So I don't like when people totally figure me out. I don't mean to say that I try to be all secretive and mysterious; but once in a while someone just hits the nail right on the head, and it kind of takes my breath away.

Like a few weeks ago, someone questioned whether I am "my own person", or if I just adopt all my parents' values/opinions without forming my own. And I was immediately angry/defensive, until I realized "oh shit. maybe he's got a point." [And I told my mom this, and she said "oh god. Well if you're going to be a clone of one of us, it should at least be ME, not DAD. I'm much smarter than he is." haha I love my mom.]

But then last night a drunken Work Boy asked me if I could change one thing about myself, what would it be- and I said I'd like to not be so shy. And he said 'yeah... you are too shy.' (gee thanks.) But he went on... "you worry too much about what other people think. You need to relax and live a little. You've spent your whole life being The Good Girl. You've always done everything right, and safe, and boring. You come from a great, but conservative, family, and even your "wild side", your pierced tongue for example, is 'safe'- nothing permanent like a tattoo. You're really this good, reserved, conservative girl- but you want to have this air of mystery and excitement around you..."

Fuck! Because he might be kind of right, but I don't like seeing it spelled out that way.

But, the funny thing is- he was saying all this because I wouldn't make out with him in the middle of the bar and he was trying to convince me "live a little". But as far as the threesome thing goes (which I don't know why I even told him, except that 1- I was drunk and 2- oh yeah I tell everyone everything. fortunately I didn't give any details) he was totally judgmental and "ew gross don't be a skank" and 'what would you tell your grandchildren?'

But enough of that...

So last night my plans kept getting changed around, and I ended being talked into watching the end of the game at Work Boy's house, and waiting for (e:imk2) to be free to go to Swannie House to see Jackdaw. So the boys there were all excited that another girl was coming by, first question (of course) was "is she hot?!". (To which I said "of course", naturally). But so Work Boy seemed totally intrigued by Yvonne. Very curious about how we know each other, and when I was vague about it (only b/c I'm still shy to admit to my inner nerdiness by saying 'online', and also because I don't want him (or anyone from work) reading my journal) he got it into his head that we are lesbian lovers and I just didn't want to tell him. He asked me like five times "c'mon you can tell me! I'm your friend! I won't tell! Have you made out?! I know you have!" And when Yvonne asked how I knew him, and I said work, and she said 'oh he's not from the site?' he was like "what site?!" and I wouldn't say, and he got it into his head that it's some secret society. He's always telling me that he thinks I have some secret mystery life that is very exciting and exotic (because I have friends that he doesn't know- gasp!). But then later in the night he goes on with the "good girl" speech from above...

But anyway, so we made it to swannie, and the boys, who initially were way too cool to go to south buffalo, called to ask where to meet us. haha. They were pretty drunk and alternated between drunk-funny and drunk-annoying. While I was getting the good girl lecture, I think Yvonne was getting an earful about radio waves and how we can't see them.

So all in all a good night. Nice to get out. I didn't get enough sleep, but fortunately I was not hungover, which is a beautiful thing.

And speaking of beautiful... it's time to get my ass outside!! (beautiful referring to outside, not my ass. ;) )

Ciao,
-J

Ok, so I wasn't imagining things. I got confirmation today. It was definitely an invite for a threesome.

And to be totally honest, i'm not sure what I think. My gut instinct is 'um no'. But then a tiny part of me thinks "maybe, for once, I should do something 'crazy'". But maybe not that kind of crazy. Who knows. I'm just still a little stunned over the whole thing.

I may talk a big game, but I'm actually quite shy and reserved (well, at least in person)- this is the kind of thing that I read about in Cosmo, not that actually happens to me. We'll see.

And then I got to thinking...
Am I too open? I have very few secrets. I wonder if I tell people too much too soon. A med student I only worked with for a like a week asked me "what's up?" today. A benign question that generally is just a greeting, and not a real inquiry. But I almost said 'I got propositioned for a threesome!" and then realized, maybe there are some things best kept to myself.... It's like I will tell anyone anything.

What do you think peeps, do I need to turn my internal censor up a notch?

I hope you all got your fill of Jens, b/c I'm switching it up again. Now for your listening pleasure I present Dance Music, by The Mountain Goats.

Oh yeah, and a little shoutout... my friend from high school, Curtis, just had her second book published- The Man of My Dreams. But bad friend that I am, I didn't even know it til my mom sent me a copy. Her first book, Prep, even made the NYT bestseller list, and comparisons to Salinger are being thrown around. Neat...

Later...
-J

First- nice to see all you peeps out tonight. :)

And next... in a little bout of panic, I have gone back and removed some identifying details from recent posts. Sometimes I forget how small this town is, and the last thing I want is for word to make its way back to this guy that I am blabbing online.

"Hey [girl] what's up? I hear you're looking for a threesome!"
"Umm how'd you hear that?"
"Oh the chick you asked is writing about it online"

(that would not be cool.)

So obviously I ask for your discretion. Please refrain from asking around local [places], etc.

Thanks. ;)

First, my sole pic from PMT's last night:



Fun time. Thanks guys!

So it's a gorgeous day out. And I was done with work by 11. Finally. So I flew home and changed and finally went outside. I went for a nice long ride through the cemetery and the park... even took a nap in the cemetery for a few. But I must have forgotten that my pasty Irish skin has not seen the sun in a looong time. Oops. Four hours in a tank top and no suntan lotion later, I'm hurting. Totally lobsterific. I tried to take some pix, (e:paul) style. They don't do the bright-redness of my shoulders justice. Never knew how hard it is to take a pic of your own back. Ah well here they are anyway.







