Ugh. So today was my last day as a PGY-3. I have spent the last several weeks not doing a hell of a lot. I usually sit around the office surfing the web "just in case" they need me, until I can't handle it anymore. Well so today I figured it's my last day, my boss isn't even in the hospital, I only have two patients (and they're only consults), there are no cases in the OR- screw it. I'm going home. I'll keep my pager on.

So the very first time I try to go home- my pager goes off for the first time all week. This guy "seems odd". So I do the right thing and go back to the hospital to check on him. He is, of course, fine.

But that's not really what pisses me off. I mean it's annoying, but it IS my job. What kills me is the fact that in the hour I was gone the UPS guy came and I missed him, and he's coming back tomorrow while I'm at work, and I prob can't get my package til next week- and I am massively impatient. grr.

But anyway re: the title...

So today I had lunch with "the boys". Or some of them. And they are pigs around me, but that's fine. I'd rather they be themselves then censor themselves or exclude me since i'm a girl. But they're talking about this hot chick at that hot chick, this one that was "ripe for the tapping", etc. And the boy that's been hitting on me left and right was rubbing my shoulders, asking if he can "touch my mammaries, even just a little" etc etc etc. Standard behavior really. I was totally blushing, which apparently is incriminating, so I think all the other guys think we're screwing now.

And one guy... i've never seen him in a group before and it totally changed my opinion. I always thought he was an ok guy. But he's no stud. he's 32, but looks more like 42. Kind of paunchy, salt and pepper, etc. going on about tapping this and knocking that. I was laughing inside. But yesterday he was badmouthing living downtown. Saying he lives in williamsville to avoid crime. So he lives all alone in his big house in his nice neighborhood with good schools. boooorrring. I said I'd rather be "where the action is". He then went on to say how living in brooklyn is NOT the same as living in manhattan. My point exactly....

but anyway, hearing these guys lusting over and objectifying these bimbo girls got me thinking. If women state what they'd like in an ideal guy (a brain, a personality, a job, maybe even some looks)- she is unrealistic and too picky and demanding etc. But who says that judging a woman only by her bra size is more admirable? Having NO standards is better how?

oh yeah and one more thing- I was reading the craiglist rants 'n raves on the buffalo page today... I don't know why I read them, they're so stupid. But anyway, currently there's a stupid left vs right/ lib vs con/ rep vs dem battle going on. Neither side is making very good points. But one guy keeps resorting to "wow.... that is so stupid... you must be gay. Only a fag would say such dumb stuff."

What?????

Stupid homophobia like that makes me so upset.

What the FUCK does someone's sexual orientation have to do with anything????? Oooh it gets me steamed. Seriously "i don't like your opinion, you must be gay"????? I have never heard anything so asinine.

but on a happier note, my mix is pretty much done, just need to figure out how to share it. :) Stay tuned.

-J

Oh and I just remembered the funny thing I saw on my way in this AM... Driving down high st towards BGH I saw this guy... first thought he must just be crazy. Then got a little closer and realized he's wearing scrubs. Then realized it's a resident, I know him. Kind of a hippie weirdo, but whatever. But he was riding a razor scooter, and had a german flag tied around his neck like a cape. On his way to work. He looked like a nut, but it made me laugh.

Stay tuned peeps. I am working on The Best Mix In The World this week, and when it is ready I will share. It might even have to be a double disc, we'll see. Maybe I can .zip it and put it on gather? or (e:twisted) , how did you do that bittorrent thing for your (e:valentine) cd? (part of my inspiration to share, i will admit.)

haven't made a mix in a long time. but i have so much new awesome music lately i can't not do it.

yay. hopefully i won't be at work all freaking night again.

(but had a yum-yum-yum dinner/martini at cecelia's last night, and met (e:cocoloco) . It was awesome. Thanks (e:mike) / (e:libertad) )

-j

So as I mentioned (e:jenks,161) I saw my ex the other night. We're friendly these days, but don't talk much, and still never see each other. Well I was having a shitty night and in a moment of weakness I texted him, and we went back and forth a bit... he asked if there was anything he could do, and invited me to come meet them. (shocking, since i rarely/never got to see his friends when we were together.) And he said he misses me. That is the kind of thing that fucks with my head big time. Because try as I might, deep down I'm not really over him. I mean I know we don't really work... but still he was like my best friend for a year. And over time I manage to forget the shitty parts, and focus on the good. So of course I miss him. So for him to say that, even though I'm sure he was just trying to be friendly, gives me all sorts of crazy false hope.

So then today I got this email:

A little note to say hello and hope you are having a good day. Don't let silly boys get you down, we are animals and don't deserve any tears.

Be well.

Oy.

But on a good note, I scheduled my exam, at home, for july 6/7. (2 eight hour days of testing, YUCK. But when it's done (assuming I pass), I will have filled the last requirement for my medical license. Then the only thing left is board certification, but that's at least 2 years away.) But so now that means I HAVE to go home. Just need to figure out the details of the work schedule so I can buy plane tickets. (which are CRAZY expensive for some reason. They're usually like 150-200, and yesterday they were 350- and today they're 450!! fuck! Work had better stop dicking around and tell me what my schedule is!)

Anyway. Hope you all enjoyed the art festival. Now i just want summer weather back. :)

-J

Ack! So it happened. My ipod done got filled up. It had been teetering on the brink of full-ness for a while, but I was usually able to squeeze in a sync by taking out addresses, movie quotes, etc. But no more. The next step would be to turn off auto-sync, but that's a pain.

