and welcoming them to Canisius. Best part is, 75% tuition paid! I SO needed that! Ciao.

Ok. So Happy 30th Birthdays go out to (e:Jenks) and (e:Codypomeray). Woohoo!

If you are in the Buffalo area and would like to join Jenks and friends in celebration, please head out to Cozumel (on Elmwood near Allen) starting at 7pm. Yep, it's early - but it's CINCO DE MAYO folks!

In personal news, my baby nephew Max is sick again. He had surgery to remove a lump on his neck last month. They have discovered two new lumps on his neck and he is back in the hospital again. Poor little guy. We are all stressed. If you say prayers, or well wishes...any would be greatly appreciated for the little man to get better soon.