I think drinks/food/people watching on a patio is a fantastic idea for tonight...

-J

HO

LY

SHIT

!!!!!!!!!

Forgive me in advance for this overly long and self-indulgent post, but it's been a freaky day. And I have to just write it all out.

But I have to back up to last night.

So last night I went to [somewhere] to study. And oh my god there were so many cute boys there!! I was so distracted I got like NOTHING done. But so I kept looking at this one guy, and I sort of thought we were making eye contact, and then he was talking to this girl, and I never got up the nerve to say hello.

I also saw a guy I thought was my ex. There with a girl, and his back to me- I thought sort of hiding. I didn't want to go up and see if it was him, in case it wasn't, or worse in case it WAS and he was on a date. (later found out it was not.)

So when I got home, I thought "what the hell", and I got on craigslist. I used to read it religiously, but buffalo's CL is so lame and boring I gave up a few months ago. But so I got home, and I posted a "Missed Connections" message. ((e:twisted) you should be proud.) I posted (paraphrased):

[you were really cute, who are you? If you see this say hi]

Then work boy called me, and asked me to come over. at 11pm. and then fell asleep on the phone, while I was freaking out about my work meeting. Um, no.

So I went to bed.

Got all dolled up in the AM. Figured if I am going down in flames in this meeting, at least I'll look damn good. I wore a dress, and had straightened my hair (which I think may have thrown (e:mike) for a loop last night.) And I made sure to have kleenex in my pocket for the inevitable crying. I hate that about myself. So the first hurdle of the day was to survive conference without being humiliated. check! I did. But first thing work boy says is 'what happened to your hair?" What HAPPENED to it? Gee thanks fuckhead!

Then later I get a text from him "stop by clinic when you're out of the OR, I have to tell you something really important." Oh great. I'm starting to freak, because people are already starting to buzz about the fact that I've been Called In To The Office. I'm trying to keep it secret, but apparently everyone knows. Then I see Work Enemy #1 aka Big Stinky aka Shrek (see (e:jenks,136) ) and he says "how's it going... how are you.... things ok? I hear you have to repeat the year."

SAY WHAT?

Repeat the year?! this is news to me. Why the fuck would he know that before me?? So now I'm really freaking. Is that what work boy has to tell me in clinic?

so with dread in my stomach I walk to clinic. Don't want to see the boss... but first I see my chief, who says "Damn girl! You're HOT today!! Is that bad that I want you?" (he's married with 2.5 kids). Probably counts as sexual harassment, but I'll take it as a compliment. next see work boy- his big secret is that he actually DID get into plastics. Everyone is giving me weird looks, apparently they all know about The Meeting. Even the ex is emailing me to wish me luck and telling me I'll kick ass and not to worry.

So the time finally comes, and I go to The Meeting. And it's better/worse than I expected. [incriminating details/mean things about work peeps edited at the sage advice of (e:vincent) .] But so I did pretty well til the end, when for no good reason, I was crying. When I cry, I get horrible red blotch-face that lasts like an hour. And I couldn't go back into the OR looking like that, so I walked around outside for a bit. But I didn't escape unnoticed. The secretary paged me to ask if I was ok. The ex called to make sure I'm ok. Work Boy sent a message that said "btw even though you're stressed you look cute today." First NICE thing he's said to me, besides the half-joking/half-serious "wanna fuck" messages I get all the time. And then one of the chiefs calls to make sure I'm ok and tell me not to worry. It was a nice feeling to have everyone come out and support me. :)

OK, so that was fucking crazy thing number one of the day.

So now onto even crazier thing number 2...

So while waiting for The Meeting, I checked my email. Had a message that said 'this might sound crazy... but I was [there] last night..."

HOLY SHIT!

So I wrote back "well the guy I was looking at was xyz blah blah blah and was talking to this chick."

Then I got all wrapped up with The Meeting, and then my cases for the day.

So it was several hours before I checked my email again.
But I had a reply from the boy, who said, [paraphrased]:

Funny, I do remember seeing you. I felt a little bad for all the work you had in front of you. Looked like intense stuff. What are you studying?

The girl is actually a "friend" I see once in awhile. We are I guess what you call semi-attached, but are pretty open and fun if you want to hang out with us sometime, and are into things of that sort (blushing here).

TTYL

then like an hour later there was another message

So that is a no lol

I didn't mean to skeez you out or offend you. You were cute.

So I didn't have time to answer him. Not sure what to say. I'm not sure if that's an invite for a threesome or what, but it kind of sounds like it to me...

So later I'm finally trying to get ready to go home, and the ex texts, asking how the meeting went. then says

So I was bored at work today.... And we all know that leads to going through CL.... And I have a feeling I saw a message from you...

What the fuck... I haven't been on CL in ages. Hadn't talked to him in ages, until recently. So I put up a message, and he not only sees it, but KNOWS IT WAS ME?! It wasn't that weird/unique/unusual...

I was tempted to deny it, but if he's that uncanny, he'd know I was lying.

I'm still kind of weirded out.

I mean that's just TOO MUCH craziness for one day.

So now I'm going to go eat for the first time in 24 hours, and try to learn about gallstone ileus. Fun fun fun.

Phew!!
-J