So I just purged my music library. Deleted 967 crappy songs. (but at the last second, lest I was over-zealous, decided to backup my trash to DVD.)

Last year a guy at work "lent" me his music collection- something like 10gb worth. And rather than being selective, I just blindly copied it all. Then over the course of the year, kept having to fast-forward through stuff I don't like, so I finally just deleted it all.

Don't get me wrong, there's still plenty of crap, but at least it's *my* crap.

So anyway, my ipod can breathe easier now.

Yay.

[this is a long whiny bitch session, probably not worth reading.]

So yesterday I went to allentown with timika/tonya/jen/ryan/anthony. That was fun. My friend kept trying to get me to come meet him at the beer garden by MIA. So we finally get there... he's gone. "oh, yeah, we left... sorry... didn't know you were coming." Whatever. Then we ate humongous delicious burgers at Jimmy Macs. I don't think I should eat for a week after that. Then I came home and I was in such a food coma I kind of didn't want to go out. But then the friend (who bailed at the beer garden) kept begging me to go to cozumel. I felt more like Hardware, but whatever. So I went out at like midnight. He was there with some people I know. He talked to me for like a second, then was all over these nurses. Then someone wanted to go to Colter Bay. He says he'll "meet up with us later". WTF. You beg me to come out, then totally ignore me. LAME. So we go to Colter Bay. And since the guy stayed behind, the girl he gave a ride didn't have a ride anymore, so I took her. Now I love this girl... she is a super-sweetheart. But she is also an absolute knockout. Like a size 2 with long blonde hair and big boobs. So while I love her, it is impossible to not totally be in her shadow whenever she is around. So at colter bay I see a guy at work who has totally fucked me over. There's graduation next weekend, and I was all psyched to go. It's black tie, and I was really psyched to wear this dress. I checked with everybody, it was ok. I sent in my RSVP card. I have a "date" (friend) to go with. I'm not on call... So I see this guy- "oh by the way, I changed the schedule. I'm the chief, so I want to be on call thurs, so you're on call friday." Which means I can't go... 'but... but... we talked about this... I have plans..." "oh... man... sorry... I feel bad... sorry!" And the thing is, he's not even going to graduation. he changes the schedule to get the night off, and isn't even going. So I was cranky about that, I was in a bad mood, totally being ignored by everyone... I just wanted to go home. But i had to give that girl a ride still, and I didn't want to be a party pooper. So I went along to fucking Bucky Buffalo or whatever that is called. Talk about the LAST place on earth I want to go. A fucking honky-tonk country bar with slutty girls in "cowgirl" outfits line dancing on the bar? Vomit.... I happen to pass my ex on the way... so we're texting back and forth... For some reason tears are burning my eyes the whole time but I'm trying to keep smiling and laughing and pretending I LOVE Bucky Buffalo... FINALLY 4 comes along and it's time to go. So I'm going to give the girl a ride to her car, but the guy that has been trying to get in her pants all night won't leave her alone. He's SUPER drunk and pathetic and needs a ride. FINE, get in. "Where am I going?" "god! stop being retarded! just be cool! go straight!" "are you sure?" "yes! Go straight". finally we're WAY downtown... 'J, where are we going?" "keep going straight! we're on elmwood, right?" ummm NO, dumbass. So we get back near cozumel, I think to his house. No, it's to his car. Well no fucking WAY is he driving home, so we have to take him home. The whole time he is talking about how he wants to "rape" "molest" "nail" and "bang" my friend. hahaha! isn't that funny?! Gee he's great! (I work with this guy. Always kind of thought he was a cocky ass, and now that I've seen this side- whew. My friend said "you know, girls will always think 'i'm cute, I'm pretty' but there is always another girl there that it prettier, thinner, sexier, younger, etc. [which is amazing coming from her since she's gorgeous]. Do guys feel this way?" And this stupid guy goes on "well maybe in a real city like new york or LA... But here, I know that I am the best thing in this town. there is NO ONE better than me, so I am confident and I can get any girl." (gotta love the asshole doctor ego.))
Oh and I just remembered the other part of the story... So he was talking about being in colombia where "all the women are so hot that it made me feel bad for the guys in chicago when i came back, since they only have american women". So I said 'wait did you go to med school in chicago?' and he finishes my sentence 'yeah... and I worked with you one day. You were all up in the attending's face, and trying to tell me what to do, and I was all 'fuck this, who's this bitch, telling me what to do?'" Umm, what? First of all, I can guarantee I was not "up in the attending's face" since that's not my style. But as far as telling him what to do... when I am two years his senior and I was the resident and he was the student. That's how it works!! Oy...

But anyway, so we take his drunk ass home, after many wrong turns by his bad directions. He was threatening to piss on my back seat if we didn't come in "and be cool! stop being retarded! just come in and be two hot chicks! come on!" Finally we get there, and tell him to go piss "while we park". He knew that was a trick and refused to get out of the car. Finally we physically pushed him out and drove off... Then I dropped my friend off, and the sun was coming up, and I made it home at 5. And woke up at 1230, and missed brunch at Elmwood Lounge. Sad. I was looking forward to it. I can't believe I'm hungry after that burger though, but I'm starving...

So anyway, I guess now it's time to head back downtown. I wish it weren't so damn cold out!!

later peeps.
sorry for ranting.

-J